Mood:  caffeinated

Yup, it's been a while again since I last wrote... Life's a roller coaster once again. More about that later though.

I went to this (for me) relatively obsolete course. Since I was in London for 3 days, I thought I couldn't again let the opportunity go by and not get a piece of the action at all; So I geared up for one of the musicals and picked Avenue Q.

An excellent choice as it turned out, and I can definitely recommend to everyone, cause it is as hilarious as it claims to be.

After the course I popped onto a plane to Amsterdam, because on the next day my little artist would have her very own performance. I was delighted to see that the people from her dancing school had chosen the scene from Cats....

How nice it would have been if this show was still up in London and I could've taken her to see it afterwards. But still, the performance of my little girl was obviously the best, of a kind you cannot get in London, Broadway or anywhere else...

Mood:  not sure

I landed in the Netherlands with @ least 90 minutes delay, literally jumping from the luggage retrieval to the last train east. Sitting in the train and getting no response to any of my messages or calls I gear up for the worst. The possibility dawns on me that I might end up spending the night in the garden unless I would stir up the entire neighbourhood @ 12 midnight. Not my style though… Fortunately a key is waiting for me.

The next day is well spent swimming and blowing away all the fluffiness from every single dandelion along a small forest road (and I mean ALL dandelions). I had planned a trip with the little girl to either beach or Amsterdam, but unfortunately the mom wasted the morning visiting the church (which she can visit on any of the other 3 weekends when I’m not around). When I showed that this upset me, she acted if she didn’t notice. Well, what can I say, she only notices her own sorrows but has never had attention for mine…

Mood:  blue

Today I’m rather sad once more… I have worked in UK for 3 months now and in that short time I have seen the grave social impact of the stunningly high number of broken families here. When I speak to people (mostly the single mothers), what I notice is that the red thread through most of their stories is that in many situations partners fail to work together to further their children’s wellbeing. Though I’m realistic enough to know that some relationships won’t stand the test of time, it fills me with disappointment that previous partners don’t seem to be able to work something out for their children.

Even more so sad since I’m in that same league as well. It is not easy to set aside your personal interests, face a previous partner who has disappointed you so often already, spend a lot of time and money on a regular basis to fly & train over to their house, all for the sole reason that you know it will put a smile on your little girl’s face.

Mood:  blue

God, I feel so upset tonight… I really cannot focus on anything. I feel like making a website about my ex-girlfriend, complete with pictures and all… About how she has been cheating me as long as I’ve known her. About not telling me she was carrying my child… About how she lied to the other guy and got him to marry her… about how she made him believe for 4 years he was the father… About how on and off she would contact me, trying to keep me warm in case she might need me in the future… About how she would tell me to forget about being close to my daughter and better to focus on my work, only to subsequently keep on pulling @ me and not allowing me to start a new life... About all the million times she has been manipulating me and lying to me… About how she seems to be using our daughter as bait, as emotional blackmail, as trading material…. I feel emotionally abused, used, raped !

Manipulation-lies-manipulation-lies-manipulation-lies…. There doesn’t seem to be an end to it… Some people never learn and it confirms to me; characters probably never change.

But I don’t want to do all that… I don't want to go as low down to that level... I just want to put on happy things… about my little girl on the webb… even if I’m only a Fly-over-daddy rather than full-time-daddy… I’m there for her, as much as the situation allows me to, with all the sacrifices it has taken so far…

But not like this… I need to take a break from the abuse… temporarily change my phone number… So if I don’t pick up the phone, you know why… you can mail me to get my new number…

Mood:  happy

I love my new place ! It is still a student’s-room kind of place only, but I have my own attached bathroom now and the view is much improved. From my window I can look @ the park and see the squirrels jumping from tree to tree. When it was suddenly snowing last weekend, everything was covered in a beautiful white layer of snow.

Needless to say the large kitchen is also a big improvement, and I can actually sit outside to enjoy the early spring sun in our petit garden.

Ever since I came to UK I had to start cooking for myself again. When you go around and see what the average UK-fare is like, you’ll understand why. But I kind of enjoy it and rediscovered what I have always quite liked to do; experiment and improvise a bit with food. The best part was when one of these evenings one of my consultants and colleagues came over for dinner. We had a good time and it felt just like those good old days when I was still in medical school and my house was pretty much a mini-restaurant where on a regular basis 3, 4, 5 or more people came over to eat.

Mood:  blue

The stocks turn red and my days turn blue. I hate job hunting... I always have... It is all so artificial, almost like performing a play; you dress up, pretend a bit, make up some good one-liners... much like going out and trying to get the girl at the bar to talk to you, and better even, get her to like you - also something I was never ever good at - it's all about first impressions. But how looks can deceive...

Last week I had my first interview in Germany. I got along quite well with the language, no prob's there. But it started out already with the chief consultant interviewing me from his bedside... turns out he had some unfortunate skiing accident. An interview like that can hardly tun out normally, can it ? Anyway, fate will take me where I'm supposed to go. I started looking around for opportunities in England already. But one thing's for sure; I always bump into all the weird stuff, it's like some kind of physics law.

Oh, BTW, talking about skiing; last weekend I visited Frank & Paul's by now legendary Apres-Ski Party. Good old-fashioned fun, as you can see