JD Roth

"I'm one of those 4 badass chicks from the moulin rouge!"
 		Name: JD Roth
Age: 30 something er rather
Occupation: Badass host of "Sex Wars," homeowner
Hobbies: working for counciling centers so he can tell the victims they deserved it, staring at his cohost's cleavage, and throwing midgets in the special olympics
Famous Friends: Jesus Christ, Buddy Christ, Dharva Conger, Toucan Sam, and Babbo Natale
Favorite Position: "What position do men like it most? Damn right, doggy style!"
Why Worship JD?: He helped your sorry ass out when you couldn't find the blue ring in the second quest of legend of zelda (it was in the northeastern corner of the map. you had to go up the invisible walkway)
JD Roth's Life and Times

When JD was a kid, he used to walk through the crosswalk when the light was blinking "don't walk", borrow pencils and not return them, and not go to the dinner table immediately when he was taking a dump. His parents would not tolerate such insolence, so they threw him out on the street.

A homeless, jobless, penniless, JDless(what the fuck?) JD aspired to work in television. He packed his bag of shoestrings and dirty underwear and moved to the only place he could think of that would offer television gigs. He moved to Pickanosa, Montana. Unfortunately, the only thing JD found to tape there is father/daughter incest. After doing that for a month, he auditioned for Gamepro, a show about helping kids in need.

"Some people help dying kids with cancer. I helped average joes get the true ending of Bubble Bobble. It was great. My life had a purpose. Everything was perfect."

JD's hosting days soon came to a halt. Before some out of work schmoe could make a rumor about JD doing heroin in his herpe sores, JD was kidnapped by some fat asshole.

This fat asshole, appropriately named fat asshole, wanted to clone JD to use for his own gaming needs. JD tried to explain that he reads a script, but fat asshole didn't listen and just shoved stuff up his fat asshole. JD was tied to a wall for several months, living off of steak dinners and his own urine. Fat asshole created a cloning device better than the one Urkel used to clone Stefan.

However, there was a huge accident. The cloning machine blew up in the middle of cloning. The result was JD's evil twin. This Evil JD goes by the name of Seth Green.

JD escaped during the explosion and went back to work. He starred on some show on animal planet and did some other shit I didn't read about. Evil JD went on to star next to Sarah Michelle McMuffin in that tittyless show "Buffy the Lesbian". Sure, Evil JD is famous and makes movies, but does he have a hot cohost? Nope!


"I'm evil JD and you're not, whore!"

Usually it is the evil twin that has the goatee, but JD wanted to break that stereotype of evil clones. Plus, the goatee is cool, and Evil JD doesn't have one. He just has some diseased arm in the top corner of his picture.

Life still isn't easy for JD. Though adored by millions, loved by billions, and consisting of trillions (Of atoms, that is. A little science humor for you.), JD still has his share of death threats from his evil counterpart. JD found this one in his Readers Digest that he was thumbing through on the can.

Dear JD,

I will kill you and eat you. I am a hungry boy

Sincerely,
Evil JD

JD hasn't let the threats from Evil JD bother him. He just enjoys his job with his naturally curvaceous cohost every night after Kilborn. When will you come out with a T-Shirt, JD?


THIS JUST IN

It seems that there is a third person claiming he is JD Roth. His name is Christian Tessier. He was in Battlefield Earth, which indicates that he is probably unemployed. Christian was also on a Nickelodeon show called "The Tomorrow People." Unfortunately, Christian probably won't have a job tomorrow. JD impersonators don't make money.

My sources inform me that getting blown on park benches is fucking cool. They also inform me that Christian is a bastard spawn that Fat Asshole created. Apparently, Fat Asshole took poop samples from JD while JD was in captivity. Then, he used it to create a third JD as a backup JD, in case Evil JD got too evil.

However, Christian Tessier (aka JD3) is running amok. Actually, he's not doing anything because he doesn't have a job or a hot cohost. He's like the failed third part of the JD trilogy. The first JD is the best, the second is nothing like the first, and the third just scrubs the series altogether. JD, if you ever run into JD3, get him a job doing low budget porn that involves a lot of foot sex. It'd be best for his career. America loves JD, but JD overkill is bad. So is getting fired at a restaurant for cleaning your penis in the oven. You rule JD.


Links to other celebrities...
JD Roth
Tony Randall
Natalie from Sports Night
Fred The Baker
Princess Stevenson
Christopher Walken
Rick Moranis


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