Halloween and Scary Theater Scripts and Songs

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Harry Potter and the Obnoxious Voice - The ssssPOOF!
--- "Dobby will pour red ants in his ears for punishment!"
<--Click on Dumbledore for EXCERPTS, PHOTOS and TECH!

a mystery spoof theater script by J.R. Jaquish
based on the Harry Potter book series by J.K. Rowling and the movies based on her books.

COST: 1st performance: $30; additional performances: $10 each; or 1 year: $70.
MUSIC CD: $23 - Great licensed music -- NOT the movie soundtrack
TECH: Medium-simple. Ordinary furniture, simple lighting, easy to make props. Quick but simple set changes. Tech notes.
POSTER included, ready for you to fill in information.
LENGTH: 32 min./ 45 min./ 65 min. / 75 min. due to optional scenes and characters. You get all versions.
CAST: 9 to 26 actors
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"I printed out the script and I couldn’t stop laughing. I am going to have too much fun doing this show! You have been much more helpful than any other play company I have ever worked with. By the way- working in the Puppet Pals reference was brilliant and I can already see the Time Clock Life number in my head.
Thanks again!"
-- Laura Comito, Artworks Studio, 507 N. Main St., Carroll, Iowa www.carrollarts.org
Harry is once again locked in his room where Dobby & an inebriated Winky come to him with a warning to save not his life but at least his career. At Hogwarts things are weirder than ever, Snape is furious at Ron's spilled potion, Hagrid doesn't think Harry's "hearing voices" thing is funny, Dumbledore has lost his meal ticket, Luna dissects the brown bag lunch, Malfoy has a fancy-schmancy new "mission", Moaning Myrtle is giving tours and dispensing attitude, time is twisting, and the House Elves battle Peeves, a three-headed dog, and whisper about "The Master". Twist ending.

Click for Excerpts, plus links to Photos and Tech Notes.


It's a GOOD Life, by Jerome Bixby
---"They were thinking about making a trap for me. That's why I made them catch on fire."
<-- CLICK on the omnipotent child for EXCERPTS and INFO

- a suspense-filled stageplay based on the award winning 1953 story by Jerome Bixby, famous science fiction author
- adapted for “The Twilight Zone” by Rod Serling 1961
- produced by Stephen Spielberg in “Twilight Zone: The Movie”, 1983
- spoofed in “The Simpson’s Treehouse of Horror II”, 1991
- Science fiction theater adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish; (c) 2008, 2010 Jeannette Jaquish
LENGTH: approximately 55 minutes
CAST: 10 adults, 1 small child age 5-6, and 2 teens: boy and girl.
TECH: Easy to get old props, costumes and furniture. 1 set. Simple lighting.
SET: One set: Porch downstage and Kitchen-Parlor upstage
COST: Royalty: $30-first performance, $15-additional performances, $90 for one year.
DVD of the disturbing scenes Anthony makes on television: $6, to play during birthday party scene.

*Among a long list of writings, Jerome Bixby wrote scripts for three Star Trek episodes, co-wrote the story that Fantastic Voyage was based upon, and dictated "The Man From Earth" on his deathbed to his son Emerson, in 1998. The Star Trek: Deep Space Nine- Mirror Universe Episode "The Emperor's New Cloak", 1999, was dedicated to Bixby's memory.
Click for excerpts!


Dr. Frankenstreudel's Lemon Fresh Laboratory of Horrors
"Sometimes I feel like saying, "Fetch your own clotting factor!" -- Misty, the sickly lab rat
<--Click for excerpts!

an absurd thriller science themed stageplay by Jeannette Jaquish
COST: 1st performance: $20;
Additional performances: $10 each;
or 1 year : $60.

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SUMMARY: Four squabbling urchins escape a mad doctor, a Julia Child / Frankenstein monster, a sickly lab rat and ravenous zombies. Educational, witty and absurd with lots of action.

CAST: 2 boys, 2 girls, 7 adults or big kids

LENGTH: 55 minutes. 5 scenes. Medium tech complexity. At least a 3 1/2 foot high platform for graveyard scene.

QUOTES: "Those little wretches ruined my best spoons prying the bars of their cages!" -- Eyegore
"They may be mindless, flesh-eating zombies, but they are still your elders." -- Old Man Wellard
Click for excerpts.


Auditioning a Ghost, by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
"I need moonlight to be effective." -- the Jilted Bride Ghost
<--Click on images for first scene and excerpts!
(from the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle story, "Selecting a Ghost")

a ghostly thriller adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
Makes a great dinner theater mystery script!

Arthur Conan Doyle wrote this in his earlier years, before his Sherlock Holmes series eclipsed his other excellent works. It has an ingenious situation as a husband/father seeks to give his wife/daughter the haunting she wants by hiring a "fake" gypsy medium to put on a seance. What could go wrong? A stiff-upper-lipped English butler and plotting Cook enhance a devious plot with many unexpected twists. You receive two variations, one with Wife as lead, one with Daughter as lead, or a large cast version with Mother as lead.
Medium CAST: 13 to 22
LENGTH: 75min.
COST: 1st performance: $30; addtl: $10 each; 1 year: $70.

Larger CAST: 30.
LENGTH: 85 minutes, approximately.
COST: 1st performance: $50; addtl: $10 each; 1 year: $90.

TECH: Easy. Move furniture for set change. Ghostly lighting and fog.
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QUOTES: "I'm ashamed to host even a tea party with no story to tell. A real castle should have a ghost." -- Gladys, spoiled daughter or wife.
"And I thought we plunked your inheritance in to this drafty old castle for the prestige of a wall-size fireplace over which to hang our mail order coat of arms. You should have told me you wanted a ghost. We could have bought an RV and parked it over a few plots in the cemetery." -- Monty, the father


Don't Look in the Lake
a comedy thriller short play for children by Jeannette Jaquish
"... while the losers have to clean the portapotty with their pillowcases!"
Click on the campers for EXCERPTS.

COST: $10 first performance, $5 additional, or $30/year.
PROPS: 2 clipboards, bin of recyclables, fake campfire, 2 balloons, broom, mop, backpacks, suitcases. Table & 4 or 7 chairs.
TECH: Quick but simple set changes. Need lighting for night scene.
- Short version: 7 or 8 characters: about 20 minutes.
- Long version: 11 characters: about 24 minutes
- Less Scary Version: 12 characters: about 25 minutes
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A spooky, dangerous, little gem of life at camp. Incredibly fun and not too hard to perform. Audiences roar with laughter.
Lousy food, creepy counselors, dead possum art projects, electric fences and hoeing the tobacco fields; and just when the week is almost over, the campfire stories start coming true.
The kids LOVED the scripts!!"
-------Diana Oswald, Event Coordinator www.OnceinaLifetimeEvents.biz

Click for excerpts.

You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore
Marriage Counseling? Over My Un-Dead Body!!!

<--Click on dead flowers for Excerpts!

a psychoanalysis spoof by Jeannette Jaquish

COST: $10 first performance,
$5 additional,
or $30/year.

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DESCRIPTION: Neither the therapist or the at-her-wits-end-wife realize that the husband's recent crude, grabby and drooling behavior is because he has been bitten on a camping trip and turned into a zombie.
I have seen audience members laugh until they cried as the husband flops and lurches around the stage trying to get his teeth on his wife's head, as the wife shoves him away using her chair and feet, and the therapist explaining everything as psychoanalytical mumbo-jumbo. Very funny twist ending using audience shills.
Slightly PG, but easily edited out.

CAST: 2 couples and the therapist: male or female.
TECH NEEDS: 3 sturdy chairs, therapist can have a cheat sheet on a clipboard
LENGTH: a short play about 10 minutes
Click for excerpts.


Lost Hearts, by M. R. James
"Don't the trees look like claws grabbing at the sky?"
<--Click on spooky scene for Excerpts!

a classic ghost story by a famous author adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish

COST: $10 first performance,
$5 additional,
or $30/year.

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DESCRIPTION: A ghost story by M.R. James, a respected author of the 1800's, whose well written suspense stories were very popular.
In "Lost Hearts", an orphan, Stephen, is unexpectedly sent for by his elderly, rich, eccentric cousin who is unusually interested in his age, and is an expert on ancient religions' teachings on immortality. Stephen hears of two other orphans taken in who disappeared one night leaving behind shoes or favorite toys. He is visited by two young murdered ghosts. On the vernal equinox, an evil plot is revealed. Clues to decipher. Happy ending.

CAST: Stephen, Mrs. Bunch, Mr. Parkes, Mr. Abney & child ghosts: Jevanny & Phoebe.
LENGTH: About 55 minutes.
TECH NEEDS: furniture re-arranging set changes, need a fake fireplace, chairs, table, desk, bed with bedding, and the ability to run fishing line through a pulley in the ceiling for ghostly special effects.


The Monkey's Paw, by W. W. Jacobs <-- Click for script!

adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish
The classic story of wishes gone bad..
Cast: Old man, old woman, grown son or daughter, Sergeant-Major Morris, Visitor from Maw & Meggins.
Length: 18 minutes.
Tech: 4 scenes. Simple set and costumes. Some quick but simple set changes.
Cost: FREE if you notify author, and give her proper announcement. Easy Rules for Free Scripts.


-- LITTLE ORPHANT ANNIE <--Click for script
by James Whitcomb Riley
adapted for stage by Jeannette Jaquish

FREE - print it off from this website!
Get permission to perform just by notifying the author by email.

MORAL: Get kids to behave by scaring the geewhilikers out of them.
CAST: 7 children, 3 or 5 older actors.
--This is the folk poem about boogeymen, NOT Annie singing "Tomorrow! Tomorrow!" with Daddy Warbucks!
<--Image from http://www.cs4fn.org/vision/usingthedarkside.php

Easy Rules for Free Scripts.


CLICK! For all the other scripts:
www. TheaterFunScripts.com
- Witty Energetic Scripts - Free & Low Cost!
All Types, All Ages -- All Great!

-Harry Potter and the Obnoxious Voice ~ The sssPOOF!
-The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
-The Frog Prince and the Princess Brat, including a Jr. version
-Slipperzzzz! The Torrid Tale of Cobb and the 12 Dancing Princesses
-Alice in Wonderland
-Who Framed Lucky the Leprechaun?
-Don't Look in the Lake!
-It’s a GOOD Life, by Jerome Bixby, scifi award winner
-The Spoiled Baloney Man
-Hansel and Gretel and the Creepy Woods
-A Christmas Carol . . . . . and Dozens More plus all of the above and Links!

Other Spooky Scripts and a Song

'Witches, Goblins, Ghosts and Ghoulies' piano sheet music
The Beast of Ghastly Manor, by George Riddell, free
Classic old scripts, including horror: Phantom of the Opera, Nosferatu, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, The Devil and Daniel Webster, Sorry, Wrong Number, Twilight Zone, Maniac, Mysteries & more!
Radio scripts -- Click on Scripts. Check out Green Hornet, The Shadow, Sherlock Holmes, Superman-Batman mysteries, Suspense, XMinus 1, You Can't do Business w/Hitler
Zeal Index of Scripts: Mysteries
Playhouse of the Damned - Lots of short funny horror plays by Richard Nathan
Baby Snooks Halloween radio script, free

Back to FunAntics List of Theater Plays