I caught sight of my
reflection, I caught it in the window,
saw the darkness in my heart, I saw the signs of my undoing,
they had been there from the start, and the darkness still has
work to do,
the knotted cord's untying...
-Peter Gabriel, Blood of Eden
Slowly creeping through
a quagmire of doubt and longing,
Darkness descends as the candle flickers out.
Sounds echo in hollow caverns, imagined beasts of terror
Snarling, scratching in the pitch black nothing.
Afraid to reach out and touch the emptiness.
Frozen with indifference, knowing the outcome;
No longer able to endure the abandonment,
The empty promises and careless deeds.
Surrender, surrender to the darkness
Death would be welcome in this endless night,
Fear is for life, but none is in sight,
Nothing but darkness all around.
Staring out through bloodshot
Casts a dreary pall on life.
I am shattered reflections that echo
In the hollow chambers of my heart.
Shards of memory, cold as ice now
Will never melt just sever vital parts.
I am empty streets, lifeless now,
The hour in between where no one goes.
The plea went unanswered, nothing there.
Somewhere else, safe and warm,
Left on a cold back burner,
Not worth the time, too much effort
I am this soul's shattered
Frightened by it's own thoughts.
Holes in the once smooth path,
Swerving through the crowded-ness,
No balance, as the world tilts.
I hear a small, articulate, sound;
Turn my head, turn my path.
Hands reach out in disguised salvation,
A cushion to the fall, impact is inevitable.
I am a fetal, round ball of imperfection,
Gravitating in free fall.
Just let me hit the ground rolling
Staring at the bloodshot
Casting shadows on this dreary life;
Swaying in the breezes, windblown.
I am the autumn leaf tossed and thrown.
A soundless cry lost in the storm.
Remembrance of such touched bliss,
Carelessly tossed aside, without a care;
I am abandoned, discarded hope.
Resurrected, but never whole again.
Slide, hang-on, do something, anything
Give me a direction; sweet silence
No response, disguised deliverance.
My love for you burned
inside of me
Like the white hot illumination of my loss.
Tepid days failed to distract me from tragic musings,
An unalterable thought path worn with much use.
Finding comfort then in the ache of longing,
The only tangible reminder of life left.
I dreamed of you, you
wore different faces,
but I wasn't fooled and I said so.
You laughed and made a joke;
I took your hand and said, "trust me"
Then I taught you how to fly.
But somehow you couldn't
Didn't know the meaning of "no take-backs."
This is the grown up world;
I would've reassessed if I were you,
Under the current influences.
You had no way to go, but down.
Just when I thought I
was on the road to Acceptance,
Denial raised it's oblivious head, once again.
I looked for your face at every turn and distance,
Heard your voice in every turn of phrase,
I felt too fragile thinking there was no way I could win.
(or something like it)