- Are baby red potatoes less holy than great, honkin' russets?
Russets do not honk. It's more of a squeak. But both baby red potatoes and great, squeakin' russets are equally holy.
- Why is my French teacher an evil hag?
She lost a bet with the German teacher.
- Mighty Potato, are you jealous of I, the Mighty Pup, Lord and Master of All that I Survey? How is it that the Mighty Pup has never met you in National Security Council meetings, MIT, the Vatican etc.?
The Potato suspects that others are jealous of Him, as he was never invited to these meetings.
- potato dude why are you calld the mightey potato
The Potato is not called "the mightey potato."
- Why are they called Buffalo wings?
They are called Buffalo wings because they are often made from the wing of the chicken.
- Why do they call shorts shorts and not pants-that-have-lost-their-legs?
Because shorts haven't lost their legs. That is a myth perpetuated by the hegemonic clothing majority in order to control the means of discourse and thereby perpetuate the fiber-based inequalities of the wardrobe. In reality, the totalitarian shirt regime stole the legs of the shorts, denying the shorts their right to legs because of the ethnocentric idea that "uncivilised" shorts had no basic leg rights.
- What was in the briefcase in the movie "Pulp Fiction"?
Probably advance videocasettes of the movie, as well as book adaptations and action figures. The Potato would make this response a bit more relevant to the movie, but He has never seen it.
- Is it right to speak in third person?
Only because English lacks a proper second person plural.
- "Why are my pants delicious?" ponders the powerful and wise Grunion.
It looks like the Grunion is tackling this question, so The Potato will leave it to him. Good luck!
- why dont the words "tomb" and "comb" rhyme?
They did rhyme until 1937, when Walt Disney, as a ploy to see how much control he had over the minds of his unsuspecting audience, used the film Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs to implant in the national brain that tomb should be pronounced "toom." Needless to say it was a great success.
- How many mullets are there in the whole world?
The current U.S. mullet arsenal is estimated at 3 million, but that may be cut to 2 million if the Senate ratifies the Strategic Mullet Reduction Treaty that President Clinton negotiated with Russia last fall.
- What is your oppinion on girls with super-short hair, does their resemblance to your own baby fine folicles stike you as blasphemous or just sexy?
In the hypothetical situation that The Potato had hair, it would not be described as "baby fine folicles."
- What is six times seven, oh mighty starch based tuber?
It's still six. There are just seven of them now, instead of just one.
- What do you have against anime, oh mighty tuber?
Anime is awful. That is what The Potato has against it. It hurts His many eyes to look at it.
- Whats your position on Hot & Spicy Buffalo Wings??
Buffalo wings should not be spicy enough to overpower the flavour of the blue cheese dressing, which is the reason one eats wings. Some brave souls get a spoon and eat the blue cheese dressing directly from the container, bypassing the messy wing experience.
- Can I set your hair on fire?
- How do you do those things you do?
Lots of duct tape, and a packet of Kool-Aid.
- Oh wise and merciful Potato, do you in turn worship at the altar of popular culture, or are you like the various false gods in this respect?
The Potato has not willingly paid attention to popular culture since 1985. However, certain aspects of popular culture are so irritating that they force themselves into His awareness. For this reason, He would like to offer sainthood to anyone who can invent a time machine and send NSYNC back in time so that they prevent their mothers from falling in love with their fathers, thereby negating their own existence. This will be of service even if they do manage to sing "I Want It That Way" at the Enchantment Under The Sea dance.
- How may I become like you, oh wise and merciful Potato?
That depends on what you want to become. When The Potato becomes a chip, He does it by immersing himself in hot grease. When The Potato wants to become a fun children's toy for a rainy day, He cuts a shape of some sort (star, smiley face, ground sloth, etc.) into his side, dips himself in poster paint, and stamps the design on a piece of paper.
- What color does a potato turn when you pour Iodine on it?
In the words of Dan Fowler, "When exposed to starch, iodine turns dark brown or blue-black."
- Oh great potato, will the Clarkson fans be as rude to the Colgate fans as the Cornell fans were?
No. Nobody is as rude as Cornell. For example, Clarkson has been working on a "Swanee River" chant similar to Cornell's "Hey Colgate! ... Die! ... Drop dead! ... Go home!" It goes something like this: "Hey Colgate! ... Please lose! ... Have mercy on us! ... We'll give you a cookie!"
- will Cornell win on 29th? hehe
Gary's roommate had a shoebox he liked. He really liked this shoebox. He taped it to the ceiling above its bed. One day the shoebox fell and almost hit him in the head. If you analyze that story numerologically, it spells out "Big Red Win." Good thing numerology is phony. 4-2 Raiders.
- O ye mighty Starch-Based Savior, how many games will Mike win in electronic baseball before somebody actually beats him?
The question is irrelevant. After Mike has won 14 games, Gary will become so frustrated down 8-2 in the top of the 6th inning of the 15th game that he will fly into a rage and smash the game.
- Mighty Potato, will the Pittsburgh penguins have a good season?
No. It has come to The Potato's attention that Jaromir Jagr made disparaging remarks about potatoes on 10/12/99. Therefore, The Potato has seen fit to smite his team. Furthermore, as a demonstration of His power, The Potato will give the Stanley Cup to the Tampa Bay Lightning.
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