Every day in America, some piece of shit wakes up, bangs his brainless girlfriend, and beats off in front of a camera for an hour. Last time i tried to bang a brainless girl, they threw me out of the special ed room. I'm talking about celebrities.

However, not all celebrities are like Heath Ledger. There are some real kick ass mofos workin their shizzy in the bizzy. They've struggled through the hard times, faced mutant nazi robots from the 31st century, and were forced to watch a striptease from Janet Reno. These dudes were also nice enough to take the duct tape off their girlfriends' mouths.

I'd like to write short biographies on these humanitarians, these scholars, these people that are so clear, they don't exist. Wait...intellecutal humor from me? This doesn't seem right. Booger shit cunt ass.

JD Roth
Tony Randall
Natalie from Sports Night
Fred The Baker
Princess Stevenson
Christopher Walken
Rick Moranis


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