I'm at freakin school and I just ruined my lifeMood:
loudTopic: pouring my guts out
Oh my goodness alive. I'm at school right, ok so here's the story. Last night I was supposed to work on a Human Anatomy project with Sal but I forgot because I went to spend the night at Jade's house. So he calls me up and cusses me out for it and I was all "i'll take care of it ok???!" So I woke up late at Jade's (like 8:15) and I begged and begged her to wait until first period was over for us to go to school. So we drove around and did absolutely nothing just so we wouldn't have to present the project that wasn't finished. Then I get to school before 2nd period and I see Sal, and I try to tell him what we did. But he just keeps walking and what even talk to me! then in third period I went in construction and told him i had to talk to him. Well he was all I don't want to talk to you bitch. So I broke down and started crying and told Mr. Thomason I had to find jade. I met her half way to her classroom and she came down to auto and comforted me. Then I told her I wanted to cut myself so bad but I wasn't going to I just wanted to SOOOO BAD. Well someone told mr. t that i said that and he called mr. cummings (counslre) down there and made me go to his office to tlak to him. Well Mr. c told me to write down that i wouldn't cut myself ever again and date it and sign it. well i started writing and i just couldn't stop. I wrote two pages on everyhting i had ever done. hit cut burn scrathed, everyhting and i just couldnt stop. so i signed it and dated it and now they're going to call my parents and i have to get a physical and i'm scare to death because i have so much weed and drugs and alcohol in my system. My parents are going to kill me and send me to laurelwood and hate me for the rest of forever. They just don't understand I want the depression to go away so bad it just isnt fair. I'd rather be on meds than feel this way. I'm never ever doing drugs again. ever. I hate everything but my mommy and daddy i want to go home and let them just hold me for the rest of my life and i want to cry and just be ok. this is going to be my longest journal ever but i dont care. I'm letting everything out Im sick and tired of hurting and wanting to die and being sick to my stomach with depression. I hate it and no one listens no one believes me. no one will help me. why not though? why won't they take me serioulsy? Because I hide it so well thats why. I ignore the problem and just act like it isn't there. because thats what mommy does. anyways i better go i'm in fourth period and my teacher will be back any second. i love you self. because no one else does. please dont let me die.... i love you, ashley. -ASHLEY LORRAINE MCCORMACK i swing i slide