TheaterFUNscripts.com!
Tech Notes & Music CDs ~ Excerpts and Video Clips!

Is your theater struggling to pay the BILL$?
These Rambunctious, Twist Ending, Low Cost and FREE Children's Plays and Community Theater Scripts will DAZZLE your audiences.
Wizard of Oz ~ Twilight Zone's It's a GOOD Life! ~ Harry Potter Parody ~ The Frog Prince ~ The Spoiled Baloney Man ~ 12 Dancing Princesses ~ and LOTS more!

<-- Hi! I am Jeannette Jaquish, playwright. I write witty scripts with great lines for every actor. Low priced so you can make a profit!

HOW THIS WEBSITE WORKS:
1. Scroll down this list of scripts. Click on "Excerpts" or "Video Clips".
2. Call or email Jeannette: Questions? Perusal script? Need changes or a custom script?
3. Click on "Order Me", follow the instructions, choose "Mail a check" or "PayPal" to process your credit card.
4. Within 8 hours or the next day by 9am EST, I will email you your script. Telephone me to get it sooner.
How to Contact the Author ........ or directly to your email: CLICK to ORDER a SCRIPT!

Click QUICK LINKS to CATEGORIES of SCRIPTS!
[Cast Size / Length / Actor's Age] ~ * ~ [Christmas and Holidays] ~ * ~ [Fairy Tale] ~ * ~ [Mystery]
[Science & Educational] ~ * ~ [Halloween or Spooky] ~ * ~ [Theater Camp] ~ * ~ [Short Plays and Skits]
[Easy Plays for Little Kids] ~ * ~ [Scenes for Contests] ~ * ~ [FREE Talking Frogs Scene Books]
VIDEO CLIPS! or Scroll down to see ALL THE SCRIPTS!

Please SHARE this page with your theater friends and teachers!
Non-Religious Christmas Plays & Secular Holiday Theater Scripts
~also St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Passover and Thanksgiving Plays~

NEW SCRIPT!:
"When Santa's Away" & "Reindeer #3 is Squeaking!"
© 2012 by Zephyr and Jeannette Jaquish

You can work this one up FAST! A simple but witty play-within-a-play non-religious Christmas comedy script with a song and a few lines for everyone.
Click on Reindeer for EXCERPTS & DETAILS! -->
CASTS: Total of 22, but flexible.
-- "When Santa's Away": 9 total = 8 elves age 6+ and 1 adult Santa.
-- "Reindeer #3 is Squeaking!": 13 total = 4 angels, 4 reindeer and 4 elves age 7+ and 1 adult Music Director.
LENGTH: About 14 minutes for both.
PRICE: $10 first performance, $5 additional, $30 for 1 year.
.......... Music CD: $10 includes shipping. Click to see music tracks.

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You can also order JUST "Reindeer #3 is Squeaking!" with no set and just bad reindeer, angel and elf costumes for 12 kids and one adult, for $6/$3/$20. Just ASK!
ORDER ME!




Elfin Antics in Santa's Workshop <--Click for Excerpts!

Children's Christmas Musical by Rosemary Snow
COST: $10 first performance, $5 additional, or $30/year.
$23 Music CD
Free sheet music is included with the script.
LENGTH: 25 minutes
CAST: 14 plus optional dogs

ORDER ME! There is pandemonium when the reindeer make toys and the elves take flying lessons!
Santa and the Missus are in despair! And it's the polar bears to the rescue led by the Yodeling Elf! Lots of Arctic facts and a song for each "species".


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Snafu in Santa's Workshop <--Click for excerpts!
or "The Almost Awful Terrible Toy Disaster in Santa's Workshop"
an easy fun short kids Holiday Christmas script by Jeannette Jaquish

LENGTH: About 18 minutes.
COST: $10 first performance, $5 additional, or $30/year.

ORDER ME!
SUMMARY In a terrible mishap all the toys the elves have worked on for a year are destroyed. Can Quigley's new invention save the day, even after it is short circuited by hot cocoa? And who can think with those noisy reindeer romping around?
In rhyme for easier memorization by small children, plus a Narrator who prompts when lines are forgotten.

CAST:
Minimum: 6 kids and 4 adults.
Comfortable: 8-12 kids and 2-4 adults. Can add more kids to be reindeer and extra elves.
Characters: Santa, 4 Elves, 2 or more reindeer, Narrator (capable chid or adult), 2 Kids opening presents, 2 FX crew
TECH: Cardboard box "Dooplicator" machine", toys, table, Christmas tree, fake presents.
SETS: Santa's Workshop & a Christmas tree with presents.

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Miracle on Elf Street <--Click for Excerpts
An audience interaction Christmas play for a small cast by Scott F. Rousseau


DESCRIPTION:
Santa's Elves are in a pickle when Santa gets sick and can't deliver the presents! Oh! And Mrs. Claus reminds them: They have new toy orders to fill: PRONTO! They need help fast! And who is available and sitting right there?
Great chance for audience kids to join the show!

CAST: Four: 3 Elves & Mrs. Claus + Santa's voice.
TECH NEEDS: 2 Tables, lots of soft toys, tennis balls, balls and balloons, cardboard boxes.
LENGTH: Short = about 30 min.
ROYALTY COST: $10 per performance, $35 for a one year run. - ORDER ME!


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The Twelve Days of Christmas - A Merry Parody! <--Click for excerpts!
An hilarious Christmas parody play by Rhiannon Burch

COST: $5 first performance, $2 additional, or $10/year.
LENGTH: About 5 minutes. ORDER ME!

This Twelve Days of Christmas script parody is rambunctious and screamingly funny. The more outrageous and terrible the costumes are, the better. You can use one person for each of the 12 gifts or actually fill the stage with 3 French Hens, 7 Swimming Swans and 10 Lords a Leaping.


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Hansel & Gretel and the Falling Christmas Elves <--Click for excerpts!
A non-religious Children's Christmas Play by Jeannette Jaquish

COST: $10 first performance, $5 additional, or $30/year.
Order Me!
The dopey duo of Hansel and Gretel bungle their way into the hungry Witch's clutches and boiling pot again. When Santa's elves fall off the reindeer and into the Witch's kitchen, is rescue in sight? NOT LIKELY!
The Reader can prompt actors who forget their lines and make it sound like it is part of the narration, "Gretel rolled her eyes and said, "I thought you'd have a gingerbread house." " until the actor picks up and finishes the line. The elves lines are in rhyme making for easier memorization.
CAST: 14 to 19 kids age 5 to adult- Hansel & Gretel, Father and Stepmother, Witch, 7 to 12 Dwarves, Fairy Dog and Fairy Frog and the Reader.
TECH NEEDS: The Witch's large cook pot can be a large gray storage tub spritzed with black spray paint & fake fire.
LENGTH: 25 minutes
MUSIC?: One optional song in the forest with optional forest creatures (can become elves in the next scene). You can add more music. Music file is included with script.



~*~


A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens <--Click for excerpts!

LARGE CAST theater script adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
COST: 1st performance: $30; Additional performances: $15 each; $90 for a year of unlimited performances.
ORDER ME! LENGTH: 2 hours 15 minutes


TECH: Lots of furniture-moving set changes, spooky lighting, simple ghostly effects, none difficult, but busy and quick. Forestage scenes and scenes in the audience continue the story and cover set changes.
CAST: 32 or more. Casting Chart & Rehearsal Groupings guide you in assigning multiple parts to each actor besides Scrooge -- there are 132 characters! Order Me!
This "A Christmas Carol" play is the classic Scrooge, Bob Cratchit, Marley & Tiny Tim mega-production.
Lots of newly created lines and short scenes for supporting roles such as street urchins, storekeeper, Nephew Fred's friends, beggars, bankers, serving wench & mop boy and schoolkids! Everyone has great lines and distinct personalities!
This is a GREAT "A Christmas Carol" script!
Excerpts:
URCHIN: I don't like singin' for the undertaker. He just stands there. Staring.
LITTLEST: And rubbin' his hands.
SNIFFLY: That's because he gets 2 quid for every pauper he buries.
LEADER: Yeah, we's just a pot o' gold he's waiting to lay hands on.
BANDAGE: So who ARE we gonna sing for?
LITTLEST: How about Mr. Scrooge?

THE CRATCHIT FAMILY'S CHRISTMAS DINNER:


END of CHRISTMAS SCRIPTS COLLECTION!
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Contact the Author

--> CLICK HERE <--
to Order Any Script!


NEW MUSICAL!
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
"And I won't be dumb and dumber, After writing every number, If I only had a brain!"
From the classic original story by L. Frank Baum,
comes a delightful new musical stageplay by Jeannette Jaquish
<-- Click for Excerpts, Tech, Photos, Music & Info!
COST: 1st performance: $40; Additional: $20 each; up to $100 for a year.
3-CD Music Set (Act 1, Act 2, Rehearsal): $45
CAST: 20 to 32+
TECH: Medium-Difficult
LENGTH: 2 hours 10 minutes.
Author's Note: This play is a $$Money-Maker!
Of all my scripts, this one brings in the largest audience. But it is a lot of work.

EXCERPT (At end of "Monkey Brats" song, all pose.)
MONKEY # 4 (entering) - Wicked Witch! Wicked Witch! I have news!
WITCH - What is it ?
MONKEY # 4 (sassy) - Three guesses!
WITCH - Three guesses how I'll cook your carcass if you don't tell me!
MONKEY #4 - Eeek! Dorothy and her friends are climbing the mountain!
WITCH - What!? They are coming here!
MONKEY #4 - Yes! Yes! Yes! Do I get a cookie?
OTHER MONKEYS - (gasp in shock at this dangerous request)
WITCH - (with insane calm exhilaration) Yessss. You do get a cookie. (Gives cookie)
MONKEY # 4 - Eee eee eee ee ! (gobbles it)
OTHER MONKEYS (leaping about) - I wanna cookie! ~ * ~ More Excerpts. ~ * ~ ORDER a script! ~ * ~ "Video Clips"


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NEW MUSICAL!
~ Slipperzzzz! ~ Cobb and the Twelve Dancing Princesses
<--Click for Excerpts!

by Jeannette Jaquish
~ Girls and boys will love this action-packed fighting-dancing musical comedy romance (with no kissing)! -- Great for a Theater Dance School!

<--image by Morena Forza at www.morenaforza.com
<-- Poster with your theater name inserted, plus date, time, price, location etc.

COST: 1st performance: $30; -- additional performances: $15 each; or 1 year: $90.
MUSIC CD: $20
TECH: Simple furniture, lighting, props, and sets. Tech notes & stage drawings.
LENGTH: About 70 minutes.
CAST: 22 to 32 actor-dancer-singers, with lots of fun character parts besides the princesses.
EXCERPT:
OLD SHOEMAKER - It’s impossible! Beyond the bounds of reason! The idea that one cobbler can make 12 new pairs of shoes a day is preposterous!!! And mathematically unsound!
12 girls times 2 feets equals 24 shoes! 24 shoes times 7 days is ....um... 168 new shoes a week!

GRAND VIZIER - Silence! Arggh!! You know how I abhor mathematics! It’s all sciencey! It’s like a dagger exploding in my skull!
Soon I will have the King decree that all who talk of math and science will have their thumbs boiled off by four horses!
Now, get back to work! The Princesses need MORE SHOES!

OLD SHOEMAKER - Then send them to the blacksmith for iron shoes, because I QUIT! (EXITS)

GRAND VIZIER - Actually, that is not a bad idea... See Excerpts! ~ * ~ ORDER a script! ~*~ "Video Clips"


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MUSICAL House Elf Scene!
Harry Potter and the Obnoxious Voice - The ssssPOOF!
--- "Dobby will pour red ants in his ears for punishment!"
<--Click for EXCERPTS, PHOTOS and TECH!

a mystery spoof theater script by J.R. Jaquish
a parody of the Harry Potter book series by J.K. Rowling and the movies based on her books.


COST: 1st performance: $30; additional: $15 each; or 1 year: $90.
MUSIC CD: $23 - Great licensed music -- NOT the movie soundtrack
TECH: Medium-simple. Ordinary furniture, simple lighting, props, costumes, sets. Tech notes.
POSTER included, ready for you to fill in information.
LENGTH: 32 min./ 45 min./ 65 min. / 75 min. due to optional scenes and characters. You get all versions.
CAST: 9 to 26 actors

Watch Video Clips!
Order Me!
"I printed out the script and I couldn’t stop laughing. I am going to have too much fun doing this show! You have been much more helpful than any other play company I have ever worked with. By the way- working in the Puppet Pals reference was brilliant and I can already see the Time Clock Life number in my head. Thanks again!"
-- Laura Comito, Artworks Studio, 507 N. Main St., Carroll, Iowa www.carrollarts.org

-=-=-=-=-

EXCERPTS:
HARRY - Ron! And Hermione! This is great! How did you get here? Did your dad magic another Muggle car?
RON - No, Mum would never let him. Says it’s too dangerous if Fred or George or I get ahold of it.
HARRY - So how did you get here?
RON - We hitch-hiked 80 miles. Got robbed twice and beaten up once. Escaped a car wreck by crawling out the shattered windshield before it exploded, and hid for 3 days in a septic tank while a motorcycle gang looked for us, but never used magic!
HERMIONE (proudly) - I wouldn’t let him! I’m not getting expelled!
-=-=-=-=-
PEEVES the POLTERGEIST - Twisted vicious little house elf! You has messed with my miasma! Just kill me!"
DOBBY and WINKY - You're already dead!

Click for MORE Excerpts, plus links to Photos and Tech Notes. ~ * ~ ORDER A SCRIPT!

"Our Harry Potter opening weekend went really well and set records in attendance (we are doing 15 performances). We have taken a full range of photos and will be doing a video this weekend. We also received top billing in the local newspaper with amazing press. You will love the pix and the set is amazing. We are having so much fun with your script. Thanks again,"
-- Sherry Ingribritsen, President/Artistic Director New Dawn Theater Company


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NEW! The Damsel Game
<--Click for Excerpts!

by Jeannette Jaquish
A NEW VERY EASY short fairy tale script parody of "The Dating Game" from the 1970's.
~ * ~
Prince Charming tosses questions to Cinderella, Snow White and Rapunzel to pick his Dream Date . . . . Nightmare!

<--Image by Mauricio Eiji Yamashita

COST: 1st performance: $10; -- additional performances: $5 or $3 each; or 1 year: $25.
LENGTH: About 13 minutes.
CAST: 5: Show Host (with script), Prince Charming, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel.
TECH: 4 stools or chairs, optional "Damsel Game" sign, partition, and ordinary objects for props, princess dresses, long wig.
EXCERPT:
HOST: This capable girl can set the table and cook up a meal for 7 hungry mouths plus herself! She has known a lot of very short men and would love to date a fellow she can look up to. You know her name, she is . . . . (give audience a chance to holler the answer) . . Snow White! Have a seat, Snow White! Our Damsel Number One!
(SNOW WHITE sits on stool and pets her bird, smiling sweetly.)

HOST - Our 2nd Dazzling Damsel -- Come on out! This lovely lady loves to dance, especially ballroom dancing...
(CINDERELLA ENTERS and dances in swirls)
Look at that grace and elegance! Her house is spotless because she loves scrubbing and cleaning!

CINDERELLA (stops dancing) - No I don’t! I hate scrubbing and cleaning! They always make me do it! (dances)

HOST - Um, . . . And she is known throughout the land as having the smallest most dainty feet . . . Let’s see those dainty feet, my dear. . .
(CINDERELLA holds up a foot, hopping.)

HOST - A bit of artistic license there by the Brothers Grimm . . . . . ~ * ~ Click to ORDER A SCRIPT!


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It's a GOOD Life, by Jerome Bixby
---"They were thinking about making a trap for me. That's why I made them catch on fire."
<-- CLICK on the omnipotent child for EXCERPTS and INFO

- a suspense-filled stageplay based on the award winning 1953 story by Jerome Bixby*, famous science fiction author
- adapted for “The Twilight Zone” by Rod Serling 1961
- produced by Stephen Spielberg in “Twilight Zone: The Movie”, 1983
- spoofed in “The Simpson’s Treehouse of Horror II”, 1991
- Science fiction theater adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish; (c) 2008, 2010 Jeannette Jaquish
See Video Clips!

CLICK to ORDER!

LENGTH: approximately 55 minutes
CAST: 10 adults, 1 small child age 5-6, and 2 teens: boy and girl.
TECH: Easy to get old props, costumes and furniture. 1 set. Simple lighting.
SET: One set: Porch downstage and Kitchen-Parlor upstage
COST: Royalty: $30-first performance, $15-additional performances, $90 for one year.
DVD of the disturbing scenes Anthony makes on television: $6, to play during birthday party scene.

EXCERPTS:
HANK - Henry Jr.'s got something for you, Dan.
HENRY JR - Here, Mr. Hollis. Just a little something. (Hands Dan a hand decorated envelope. Dan opens it curiously and pulls out a short pencil.)
DAN: (thrilled) - A pencil! Oh, you wonderful boy! Look! It has a quarter inch of eraser left. Look everybody! (They are amazed.) A pencil. It's at least 4 inches long. (tests it) And it works!
ETHEL - Don't waste it darling.
HENRY JR. - I found it inside the Wallace's couch.
DAN - And you gave it to me, you wonderful boy! (Everyone ooohs and ahhhs. Pencils were used up long ago.)
THELMA (aside to someone) - He must have gotten to their couch before I did.

*Among a long list of writings, Jerome Bixby wrote scripts for three Star Trek episodes, co-wrote the story that Fantastic Voyage was based upon, and dictated "The Man From Earth" on his deathbed to his son Emerson, in 1998. The Star Trek: Deep Space Nine- Mirror Universe Episode "The Emperor's New Cloak", 1999, was dedicated to Bixby's memory.
Click for excerpts!


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Teach children to speak up!
Dissolve the fear of public speaking by getting them onstage.
This world needs brave people who will not be quiet when truth needs to be said.
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When they took the 4th Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs.
When they took the 6th Amendment, I was quiet because I am innocent.
When they took the 2nd Amendment, I was quiet because I don't own a gun.
Now they have taken the 1st Amendment, and I can only be quiet. --
Lyle Myhr
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TWO VERSIONS OF THE "FROG PRINCE":
MUSICAL VERSION #1:

Wartsalot! -- The Frog Prince and the Princess Brat
"Taste fangs of death, Scoundrel Frog!" -- Cupcake, the Princess's pet
<--Click for excerpts!
-->Video clip!

A fractured fairy tale children's theater script!
PLUS Music CD!
adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish

VERSION #1: The Frog Prince and the Princess Brat
Actors: 6 to 14
depending on short, medium or long version.
LENGTH: 20, 50 or 75 minutes. 4, 5 or 7 scenes. Medium tech complexity.
COST: 1st performance: $25; additional: $10 each; or 1 year: $65.
Music CD: $23

Order a Script!

EXCERPTS:
PRINCESS CONCEITA: A prince?? Not likely, talking like that. If you were ever a human you held out a beggar's hat."
FROG: "I teased a frail old woman, begging on the road. I kicked her cane to make her fall and Poof!--I was a toad."
~*~
QUEEN: So polish the armor, and the gargoyles need clothes!
The peasants are revolting, or so I'm told by my nose.
And the moat monster needs grooming - He's got bones stuck in his teeth!
Put him on a vegetarian diet. We're using too much beef!
Click for excerpts.


NOT a Musical! -- VERSION #2: Simplified, More Actors & Flexible Casting
The Frog Prince and the Princess Brats, JR <-- Click for Excerpts!
an easy children's fairy tale play by Jeannette Jaquish
COST: $10 first performance, $5 additional, or $30/year.
Order Me!

This script follows the basic fairy tale but has lots of funny exchanges between the Princesses and their mother the Queen and the obnoxious Frogs. Also some long-suffering servants and snoopy Townsfolk. Narrators can prompt actors when they forget a line. And it RHYMES!!!

THREE LENGTHS: 20, 24 or 25 minutes - You get all three.
THREE CAST SIZES: 14 or 15 actors, 19 or 20 actors, or 21 or 22 actors, age 7 and up.
3 Princesses (so less crying after auditions), 3 or 4 Frog-puppets, a Queen, an optional King, 1, 2 or 3 Narrators, 3, 4 or 5 Townsfolk, and 3 or 4 Servants, and a Boy Prince who can be played by a Frog puppeteer.
~ * ~ Click to ORDER A SCRIPT!


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If you find BROKEN LINKS
or problems with this website, or have a a question,
please Contact Me! . . . . . . . . . .

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3 FREE SCENE BOOKS!
<-- Click to see List of Scenes for All Three Books!
In 3 age groups:
~ Age 6 to 8 .~*~. Age 8 to 13 .~*~. Age 13 and older ~

Kids love to read scenes and put on little performances.
Great for teachers, camp leaders and home schoolers!
No charge for the download, copying, distributing or performing!
<--Click on image to get the PDF files FREE.
Or ORDER for Christmas or Birthday!
A Talking Frogs CD Collection makes a GREAT Gift!!
For teachers, activity leaders, scoutmasters, homeschoolers and parents.
ORDER All 3 "Talking Frogs" Scene Books
on pdf files on one CD ready to print out.
PRICE: $10 each CD in a case; add $3 for gift-wrapped with a note.
POSTAGE to the US included and mailed by next day.
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Dr. Frankenstreudel's Lemon Fresh Laboratory of Horrors
"Sometimes I feel like saying, "Fetch your own clotting factor!" -- Misty, the sickly lab rat
<--Click for excerpts!

an absurd thriller science themed stageplay by Jeannette Jaquish
COST: 1st performance: $20; Additional: $10 each; or 1 year : $60.
ORDER Me!


SUMMARY: Four squabbling urchins escape a mad doctor, a Julia Child / Frankenstein monster, a sickly lab rat and ravenous zombies. Educational, witty and absurd with lots of action.
CAST: 2 boys, 2 girls, 4 or 7 adults or big kids

LENGTH: 55 minutes. 5 scenes. Medium tech complexity. At least a 3 1/2 foot high platform for graveyard scene.
FREE: Scene 1

QUOTES: "Those little wretches ruined my best spoons prying the bars of their cages!" -- Eyegore
"They may be mindless, flesh-eating zombies, but they are still your elders." -- Old Man Wellard
Click for excerpts.

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Auditioning a Ghost, by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
"I need moonlight to be effective." -- the Jilted Bride Ghost
<--Click on images for first scene and excerpts!
(from the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle story, "Selecting a Ghost")

a ghostly thriller adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
Makes a great dinner theater mystery script!

(Be careful what you wish for. Hauntings are forever.)

COST: 1st performance: $30; addtl: $10 each; 1 year: $70.
ACTORS: 10, at least 3 females, at least 3 males
LENGTH: 1 hour 15 minutes +.
TECH: Medium. Move furniture for set change. Ghostly lighting.
See Video Clip
Order Me!

Arthur Conan Doyle wrote this in his earlier years, before his Sherlock Holmes series eclipsed his other excellent works. It has an ingenious situation as a husband/father seeks to give his wife/daughter the haunting she wants by hiring a "fake" gypsy medium. A stiff-upper-lipped English butler and plotting Cook enhance a devious plot with many unexpected twists.
You receive two variations, one with wife as lead, one with daughter as lead.
FREE: Scene 1

QUOTES: "I'm ashamed to host even a tea party with no story to tell. A real castle should have a ghost." -- Gladys, spoiled daughter or wife.
"And I thought we plunked your inheritance in to this drafty old castle for the prestige of a wall-size fireplace over which to hang our mail order coat of arms. You should have told me you wanted a ghost. We could have bought an RV and parked it over a few plots in the cemetery." -- Monty, the father
More excerpts.


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Don't Look in the Lake
"... while the losers have to clean the portapotty with their pillowcases!"
a comedy thriller short play for kids and teens by Jeannette Jaquish
Click on the campers for EXCERPTS.


COST: $10 first performance, $5 additional, or $30/year.
PROPS: 2 clipboards, bin of recyclables, fake campfire, 2 balloons, broom, mop, backpacks, suitcases. Table & 4 or 7 chairs.
TECH: Quick but simple set changes. Need lighting for night scene.
LENGTH:
- Short version: 7 or 8 characters: about 20 minutes.
- Long version: 11 characters: about 24 minutes
- Less Scary Version: 12 characters: about 25 minutes
Order Me!

A spooky, dangerous, absurd little gem of life at camp. Lousy food, creepy counselors, dead possum art projects, electric fences and hoeing the tobacco fields. And just when the week is almost over, the campfire stories start coming true.

The kids LOVED the scripts!!"
-------Diana Oswald, Event Coordinator www.OnceinaLifetimeEvents.biz


EXCERPT
RICKY - I tried using the pay phone to call home. It wants 40 Canadian quarters!
PENNY - I saw a trash can full of campers' letters to home. I read some of them. Do you know that last week they had to dissect a possum for arts and crafts?
ANDREW - That sounds very educational!
RICKY - We've got to escape. (to Penny) Do you want to go with me?
PENNY - We could sneak out after lights out!
ANDREW - Are you out of your mind? Didn't you hear the story about Drowned Debbie? She'll crawl out of the lake and drag you back in!
Click for excerpts.


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Advice for New Directors and Directing Children

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A Duck's Tale
by Scott Rousseau

<--Click on the Duck for Excerpts

"But Mom! I wanted the new medieval Barbie!" -- Snow White

Arcadia, the Ugly Duckling, bungles through many other fairy tales meeting Witches, Snow White, The Cheshire Cat, and even the police, causing mayhem and hilarity. Lots of fun character parts.

COST: $20 first performance, $10 each additional. $60 for one year.
CAST: 7 or more actors: 3 male, 3 female, age 12 thru adult. Experienced to do multiple roles with simple quick costume changes
TECH: Simple Set and props, Lighting changes, No music
LENGTH: About 45 minutes.

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You Don't Bring Me Dead Flowers Anymore
or
Marriage Counseling? Over My Un-Dead Body!!!

<--Click on dead flowers for Excerpts!

a psychoanalysis spoof by Jeannette Jaquish

COST: $10 first performance,
$5 additional,
or $30/year.

Order Me!

DESCRIPTION: Neither the therapist or the at-her-wits-end-wife realize that the husband's recent crude, grabby and drooling behavior is because he has been bitten on a camping trip and turned into a zombie.
I have seen audience members laugh until they cried as the husband flops and lurches around the stage trying to get his teeth on his wife's head, as the wife shoves him away using her chair and feet, and the therapist explaining everything as psychoanalytical mumbo-jumbo. Very funny twist ending using audience shills. Slightly PG, but easily edited out.

CAST: 2 couples and the therapist: male or female.
TECH NEEDS: 3 sturdy chairs, therapist can have a cheat sheet on a clipboard
LENGTH: a short play about 10 minutes
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EXCERPTS:
WIFE: Can we talk about my husband's increasingly agressive behavior? Like last week, when we were in K-mart, he tried to get my whole scalp in his head! I had to hit him with a can of paint to make him stop. And then I had slobber all over my hair. I had to go to the toilet paper aisle and open a roll of paper towels to wipe off my head. People were looking!
THERAPIST: Ralph, your public display of affection is embarrassing your wife. Can you hear the humiliation in her voice?
RALPH: I sorry...
WIFE (sarcastically): Oh. More words. Big improvement.
THERAPIST: Yes, it is a big improvement. Thank you, Stephanie. Even a counselor appreciates a compliment now and then.
Click for excerpts.



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Lost Hearts, by Montague Rhodes James (1862-1936)
"Don't the trees look like claws grabbing at the sky?"
<--Click on spooky scene for Excerpts!

a classic ghost story by a famous author adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish

COST: $10 first performance, $5 additional, or $30/year.
Order Me!

DESCRIPTION: A suspenseful ghost story by M.R. James, a respected author of the 1800's.
In "Lost Hearts", an orphan, Stephen, is unexpectedly sent for by his elderly, rich, eccentric cousin who is unusually interested in his age, and is an expert on ancient religions' teachings on immortality. Stephen hears of two other orphans taken in who disappeared one night leaving behind shoes or favorite toys. He is visited by two young murdered ghosts. As Mr. Abney arranges for Stephen to meet him secretly after hours on the vernal equinox, an evil plot is revealed. Clues to decipher. Happy ending.

CAST: Stephen, Mrs. Bunch, Mr. Parkes, Mr. Abney & child ghosts: Jevanny & Phoebe.
LENGTH: About 55 minutes.
TECH NEEDS: furniture re-arranging set changes, need a fake fireplace, chairs, table, desk, bed with bedding, and the ability to run fishing line through a pulley in the ceiling for ghostly special effects.

EXCERPT:
STEPHEN (stands) It was the girl I saw in my dream. She was still standing like this (arms crossed over heart) and a boy, very skinny; his hands were up like this. And ... he had a hole here, over his heart. He scared me.
MR ABNEY Ah, sad lost souls. They'll wander on and find a resting place somewhere else, I expect.
STEPHEN How do you suppose they died? How did the boy get the hole in his heart?
MR ABNEY No idea.
STEPHEN Aren't you going to tell me to not tell Mrs. Bunch?
MR ABNEY (soft chuckle) I'll leave that up to you, my boy. Stephen, I want to tell you that I have thoroughly enjoyed your stay here. You have been a bright, cheerful, engaging companion --
STEPHEN Are you sending me away???
MR ABNEY No, no, of course not.
STEPHEN You said I "have been".
MR ABNEY And so you have been and so you will be. I propose a toast! (THEY BOTH stand. MR ABNEY hands STEPHEN a champagne glass of liquid and takes the other for himself) Don't worry, it's not alcoholic. To you Stephen! And our future together!
STEPHEN To you Mr. Abney! May you live forever!
(MR ABNEY bursts out laughing. They click glasses and drink. Mr. Abney now observes Stephen closely.)
STEPHEN What's so funny, Mr. Abney? ( pause) Sir?
(Mr. Abney does not answer but continues to look. Stephen is puzzled by his lack of answer and then the sedative takes effect. His face slackens and his knees buckle. Mr. Abney reaches forward and smoothly plucks the glass from Stephen's hand before it spills. STEPHEN crumples to the floor. )

More excerpts.
Do not fear! It has a Happy Ending!


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Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
"She doesn't chop off anyone's head! It's the rest of you who do it for her!" -- Alice's rallying cry to the Queen's subjects
<-- Click on tea party for excerpts!
Classic story theater script adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish

ACTORS: 23 to 40 all ages.
LENGTH: 2 hours but never boring.
TECH: Medium complexity. Simple sets. Falling down the Rabbit Hole & Hallway of Doors and Pool of Tears involve some manipulation.
COST: 1st performance: $30; Additional: $15 each; $90 for a year of unlimited performances.
MUSIC CD: $23

ORDER Me!
"I recently ordered Alice in Wonderland from you and I would like to say it's fantastic and going great. As this was the first thing I have ever directed, I was surprised by how easy the script made it for me. I'm glad to hear that I can film it."
--- Abi Harris, performance March 2011, Trinity Theatre, Cowes, Isle of Wight, England ~ * ~ Click to read the glowing theater review in the Isle of Wight County Press!
Photos of Adams College in Colorado's production of this script
~ * ~
Alice grows until her head, arms and legs stick out
the chimney and windows of the White Rabbit's House in this photo
from the Firehouse Theater in Fort Wayne, Indiana. -->


QUOTES:
"I stink, therefore I am" -- Duchess
"Either you, or your head, must be off!" -- Queen
"The beach is here. Wish you were lovely." -- Mad Hatter's post card
~ * ~
This is the best stage adaptation of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland that you are going to find.
Main stage scenes alternate with shorter scenes in front of the closed curtain to allow set changes behind curtain.
Ingenious low tech special effects allow Alice to grow and shrink.
Alice is played by three actresses: small, medium and tall (we used age 7, 11 & 16 for example) with a size-changing experience between each. At a performance directed by the author, a young child in the audience upon seeing all three Alices onstage for the first time during bows, was overheard saying, "Look, Mom, there's three of them!"
Each actor can play multiple parts, except the Alices and the White Rabbit, making your cast size flexible.
Click for EXCERPTS!

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RENTAL COSTUMES
--Charlie Brown shows
--Alice in Wonderland costumes
--Wizard of Oz: Dorothy, Lion, Flying Monkey shirts
--Harry Potter: House Elf noses on glasses + ears
--All kinds of costumes for the shows you see here.
--If you have a costume need - Ask!

Contact This Website! . . . . . . . . . .
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"Witches, Goblins, Ghosts and Ghoulies"
Song and sheet music. Free!


Halloween, Horror and Mystery Theater Scripts <--Click on gravestone!
The Beast of Ghastly Manor
The Shadow radio plays
Sorry, Wrong Number
Twilight Zone Scripts
Phantom of the Opera
and lots more!
(On the page you are on right now, "Don't Look in the Lake" & "Lost Hearts" & "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" & "Dr. Frankenstreudel" & "Auditioning a Ghost" are Halloween plays.)





Pippsi Longknickers

SIR HORACE: "You were rather impressive yourself, autographing each cookie with your thumbprint."
PROF. BANANA: (holding up thumbs) "If you’ve got ‘em, flaunt ‘em."

<--Click on Pippsi for excerpts and free Tea Party scene!

(inspired by Pippi Longstockings by Astrid Lindgren)

theater script adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
(Freckled bombshell bullies bullies, gooses high society and does her part for intergalactic harmony.)

COST: $10 per performance; or 1 year : $40.
Order Me!

Actors:
16 to 25, including 5 smaller and 5 larger
Length: 75 minutes or less (scenes may be cut). 7 scenes. Medium tech complexity but a lot of it.
FREE: Tea Party Scene
Quotes: "Spelling bee award? How nice! Now you can hold your head up high around the prettier girls." -- Mrs. Belittleton
"Once Grandma's servant stole her grand piano but she had no place to hide it so she dragged a carpet over it and told Grandma that the house's foundation was settling unevenly!" -- Pippsi




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Plays by Ruth T. Baker
High School Soap <--Click for excerpt
by Ruth Tyndall Baker
Order this script!
"High School SOAP is a wholesome portrait of high school kids who are in and out of love, in and out of situations which reflect the fun drama that goes on continuously in the halls."

CAST
10 females: age teen to adult, 3 males: 1 teen, 2 adult, Extras: male or female teens.

ROYALTIES
$25 per performance


Al Capone & Me <--Click for excerpt
a 2 act historical fiction play by Ruth Tyndall Baker
Order this script!
"Millie learns to handle even Al Capone amid the roaring twenties’ hope and despair, G-men and gangsters, Prohibition, radio, talkies and print. This love story about the economic and family struggles of Millie and Max is presented as a 1920’s film while the concurrent story of Al Capone interweaves the societal fabric of the 20’s."

CAST
7 males age 20 to 40, 6 females age 20 to 40, 1 female age 60 or older.

ROYALTIES
$60 per performance up to the 4th show, $30 per show from the 5th to the 8th, $390 for 2 months of shows.


Inside the 3-0-9 <--Click for excerpt
by Ruth Tyndall Baker
Order this script!
"Inside the 3-0-9" deals with the problems Sherry faces due to her weight. The cruel wounds from her childhood linger, causing her to disbelieve it when Troy wants to take her out for a bowl of Texas Chili. In the end, she realizes that Troy loves her for herself, the person inside the 309 pounds."

CAST
2 females, 2 males, 2 male or female, one male voice.

ROYALTIES
$10- one performace, $15- two performances, $20 -one month or a 31 consecutive day period of performances.

LENGTH
About 15 min.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Contact Us
or
Order a Script!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Use your costumes and props in parades!
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Who Framed Lucky the Leprechaun?<--Click for excerpts!
an absurd mystery script by Jeannette Jaquish
A Great St. Patrick's Day Theater Script!
An absurd, action-packed, edgy script perfect for experimental theater or teenage casts, plus a few little kids to be leprechauns!.


COST: $10 per performance; or 1 year: $40. Order Me!

CAST
9 to 28 actors. Need 3 to 7 kids and at least 6 to 21 teens or adults, depending on if actors play one part or multiple parts.
LENGTH: about 55 minutes.
TECH: Easy-medium. Alternates scenes onstage and in front of closed curtain or in the audience to allow fast shoving around of chairs and card tables onstage. Carry on props: camcorder, bucket, Lucky. Basic lighting throughout. No special lighting.
COSTUMES & PROPS: 1 big and 3 small leprechaun costumes. A cop and detective. Toy machine guns. Lucky Charm and Trix cereal boxes. A working vacuum cleaner. Two Camcorders, working or not.

EDGY MYSTERY: This show has lots of hilarious characters, action, and ridiculous situations around a logical mystery which is revealed in the climactic ending.
The script is slightly PG with bits about test tube birth, a misunderstanding about a girl named Trixie, a leprechaun trying to get drunk on Strawberry Quik, a cop wanting to do a "search", and speculation about a Leprechaun using lots of clover, but it is all tastefully done, and little kids won't understand those parts anyway. This a great show for mixed ages.

EXCERPTS
LUCKY: Ralph! Ralph, me boy! Show some charity to the wee ones. Hello me little lads and lassie. You're a fine lookin' bunch. And sure you'll be wantin' an autograph to show your friends back home?
KID 2 - Look, Look who it is!
KID 3 - It's Lucky. It's Lucky! He's old! He's old, and big! (EXIT screaming)
Later... DIRECTOR - I'm sorry you found out like this Lucky. The Big Guy, he thinks you're getting a bit old for this role, I mean how old are you? 300?
LUCKY - I'm just 298!
DIRECTOR - And it appears you've had a growth spurt lately. We just can't get actors any bigger to play the children without borrowing from the NBA or Ripley's Believe it or Not.
More Excerpts!




Strange Time at the Science Fair<-- Click for Excerpts
a science themed sci-fi play script by Tom & Zephyr Jaquish

COST: $10 first performance, $5 additional, or $30/year.
Order Me!

SUMMARY: The little science nerd says his invention can control time but while the judge stares skeptically at the unchanging pendulum the events transpiring behind them swing hilariously from high speed to slow motion. Using three real science fair projects and the time control project, you can present an educational, absurd and very very funny little show.
LENGTH: About 18 minutes.
CAST: 4 kids, 1 adult judge, 1 teen or adult photographer
PROPS: 3 real science fair projects, 1 fake project with all printed signs provided in the script- you paste them on a science fair board, pendulum, some kind of device to be the time controller, a tone or audio FX generator - even a toy keyboard with sound effects will work, card tables for the projects. Award ribbons or trophies.
TECH: A device that generates a high and low tone.
EXCERPTS:
(NICK is demonstrating his Time Control device to Dr. Bergers. The other kids and the photographer are behind them.)
DR BERGERS - Nothing happened. The period of the pendulum swing remained constant.
NICK - Hmmm. I'll turn it to slow motion.
DR BERGERS - OK, let me get a fix here. (Starts pendulum, looks at watch.) OK, go!
NICK - We start at normal speed (dial tone down) Now it's slow.
(Kids & Photographer in the background SLOW DOWN.)
PENELOPE - Looook ! it's Albeert Einsteiiiin....
(all start slowly running to side front corner of audience)
DENTIN - Myyyy Heerooo!
WALLY - Hey Einstein???? Caaaan I haaaave youuur Autoooograaaph?
(They crash into each other at edge of stage as first one stops unexpectedly. Big Pileup. Get up. Head back.)
DENTIN - Oh, noooo. It was just the jaaaanitor.
PENELOPE Well, he loooked like Albert Eiiiinsteiiiin...
NICK - And back to normal speed. (tone to normal)
(Background people up to NORMAL SPEED.)
DR BERGERS - I'm sorry, I didn't see any change. It was the same both times.
More excerpts.


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Snow White and the Eco-Disaster Dwarves
a funny fairytale with an environmental message, by Jeannette Jaquish

Click on Apple for Free Script!-->

CAST: 4, Snow White and Three Odd Dwarves
LENGTH: About 5 minutes.
PRICE: FREE if you tell the playwright.

A catchy easy to learn short play about abusing the forest.
For all ages to watch. Actors age 7 on up.
Excerpt:
DIGGER - I'm Digger.
DUMPER - I'm Dumper.
CHOPPER - I'm Chopper Downer.

SNOW WHITE - Those are funny names. I thought you'd be named Bashful or Happy or Sneezy.

DIGGER - Oh, they moved out long ago.
DUMPER - Yeah, when the forest was still green.
CHOPPER - They left some nice furniture.

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Little Red Riding Hood and the Bad Idea Shortcut
a simple scripted folktale adapted by Jeannette Jaquish

<--Image by Gustave Dore' (1832 - 1883)

<--Click on Wolf and Red for EXCERPTS & DETAILS!
CAST: 5
LENGTH: About 15 minutes.
PRICE: $5 first performance, $2 additional, $10 for 1 year.
TECH: EASY
- Need a bed stage prop.

Not only does the Wolf get a surprise from Little Red, so does the Narrator and the Woodsman!
Many absurd moments bring new life to an old favorite.
Lines are easy, catchy and funny. The Narrator's lines remind the actors of their lines, and Narrator ad libbing can rescue when a line is forgotten.
Photo Cast: Narrator-Allison, Wolf-James, Little Red-Autumn, Mother-Julia, Woodsman-Laramie, Grandmother-Haley.
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Photos from 2005

Poor kid. His share of the National Debt has doubled since then to $53,2410.
Use your costumes for street theater and parades!

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SECTION B: FREE SCRIPTS
if you notify the author

How to Contact the Author

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If you find a free script you can use, please just
Donate A Dollar or Two to Jeannette Jaquish / FunAntics at this link:

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Starting a Theater?

Use FuNAnTiCS FREE tHeATeR SCRiPtS to earn money and get attention!
Then you can afford to buy the Low Priced Scripts for even bigger audiences!

Author: Jeannette Jaquish: I grant permission to perform my Free plays IF I am notified and the author and this website (www.theaterfunscripts.com) are listed in the printed program or are announced or displayed at the show.
You may charge admission. (Please do, in fact, then you can buy my not-free scripts.)
If you perform any of my plays with this requirement without notifying me, you owe me triple royalties plus collection co$t$ such as travel and attorney fees, etc!

So just notify and enjoy! Easy Rules for Using Free and Not-Free Scripts.

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Fairy Tales on the Mars Frontier <--Click here!
Real science theater script by Jeannette Jaquish
(Fairy tales evolve as pioneer parents on Mars teach values and survival to their kids.)
Uses real scientific data about how humans will terra-form and colonize Mars!

Actors: 11 to 35 Actors can play multiple parts.
Length: 35 minutes.
3 small scenes within one long scene. Medium tech complexity.
Cost: FREE
if you notify author, and give her proper announcement. Easy Rules for Using Free and Not-Free Scripts. Easy Rules for Free Scripts.

QUOTES:
"Is your dome strong? Mine blew in!"
"My dome sits low below the crater. Aluminum cover like a baked potater." -- Pigs 1 & 2

"Can you stop this purple plague?"
"Stand back and be amazed!"
"I don't know about this piper."
"She is weird."
"And very hyper." -- Townspeople and The Pied Piper
"This is the dome, resistant to shock,
Built by the man who crushed the rock,
That lay on the surface of Red Mars." -- Rock Song



The Spoiled Baloney Man <--Click here!
(That cycle of life and death really stinks.)
a fractured fairy tale by Jeannette Jaquish
based on The Stinky Cheese Man - but better!

ACTORS:
3 puppets, 5 actors or more
LENGTH: 25 minutes. 1 scene. Simple-medium tech complexity
COST: FREE
if you notify author, and give her proper announcement. See easy details. Easy Rules for Free Scripts.

Quotes: "Not a pretty picture, or smell, when BALONEY GOES BAD! Raised by bacteria in a cold microwave oven. Would love, color and stimulation in its childhood have made a difference?" -- Frog




If Shakespeare had Written the Theory of Relativity <--Click for script!
Shakespeare's classic lines adapted into a swashbuckling debate on relativity.
an educated farce by Thomas Jaquish

COST: FREE!
CAST: Prince Albert, Zhugaid, Arshay, and two gossipy chambermaids.
PROPS & FURNITURE: Period costumes or something close, two champagne glasses, two knives or swords for a mock battle.
LENGTH: About 25 minutes.
Easy Rules for Free Scripts.




Kiss the Brown Bunny<--Click here!
an actors & puppets script
by Jeannette Jaquish

(The flirty Cockroach bets grumpy Spike the dog that three people will kiss her in three minutes.)

<-- shown here: Folkmanis cockroach puppet.
ACTORS: 2 puppets, 3 actors
You may RENT THE PUPPETS from the author.
Length: 8 minutes. 1 scene. Very simple tech complexity.
PUPPETS:Acquiring Folkmanis cockroach puppet and Percy the Dog (from Pocohontas) is tricky. Rent them from the author. Details on script page.
Cost: FREE if you notify author, and give her proper announcement.
Easy Rules for Free Scripts.

QUOTES:
"Cockroach: Even cockroaches have feelings and mine are hurting... Snuggle???
Spike the Dog: Get away from me you filthy insect! Go snuggle in a garbage disposal!"



The Monkey's Paw, by W. W. Jacobs <-- Click for script!

adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
The classic story of wishes gone bad..
Cast: Old man, old woman, grown son or daughter, Sergeant-Major Morris, Visitor from Maw & Meggins.
Length: 18 minutes.
Tech: 4 scenes. Simple set and costumes. Some quick but simple set changes.
Cost: FREE if you notify author, and give her proper announcement. Easy Rules for Free Scripts.

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SPANISH & ENGLISH BI-LINGUAL TRANSLATIONS
Restaurante Del Diablo" <--Click here!
a Spanish & English script
by Jeannette Jaquish

Cost: FREE

Scripts alternate Spanish with English so a person speaking either language can understand, and also learn the other language.
Quotes:
FATHER: Waiter! You have your thumb in my soup!!!
WAITER: (wiping thumb on napkin) Me fama? Gracias, Senor, pero las sopa no es caliente. (Exits)
FATHER: Thank you but it's not hot! I don't believe it! His dirty thumb was in my soup!
SON: Esta limpia, ahora.
FATHER: Ewwww! You eat. I'm not hungry now.
SON: (spits out first taste) Bleccchh!!
FATHER: Que pasa?
SON: There is a fly in this soup!
FATHER: Una mosca en tu sopa!!! Terrible!!
WAITER (Returns, placing bill on the table): La cuenta.
SON: MESERO! ESTA UNA MOSCA EN MI SOPA!
WAITER: Fly in your soup??? Is that a problem? Are you a vegetarian?!

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Email:

EASY PLAYS for YOUNG ACTORS
and Other Fairy Tale Theater Scripts and Plays
<--Click here!
For Actors age 5 and older, or Non-readers, or Little Time to Rehearse,
or Big Actors who Just Want an Easy Script (perform kneeling with shoes on knees).


Hansel & Gretel and the Creepy Woods <--Click here!
by Jeannette Jaquish
also in FRENCH & NORWEGIAN translations

FREE - print it off from this website!
Get permission to perform just by
notifying the author by email.

MORAL: Don't let your kids drive you CraaAAAzy!
CAST: Three versions: 15, 20 or 25 actors. The 15 actor version is on the website. Email to request any of the scripts to be emailed FREE.

Hansel & Gretel in the Big Woods -- In Norwegian! Click here!
Hansel & Gretel in the Big Woods -- In French! Click here!

-- Scenes from Carroll Community Theatre in Carroll, Iowa:


-- Scene from India: "Almost all of these children were neither fluent nor comfortable with English, but still they did the entire play in English and that too with an amazing confidence." --Keshav Khanna
"Your Hansel and Gretel and the Creepy Woods script is very funny, and well written - I had a difficult time finding appropriate material for our students, who are 4th and 5th graders. The lines are short and easy to memorize, and yet very entertaining. Thank you for sharing your talent! "
------Cathy Duyck, Battle Creek, Michigan, St. Joseph Elementary Drama Club coordinator, performing March 28 & 30, 2011


"I have been searching for a good play for my drama kids to perform this year and I really like the look of your Hansel and Gretel. It is quite a challenge to write scripts that appeal to both adults and children, keeping all ages entertained and humoured is what makes a good script. I really like the way you have achieved to do just that."
------Roz Glen, Hillcrest, South Africa (near Durban)

Hansel and Gretel and the Creepy Woods - Youtube Videos

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-- LITTLE ORPHANT ANNIE <--Click for script
by James Whitcomb Riley
adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish

FREE - print it off from this website!
Get permission to perform just by notifying the author by email.

MORAL: Get kids to behave by scaring the geewhilikers out of them.
CAST: 7 children, 3 or 5 older actors.
--This is the folk poem about boogeymen, NOT Annie singing "Tomorrow! Tomorrow!" with Daddy Warbucks!
<--Image from http://www.cs4fn.org/vision/usingthedarkside.php

EXCERPT:

CHILD 1: And little Orphan Annie says, when the blaze is blue,
And the lamp wick sputters, and the wind goes woo-oo!

CHILD 2: And you hear the crickets quit, and the moon is gray,
And the lightning bugs in dew are all squenched away –

CHILD 3: You better mind your parents, and your teachers fond and dear,
And cherish those who love you, and dry the orphan’s tear,

CHILD 4: And help the poor and needy ones who cluster all about,
Or the Gobble-ins will get you

CHILDREN: If You Don’t Watch Out!

Easy Rules for Free Scripts.

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THE WAY I REMEMBER IT <--Click for script,
a fun kids play by Jeannette Jaquish
FREE - print it off from this website!

Get permission to perform just by notifying the author by email.

MORAL: Being mean makes more meanness.

CAST: 6 or more boys and 6 or more girls, 2 more kids, an older man and woman, and maybe a mom, an optional chorus of kids, plus 1 or 2 prop assistants.

SUMMARY: Little Jamie gets Grandma and Grandpa to tell the story of how they met as children, with two very different and funny perspectives.
Image of Calvin and Suzie by Bill Waterson

Easy Rules for Free Scripts.

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Are You Smarter Than a 4-H'er? (or Insert your Organization Here!)
A FREE 4H contest skit script to adapt to your organization.
CAST: 7 to 11 kids.
LENGTH: About 12 minutes.
TECH: Easy: desks, podiums (made of boxes), a flip chart.

SUMMARY A parody of the popular game show with JiffyPop Foxwabbit, Helping Hand Students, Demonstrators and Question Flippers, and a Suspicious Contestant. Can be used in 4H drama or video projects or adapted for other groups.

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Short Skits & Easy Plays for Kids <--Click for skits!
comedy skits & scripts by Jeannette Jaquish
with links to those by other authors.
Cost: FREE.
Skits for 2 or more actors. 30 seconds to 10 minutes. From Easy to Medium difficulty
The Way I Remember it
Nutty Nursery Rhymes
Flight of the Vultures
Hansel & Gretel -- Kindergarten Level - Very Fun!
Dino Puppet Jokes
Cereal Killer
Before Eve met Adam
Restaurant skit
Muppet Veterinarian's Hospital
Knock-Knock Jokes - Scout Skits - Joke Skits



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Funny Songs to Perform <--Click here!
by Jeannette Jaquish
with links to songs by other authors.

Some Titles:
Your Mama Don't Wear No Socks
The Hilarious Intermission Song:


"Sodas full of caffeine; Your heart pounds like a freight train,
Let's go to the lobby and have little snack..."
Gilbert and Sullivan Spoof Songs
Songs from Frog Prince and the Princess Brat
Christmas Song Parodies
Incompetech.com Royalty Free music - Good Quality and lots of styles.



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If you find a free script you can use, please just
Donate $1 to Jeannette Jaquish / FunAntics at this link:

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HUNDREDS of FREE Scripts, Radio Plays, TV scripts, Puppet Plays and Songs by OTHER AUTHORS <--Click here!
WARNING!
Many links to scripts by other authors DO NOT have a link back to this page!
So ADD FUNANTICS to your FAVORITES!

Monty Python
Saturday Night Live sketches
Abbott & Costello
Old Time Radio Scripts: Flash Gordon, Sherlock Holmes, Fibber McGee and Molly
Twilight Zone
War of the Worlds
Muppets' Veterinarian Skits, and other Puppet Plays
Classic TV and Film scripts: Sorry, Wrong Number, Duck Soup, A Christmas Carol (Scrooge) Monologues
Parody Songs
Readers Theater scripts of Folk Tales and Historical Fiction - Read or Act!
Huge Cast School Musicals, Simple or Complex
and GOBS more good scripts!

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Harry Potter Plottings

Half-Blood Prince Book Review by Jeannette Jaquish ~*~ Goblet of Fire Movie Review by Jeannette Jaquish

A Muggle's Snide Observation
by Jeannette Jaquish

Harry Potter is magical soap opera,
Hormonal teens spouting abracadabra;
But magic makes it too easy,
And Rowling would certainly get queasy,
Composing a duel 'twixt a shotgun and avada kedavra;

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These are misspellings of my name: Jeanette, Janette, Jenette, Jeannete, Jannete, Jennete, Janet, Janett, Jennette, Jannette Jaquish Janquish.

You can PHONE ME at the number on this page.

Sick of those smarmy Christmas Letters?
Photos of my Tucson, Arizona Red Barn beginnings.
The Red Barn in Tucson, Arizona website.
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3 FREE SCENE BOOKS!
<-- Click to see List of Scenes for All Three Books!

In 3 age groups:
~ Age 6 to 8 .~*~. Age 8 to 13 .~*~. Age 13 and older ~

Kids love to read scenes and put on little performances.
Great for teachers, camp leaders and home schoolers!
No charge for the download, copying, distributing or performing!

<--Click on image to get the PDF files FREE.

Or ORDER for Christmas or Birthday!
A Talking Frogs CD Collection makes a GREAT Gift!!
For teachers, activity leaders, scoutmasters, homeschoolers and parents.
ORDER All 3 "Talking Frogs" Scene Books
on pdf files on one CD ready to print out.
PRICE: $10 each CD in a case with a nice cover (title and images)
add $3 for gift-wrapped with a note.
POSTAGE to the US included and mailed by next day.
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Dr. Ron Paul - Re-founder of the Constitution - video

Government is not wisdom; it is not eloquence; it is force. And force, like fire, is a dangerous servant and a fearful master." -- George Washington

How to Contact the Author Email:

This website (c) Jeannette Jaquish 1999-2013

~ * ~ Click to ORDER A SCRIPT!

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MORE THEATER LINKS & OTHER STUFF

Ecstatic Theatrics in Fort Wayne, IN
Firehouse Theater in Fort Wayne, IN
Shoestring Theater of Fort Wayne, Indiana
GIANT PUPPETS -- how to make them! So Cool! By PuppetCo.
Build a Puppet Theater or order for $. Dismantles easily! By Gene Powell.
Dad's Home School - Science & Math Explained
FIND A SCRIPT: Stageplays.com locates all plays published in English. (Hint: go to the publisher listed and order from them. It's cheaper.)
Horse Costume Instructions
LONG list of theater scripts and resources.
JOKES to tell or act out.
Guinea Pig Skin Disease! Use Bag Balm or Vaseline to cure itchy, dandruffy, mange caused by mites.
Hoosier Outer Space Settlers (HOSS)
Bed-wetting is NOT caused by Laziness! Cure urinary tract infections with cranberry.
Stuttering: A Simple Semi-Cure: Take a Breath
Funny Fillers to put in theater printed program or on bulletin boards
Rejects from the NPR 3 minute fiction contest
Theater Exercise/Game: Emotional Rollercoaster
Free Downloadable Sound FX ilovewavs.com
Raven Radio and Readers Theater Scripts with tech on sound FX & downloadable scripts.

Email: funantics.scripts@yahoo.com