|
One day, a blonde went into an appliance store that was having a sale on TV's. She walked up to the counter and said to the clerk, "I would like to buy this TV."
The clerk replied, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes."
So, the blonde dyed her hair brown and returned the next day. Again, she went up to the counter and said, "I would like to buy this TV."
And again, the clerk answered, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes."
Puzzled, the blonde asked, "How did you know I was a blonde."
And the clerk said, "Because that is a microwave."
Two blondes are in a railway station.
"Can I take this train to Boston?" asks the first.
"No," answers the Railroad man.
"Can I?" asks the second blonde.
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
On the first day of their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new husband, a devout Catholic, had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent."
Almost in tears, she remarked,
"Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long
Three blondes (natural) died and found themselves standing before St. Peter.
He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.
The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.
The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.
The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me."
She said," Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him.
The Romans hung him on the cross and eventually he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a very large boulder . ..
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."
St. Peter fainted
A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work. She was just jumping for joy.
He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.
She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" He said,
"Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"
She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down. She told him that she was pregnant!
He was ecstatic! They had been trying for a long time. He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"
Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"
He asked, "What do you mean, 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked he how she knew.
She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the twin pack home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!"
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. - -
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. - -
The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." - -
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." - -
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from skipping."
GROANER!!!!
********
Motorhome!!!!!!!!
A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"
The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch." But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"
0Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize!"
The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!" And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads....
> > (Scroll down)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > (Keep going)
> >
> >
> >
> > (Here it comes)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > "W I N A B A G E L"
The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise.
"You need to make sure the dog runs around," the doctor said. "Try playing a game of fetch."
"I can't play fetch with my dog," the blonde said.
"Why not?" the doctor asked.
"Because," she replied, "He can't throw, duh."
|
|
