~ FuNANTiCS THeATER SCRiPTS ~

Welcome to the Most Funny, Witty, Exciting & Rea$onably Pri¢ed Plays Available!
Plays for Children & Adults, Schools & Community Theatres
Low Budget, Low Cost, Low Price, Inexpensive or Royalty Free
Comedy! Drama! Mystery! Educational! Monologues!

• 1/3 to 1/7 the royalty price of Samuel French Theater Scripts or Pioneer Drama scripts!
• Plus no requirement to buy scripts for each actor! You print your scripts yourself!
• PLUS: Personal communication with the author via email or phone

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When they took the 4th Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs.
When they took the 6th Amendment, I was quiet because I am innocent.
When they took the 2nd Amendment, I was quiet because I don't own a gun.
Now they have taken the 1st Amendment, and I can only be quiet. – Lyle Myhr

"Government is not wisdom; it is not eloquence; it is force. And force, like fire, is a dangerous servant and a fearful master." -- George Washington
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Compex & Simple Christmas Theater Scripts <--Click to read Excerpts!
~also Easter, Passover and Thanksgiving Plays~

Harry Potter and the Obnoxious Voice - The Parody!<--Click here!
a spoof theater script by Jeannette Jaquish

Cost: $10 per performance or $30 for unlimited performances. Order Me!

Harry is once again locked in his room where Dobby & an inebriated Winky come to him with a warning to save not his life but at least his career. At Hogwarts things are weirder than ever, Snape is furious at Ron's spilled potion, Hagrid doesn't think Harry's "hearing voices" thing is funny, Dumbledore has lost his meal ticket, Malfoy has a fancy-schmancy new "mission", time is twisting, the house elves battle Peeves and whisper about "The Master".
This show is hilarious and smart and will be a big draw until the 7th Harry Potter movie comes out Nov. 19, 2010.

TECH: Medium-simple. Furniture move set changes. One sound effect. Some crucial blackout and light changes. Long version has a big fake "brick" rising on fishing line.
CAST: 12 to 15 actors plus extras if you got 'em.
LENGTH: short version: 32 minutes, long version: 45 minutes - (You get both versions)

EXCERPT:
DUMBLEDORE - Dumbledore, Dumbledore, Dumble Dumble Dumble-dore! Good day, Draco, I’ll have a peppermint latte and a fresh ram’s bladder stuffed with curded cheese and drizzled with Belgian chocolate.
MALFOY - You’ll pay for that, Dumbledore! $7 sickles and 3 knuts!
HERMIONE - What’s wrong, Harry? Has Dumbledore changed as well?
(HARRY watches DUMBLEDORE searching his robe pockets, hat, then inside his shoes, then lifting his robe to search his boxer shorts, sticking his hand down the leg and startling himself when it comes out the other end.)
DUMBLEDORE - Oh, dear, I do believe I’ve misplaced my meal ticket!
MALFOY - No meal ticket - No meal!
HARRY No, Dumbledore’s the same as ever.
RON (taking his first bite of sandwich) Harry’s right! Things have changed!
HERMIONE What! What’s changed?
RON This is surplus government cheese! Gross!
HERMIONE Oh, Ron. That’s not important!
RON I can’t get it off my molars! Three sickles for a government cheese sandwich. Bloody hell.
Tech Notes
Cost: $10 per performance, $30 for unlimited performances. Order Me!



Dr. Frankenstreudel's Lemon Fresh Laboratory of Horrors <--Click here!
by Jeannette Jaquish
(Four squabbling urchins escape a mad doctor, a Julia Child / Frankenstein monster, a sickly lab rat and ravenous zombies. Educational, witty and absurd with lots of action.)

Actors: 2 boys, 2 girls, 7 adults or big kids (or 4 if Dr. F, Eyegore & Misty also play zombies). In a pinch, cast can be all female with one male (burly Eyegore), or all male with one female (Petunia)
Length: 55 minutes. 5 scenes. Medium tech complexity. At least a 3 1/2 foot high platform for graveyard scene.
Cost: $10 per performance or $30 for unlimited performances. Order Me!
FREE: Scene 1
Quotes: "Those little wretches ruined my best spoons prying the bars of their cages!" -- Eyegore
"They may be mindless, flesh-eating zombies, but they are still your elders." -- Old Man Wellard



Auditioning a Ghost <--Click here for first scene and excerpts!
(from the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle story, "Selecting a Ghost")
adapted for the stage by Jeannette Jaquish
(Be careful what you wish for. Hauntings are forever.)

Actors: 10, at least 3 females, at least 3 males
Length: 1 hour +. 2 scene changes (just move furniture). Medium tech complexity.
Cost: $10 per performance or $30 for unlimited performances. Order Me!
Arthur Conan Doyle wrote this in his earlier years, before his Sherlock Holmes series eclipsed his other excellent works. It has an ingenious situation as a husband/father seeks to give his wife/daughter the haunting she wants by hiring a "fake" gypsy medium. A stiff-upper-lipped English butler and plotting Cook enhance a devious plot with many unexpected twists.
You receive two variations, one with wife as lead, one with daughter as lead.
FREE: Scene 1
Quotes: "I'm ashamed to host even a tea party with no story to tell. A real castle should have a ghost." -- Gladys, spoiled daughter
"And I thought we plunked your inheritance in to this drafty old castle for the prestige of a wall-size fireplace over which to hang our mail order coat of arms. You should have told me you wanted a ghost. We could have bought a nice RV and parked it over a few plots in the cemetery." -- Monty, the father



Pippsi Longknickers <--Click here for excerpts and free Tea Party scene!
(inspired by Pippi Longstockings by Astrid Lindgren)
theater script adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
(Freckled bombshell bullies bullies, gooses high society and does her part for intergalactic harmony.)

Actors: 16 to 25, including 5 smaller and 5 larger
Length: 75 minutes or less (scenes may be cut). 7 scenes. Medium tech complexity but a lot of it.
Cost: $10 per performance or $30 for unlimited performances. Order Me!
FREE: Tea Party Scene
Quotes: "Spelling bee award? How nice! Now you can hold your head up high around the prettier girls." -- Mrs. Belittleton
"Once Grandma's servant stole her grand piano but she had no place to hide it so she dragged a carpet over it and told Grandma that the house's foundation was settling unevenly!" -- Pippsi



The Frog Prince and the Princess Brat <--Click here! (with optional songs)
theater script adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
(What's a few warts?)

Actors: 6 to 14 depending on short or long version.
LENGTH: 20, 50 or 75 minutes. 4, 5 or 7 scenes. Medium tech complexity.
COST: $10 per performance, or $30 for unlimited performances. Order Me!
Summary A bratty princess, an obnoxious frog, a jealous royal dog, an imperious Queen beating on her sarcastic butler, two snotty visiting princesses, and a grinning boy prince. This script is fast moving, creative, surprising and funny, funny, funny! AND it is in rhyme for easier memorization and lots of charm!
Three Versions:
20 min.: Basic story
35 min.: add visit by Foreign Princesses
50 min.: add lesson with the Tutor
75 min.: Exciting Kidnapping and Revolution subplot with 3 Kidnappers and "The Raven"

EXCERPTS:
PRINCESS CONCEITA: A prince?? Not likely, talking like that. If you were ever a human you held out a beggar's hat."
FROG: "I teased a frail old woman, begging on the road. I kicked her cane to make her fall and Poof!--I was a toad."

QUEEN: So polish the armor, and the gargoyles need clothes!
The peasants are revolting, or so I'm told by my nose.
And the moat monster needs grooming - He's got bones stuck in his teeth!
Put him on a vegetarian diet. We're using too much beef!

CONCEITA: Jeffers! Take this cuddly frog for me. Love him and squeeze him until day number 3.
BUTER: Oh, no, Gentle Princess, of whom the angels sing,
The Good and Virtuous Queen would put my arm in a sling,
Oh, curse my mouth, what blasphemy! Not my one arm but both!
If she found that I assisted you in the breaking of your oath!




The Strange Saga of Lucky the Leprechaun <--Click here for 1st scene and excerpts!
by Jeannette Jaquish
A Great St. Patrick's Day Theater Script!
This unique script is full of absurd wit and great characters.
TECH: Simple-medium: fast shoving around of furniture and some carry-on props. No special lighting needed. CAST 3 to 7 kids and 6 or more bigger kids or adults.


LENGTH: about 35 minutes.
TECH: Easy-medium. Chairs and card tables on and off. Carry on props: camcorder, bucket, Lucky. Basic lighting throughout. 1 big, 3 small leprechaun costumes.
COST: $10 for one performance or $30 for unlimited performances. Order Me!

SYNOPSIS: Lucky the Leprechaun's growth spurt ends his career as Lucky Charms' mascot. The Trix Rabbit cannot deny his secret longing or curb his compulsion. In the secret Leprechaun Slave Marshmallow Mines the seeds of conspiracy are revealed.
Hilarious scenes in the Trix Cereal TV studio, Congressional Hearings, Breakfast Attack Crime Scene and Dr. Laura Call-In Radio Show.

EXCERPTS
LUCKY: Ralph! Ralph, me boy! Show some charity to the wee ones. Hello me little lads and lassie. You’re a fine lookin’ bunch. And sure you’ll be wantin’ an autograph to show your friends back home?
KID 2 - Look, Look who it is!
KID 3 - It’s Lucky. It’s Lucky! He’s old! He’s old, and big! (EXIT screaming)
Later... DIRECTOR - I’m sorry you found out like this Lucky. The Big Guy, he thinks you’re getting a bit old for this role, I mean how old are you? 300?
LUCKY - I’m just 298!
DIRECTOR - And it appears you’ve had a growth spurt lately. We just can’t get actors any bigger to play the children without borrowing from the NBA or Ripley’s Believe it or Not.




Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll <-- Click here for excerpts!
theater script adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
Actors: 23 to 40 all ages.

LENGTH: 2 hours but never boring.
TECH: Medium complexity. Simple sets. Falling down the Rabbit Hole & Hallway of Doors and Pool of Tears involve some manipulation.

Cost: $10 per performance or $30 for unlimited performances. Order Me!

Summary: This is the best stage adaptation of Alice in Wonderland that you are going to find.
Main stage scenes alternate with shorter scenes in front of the closed curtain to allow set changes behind curtain.
Ingenious low tech special effects allow Alice to grow and shrink.

Alice throws a tantrum with her strict tutor over memorizing the moralistic poems children were required of as part of their moral upbringing in the 1800's when the story was written -- the same poems that Lewis Carroll lampoons later in the story. She runs off and falls down the Rabbit Hole, grows and shrinks in the Hallway of Doors, falls in her Pool of Tears, meets the ill-tempered Mouse, panicky wet creatures and the Pompous Dodo while the newly invented Mole and Horsefly characters add humor.
She grows too big for the White Rabbit's House, kicks Bill the Lizard out the chimney, extracts some information from the aloof Caterpillar and recites "You are Old Father William" as it is acted out.
She encounters pepper, flying kitchen objects and a flung crying baby in the Duchess's House whom she rescues only to have him turn into a little pig that runs through the audience.
She gets direction from the Cheshire Cat, matches wits with the wacky Mad Hatter and March Hare and a groggy Dormouse. She witnesses an absurd table dance and impertinent banter, and storms off insulted.
In an easy special effect she finds the key, eats mushroom and shrinks, and finally can slip through the little door to the beautiful garden. She rescues the guards painting the roses red, plays croquet with a flamingo and escapes a mass be-heading, hears the Mock Turtle's sad story, and stands up for the Knave at a sham trial and starts a revolution against tyranny!
Alice begins the play as an impulsive, self-pitying, stubborn young girl, but finishes it as a witty, brave, thoughtful young lady.




The Wizard of Oz <-- Click for Excerpts!
by Frank L. Baum
theater script adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
A blend of the MGM musical and the original book by Frank Baum, with additional scenes by Jeannette Jaquish giving more action and lines to the Munchkins and flying monkeys (plus a hilarious witch and monkeys song), more lines and scenes for the Emerald Citizens and Winkie Guards.
The Wizard appears in the Kansas scenes as a vacuum cleaner salesman dumping dirt on Auntie Em's rug, and getting whacked with Miss Gully's broom, then later gives Dorothy some helpful advice on dealing with Miss Gully and a white lie about who the dog pound guys are dragging into the truck.
This is not a simple play but very entertaining, with lots of charming conversations by all actors, improving on both the book and the movie.

Author's Note: This play is a $$Money-Maker. Of all my scripts, this one brings in the largest audience. But it is a lot of work.
How to make your Music CD

LENGTH: 2 hours 10 minutes.
TECH:: Rigorous set changes using portable scenery, such as hinged flats or painted refrigerator boxes. Plus Wizard's Throne Room Display (the giant head ) requires a rear-projected video projector and either a live video camera pointing at the Wizard behind his curtain onstage, or the Wizard's part previously videotaped and playing with the live scene.
Cast: 20, including 7 monkey/munchkins, and 4 Emerald Citizens/Winkie Guards. Cost: $10 per performance or $30 for unlimited performances. Order Me!


EXCERPT
MONKEY # 4(entering) - Wicked Witch! Wicked Witch! I have news!
WITCH - What is it ?
MONKEY # 4 (sassy) - Three guesses!
WITCH - Three guesses how I’ll cook your carcass if you don’t tell me!
MONKEY #4 - Dorothy and her friends are climbing the mountain!
WITCH - What!? They are coming here!
MONKEY #4 - Yes! Yes! Yes! Do I get a cookie?
WITCH - (with insane calm exhilaration) Yes. You do get a cookie. (Gives cookie)
MONKEY # 4 - Eee eee eee ee ! (gobbles it)
OTHER MONKEYS (leaping about) - I wanna cookie!
WITCH - SHUT UP!!!!
(instant insane calm) If you want a cookie, instead of BEING TURNED INTO MONKEY-SHAPED cookies, you will listen to these instructions:
(Monkeys gather attentively)
Spread your moth-eaten wings and fly (blasts them with her bad breath) into the Haunted Forest and snatch up that girl and her dog. Do what you like with the others, but I want her alive and unharmed! Take special care of those ruby slippers. I want those most of all. Now, fly! Fly! Bring me that girl and her slippers! Fly! Fly! Fly!
(MONKEYS Exit excitedly as Witch cackles. She stops, sensing something, turns around to find MONKEY #2 looking hopeful.)
WITCH - What??
MONKEY #2 - If you turn the other monkeys into cookies, can I have one?
WITCH - Get out of here!!!!
MONKEY # 2 - Eeee eee eee eee! (EXITS)
WITCH - Climb, climb closer my little pretty. Closer. (EXITS)



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Section B:
$10 = Unlimited Performance Scripts
Simple tech, witty & fun, unlimited performance

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Don't Look in the Lake <-- Click for Excerpts
by Jeannette Jaquish
COST: $10 for unlimited performances. Order Me!

A spooky, dangerous, little gem of life at camp. Incredibly fun and not too hard to perform. Audiences roar with laughter.
Lousy food, creepy counselors, dead possum art projects, electric fences and hoeing the tobacco fields; and just when the week is almost over, the campfire stories start coming true.
LENGTH: About 18 minutes.

CAST: 2 boys, 2 or 3 girls (can be all girls or all boys), 1 creepy janitor, 2 counselors.
PROPS: 2 clipboards, bin of recyclables, fake campfire, 2 balloons, broom or mop. Table & 4 chairs.
TECH: Quick but simple set changes. Need lighting for night scene.
THEMES: abusive counselors, dangerous situations, running away, the living dead, relentless humor, sarcastic kids vs the cheerful kids.
EXCERPT
RICKY - I tried using the pay phone to call home. It wants 40 Canadian quarters!
PENNY - I saw a trash can full of campers' letters to home. I read some of them. Do you know that last week they had to dissect a possum for arts and crafts?
ANDREW - That sounds very educational!
RICKY - We've got to escape. (to Penny) Do you want to go with me?
PENNY - We could sneak out after lights out!
ANDREW - Are you out of your mind? Didn't you hear the story about Drowned Debbie? She'll crawl out of the lake and drag you back in!





You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore <--Click here for Excerpts!
by Jeannette Jaquish
DESCRIPTION: Neither the therapist or the at-her-wits-end-wife realize that the husband's recent crude, grabby and drooling behavior is because he has been bitten on a camping trip and turned into a zombie.
I have seen audience members laugh until they cried as the husband flops and lurches around the stage trying to get his teeth on his wife's head, as the wife shoves him away using her chair and feet , and the therapist explaining everything as a psychological manifestation. Way funny unexpected ending using audience shills.
Slightly PG, but could be edited to remove the line.
CAST: 2 couples and the therapist: male or female.
TECH NEEDS: 3 sturdy chairs, therapist can have a cheat sheet on a clipboard
------

EXCERPT:
WIFE: Can we talk about my husband's increasingly agressive behavior? Like last week, when we were in K-mart, he tried to get my whole scalp in his head! I had to hit him with a can of paint to make him stop. And then I had slobber all over my hair. I had to go to the paper products aisle and open up a roll of paper towels to wipe my head off. People were looking!
THERAPIST: Ralph, your public display of affection is embarrassing your wife. Can you hear the humiliation in her voice?
RALPH: I sorry...
WIFE (sarcastically): Oh. More words. Big improvement.
THERAPIST: Yes, it is a big improvement. Thank you, Stephanie. Even a counselor appreciates a compliment now and then.
------
LENGTH: about 10 minutes
COST: $10 for unlimited performances. Order Me!



Lost Hearts, by M. R. James <--Click here for Excerpts!
adapted by Jeannette Jaquish
DESCRIPTION: A ghost story by M.R. James, a respected author of the 1800's, whose well written suspense stories were very popular.
In "Lost Hearts", an orphan, Stephen, is unexpectedly sent for by his elderly, rich, eccentric cousin who is unusually interested in his age, and is an expert on ancient religions' teachings on immortality. Stephen hears of two other orphans taken in who disappeared one night leaving behind shoes or favorite toys. He is visited by two young murdered ghosts. As Mr. Abney arranges for Stephen to meet him secretly after hours on the vernal equinox, an evil plot is revealed. Clues to decipher. Happy ending.

CAST: Stephen, Mrs. Bunch, Mr. Parkes, Mr. Abney & child ghosts: Jevanny & Phoebe.
TECH NEEDS: furniture re-arranging set changes, need a fake fireplace, chairs, table, desk, bed with bedding, and the ability to run fishing line through a pulley in the ceiling for ghostly special effects.

EXCERPT:
STEPHEN (stands) It was the girl I saw in my dream. She was still standing like this (arms crossed over heart) and a boy, very skinny; his hands were up like this. And ... he had a hole here, over his heart. He scared me.
MR ABNEY Ah, sad lost souls. They’ll wander on and find a resting place somewhere else, I expect.
STEPHEN How do you suppose they died? How did the boy get the hole in his heart?
MR ABNEY No idea.
STEPHEN Aren’t you going to tell me to not tell Mrs. Bunch?
MR ABNEY (soft chuckle) I’ll leave that up to you, my boy. Stephen, I want to tell you that I have thoroughly enjoyed your stay here. You have been a bright, cheerful, engaging companion --
STEPHEN Are you sending me away???
MR ABNEY No, no, of course not.
STEPHEN You said “I have been”.
MR ABNEY And so you have been and so you will be. I propose a toast! (THEY BOTH stand. MR ABNEY hands STEPHEN a champagne glass of liquid and takes the other for himself) Don’t worry, it’s not alcoholic. To you Stephen! And our future together!
STEPHEN To you Mr. Abney! May you live forever!
(MR ABNEY bursts out laughing. They click glasses and drink. Mr. Abney now observes Stephen closely.)
STEPHEN What’s so funny, Mr. Abney? ( pause) Sir?
(Mr. Abney does not answer but continues to look. Stephen is puzzled by his lack of answer and then the sedative takes effect. His face slackens and his knees buckle. Mr. Abney reaches forward and smoothly plucks the glass from Stephen’s hand before it spills. STEPHEN crumples to the floor. )
LENGTH: 50 minutes
COST: $10 for unlimited performances. Order Me!



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Section C:
FREE SCRIPTS
if you notify the author


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If you find a free script you can use, please just
Donate $1 to Jeannette Jaquish / FunAntics at this link:

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Starting a Theater?

Use FunAntics Free Scripts to earn money and get attention!
Then you can afford to buy the Low Priced Scripts for even bigger audiences!
Author: Jeannette Jaquish: I grant permission to perform my Free plays if I am notified and my name as author and this website (www.theaterfunscripts.com) are listed in the printed program are announced and displayed at the show.
You may charge admission. (Please do, in fact, then you can buy my not-free scripts.)
If you perform any of my plays with this requirement without notifying me, you owe me triple royalties (3 x$10 = $30 per performance) plus collection co$t$ such as travel and attorney fees, etc.!
So just notify and enjoy! Easy Rules for Using Free and Not-Free Scripts.

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Fairy Tales on the Mars Frontier <--Click here!
by Jeannette Jaquish
(Fairy tales evolve as pioneer parents on Mars teach values and survival to their kids.)
Uses real scientific data about how humans will terra-form and colonize Mars!

Actors: 11 to 35 Actors can play multiple parts.
Length: 35 minutes. 3 small scenes within one long scene. Medium tech complexity.
Cost: FREE if you notify author, and give her proper announcement. Easy Rules for Free Scripts.

QUOTES:
"Is your dome strong? Mine blew in!"
"My dome sits low below the crater. Aluminum cover like a baked potater." -- Pigs 1 & 2

"Can you stop this purple plague?"
"Stand back and be amazed!"
"I don't know about this piper."
"She is weird."
"And very hyper." -- Townspeople and The Pied Piper
"This is the dome, resistant to shock,
Built by the man who crushed the rock,
That lay on the surface of Red Mars." -- Rock Song



The Spoiled Baloney Man <--Click here!
by Jeannette Jaquish
(That cycle of life and death really stinks.)

Actors: 3 puppets, 5 actors or more
Length: 15 minutes. 1 scene. Simple-medium tech complexity
Cost: FREE if you notify author, and give her proper announcement. See easy details. Easy Rules for Free Scripts.

Quotes: "Not a pretty picture, or smell, when BALONEY GOES BAD! Raised by bacteria in a cold microwave oven. Would love, color and stimulation in its childhood have made a difference?" -- Frog



Kiss the Brown Bunny (puppets & actors)<--Click here!
by Jeannette Jaquish
(Cockroach bets Spike the dog that three people will kiss her in three minutes.)

<-- shown here: Folkmanis cockroach puppet.
Actors: 2 puppets, 3 actors
You may RENT THE PUPPETS from the author.r Length: 3-4 minutes. 1 scenes. Very simple tech complexity. Acquiring cockroach puppet is tricky. Rent them from the author. Details on script page.
Cost: FREE if you notify author, and give her proper announcement. Easy Rules for Free Scripts.

Quotes:
"Cockroach: Even cockroaches have feelings and mine are hurting... Snuggle???
Spike the Dog: Get away from me you filthy insect! Go snuggle in a garbage disposal!"



The Monkey's Paw, by W. W. Jacobs <-- Click for Excerpts!
adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
The classic story of wishes gone bad..
Cast: Old man, old woman, grown son or daughter, Sergeant-Major Morris, Visitor from Maw & Meggins.
Length: 18 minutes.
Tech: 4 scenes. Simple set and costumes. Some quick but simple set changes.
Cost: FREE if you notify author, and give her proper announcement. Easy Rules for Free Scripts.





Bilingual Scripts Mixing Spanish With English <--Click here!
scripted by Jeannette Jaquish
Cost: FREE
Scripts alternate Spanish with English so a person speaking either language can understand, and also learn the other language.
Quotes:
FATHER: Waiter! You have your thumb in my soup!!!
WAITER: (wiping thumb on napkin) Me fama? Gracias, Senor, pero las sopa no es caliente. (Exits)
FATHER: “Thank you but it’s not hot!” I don’t believe it! His dirty thumb was in my soup!
SON: Esta limpia, ahora.
FATHER: Ewwww! You eat. I’m not hungry now.
SON: (spits out first taste) Bleccchh!!
FATHER: Que pasa?
SON: There is a fly in this soup!
FATHER: Una mosca en tu sopa!!! Terrible!!
WAITER (Returns, placing bill on the table): La cuenta.
SON: MESERO! ESTA UNA MOSCA EN MI SOPA!
WAITER: Fly in your soup??? Is that a problem? Are you a vegetarian?!





Hansel & Gretel
and Other Fairy Tale Theater Scripts and Plays for Young Actors <--Click here!
Scripts for ages 4, 5, or 6, or older:
-- HANSEL & GRETEL and the BIG WOODS, 14 actors, and 1 older Reader
-- LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE, 7 children, 3 or 5 older actors.
-- THE WAY I REMEMBER IT, 12 or more, boys and girls.

Hansel and Gretel in the Big Woods -- In Norwegian!Click here!
For young actors,
or Non-readers,
or Little Time to Rehearse,
or Big Actors who Just Want an Easy Script (perform kneeling with shoes on knees).
Funny Scripts with Good Lines and Quirky Humor
Cost: FREE



Short Skits & Easy Plays for Kids<--Click here!
scripted by Jeannette Jaquish
with links to many more.
Cost: FREE.
Skits for 2 or more actors. 30 seconds to 10 minutes. From Easy to Medium difficulty
Nutty Nursery Rhymes
Flight of the Vultures
Hansel & Gretel -- Kindergarten Level - Very Fun!
Dino Puppet Jokes
Cereal Killer
Before Eve met Adam
Restaurant skit
Muppet Veterinarian's Hospital
Knock-Knock Jokes - Scout Skits - Joke Skits


Halloween, Horror and Mystery Theater Scripts<--Click here!
The Beast of Ghastly Manor
The Shadow radio plays
Sorry, Wrong Number
Twilight Zone Scripts
Phantom of the Opera
and lots more!
(On the page you are on right now, "Don't Look in the Lake" & "Lost Hearts" & "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" are Halloween plays.)





Funny Songs to Perform <--Click here!
by Jeannette Jaquish
with links to songs by other authors.

Some Titles: Your Mama Don't Wear No Socks
The Hilarious Intermission Song:

"Sodas full of caffeine; Your heart pounds like a freight train,
Let's go to the lobby and have little snack..."
Gilbert and Sullivan Spoof Songs
Songs from Frog Prince and the Princess Brat
Christmas Song Parodies

HUNDREDS of Scripts, Radio Plays, TV scripts, Puppet Plays and Songs by OTHER AUTHORS <--Click here!
WARNING!
Many links to scripts by other authors DO NOT have a link back to this page!
So ADD FUNANTICS to your FAVORITES!

Monty Python
Saturday Night Live sketches
Abbott & Costello
Old Time Radio Scripts: Flash Gordon, Sherlock Holmes, Fibber McGee and Molly
Twilight Zone
War of the Worlds
Muppets' Veterinarian Skits, and other Puppet Plays
Classic TV and Film scripts: Sorry, Wrong Number, Duck Soup, A Christmas Carol (Scrooge) Monologues
Parody Songs
Readers Theater scripts of Folk Tales and Historical Fiction - Read or Act!
Huge Cast School Musicals, Simple or Complex
and GOBS more good scripts!

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Harry Potter

Half-Blood Prince Book Review by Jeannette Jaquish ~*~ Goblet of Fire Movie Review by Jeannette Jaquish

A Muggle's Snide Observation
by Jeannette Jaquish
Harry Potter is magical soap opera,
Hormonal teens spouting abracadabra;
But magic makes it too easy,
And Rowling would certainly get queasy,
Composing a duel 'twixt a shotgun and avada kedavra;

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These are misspellings of my name: Jeanette, Janette, Jenette, Jeannete, Jannete, Jennete, Janet, Jennette, Jannette Allen Jaquish Janquish.

You can PHONE ME at the number on this page.

THIS PAGE COUNT HAS ALREADY ROLLED OVER FROM 999,999!

Sick of those smarmy Christmas Letters?
Photos of my Tucson, Arizona Red Barn beginnings.
The Red Barn in Tucson, Arizona website.

Dr. Ron Paul - Re-founder of the Constitution - video

This website ©Jeannette Jaquish 1999-2009

THEATER LINKS & OTHER STUFF

Firehouse Theater in Fort Wayne
Horse Costume Instructions
Theater Exercise/Game: Emotional Rollercoaster
GIANT PUPPETS -- how to make them! So Cool! By PuppetCo.
Build a Puppet Theater or order for $. Dismantles easily! By Gene Powell.
Make a Sock Puppet, by Rachel Moore
Puppetorium: Makers of Character Puppets - Buy Online
Shoestring Theater of Fort Wayne, Indiana
FIND A SCRIPT: Stageplays.com locates all plays published in English. (Hint: go to the publisher listed and order from them. It's cheaper.)
Stuttering: A Simple Semi-Cure: Take a Breath
LONG list of theater scripts and resources.
JOKES to tell or act out.
Guinea Pig Skin Disease! Use Bag Balm or Vaseline to cure itchy, dandruffy, mange caused by mites.
Hoosier Outer Space Settlers (HOSS)
Bed-wetting is NOT caused by Laziness! Cure urinary tract infections with cranberry.
Funny Fillers to put in theater printed program or on bulletin boards