About feeling Zen and coming out stronger; end of an era...
Mood:  hug me
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy

The Country without a Post Office
Mood:  blue
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy

I am being rowed throug Paradise on a river of Hell:

Exquisite ghost, it is night.

The paddle is a heart; it breaks the porcelain waves...

 

I'm everything you lost. You won't forgive me.

My memory keeps getting in the way of your history.

There is nothing to forgive. You won't forgive me.

I hid my pain even from myself; I revealed my pain

only to myself.

There is everything to forgive. You can't forgive me.

If only somehow you could have been mine,

what would not have been possible in this world ?

 

Agha Shahid Ali

Bananas
Mood:  hug me
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy

My boss is the greatest ! First of all for hiring me of course  But second of all because she is such a nice person to work with. And last but not least, she is a great support in difficult times. Being a single mum of an 11-year old herself, who is in my position with the only difference of having her child living with her, she can be a source of reflection. With her ex-partner acting just like mine, she can give me useful advice on and off. A week ago I was going totally bananas over the whole thing. I was even at the verge of letting go, not being sure whether I was doing the situation more harm than good. But then I knew that this would also make my little girl very sad. I realised once again that all this is not about me, not about my ex, but about a child. I won’t let go, but I just have to think over what to do. And it will take patience….

Good things in life...
Mood:  hug me
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy

Yesterday I was sitting in my room, trying to study a bit and feeling miserable about the nonsense I had to cope with in the past few days. Just when I was driven down to the kitchen by hunger, I bumped into one of the HO's who lives in the same nice new house. Apparently the lot had decided to go out and have dinner with all the O&G-peepz and I was dragged along. I was so happy to get out and unwind a bit, as to get my mind distracted. Such times I realise how lucky I am always to meet so many nice people on my path. Just like when I was still in UM, when having a bunch of fun, bubbly HO's always made working just a bit nicer, however busy or stressed things were. And I'm happy to hear now and then that most of them who have worked with me had an equally good time...

Tulip bulbs
Mood:  silly
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy

 

 

 

 

 

Flower bulbs are Dutch best... I bought some bulb flowers for the house the other week. The scent of this beautiful Hyacinthus is just lovely. Today I thought about how back then in the 2nd world war, when there was a famine in The Netherlands, people were forced to eat flower bulbs in order to survive. Then I was reminiscing about what the effect would be... if anyone would fart later on, would it be smelling like flowers ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jingle bells; gloomy x-mas spirit
Mood:  not sure
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy

Being back in the Netherlands was, in a sense, a bit of a bummer. Of course there was the cold. And all details I had to arrange didn’t exactly add to the joy. Though from a financial and career wise perspective, coming back was probably a wise choice, for the emotional component it seemed to be not the best move ever. It makes you realise that you cannot step into a process that has been ongoing for many years, and then suddenly expect to be fully part of it. On top of that there was the sad passing away of a young person, who is both the younger brother of a close friend, as well as best friend with 2 other close friends. Makes you think about things when you're standing there on a crisp-cold, December morning to give your last respects...

Christmas was a drag, as it always is. Feels like running around with your head chopped off. I guess it’s just too many days of too many visits in too short of a time. Still, it was good to see how especially my grandparents were happy to see some visitors.

I guess that I dread these cold, dark, gloomy days because due to the short day-light period, time seems to slip through your fingers. All those days seem as if you only had done a fraction of what initially was planned. Even subsequent days don’t seem to yield anything, since public services and shops are still not working. Now the 1^st week of January has passed, I finally seem to be able to get some work done. My job interview in Germany will be coming up soon. I’m quite curious what it’ll be like. Will it get me where I wanna go ? And do I know where I wanna go ? I’ve turned 35, and by now I need to know at least a bit what I’m heading for. So far it doesn’t look yet as if I really had a clue…

Just confused...
Mood:  blue
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
I’m not quite sure whether it’s me… Lately I’m in doubt about everything I undertake. Whether it’s my thesis, the quality of work I’m doing, my capability as a doctor, the fact whether I want to be a doctor for the rest of my life at all…just the other day I was talking to someone. We doctors have a love-hate reationship with our work. The problem is, once we’re in it, it is so difficult to get out. However much we hate the working conditions, we can’t get ourselves to quit unless there is “Force Majeure”, because we also all love this line of work.Then, subsequently, I don’t even wanna start regarding the things in my personal life. Yeah, sure enough, it’s been cooked up for a longer time already. But things keep on smuthering and you can’t leave your past behind you just like that…. Sigh… I guess time will have to tell.

No way out ?
Mood:  hug me
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
I was on night shift for the first time with one of my new juniors, this guy from Iraque. He’s a nice guy really, but there’s so much anger in him when he starts talking about the war raging in his country. And of course I understand… But he wants to fight fire with fire, and to me, in the end, the circle of violence is round. I told him “Look, as far as I’m concerned, there has not been a single war in history that was not essentially based on politics and even more so, on money, regardless of what excuses were used. Now I don’t have a short term solution for your counttry, though I wished I had. But when it comes down to it, the solution is not to condemn every single person who belongs to the nation being the agressor. The only way out is education, so that we all can try to understand each other and look through the veils of culture, religion, politics and economics. So stop fingerpointing and start to improve the world starting with yourself, because the Iraqi people themselves are also not doing a fantastic job by bombing each other, using a different religion as an excuse. And don’t go and tell me this is an American conspiracy, because in the end the choice to follow someone is always still a choice and an individual responsibility that you can’t blame on someone else.”.
Later that evening I sat down and I thought, is there really no way out ? Then I thought about how India retrieved independence from its British oppressors. By means of strictly massive non-violence and people sticking together to reach the purpose. And regardless of the difficulties the different ethnicities experienced later on, at least they stood together to reach this goal. And I guess that’s why Mahatma Gandhi is to be regarded as one of the greatest persons in the world… Gandhi-Wiki

More things you might have wondered about...
Mood:  silly
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
I read it somewhere, but I forgot... While looking for the answer I stumbled on many more data...

How much gas does a normal person pass per day ?
On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts.

Is it true that some people never fart ?
No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death.

Do even movie stars fart ?
Yes, of course. So do grandmothers, priests, kings, presidents, opera singers, beauty queens, and nuns. Even Yoda farts.

Do men fart more than women ?
No, women fart just as much as men. It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women.

18 more months...
Mood:  not sure
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
The 4th year is starting soon. For me it means another 1.5 years, and already 3 years of working without a wage. My casereport submitted, my new research trial approved and funded, that leaves 2 major issues. This week I'll send my final last appeal to the Malaysian Medical Council. For all of those who are not aware; the MMC doesn't acknowledge my perfectly acceptable Dutch medical degree, even if I would be fully registered with the UK GMC. That means that - even if I would have a local specialist degree - I won't be allowed to stay on and earn a living here. For me, I've reconciled myself with my current unpaid status; I regard it as a major form of charity from my side. But I feel by now all the hard work that has benefitted the Malaysian government so far should be rewarded in at least giving met that full registration so that I can start earning some money. If not, then I guess little is left but preparing for my exams and start thinking about the next step. For I don't think I can stay on in a country that so much disrespects me and the many others like me who contribute to this society....