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There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo," she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!", the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if
he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would
get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then
today you expect me to show it to you!"
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local
park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: I
have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde. She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note....Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!
A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter.
The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet.
The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was running smoothly. At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down! It skimmed the top of some trees and crashed in the woods.
The Instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay. As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out. What happened?" the Instructor asked.
"All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?"
"Well," began the blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off that big fan."
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Blonde bowling team:
http://www.geocities.com/sf2u/ccards/ccard07.html
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? Its
guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person.
Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"
Feeling embarrassed the ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little */&# on your knee."
You ain't gonna believe this........ ___________________
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing constructionwork on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
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They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage!
If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to
jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I
get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna
sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef
and
cabbage and jumped to his death.
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The Mexican opened his! lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.
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The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to
his death
as well.
At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If
I'd known
how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never
would have
given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him
tacos or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. Are you ready
for
this....................
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"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."
The Baltimore Police Department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken aback by a recent incident.
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch clapped a hand to her head and moaned,
"I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND policeman!"
There is legend that goes like this: In a bar in New York, there is a magic mirror. If you go to it and tell it the truth, it will grant you a wish. If you lie - poof!!, it swallows you up.
A brunette, blonde and a redhead walk into the bar.
They head straight for the mirror and the redhead goes first. She says "I think I'm the most beautiful woman on Earth."
Poof!!- the mirror swallows her up.
The brunette goes up She says "I think I'm the sexiest woman on Earth."
Poof!!- the mirror swallows her up.
Last is the blonde. She says "I think........" Poof!!
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