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"And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short a camel load, but simply said..
"How, Dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable(UPS).
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich
Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one, Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land.
And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with
Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks. Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what
we have started is being taken over by others.
"And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay" he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are
and Dot replied,"Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO",
said Abraham. And that is how it all began.
=================
Ten Signs You Have Joined a Cheap HMO
10. Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudge cycles.
7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
6. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "An apple a day.
5. Your "Primary Care Physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
4. "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "M"s on them. And the Number 1 Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO is:
1. You ask for Viagra; you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.
======================
A U.S. Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week's liberty.
The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner: "Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's, coming of age party. I would like you to send four well mannered, handsome, unmarried officers.
They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies. One last point: No, Mexicans. We don't like Mexicans."
Sure enough, at 8 p.m. on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door. She opened the door to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling black officers. Her jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, "There must be some mistake!" "On no, madam," said the first officer, "Captain Martinez doesn't make mistakes."
====================
If you visit the Pentagon in Washington D.C. for two days in a row is that called repenting?
===============================
26 Signs That You've Already Grown Up
========================
a. Your potted plants stay alive
b. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd
c. You keep more food than beer in the fridge
d. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep
e. You hear your favorite song on the elevator
f. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel
g. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup
h. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7
i. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up.'
j. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids
next
door
don't know how to turn down the stereo
k. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around
you
l. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
m. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
n. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
o. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
p. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 pm.
q. Diner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning
of
one.
r. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
s. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not
condoms and
pregnancy test kits.
t. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff'.
u. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
v. Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi &
Ding , Dongs.
w. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never
going to
drink that much again."
x. Over 90 % of the time you spend in front of a computer is
for
real work.
y. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
z. You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't apply to you.
=================================
You are Kermit!
Though you're technically the star, you're pretty mellow and don't mind letting others share the spotlight. You are also something of a dreamer.
Take the What Muppet Are You? Quiz!
Beware of these new Viruses
The AL GORE virus: causes your computer to just keep counting.
The CLINTON virus: gives you a 7-inch hard drive with NO memory.
The BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus: makes a new hard drive out of an old
floppy.
The LEWINSKY virus: sucks all the memory out of your computer, then
e-mails everyone about what it did.
The RONALD REAGAN virus: saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
The JESSE JACKSON virus: warns you constantly about illegitimate file
reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background.
The MIKE TYSON virus: quits after two bytes.
The OPRAH WINFREY virus: your 300 MB hard drive shrinks to 100 MB, then
slowly expands to restabilize around 200 MB.
The JACK KEVORKIAN virus: deletes all old files.
============================================
Weird Things You Would Never Need to Know!!
* Butterflies taste with their feet.
* A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
* In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
* On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
* On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
* Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
*Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
*Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
* Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
* It's possible to lead a cow upstairs... but not downstairs.
* Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
* It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
*The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
* A snail can sleep for three years.
* No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."
* Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. - SCARY!!!
* The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
* All polar bears are left-handed.
* In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
* An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
* TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
* "Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
* If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
* A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
* The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
* Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
* Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.
Don't forget to pass these weird facts on to everyone you know. They will get a kick out of it !!
You tried to lick your elbow, didn't you?
The PROZAC virus: totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't
care.
The JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus: only attacks minor files.
The ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus: terminates some files, leaves, but will
be back.
and last but not least ...
The LORENA BOBBITT virus: reformats your hard drive into a 3.5-inch
floppy, then discards it through Windows.
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