Pearl's VW in space

Mike Nelson Riffs

The Return of Brilliant Commentary Wedded to Not-So-Brilliant Movies

Mike Nelson returns with all-new full-length running commentaries for more recent movies. Sometimes Tom or Crow T. Robot show up to help.
Note: episode descriptions are borrowed from the official RiffTrax website. If you would rather read them there go ahead. See if I care.
I didn't want to be a barber, I wanted to be a lumberjack

Battlefield Earth by L. Ron Hubbard starred John Travolta in the year 3000. But Mike Nelson and his robot friends don't sound impressed in this clip.
And please don't hold a Grudge (Mike had trouble understanding this Japanese version. Something to do with joists)
It's as if he fell into some kind of Matrix.
But was it really that hard to make fun of Jar Jar Binks in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace?
At least Star Trek 6 has William Shatner.
Now Star Trek 5 was much easier to make fun of. Come on, give it a try.
And Brando's remake of a certain monster movie was ripe for the taking. Come on, give it a try.
Be a Daredevil.
And I hope you don't think Stallone is Over The Top.
Or was that Nicolas Cage they were watching in The Wicker Man?
I guess they're Lost in a silly
Reign of Fire with a Wolverine in
X-Men, The Movie.
Besides, Arnold's busy with Terminator 3, before getting to the
Crossroads (among the finest Britney Spears movies ever made) of running for
Governor of California. Would you like a
Cocktail while you wait for Harrison Ford to do something in
Firewall...maybe he'll wake up in this other Firewall clip. Forget it, I'm going to see what happens when Darth Vader's brother Chad joins Mike & the guys to watch
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. Well, OK, that didn't go well, let's try a Star Wars Episode II RiffTrax clip without Chad Vader. Here's the Trailer, as remastered by Tom and Crow. It all has something to do with the
Fellowship of the Ring where the hills are alive with something. Or would you rather join Mike for a short about
Nestor the Long-Eared Donkey? I'll be at the
Road House with a monster truck and a
Top Gun singing about the
Fifth Element on
Halloween. Don't mind me, I'm a
Troll Too, a movie that has nothing to do with the sniper in
XxX. What movies will they riff in 2007? Well, this shakey-cam interview probably won't help. Either Brokeback Mountain or Titanic. I think. It's a
Design For Dreaming.
I'm just Appreciating Our Parents, and other
Alphabet Antics. Come to think of it, Mike and the bots made fun of "Titanic" already, in this look at
The Oscars (1997).
And why does Mike think that Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory was so weird?

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection (10 volumes now available)

Also, following are just some of the over 2-dozen MST3000 videos available on VHS:
MST3000, The Movie featuring the scifi classic, This Island Earth (1955)
The Atomic Brain
The Brain That Wouldn't Die
Cave Dwellers
That Mystery Science Theater 3000 favorite, MitchellMitchell
Pod People
Eegah! (Richard Kiel as a caveman defrosted in the present)
Red Zone Cuba
The Unearthly

Mike Nelson, has also written books including an MST3000 episode guide and Megacheese.
Now, you might think that after ten seasons on the Peabody Award-winning TV series Mystery Science Theater 3000, Mike Nelson has seen enough bad movies for one lifetime. As the guys at Cahiers du Cinema say, au contraire! Hollywood's spigot of stupidity shows no sign of slowing, and cheesy films continue to flood our multiplexes and gunk up our home entertainment centers at an alarming rate. This dire situation calls for a specialist. A professional. An expert in wading through motion pictures so vile that they aren't released; they escape. We need Mike Nelson! Hey, settle down there, pal--you got him!
In more than sixty laugh-out-loud reviews and essays featuring his unique combination of erudite wit and shameless clowning, this screen-scarred veteran takes us deep into the recesses of cinematic cheese. He examines legendary showbiz families like Culkin, Baldwin, and Estevez; uncovers an ancient quatrain in which Nostradamus foretells the coming of David Hasselhoff; makes the case for the Food Network and the Three Stooges; and skewers all kinds of movies, including Lost in Space, Twister, Anaconda, The Postman and Waterworld, Spring Break, My Best Friend's Wedding, The Bridges of Madison County (Clint Eastwood), The Blair Witch Project, and many, many more. Here is a film critic for the rest of us: the outrageous, hilarious Mike Nelson.
The best book for looking up movie titles and descriptions is the Movie / Video Guide by Leonard Maltin, who loves Megacheese.

Return to your home at Mystery Science Theater 3000... to
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Crow T. Robot vs. Senior Sock
(click twice to play clip)

Mike Nelson is White & Nerdy, but at least he's not Fat

Crow fed the calendar to the nanites, but I think today is ,
and time for the penguin on top of your tv to explode