A brilliant man deserves a brilliant sitcom. George W. Bush is a dumb fuck, though. It's more like an idiot who pees himself deserves a brilliant sitcom. And Princess is along for the ride.

Moo

Princess grew up in this giant castle. She was constantly surrounded by guards and didn't get out much. Then, one day, the evil wizard Ganon stole her.

She screamed for help, but Ganon made her shut up with his pimp hand. Pootie Tang was out on business that week, so Link had to come in and help. However, Link sucked ass with only his beginners sword. He needed the master sword to defeat Ganon.

Princess shot skeet while waiting for Link's slow ass. Link kept looking for heart pieces and falling into debt by going into the wrong secret caves. Finally Link defeated evil Ganon, and the rescued Princess was all happy, but then Ganon came back to life and Princes was like "fuck this shit, I'm moving to Hollywood." Sadly, without the Princess, Link was forced to do games like Majora's Mask. A fate worse than soft core porn for milk money.

Princess got stuck doing what most teen actors do. No, not stripping for rich, fat businesscunts (like I did). She did one of those teen shows about being in college and not having sex or doing ecstacy. The NBC hit "USA high" premiered on CBS in 1997. She inevitably played a dumb blonde with a bad english accent. "I studied the role by watching that dumb blonde with the bad english accent on The Single Guy. I'm not really dumb." Explains Princess as she accidentally welds her fist to a roast beef sandwich. The show was a huge success. She made millions of dollars. However, Princess wanted to try other things. She later starred on MTV's Undressed. There, she played a dumb blonde. Rather than doing porn, she just whispered inaudible words into her costar's ears and wore grandma underwear. That's as risque as the show got. Sorry guys. You can lose the boner now. When Princess realized that Undressed is a piece of shit show and should be burned at the bottom of the television shit pile, she left and auditioned for the role of the dumb blonde on That's My Bush. Originally, the part was for Kathy Griffin. Then, Matt Stone and Trey Parker realized that Kathy is a red-beav, I mean red head. Princess earned the part of Princess Stevenson.

All I asked her was if the carpet matched the curtains. The headlock didn't hurt as much as the stapler to my face.

After an entire season, Princess hasn't felt happier. Especially since Bush is the president. If it were Clinton, then Princess would probably spend most of her time cleaning presidential genital warts. I don't think Orange Clean works on that.

I recently decided that I had an interview with the Princess. Here is the transcript.

Andrew: So, Princess, you play baseball?
Princess: Nope.
Andrew: How long have you been playing baseball?
Princess: I don't play baseball, you pig snatch.
Andrew: No? Then what is this a picture of in my hand?
Princess: It's a naked picture of Bette White.
Andrew: Oh. Ok, so what do you do if you don't play baseball?
Princess: Go to subway, eat subs.
Andrew: Is this before or after you play baseball?
Princess: After I watch the Brady Bunch. I don't play baseball, you frog fetus.

(at this point in the interview, Toad comes in)

(at this point, I pass out and wake up with a dead squirrel on my stomach signed by Princess. How nice. I should send her a fruit basket or a cornucopia filled with cereal.)

Princess kicks ass. Anyone who says differently sucks goat cock.


Links to other celebrities...
JD Roth
Tony Randall
Natalie from Sports Night
Fred The Baker
Princess Stevenson
Christopher Walken
Rick Moranis


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