About meditation, greater contact with HP and other wonderful thisngs i resist experiencing...
They say when we work on ourselves systematically, whether thru a 12 step program, a spiritual way or what have you, our problems don't go way, but we may get instead, a new set: “high class problems” someone called them, & I agree. But they are no less what we need to work on-- & in using the program tools, they always go back to my own character development--- what else is new?! My selfishness, my defect of character of the day is that I hold back from letting God or good in. Its something many people sy they can't relate to, but I see so many people doing this in some way, shutting Spirit out, etc....
My practice is in daily readings (often pretty minimally), prayers, etc., but I resist doing more. I just want to stay in this comfy hidey- hole. When I think of doing things that make me feel better, a part of me puts up a wall. Stuff like going outdoors, watching a sunrise, playing music, sweet meditations, more spiritual reading, etc. There's nothing for it but the 4 things as written in the Big Book: asking HP to remove it, sharing it, making amends( taking the action), & turning my thoughts to someone I can help.
My Prayer today:
O Spirit I don't want to do this. I dont want to stop and hear you, or esp let in all this light.
I do not want to let go of the way I think things are (ie, strictly limited) or the mind set that I dare not be any happier than I am right now. O HP, you've taken me so far. Please help me to release this more-- I know I will have to work on it just OneDay at a time, and watch my progress add up. It has added up. Reat Spirit, Help me to call you in even more, to love you with my whole being. I am now willing that you should have all of me...”
I Wonder if others are working with these same issues. Thanks for listening.