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After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and said: "What can I get you, gorgeous?"
The woman blushed and replied: "If you're sure you don't mind, I'll have a big stiff one, please."
The man smiled, casually leaned over the table, and whispered into the woman's ear: "Would that be before or after I've got the drinks?"
Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed!
LARYNGITIS..?
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What
kinds of ice cream do you have?"
"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the blonde wheezed as she spoke,
patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.
"Do you have laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically.
"Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."
Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland.
After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said
"Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
Blonde, "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that
they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist, "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Blonde, "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best
thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist, "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde, "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist, "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde, "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code
keeps changing."
A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,"So...you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned and replied, "No".Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love making resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The love making ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks.. "You finish?"
And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says,
"No. "Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping.
Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish!?"
Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No!, I Norwegian."
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men
The police sergeant who is training them takes out a picture and asks the first blonde,
What do you notice about the man in this picture?"
The blonde says, "He only has one eye!"
The sergeant says "No, no, it's a side view."
Then he says to the second blonde, "What do you notice about this man?"
The 2nd blonde says, "He only has one ear!".
The sergeant says "Hello, it's a side view.
Geez!".
So the sergeant goes over to the last blonde and says, "What do you notice about this man?"
The final blonde says, "He wears contacts"
The sergeant goes to the FBI computer and looks the man in the picture up -sure enough - he wears contacts!
The sergeant totally amazed says, "How did you know that?"
The blonde says "Well, if he only has one eye and one ear, how can he wear glasses?"
Hellicopter
A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter.
The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio. So up the blonde went. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet.
The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was still running smoothly. At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods.
The Instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay. As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out. What happened? The Instructor asked. All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet.
What happened then? Well, began the blonde, I got cold. So I turned off the ceiling
fan
A couple were relaxing after their first lovemaking session when the man asked his blonde girlfriend, "Honey, am I the first man you have ever slept with?"
With an exasperated sigh, she replied, "Why does everybody always ask me that?!"
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