Infamous Quotes 2002

Last Updated: December 31, 2002

Most Recently Updated Quotes are in Orchid for Easy Access!! Yes!!!

Note: Everyone on this page referred to as Zan, Munroe, Domingo, Delaveaga, Alisendro, Baloo, Zeus, Atilla, Jesus, Alexander, Ivan, Emmanuel, Aladdin, King Triton, and Al are all really just Alex Lagace, though he won't admit to it ;)

Me: "Mom, can I sit shotgun?"
Mom: "Monique...I don't have enough clothes, ok?!"

~~~

Mom: "Do you see that house with the pink garage? It looks so silly! I just want to go over there and leave a note-'Ridiculous!'"

~~~

*At Bishop's Charity Ball*
My Aunt Rose: "I've never seen so many priests in my life!"

~~~

*Kirsten telling story and describing scene at Andy's house*
Kir: "So, then Murphy got out of his seat and he said, 'Kirsten you can sit there'-"
Me (interrupting): "Wait...who's Murphy?!"
Kir: "The dog, stupid!"
Me: "Oh, I thought so, but then the way you said 'Murphy got out of his seat and he said' made it sound like he said it, and I was like, 'Why is the dog talking?!?'"

~~~

*Me, Cal and Kir, at the Vitals, Murphy the dog comes up to us*
Me (mimicking last quote): "Why is the dog talking?!?"
Kir (mimicking me): "Why is the dog talking?!?"
Cal: "What?"
Kir and I: "The dog's talking."
Cal (seriously): "What did he say?"

~~~

*Still at Vitals', watching TV, showing news clips*
Cal (points at Prince William on TV): "Snow!"
Us: "What?"
Cal (points to cops on TV): "See? Cops!"

~~~

*Watching Superbowl, Former Pres. Bush and some other guy were getting ready to do the coin toss*
Andrea (sees them standing): "They don't even get seats?!?"

~~~

"Why is there an 'R' on the referee's back? Does that mean there's an 'L' one too?" -Me

~~~

Rose: "Get him, get him!"
Me: "Rose, that was the replay."

~~~

"Oooh...there's my Brady bunch!" -Rose

~~~

*Watching Superbowl commercial that has football players in dresses*
Rose (seriously): "They don't have pants to wear?"

~~~

*Sees Lovie Smith, some football-defense-coordinater guy*
Rose (sing-songy): "I love you, Lovie...Lovie, what the frick kind of a name is that?!? Love you, Lovie."

~~~

"Lowell is the armpit of the world." -Cole's dad whil driving to Weezer/Saves the Day/Ozma concert.

~~~

"She gets more broadcast range than my radio station." Tim Stask on Kirsten and gossip

~~~

"Hey... I have an animal bio lab... so I just abbreviate it ab lab... so when you pronounce it all together it sounds like ABLAB! It's funny...hahahaha..." -Tracey

~~~

Andrea: "Mom, I'm going out with Ricky tonight."
Ti Fil: "Ricky, huh? So, Is Ricky his real name, or is it Michael??"
Andrea: "What? Nooo..."
Ti Fil: "Why isn’t it Michael? Oh, so it’s Richard."
Andrea: "No, it's Fredrick."
Ti Fil: "Fredrick! Where do you get Ricky from Fredrick?!"

~~~

*Robin talking to her aunt a couple years ago*
Aunt: "So! You're 27 now, huh?"
Robin: "No, I'm 25..."
Aunt: "No you're not! You were born in 1975!"
Robin: "Yes...that would make me 25."
Aunt: "25? Are you sure?!?"

~~~

*Online*
Me: "Heha"
Tim Stask: "Heha? What the hell is a heha? lol"
Me: "Yeah, it's a me and Kirsten thing."
Tim: "Its like a cross between a hehe and a haha...perhaps the hehe and the haha had a little mmhm going on..."

~~~

*Doing Chemistry experiment, waiting for something to heat*
Me: "Are the five minutes up yet?"
King Triton (looks at clock): "No, still got like 4 more to go."
Me: (a few minutes later): "It has to be five minutes now..."
King Triton (looking at clock): "No-(interrupts himself) Aw man! I've been looking at the hour hand!"

~~~

"I don't like it when there are things in my denominator!" -Ms. Lemieux, in a particularly giddy mood

~~~

Betsey: "I think I might want to go to college for Marine Archaeology or something..."
Me: "Marine Archaeology?!? What do you do, like build houses under the sea?!?" (I was thinking of Architecture :P)

~~~

*Eating lunch*
Me: "Can I have a sip of this? I need to get the fish taste out of my mouth."
Calindy (looks at straw): "Ugh! Don't put your mouth on my thing!!!"

~~~

Nicole to me: "You look like a flamingo..."
Jenny: (Lights up) "Oh my God, you DO! Maybe it's from ANCESTRY!!!"

~~~

"You make this world a better place. I am very proud to know you! Your friend always, Alan Shawn Feinstein" -A mass-produced poster in school (I feel like writing under it-'You don't know me, b-i-t-c-h...you don't even know my mutha!')

~~~

Andrew: "So I'm nervous about this date...I've never been on a date with someone I wasn't going out with..."
Me: "It'll be much like a date when you're going out with someone, except less..." *makes humping motion*

~~~

Kirsten: "Monique, do you have a tissue?"
Me: "Yes, but they're in my coat pocket."
Kirsten: "Does it work?"

~~~

"Oh, I ate too much!!! I try to eat right but all these carbs are in my face screaming, 'EAT ME!!!!!!'" -My Mom

~~~

Felipe: "Did you know that we have 5 feet of large intestine?"
My Mom: "5 feet? That's alot of shit..."

~~~

Felipe: "Did we lose the Vietnam War?"
Me: "...Yeah..."
Felipe: "No we didn't!!"
Me: "Yes, we did!"
Felipe: "When did this happen?!?"

~~~

Let me tell you a little story I heard...
*Nora, Abra, Jordan, and Jacci together*
Jacci: "I'm the only one here whose not blonde...I feel left out."
Jordan (who recently colored her hair): "I'm not blonde anymore." *Walks into a door*

~~~

*At lunch*
"Come on, milk...it just needs a shake...someone to believe in it!" -Bestey, shaking her milk

~~~

Al: "I need some meat on my bone...haha...I said it in the singular, like I only have one bone..."
Kirsten: "What bone would that be?" *Realizes what she's said and runs away laughing*
Me (calls after her): "Why, the most important bone of all..."

~~~

Me: "How long is your history paper?"
Laura: "Four pages...I could've kept going but I got hungry."

~~~

*Alexander and I talking about him playing guitar*
Me: "I think you should write a song for me."
Al: "I already did!"
Me: "No you didn't! I don't believe you."
Al: "Yes I did!! I wrote it last year when you asked me to in Biology. It's called...'A Tear For Little Portugal'..."

~~~

*Playing MASH at Liberal Club while waiting for our food...here's Felipe's MASH...*
He lives in a House in Tiverton with his 2 kids. He is a Principal who drives a Ninja motorcycle and is married to Christina Aguleira, whose a Lawyer...
My mom (seriously and eagerly): "Now Felipe, this is something you can actually achieve..."

~~~

Me: "Christina Aguleira is so dumb..."
My Mom: "Not if she's making the money..."
Me: "She's making money because she's a whore. She's dumb."
My Mom: "Not if she's using that to her advantage..."

~~~

*Andrea showing Ti Fil a picture of she and her boyfriend Ricky*
Ti Fil: "Why is he wearing a hat?"
Andrea: "...Why not?"
Ti Fil: "...Does he have hair?!"

~~~

"Open the door...(Andrea starts to open it)...No, the other way." -Wayne

~~~

*Excerpts From My Conversation with Pat Aguiar*
Pat: “....today i have a headache......”
Me: “ :-( I'm sorry”
Pat: “....i'm gonna get rid of it by catching a bat!!!.....”
Me: "...Just don't go Ozzie on it."
Pat: “....heh ....why?......”
Me: “Because, what did the bat ever do to you?”
Pat: “....nothing..... but who knows what it's capable of?.....”
Me: “Hmmm...you never know I suppose. But, you bite one bat, and before you know it you have like 978302985732 coming after you. And then your teeth start to hurt. Bats like to stick together, you know. So you better not chance it.”
Pat: “....yeah, shit....and they'll definately get caught in my hair......”
Me: “Yeah. And the with all that blood, you'll totally need to wash your hair. And, really, who needs that?”
Pat: “....yeah!!!....hey wait.....i wash my hair!!!... heh......”
Me: “Well, I don't. Pssh.”
Pat: “....heh..... wait, you don't?.....”
Me: “No. Only when things start growing. Cuz like, it's my hair, not habitat for humanity.”
Pat: “....hahaha.......”
Me: “Hahaha, you realize I'm joking, I hope.”
Pat: “....that was funny, but i don't know what i means......yeah, of course i know you’re kidding *hopes she'll believe the lie*.....”
Me: “Hahahaha. Like it's not a habitat for birds and stuff. I don't need insects living with me. No vacancies.”
Pat: “....oh.....”

~~~

“There was an Italian girl in my elementary school named Monica...she was pretty so I told her I loved her country's salad dressing. She enjoyed the complement. Too bad stuff like complementing somebody's native country's salad dressing only works in the third grade...” –Pat

~~~

*Stolen from Mallory's Page*
*At Academic Decathlon Meeting*
Meaghen: "When we do our interviews we should all have different personalities. Katelyn can be the prostitute, I'll be the drug addict, Mallory can just be drooling everywhere... and Ben and Justin can be just Ben and Justin."
Me: "... And I can be the rock fanatic. You know, everytime they ask a question, I can be like, 'Oh that reminds me of this awesome Pink Floyd song. Their lyrics speak to my soul...Pink Floyd rocks!'"

~~~

*At Academic Decathlon, doing the Interview*
Lady: "So I see here that it says you work at the Cross i'd Cow Ice Cream Parlor-"
Timer Guy (Lou): "Time's up..."
Lady: "Oh, I just have to ask this question! WHATTYPEOFICECREAMSELLSTHEMOST?!?"
Me: "Uhhh...vanilla..."
Lady: "I KNEW IT!!! (to other interviewers) See?! I told you!"

~~~

"I grew up with the Civil War." -Kirsten

~~~

"So as you go across the period they get smaller...what's up with that?" -Mr. Drewniak

~~~

Mrs. Holbrook: "Where's Shelby?"
Sam: "She's not in today."
Mrs. H: "Oh?"
Sam: "Yeah, I think she's sick."
Mrs. H: "Ok *Begins to take attendance* Is Samantha here?"

~~~

*At Veterans Memorial Auditorium*
Kir (looks around): "It would be really nice to have sex in here..."
Me (pause): "...Yeah...it would!"
Kir: "You could just take all the velvet off the seats and make it into a bed and put it onstage."
Me: "No, I'd rather just roll down the aisles."
Kir: "How would you do that?!"
Me (grin): "Oh, I could make it happen."

~~~

Me: "Everytime we start to get one iota of what Mr. Drewniak is teaching he gives us a test..."
Robby: "Wow, iota. That's a big word."
Me: "It only has two syllables!"

~~~

*Mr. Drewniak talking about how he played basketball in college*
Robby: "Where did you play college at?"

~~~

*In Chem, discussing the girls' numbers Meaghen found in Al's wallet*
Meg: "Oh, and there was one from a girl named Ashley."
Me: "Ashley! You told me about an Ashley last year! Did you ever like her?"
Al: "Yeah..."
Me: "I knew it! Haha, did you ever hook up?"
Al: "No..."
Me: "I didn't think so, you're not the hook up type..."
Al: "We did share a cocktail though..."
Me: "Oh, did you?"
Al: "Yeah. Mine's was the cock and her's was the tail."

~~~

"Foolish egg! How dare you think your power is greater than mine?!" -Something I overheard Felipe say in a weird evil Merlin-accent

~~~

Me: "All generalizations are false."
Eric: "So wouldn't that be a generalization, too?"
Me: "...Damnit!"

~~~

Al: "Do you think you could grow a moustache?"
Me: "What?!?"
Al: "Well, I just figure you can, because you're so Portuguese."

~~~

"Disneyworld is bigger than the HIGH SCHOOL!!" - Amanda

~~~

*Andrea leaving her house*
Aunt Rose: "Where are you going?"
Andrea: "I'm going to the hospital to visit Ricky. He had his appenidix taken out."
Rose: "OHHH!!! (puts her hand on her chest) Do I need to get that taken out too?!"
Andrea: "Noo...I think it's down in your right side, actually."
Rose: "Oh! Because I have this pain in my left side..."
Andrea: "No, it's definitely the right side..."
Rose: "But...what if it's big?!?"

~~~

*On the phone with Andrea, my Ti Fil and cousin Robin are in the room with her*
Me: "Have Robin guess what I got on my SATs!" (Andrea tells her to guess)
Robin: "Well, what's the highest score? I haven't taken those in a long time..."
Andrea: "1600 is the highest, and there's two categories, verbal and math."
Ti Fil: "Oh! So she got 1000 on one and 800 on the other!"

~~~

*Taking pictures at Kates before Prom*
"Ok everyone, sexy picture!" -My mom

~~~

Mom: "Monique, let me take a picture of the back of your dress! It's so pretty!"
Me: "O..k...but Calindy's taking it with me!" (the back of her dress is the same as mine)
*Calindy and I stand facing the limo looking back at the camera, laughing at how weird my mom is*
Mom: "Oh, Calindy! That was a sexy pose!!"

~~~

*Talking about crazy people in our families*
Calindy: "...so she wanted to be wicked religious, and NOW she plays the HARP!"

~~~

"Hold me closer, anal prancer!" -Shelby (singing to "Tiny Dancer")

~~~

*Talking about how I have well water*
Genna: "You have well water?!?"
Me: "Yeah...it's not like a big well in my backyard...it's pumped.”
Genna: "From where?!?"
Me: "...under...ground..."
Genna: "But where does it come from?"
Me: "Underground...water naturally exists underground. If you dig deep enough you'll find water almost anywhere."
Genna: "But isn't your water dirty then?!"

~~~

“-2 + 1 = -17” -Excerpt from Andrea Medeiros’s math homework

~~~

“Adios, I gotta go to sleepo...You might say ...I'm sleepy like the wolf?” –Mike J

~~~

“I can’t drink Fruit2O…it tastes too much like water.” –Calindy

~~~

*Talking to Stask on the phone*
Calindy: “Let me talk to him!! Let me talk to him!!!”
Kirsten: “He’s on SPEAKERPHONE, Calindy!”

~~~

*At National Honor Society Nominee meeting*
Somebody: “If we get picked to represent one of the four qualities, will we have to write a speech?”
Mr. Will: “Nah…the speeches are all already written…and nobody listens to what you’re saying anyway. You could go up there and say “peanut butter marshmallow peanut butter marshmallow, courtroom scene! Courtroom scene!” and they wouldn’t even notice.”

~~~

Nathaniel: “This is the longest movie on the face of the earth!”
Ms. Berube: “On the face of the parrot?!?”

~~~

Katie: "Duck...duck...duck...goose! Shelby you have to pick a goose now!!"
Shelby: (Pauses) "...I just want a doughnut..."

~~~

"Let me have your pooh." -Jenn M.

~~~

*Some kid at our lunch table making fun of some girl*
Me: "That's terrible!"
Meg: "Don't say things like that about people!!"
Kid: "Look at this! I'm getting riticized ova hea!"
Everyone else: "Riticized?? That's not a word!"
Kid: "Yes it is!! Look it up in the dictionary!!"

~~~

"DILDO?!?" -Mrs. Holbrook, upon seeing the song title "What the Dillio?"

~~~

*In Florida, taking pictures, a British family is near us*
British lady: "Now Thomas, the next time you take a picture, the word you're going to say is 'sausage'."

~~~

"If, God forbid, you lose this thing (holds up program with NHS pledge on it) just stand up there and say, "peanut butter marshmellow peanut butter marshmellow, courtroom scene, courtroom scene!", and move your damn lips, lipsync, like it's karokee at the Lil' Bear!" -Mr. Will, NHS Rehearsal

~~~

*At Applebees, I'm in the middle of ordering*
Waiter (Will): "Dude...are you guys from Tiverton??"
Andy and I: "Umm...yeah..."
Will: "Were you guys at that party last night?!"
Andy: "You mean...the one at my house?"
Will (confused for a second): "Yeah!! At your house!! I knew you guys looked familiar!!"
*Will leaves*
Me: "Who WAS that??"
Andy: "I've never seen him before in my life..."

~~~

*Talking about colleges and careers*
Nora: "I'm thinking about going into Fashion Marketing."
Me: "What is that, exactly?"
Nora: "I don't know, it just sounds cool...and then I was thinking I could get into politics...I've always wanted to be the first woman President! I could do fashion marketing and be like, President on the side!"

~~~

*Jenn M. talking about the KKK*
Jess Viera: "What's the KKK?!"
Jenn: "You don't know what the KKK is?!?"
Jess: "I don't listen to that type of music!!"
*Jenn explains the KKK to her, later*
Jess (to someone else): "I found out what the KKK Clan was today..."
Jenn: "THE CLAN IS ALREADY IN THERE!!!"

~~~

*Handing out Chem final exam*
Mr. Drewniak: "No suicide notes, please...no dying in the room. NO dying in the ROOM!"

~~~

Erin: "I really want a relationship, but it's so frustrating!"
Me: "Yeah really! You can't find guys to have actual relationships with...we should just get guys to have fun with."
Sara: "Yeah, we should all just pimp it. We can go to the beach and pick up guys.......I HAVE A BEACH HOUSE!!!"
All of us: YES!! *High five*

~~~

"Sunday is coming... What time are YOU going to Mass???? ;-)" -Robbie's away message

~~~

*Three "dateable" looking guys in baseball uniforms come in and order ice cream*
Guy #1: "I left a dollar tip, now you have to too!"
Guy #2: "Ok..."
Guy #3: "Shh!! They can HEAR you!!"
*Erin, Sara and I just look at each other and laugh*

~~~

"Oooh! SOMEBODY's got their moody pants on!" -Sara Chase

~~~

Mike G: "Did I ever tell you about squeezing my buffalo?"
Me: "Uhhh...nooo..."
Mike G: "Oh...ok...nevermind, then..."

~~~

Mike G: "I told you that story, didn't I?"
Me: "Yes, you did."
*Mike proceeds to tell story all over again*

~~~

"I've been playing with so many animals lately..." -Mike G

~~~

*I'm in the middle of a sentence, Mike interrupts me*
Mike G: "Wait, wait, wait...I just have one thing to say *in high pitched voice*... Guh-wow-wah!!"

~~~

Mom: "Felipe, you can't go to bed with socks on your feet!! They need to breathe!"
Felipe: "But Mom-"
Mom: "They NEED to BREATHE, ok?!?"

~~~

*We drive up to a gas station that's closed*
My Mom: "You're closed?! It's 10 o'clock on Friday night, you fricken retards!!"
Me: "Say 'fricken retards' again!"
Mom: "Hahahahaha...fricken retards..."

~~~

*At Yearbook camp, this guy named Mike from Walden, Mass was looking through our yearbook*
Mike: "What languages do they teach in your school?"
Me: "French, Spanish, and Portuguese."
Mike: "Portugese?! Wow...do you have alot of Puerto Ricans at your school?"

~~~

*At yearbook camp, we are in a class on developing the Theme of a yearbook*
Instructor: *Looks at example that he is about to use* "Well, I think this school was on crack..."

~~~

*My aunt has bought an Oreck vaccuum and is opening the box*
Ti Rose: "Where's the ball?!"
Andera: "What ball...?"
Ti Rose: "The ball they have in the commercial!! I thought it came with it!"

~~~

*Andrea, Robin, and I standing around with our hair down, my dad is grilling a like 15 feet away*
Ti Rose: "OOH!! You girls have to put your hair up! Your hair will fly in the food!!"
Robin: "But Rose, we're outside...a leaf could fall in the food, or a bug easier than our hair could..."
Rose: "OH! But you eat bugs, you don't eat hair!!"
Robin: "...I do?"
Rose: "YES! Bugs are good for you!"

~~~

Felipe: "Ask me if I'm a cat."
Me: "No..."
Felipe: "Ask me if I'm a cat!"
Me: "Are you a cat?"
Felipe: "No."
*Five minutes later*
Felipe: "Ask me if I'm a doughnut!!"
~~~

Me: "Mom, can I have a Eurotech {me and Kirsten's dance club} in the basement?"
My Mom: "Whatever, Monique...as long as you're home!"

~~~

Sara: "What is it with you and college boys?!"
Me (quoting 'Clueless'): "DUH! Searching for a guy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie."

~~~

*After my mom tasted my Mocha Frappuccino from Starbucks*
My Dad: "How was it?"
My Mom: "Mmm, better than sex!"
Me: "MOMMM!!!!"
My Mom: "Well, Monique, now you know!!"

~~~

*My mom and I walking by some random guy in Newport, he's talking to his friends*
Random Guy (loudly): "Everybody's getting pregnant, and I haven't even gotten LAID yet!!! That makes me SOO ANGRY!!!!"

~~~

*Walking by a shop with a painting of some blue flowers in the window*
Robin: "Wow, what a pretty picture."
My Mom: "Yeah, you don't see too much blue in paintings."

~~~

*At Chorus Camp...it is 1:30 AM and some random guys are making noise outside so Jenn M and I look to our windows*
Jenn (calling out to them): "Be cool about fire safety!"
Me: "Be cool!!"

~~~

*At Chorus Camp*
Amanda: "You guys, Meghann's out there waiting for us."
Katie R: "Meghann's in the rainforest?!"
*We laugh, 10 minutes later*
Vicky: "OOH, I GET it! It's like the rainforest, cuz it's humid outside...?"

~~~

*Still Chorus Camp* *Tom demonstrating self-defense techniques*
Tom: "Give me a situation where you would need self defense."
Barbara: "Someone is trying to rape you!"
*Christian, his ass't, steps forward to be the bad guy*
Tom: "Ok, so if someone is trying to rape you, they're obviously going to attack from behind..."
*Everyone pees in their pants as Christain 'attacks Tom from behind'*

~~~

*Next two quotes stolen from Jenn's Page. Sorry Jenn, I LOVE YOU! You can steal my quotes anytime!!!*

"What the hell?? Beef?? Is that a word? That's not a word...oh wait..." –Me, reading "deaf" misspelled as "beaf"

~~~

*I had some ice cream that I didn't want. I asked around if anyone wanted it and they all said no. Jenn Moniz didn't hear me.*
Me: "Hey Jenn, want this ice cream?"
Jenn: "OHHHHHH, sure...give the fat girl the ice cream. Everyone sees the fat chick and assumes she’s hungry or she'll eat anything! Thanks Monique!!!"

~~~

*Sara from the Cow always sees Cole around in his red SAAB and she tells me about her sightings when we're at work. We're at work talking about him*
Rich (our boss): *Walks in* "I seen the red head driving the red car today."

~~~

"I saw Cole driving today!! You really can't miss him..." -Erin, from work

~~~

"HAHAHA!!! TWO REDHEADS IN A READ CAR!!!" -Me upon seeing Jenn and Cole in Cole's sexy red Saab

~~~

"HAHAHA!!! TWO REDHEDS ON A TRAMPOLINE!!!" -Me upon seeing Jenn and Cole on Jenn's tampoline

~~~

"HAHAHA!!! TWO REDHEADS!!" -Me upon seeing Jenn and Cole anywhere near each other

~~~

"I hate it when the computer says 'Press any key to continue' because I can never figure out which one is the 'any' key..." -Felipe

~~~

*Sara Cook and I talking about webpages*
Me: "You should start one on Tripod, they look snazzier, I kinda wish I'd started mine there."
Sara: "Switch it!...my ears are itchy."

~~~

*Stephen makes a banana split, serves it to the customer*
Customer: "Ummm...you forgot the banana..."

~~~

*Listening to B101 at work*
DJ: "B101, Good times, great oldies! Up next we have a new song by Elvis...!"

~~~

*My boss Rich talking about how his friend knew Elvis*
Rich: "Elvis would still be alive if I knew him!! All those drugs he took -- I would've talked him down!"

~~~

"SUGAR IN THE RAW!" -The label on packages of table sugar at Brick Alley Pub

~~~

*Erin talking about her family*

Erin: "And I have 13 cousins-"
Me: "You have 13 cousins?!"
Erin: "Yeah..."
Me: (thinks) "OHMYGOD ME TOOO!!!!"
Both of us: "THIRTEEN COUSINS!!!" *High five*

~~~

*Erin and I teasing Stephen*
Erin: "Oh, I'm just joshin'."
Stephen: "And I'm just Stephen..."

~~~

Rich: "This sherbet would be really good on top of a fruit cup."
Genna: "Guys...what's a fruit cup?"

~~~

*A lady with a British accent comes in to the Cow*
Rich (After she leaves): "Genna calls her the lady that speaks English..."

~~~

*Rich talking about how our electric bill is so high and the ice cream freezers use up so much energy*
Genna: "Uncle Richie, why don't you just turn the freezers off at night?"

~~~

Me: "He said that was a wicked good movie."
Jenn: "He said you have a wicked cute boobie?!"

~~~

"I don't want people to remember me for my arms." -Kirsten

~~~

Mike James (IMing me): "Yep yep"
Me: "hey hey"
Mike: "Ya know you are a true man when you drink root beer out of a peanut butter jar!"

~~~

*Talking about 80s Tech outfits*
Sara Chace: "im gonna need some serious help"
Me: "haha"
Sara: "this is no laughing matter!"
Sara: "im going to an 80s tech!"

~~~

*Online*
Andrew: "Hey."
Me: "Hey! Not much!"

~~~

"Boys are stupid, Boys are dumb, Boys keep me from having fun! ...Stay away from us, you slimeballs!" -Erin (not from the Cow haha)

~~~

"Why can't I stop farting?!" -Jenn

~~~

"Sometimes I think I'm the only one who poops." -Jenn

~~~

*Painting our names on the road*
Lindsey H: "I NEED BLACK PAINT!! I NEED BLACK PAINT!! I wrote Class of 2002!"

~~~

*Old quote*
*Walking around Barnes and Nobles at BU with Brian*
Brian: "And you can get all your school books here, too...*looks at copy of 'Men In Black II' on table*...This is required reading. You'll need to know all the words to 'Nod Ya Head.'"

~~~

Felipe: "I'm gonna have a garage band! Wayne's gonna be in it!!"
Me: "Ooh! Can I sing in it? Can I sing?!"
Andrea: "I wanna play the trampoline!!!"

~~~

"Mae, I don't think those spaghetti straps are working for you. I think you need some lasagna noodles." -Mr. Fezette, enforcing school dress code.

~~~

*My mom starts to flip out on me*
Me: "MOM! Calm your ass down!!"
Mom: "What does my ass have to do with being calm?!?"

~~~

Me: "So was that guy that came in to my work with you on Saturday your cousin's boyfriend?"
Al: "Yeah...they're getting married in January...you should come to the wedding!!"

~~~

*Serving some old guy at my work, he was really sketchy*
Me: (Giving him his ice cream) "Can I get you anything else?"
Old guy: "Yeah, YOU!"

~~~

Matt P: "Dude, I hate Chinese food, it's all cat!!"
Laura: "Nuh-uh, there's no chicken in it!"

~~~

*A quote in my planner reads: Some people know lots more than they tell. Some don't.*
Kirsten (reads this): "Some people know lots more before they fall."

~~~

*Kirsten is flipping through my planner*
Kir: "Your birthday is on a Thursday this year!"
Me: "No it's not, it's on a Wednesday."
Kir: "It says Thursday right here..."
Me: "I swear to God it's on a Wednesday...let me see. (I grab planner) OH MAN!! I wrote my birthday on the wrong day!!"

~~~

*At work with Erin, it's about 9:00 and the phone rings.*
Erin: "Hello, Cross i'd Cow."
Caller: "What time are you open till?"
Erin: "10:00."
Caller: "Oh, that's good, 'cause I hear you have cow-licious things there!"
Erin: "Yeah...we...do."
Caller: "Oh, ok, I'm coming from Westerly so I'll be there."
Erin: "Ok."
Caller: "Where are you located exactly? I'm coming from Westerly."
*Erin explains*
Caller: "Ok, good. I'll be there, I'm coming from Westerly."
Erin: "Alright..."
Caller: "Bye!"
He never did show up... :(

~~~

"It's dark in here without the lights on." -Stephen

~~~

*Nick Lima, the older one, comes into our work and tells Sara and I to just be creative in a Sundae we're making for him...it ended up have cookies and peanut butter and crazy stuff!*
Sara and I: "So how's that Sundae?!"
Nick: "Oh my God...If I had to choose between this and sex, I'd pick this like 8 times!!"

~~~

*Doing a Bio lab*
Laura: "Monique, go get the mortar and pestal."
Me: "What is that?"
Laura: (Points) "That."
Me: "How much??"

~~~

Ray: "I weigh 160 (?) pounds."
Derrick: "You do?! Where's all your feet?!"

~~~

*Talking about Dupre's obsession with cats*
Andrea: "She calls her BOYFRIEND Kitty!!"
Mrs. Williamson: "I don't know about that..."
Andrea: "We heard her! She called him and she was like, 'Hey Kitty...'"
Mrs. Will: "Maybe she was talking to her cat."

~~~

Mrs. Busse: "What do you call it when plants are wilting?"
Me: "Flaccid!" (pronounced 'flackid')
Laura and Carlin: "Hahaha, it's flaccid!" (Pronounced 'flassid')
Me: "It had 2 C's!! I didn't know what to do!"

~~~

"Sometimes when I stretch I forget to breathe." -Eric

~~~

"It's so quick - it's like you pee and it's over!" -Me

~~~

*Some girl is spinning around on the floor*
Ms. Bergeron: "She is obviously not aware that crack kills."

~~~

Me: "Mom, you need to sign this thing...here's a pen."
*Mom looks at paper hesitating to sign*
Me: "Mom, just sign it!!"
Mom: "Monique! I was just thinking what my name was..."
Me: "Oh my God, Quote Page!!"
Mom: "Wait, no! I was just kidding..."

~~~

*In Lisa's car going home from PC. Keith is with us, he came up for the concert but we haven't had a chance to talk to him.*
Keith: "So, Monique, was your boyfriend from All-State there?!"

~~~

*Doing a Bio lab, Mrs. Busse asks Carlin to go into Mr. Drewniak's room and get the distilled water. We're all joking around and Carlin goes to get it all sneaky-like. He comes back with a HUGE jug of distilled water that he can barely carry.*
Courtney (excited): "Did you get it?!?"

~~~

*Reading astrology things about Felipe*
Me: "Your Karma sign is like the life-lesson you have to learn or have to deal with..."
Felipe: "Watch me have a life lesson of fricken...take out the trash..."

~~~

"I have a motherload of candy!" -Robyn, age 6

~~~

*In AP Literature doing a worksheet on Crime and Punishment with Betsey*
Me: "Another mistake he made was keeping the bloody socks..."
*We both write this down*
Bestey: "Hmm...I haven't written 'socks' in a long time. It looks funny."
*I look over to her paper*
Me: "Maybe that's because it's spelled 's-o-c-k-s' and not 's-o-x-s'..."

~~~

"My dad is a substance abuse counselor..." -Sara Chase

~~~

"We had a date in the library B period! It was like a candlelight dinner, only just talking!" -Kate

~~~

Me: "I still only talk to him online, which is kinda cheesy, but I get to screen him out first."
Nikkii: "IMs...screen...oh my God...that's such a bad pun."

~~~

Mrs. Busse: "Are you ready to take notes?"
Me: "I am SO ready!! Can I borrow a pen from anyone?"

~~~

"Halfway there! Only 75% more to go!" -Carlin taking notes in Bio

~~~

"Who needs daylight savings time?! The only reason we do it is because we don't want little kids to go to school in the dark - but what do kids like better than candy? Flashlights!!" -Derrick (G-Funk)

~~~

"So yeah, Jenn..........OH MY GOD! You have two different colors of eyeshadow on!!" -Me

~~~

"Let me tell you something...Canada doesn't exist. Canada is a small island off the coast of New York." -Ray

~~~

*Andrea calls me one night*
Andrea: "Hello?"
Me: "Hey! How are you?"
Andrea: "I'm great! How are you?"
Me: "Pretty good!"
Andrea: "Is it 9:41 or 8:18?"

~~~

In Portuguese newpaper's Comic Section: "SUPA MANNY!"

~~~

"We're all pimps and hoes...this is my world." -Ice-T on TV

~~~

Tyler Banville: "Yeah, I'm 90% French and 10% Indian..."
Bryant Cleary: "You know the French and the Indians had a war, right?"

~~~

*Mr. Gingras, our church Choir director, passes out a Polish Christmas Carol at reahearsal.*
Mr. Gingras: "Monique, you've never sung this song before, but it's very easy. It really is a Polish Christmas carol."

~~~

Andrea T: "Our watches are almost the same!"
Felipe: "Yeah, except Monique's doesn't have any numbers on it...it doesn't say anything on it."
Me: "It says GUESS on it, aka guess-what-time-it-is-because-I'm-not-going-to-tell-you!!"

~~~

BtchAssPlayaHata: "hey"
ElScorcho459: "Hi"
BtchAssPlayaHata: "hi"
ElScorcho459: "Who is this?"
BtchAssPlayaHata: "sumone u dn't kno....sry...a/s/l?"
ElScorcho459: "16/f/Missouri" [sic]
BtchAssPlayaHata: "oh"
BtchAssPlayaHata: "sry"
BtchAssPlayaHata: "i thought u were male...."
BtchAssPlayaHata: "but can we talk neway?? jus as friends"

~~~

"Doesn't "apostrophe" sound like a philospher's name or something? When I have a kid I'm going to name him Apostrophe!! That will be so cool." -Ray

~~~

*IM from 11/30/02* Mike James: "Happy B-Day"
Mike: "Meow"
Me: "haha hey...thanks..."
Me: "it was month ago, but the thought still counts"
Mike: "Wait were not in october?"
Me: "but it was exactly a month ago, so it's close! haha"
Me: "November"
Mike: "OMG"
Mike: "So wait, if this is november..."
Mike: "We stand on the threshold of December?"
Me: "tomorrow"
Mike: "Jesus..."
Mike: "...this is insane"

~~~

Me: "He’s the Best Dancer in the World!!"
Rose: "Ooh. He’s a stripper?"
Me: "WHAT?!? ROSE!!"
Rose: "Well, if he’s the best dancer in the world, that means he’s good at every kind of dancing!"
Me: "Oh my God…quote page!!!" (I jump up to write it down.)
Rose: "Oh look…she has to go pee."

~~~

*Talking about racial slurs Kim has heard her History teacher say*
Robin: "He shouldn’t teach History…he should teach…ignorance!!"

~~~

"Oh God, women are like chickens." –Robin

~~~

"And it was so cute because you could tell he was all nervous and I was just like ‘Awwww…it’s ok. I only bite in a frisky sort of way!’" –Me

~~~

"That's the only thing we don't agree on, they don't go for the ass." -Kirsten (completely out of context, haha)

~~~

*Online*
Tim: "I didn't think it would be that bad, the distance that is."
Me: "Yeah..."
Tim: "Jeez...it's really not that far."
Me: "Well, she might as well be in Japan for all you've seen her, ya know? The only distance that matters is 'here'."
Me: "HA!!! That sounds like an emo song lyric!"

~~~

Mom: "Monique, are these red socks to wash?"
Dad: "Red Sox?!? The Red Sox aren't playing anymore!"

~~~

"You have that internet thing, right? Is it true that you get jokes every day??" -Nick's grandmother

~~~

"If my mother were alive, she'd die!!" -Nick's gramma

~~~

*My Daily Horoscope from astrocenter.com*
"Dear Monique,
A family member may be absent from home without any explanation, Monique. This might worry everyone else, and not without reason. However, it's best to stay calm and go the usual route: phoning friends, colleagues, extended family - anyone who might know where this person is. Probably all is well. Your family member has probably been preoccupied and therefore neglected to let anyone in the household know what was happening with him or her. Hang in there!"

~~~

“It’s easier when you think about the Civil War time, but here in the year 2000…” –Mr. Arcouette

~~~

*Doing class participation in French, Derrick is about to speak*
Derrick: (Clears throat) “Sorry, my voice is going south—“
*Mr. DeSousa walks to the back of the room behind Derrick and everyone*
Derrick: “What are you doing?”
Mr. DeSousa: “You said your voice was going South. I’m just getting ready in the South position…”

~~~

DeSousa: “What was the name of that musical? It was about the flight of the Jews or something…”
Ray: “Was it The Sound Of Music?”

~~~

“Some army guy called my house the other day and kept trying to get me to join, and I was like, ‘No. You don’t understand. I’m going to go to college and marry rich. If I join the army, I won’t be able to walk into Gucci and buy whatever I want – that’s my goal.” –Nora

~~~

*Talking about Nick*
Calindy: “Who is he?”
Me: “He’s a junior at UMass Dartmouth—“
Sam: (Just tuning in) “Oooooh, DJ Nick.”
Calindy: “Did you meet him on the phone??”

~~~

“When I was little, I always thought that song said, ‘Hold me closer, Tony Danza.” –Lauren

~~~

*Arcouette walks into our AP Bio class*
Arcouette: “Mrs. Busse, do you know where Mrs. DeSantis went?”
Busse: “No…I haven’t seen her…”
Arcouette: “You were walking with her this morning…”
Busse: “…No…”
Arcouette: “Oooohhh…(starts to leave) sorry…..it must be the drugs I’m taking……….(gets to the door)…..I’m just kidding…”

~~~

Mom: “Monique, I’m sick of you writing down all these quotes, I forbid you!”
Me: “You can’t DO that!”
Mom: “I’ll go on the computer and erase them!”
Me: “They’re on the INTERNET.”
Mom: “…I’ll go up stairs and unplug the computer!!”

~~~

Me: (Imitating Carlin’s quote) “’Halfway done, only 75% more to go!’”
Mom: “That’s like saying, ‘These women go shopping with their carriages and their 6 kids from 7 different fathers…(laughs hysterically…calms down) I didn’t say that, Monique.”

~~~

*Talking about recipes*
Sherri: “And you use the fresh bread crumbs to stuff the shrimp…”
Guy: “Oh, no, that sounds too complicated. Can you just buy bread crumbs?”
Mom: “Can’t you just buy toasted bread?” (is the only one laughing)
Me: “Mom, you’re so not funny.”
Mom: “Monique, be quiet, yes I am.”

~~~

Andrea M.: “Oh no! I spelled ‘cycle’ wrong. I spelled it ‘cycly’.”
Laura: “That’s ok. I spell stuff all the time.”

~~~

“Those damn nuns are still here!” –Mr. Gingras, looking down at pews during choir rehearsal

~~~

Mom: “Why do you want to join model rocketry? Why do you want to spend $10 to do something like that??”
Felipe: “Because you get to build rocketships…”
Mom: “You want to build bombs, you mean.”

~~~

Me: “I can only go to your basketball game if I sneak in…I don’t even have $2…”
Derrick: “……………………………….Do you want butterscotch pudding?”

~~~

"This is going to be our last song, but not really cuz we're just gonna go offstage and if you guys clap and stuff we'll come back." –Ryan of Guster

~~~

*Kate and I get to AP US really late*
Arcouette: “What? You think you’re gonna come over here late and smile and I’m supposed ta freakin’ like melt??”

~~~

“I got 2 words for my girls who got accepted to PC. Actually, it’s 3 words: Development of Western Civilization.” –Mr. Arcouette

~~~

“London is in France!” –Jacci Sherman

~~~

“Why don’t you get Andrew some wine for Christmas? “-My Mom

~~~

“I’m just putting this nail polish on for a sheen…not Martin or Charlie Sheen…just a pink sheen!” –Robin

~~~

“Oooh, Monique, that’s a nice hat, that looks good on you. You can wear it even when it’s not too cold, to decorate your head.” –Mom

~~~

“When am I getting married?? ….Ooooohh, August 7th…” –Andrea

~~~

*Driving to Dartmouth Mall*
Kirsten: “Jenn, your gas is on E…”
Jenn: “I know! My car’s magic, it always runs on E.”
Me: “Forever!”
Jenn: “Yep. I never put gas in it.”
*We drive past exit for the mall*
Kir: “Where are we going?”
Jenn: “I hafta get gas!”
Me: “I though your car never needed any gas!”
Jenn: “It doesn’t fly on fairy fumes!”

~~~

*Overheard*
Kate: “What’s the donkey’s name?”
Shelby: “Jessy!”
Kate: “I already have a friend named Jessy, he fixes my car...can the donkey fix cars?”
Shelby: “No!”
Kate: “Then they must not be related!”

~~~

*Online*
Jenn: ive been waiting for you to come on!
Me: awww!!!”
Jenn: i have to ask you a question
Me: ok
Jenn: ya know when it smells and you wonder if you farted and didnt even know or if it just smells?
Me: HAHAHAHAH yeah
Jenn: ok
Me: you were waiting for me to sign on just to ask me that?
Jenn: yup

~~~

*At mall*
Nicole: (Whispering and pointing) “That shirt has no pants on!!”

~~~

“I have my voice dial all set up now, so I can just say ‘Nicole!’ and you’ll be there, just like you’re my bitch.” –Me

~~~

<*<* MORE WICKED SPLETZER STUFF TO COME! *>*>