From Alabama. With Love.
A guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a
Grape Nehi.
Surprised, the bartender looks around and says,
"You ain't from around here ... where you from,
boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Pennsylvania."
The bartender asks, "What do you do up in
Pennsylvania?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist ... what the
hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar,
"It's OK boys, ... he's one of us."
Q:
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under
each arm?
A:
A pimp.
Q: What do you call the moisture between two people having sex in Alabama?
A: Relative humidity
The Jumper
A farmer in his pickup truck in Alabama was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below.
The man stopped his truck ran up to the man and said, "Hey fellow, why are you doing this?"
The man replied, "Well, I have nothing to live for."
The Alabama man replied, "Well, think of your wife and children!"
The jumper replied, "I have no wife or children."
The Alabama man then said, "Well, then think of your mother and father!"
The man replied, "Mom and Dad passed on many years back."
The Alabama man then said, "Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!"
The would-be jumper replied, "Who?"
With that the Alabama man said, "Jump, you stupid Yankee, jump!!!"
Alabama Special Forces
The latest
ploy to drive the Taliban and Al Queda out of the
mountains of Afghanistan is to send in a team of
Alabama Special Forces.
Billy Bob, Bubba, Boo, Red, Scooter, and Cooter are
being sent in with the following info about the Taliban:
1. There is no bag limit.
2. The season opened last weekend.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickup trucks, country music,
or Jesus.
5. Some are gay.
6. They don't like barbecue.
7. They were responsible for Dale Earnhardt's death.
Should be over in just about a week.
What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
Claim to Fame for Alabama
If you believe in creation as espoused in the Bible,
then Adam and Eve's children would actually have had to have sex with one
another for the earth to have become populated.
This is surely proof positive that Alabama was at one
time the Garden of Eden.
3 Dead Bodies
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with
very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the
police to tell them what has happened. "First
body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst
making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile,
Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds
on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol
poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third
body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the
most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Alabama,
30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the
Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken."
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