He sat on the grass and sighed, hugging his knees. If it was just close family and a few mortals he wouldn't have hesitated to go on and stroll out, but there was too big a chance with this crowd that someone might laugh. Despite beliefs to the contrary, he really didn't enjoy just blasting people, unless they really, really did something naughty, but he didn't see how he could let open disrespect go unpunished. He glanced down at a large, goofy yellow circle that had eyes and a smile. *And I don't see how I could not be dissed.*

Zeus sighed, crossing his legs and propping his elbows on his knees, chin in his hands. *This is ridiculous! I'm the King of the Gods, this is my party, and I'm hiding behind a bush?* He sat, trying to figure out what was going on by listening to the commotion outside. There was a curious, wailing sound. He couldn't interpret it, but someone from a different time would have identified it as bagpipes playing Scotland the Brave. Of course, they might have had a little less success identifying the Pink Floyd medley that they segued into.

*BOOOOIIIING* *meemeep!* What looked like a coyote wearing springs on his feet flew overhead. Zeus sighed. "Why does it always get interesting when I'm stuck somewhere?" He started to lean back... and something prickled his bare bottom.

"What the Tartarus?" Zeus turned, doing his very best to look stern and imposing, ready to blast whoever was responsible into the next dimension. No one was there, but something caught his attention. There was a flash of purple near the bottom of his field of vision. There was a subtle shift in the universe--far too subtle for someone as self-involved as Zeus to notice, much less analyze. He looked down...

and was captured.

Such beauty, such delicate grace. The long, lithe stem. The delicately scalloped green leaves. The slender, almost ethereal bristles gracing the sexily rounded, refreshingly green bulb, and the crowning glory--the lovely fringed blossom, shading from sweet lavender at the tips to deepest, passionate purple at the *swallow* center. It was sensual, it was sexy, it was irresistibly desirable--it was a thistle.

Zeus moved toward it slowly, craftily. "Hello, my dear. I hope you don't mind if I tell you how very, very beautiful you are." A slight breeze. The thistle swayed seductively. *Oh, she wants it!* He cleared his throat. "I don't know if you're aware of it, but I'm a god. Yes. In fact, I'm the god--Zeus." No response. "The ruler of all. The most powerful being in the universe. The head honcho."

He bent toward it, whispering, "You know, I could get you a position in one of my temples as a high priestess. Of course you'd have to be, um, discreet around my wife..." Zeus puckered up and stooped down.

"Ow!"" He stood back up, hand clamped over his mouth, then he just ended up pulling stickers out of his palm, too. "Aw, don't be like that, beautiful!" Under his breath he muttered, "Gad, what a fiery wench!"

He edged toward the thistle. "Did I tell you I'm king of the gods? Want to see my scepter?"

Iolaus was passing a large azalea bush. He'd noticed a stream of very bored looking people coming from this direction. He figured that with all the uproar going on here on Olympus that there were only two beings that could bore demigods and divinities alike stiff--Gabrielle or Zeus. Since he'd seen Gabrielle go off in another direction, he was betting on Zeus.

The bush was shaking. From behind it he heard, "Ow! Of course I'll respect you. C'mon... Youch! Oo, baby, you're so mean to me! Hurt me, hurt me! Whaah! Not that much! Oh, you know I didn't mean it! C'mere and gimme thorn! Yowey!" The voice, occasionally cracking into pained wails, soared. "Looooooove hurts! Loooooove scars! It wooooounds, it maaaaaarks!"

*I'm not sure I want to know,* Iolaus thought. Still, there was the sort of sick fascination that makes you slow down when you pass a chariot wreck. He walked around and peeked behind the bush. Zeus appeared to be humping a rather large specimen of purplish vegetation. Since said vegetation was also decorated thickly with spiny bristles, a certain portion of Zeus' anatomy was rapidly approaching the same degree of purpleness and thorniness.

After a moment of watching the frantic panting, pumping, and yowling, Iolaus could not stop the comment that rose up in his mind and escaped through his admittedly sexy, but definitely too big at this moment, mouth. "Uh, Zeus?"

The butt (and I won't use any adjectives here, for fear of sending you all to therapy. I can't afford the civil suits) did not stop moving. "Can't you see that we want to be alone?"

"Zeus, that's a thistle."

"I know."

"It has stickers."

"So she's a little kinky. It isn't as if the Pantheon is unfamiliar with a little S and M."

"Let's ignore for the moment the fact that the terms sadism and maschocism won't be invented for several dozen centuries. Do you know what kind of thistle that is?"

"She's a beautiful, sexy, hot, luscious thistle. The thistle of my dreams! She's perfect in every way. She..."

"Zeus, that's a bull thistle."

Silence. The butt (Look, I'm sorry, but I have to tell you these things so you'll know what's going on) stopped for a moment. You could almost hear scales shifting as such things as ethics and sexual orientation were weighed.

Zeus shrugged. The butt started moving again.

"Riiiiight. Look, (I can't believe I'm saying this, but) you've noticed that things are a little off, haven't you?"

A brief shower of unwrapped, glow-in-the-dark condoms rained down. A horde of pixies ran out and began collecting them to be used as wading pools. Zeus paused. "I've noticed the occasional off-beat incident."

"Strife has the hiccups. Ace and Cupid are trying to cure him, but it looks like they aren't having much luck. Please come back and see if you can help."

Zeus sighed. "Oh, very well. I don't suppose we'll have any peace until I do." He materialized a clay pot and a trowel, then carefully transplanted the rather battered looking thistle into the pot. "Let's go. And I need to get some sort of a lotion from Ace." He picked a bristle out of a very intimate place, leaned close to Iolaus and whispered confidingly, "Don't tell him this, but I'm afraid the dear thing may have some sort of a social disease."

"It's long enough, Ace," said Cupid, worriedly.

Ace was watching an hourglass. "A little longer. He needs to hold his breath for as long as he can."

"Jaysus, man! Why..." He stopped for a moment, frowning, "Now, why would I be sayin' that particular name?" He shrugged. "We're gods, ya daft idjet! We don't really have ta breath, but it gets wurra uncomfortable if we don't." He hugged Strife. "Me poor lover's complexion has gone from creamy ta skim milk--he's gettin' blue undertones."

"But it seems to be working, and..."

*hic* "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasp!" The Halls of War were suddenly decorated in Early American, with a heavy emphasis on chintz, and a butter churn in the corner holding the spears. "Oh, fuck. Unc is gonna kill me."

Cupid patted him comfortingly. "He's usually in a good mood when he's just been laid, love."

Ace had his arms crossed, tapping his head. "We could try having you stand on your head, I suppose."

Strife clutched his stomach, looking a little green. "Think again."

"Well, you shouldn't have had that chocolate sundae with pickle chips and sardines."

Strife wrapped a fist in Ace's toga, lifting him on his toes. "I toldya--I had ta have that!" His face suddenly crumpled. "Yer so mean ta me! It's because I'm fat, ain't it?"

"Uh..."

He turned tearful eyes to Cupid. "I am, ain't I? I can tell. My pants feel too damn tight."

"No, love, no! Ya look beautiful. In fact, ya glow. An' as for this wee bit of plump..." he laid a hand of Strife's slightly rounded belly. "Why, there's just more of ya ta love!"

Strife wailed. *hic* His belly pushed out against Cupid's hand.

Cupid's eyes got big. "Uh oh."

Before he could say anything else, Ares and Joxer entered. Ares had snatched the tablecloth and cocooned himself in it. He was in the process of slapping Joxer's hands away from the more interesting areas of his body, whining, "Stop it! You're an animal. I swear, nothing but sex, sex, sex! What about tenderness? What about romance?"

"So we'll do it on a bed of rose petals." Ares stuck his bottom lip out and refused to look at Joxer. "Aw, you know you love me." He goosed him.

Ares squealed and jumped. "Stop that! I told you I'm sore, darn it!"

*Thud*

Cupid quickly picked the fainting Strife up off the floor, while the Muse shook her head. "I don't blame him. It was almost too much for me, too."

Ace was checking over the now groggy Strife, scanning him. He jerked upright, and took a quick step back, wide eyed. "It wasn't that."

"What was it?" demanded Cupid. "Me husband must be ill!"

"Let me put it this way: strange food cravings, plus nausea, plus sudden mood swings and weight gain, plus fainting, equals..." he shook Strife's hand. "Congratulation, Daddy."

"Whaddaya mean? I ain't fathahed any kids."

"And you're not going to father this one--exactly." *Thud*

"Someone pick Cupie up offa tha floor, ha? I shouldn't be liftin anythin in my condition." *hic*

Hades had put away the last scroll and was taking one quick trip through Tartarus to make sure everything was squared away before he went to the reunion. He was contemplating opening a 'family reunion' section in Tartarus for certain of the damned souls. There was something to be said for this 'everyone has their own conception of Tartarus' theory.

He suddenly paused by a bog full of used chariot dealers and looked around. "My gosh, this place is gloomy! Crap, it's been overcast here for, what, two, three millennia? We need a little sunshine and fresh air here."

He blasted upward with a power bolt. It lanced through the illusion of a cloudy sky and slammed into the vaulted earthen ceiling of the Underworld. Dirt, stones, and worms rained down on the chariot dealers, who muttered. "Oh, be quiet, you wimps. This shouldn't take long, and we'll have this place much more wholesome." Another blast, another shower of earth. "You lot climb up out of there and use this dirt to fill in that bog. I think I'll plant it with clover, once I get some gamma rays down here." Blast. Shower. "Maybe I can talk Apollo into doing a special fly-by till things get going." A bright ray broke through a tiny hole in the ceiling and lanced down, sending pale creatures scurrying and squealing, threatening to report unsafe working conditions to their union.

Blast. Shower. Blast. Shower. The hole got bigger. Suddenly a figure came tumbling through the air to land with a squelch right at Hades feet. Hades looked down and frowned. "What are you doing here? I won't be ready for you for ages. I have to set up a section where you will be forced to listen to greeting card verse and Barbara Cartland romances for eternity."

Gabrielle stood up, dusting off her short skirt. *ptui* "Threats will get you nowhere, Deadguy."

"I beg your pardon. I, personally, am not dead."

"Fine, whatever, Wraith Wrangler." She scratched inside her bra. "Do you know a cure for hiccups?"

"Death usually works."

"We don't want anything that drastic..." She paused. "Wait a minute. This is Strife we're talking about."

"Look, I haven't got time for this." Blast. Shower. More sunshine. "Ah. I may set up a tanning deck over there." He whistled. Cerberus loped up, all three tongues lolling. "Cere, take Gabrielle to the river Styx and get Charon to ferry her back." Cerberus looked at Gabrielle and whined. "No, you may not be neutered instead! Get on with it." Cerberus sighed and started to lead the bard away. "Okay." Blast. Shower. Shine. "I think I'll put the koi pond here, and a nice rose arbor over there..."

"Cupid, hold that horndog so I can go back and put some clothes on, please?"

"Sure, Da." Cupid studied Joxer for a second. He was naked, so there were limited options on where to grab him. Considering that both Ares and Strife were watching him, he settled on taking a firm grip in Joxer's hair.

Ares sighed in relief and went back toward his rooms. Joxer called after him, "Aw, don't go blocking the scenery, sweetheart!"

Hera appeared in a shower of silver sparks. She frowned at Cupid. "Dear, that's hardly the way to treat a guest." She smiled at Joxer, eyes twinkling. Ace edged behind Cupid, since a twinkly eyed Hera was usually contemplating something very painful for someone else. "Joxer, do I need to start planning a wedding shower for my little boy?"

Joxer laughed. "Sure, but he isn't gonna be able to wear white!" "I heard that, you pig!" shrieked a voice from the direction of the bedroom.

Hera patted Joxer's arm, whispering, "Don't take it to heart, dear. It's probably just his time of the month."

*hic* "None of my pants will fit! Why won't any of my pants fit? It's all your fault, Joxer, I know it is!"

*hic*

"Ahn why do I have thith thstud in my tongue all of a thuden?"

Joxer growled and tried to get loose from Cupid.

Xena ran into the hall, carrying a squealing Bliss, scattering orange and black feathers. She panted, "Quick! Hide us somewhere. Hephastus is after us with a big ass net. Bliss bit him on the butt, and he started chasing us, yelling something about the biggest damn Monarch he'd ever seen, and Zeus wasn't anywhere near us! It's going to take me a week of meditation to get my beta waves back in order!"

*hic*

Ares walked back into the room, dressed in a sloppy sweat suit that couldn't disguise the bulge at his belly. "Someone tell me why I just decorated the spare bedroom in dancing teddy bears."

*hic* There was a thud that shook the room, then a rumble, then a clang.

A moment later Hercules minced in. He'd managed to find some oversized Victoria's Secret somewhere, and was wearing a very fetching tiger striped ensemble under his see through chiton. Aphrodite, wearing a shapeless granny dress and Birkenstocks, hair in drooping puppy ears and wearing Buddy Holly glasses followed, saying something about maybe Herk could help her later with a makeover?

Herk paused, hips canted, and rubbed at his nose, which looked a bit more upturned than it should, and seemed to be smeared with paint. "I want to know who the Tartarus has taken to painting open doors on the temple walls, and why that dratted bird just sped right through, and I couldn't?"

Dite patted Herk's shoulder. "At least you managed to jump out of the way of that train that came roaring out, and you didn't fall in the cacti, like that poor coyote."

"Yes, but that anvil almost brained me!" He stamped a foot. "I demand to know what is going on!" He touched his cheek. "The stress is ruining my complexion."

*hic*

Jett and Jayce entered. Joxer said to one, "Jayce, buddy, I know ya like colorful outfits, but don't you think that you could have used a touch fewer ruffles on that shirt? The ribbons sort of make it redundant. But I like the rainbow embroidered on your pants, and the rhinestones as stars and dewdrops are a nice touch." *growl* *blink* "Um, sorry, Jett. I didn't realize..."

Jett tugged angrily at a satin cummerbund, trying vainly to remove it. "Someone better do something pretty fucking quick, or I'm going to have to kill everyone who saw me like this." *sniff* He looked guiltily at Jayce. "Sorry, bro."

"Ho, that's all right, Yett. I theenk I'd rather die than have to go through life like this!" He looked down at his jeans, cowboy boots, and plaid flannel shirt in pained distaste. "I could maybe have leeved weeth boot cut, but bellbottoms?"

*hic*

"Eek!" in stereo. Ares and Strife were both staring down at prominently bulging bellies. It looked as if they were trying to smuggle basketballs.

Ares went over and slapped Joxer. "This is all your fault! I hate you!"

Cupid had let go to hug Strife. Joxer swept Ares into his arms. "You're beautiful when you're angry... and pregnant." *smoooooooooooch*

Ares sighed, cuddling against him. "Oh, Joxie. I love you. But you do know that you're never getting any again for as long as I live?" Joxer whispered in his ear. Ares giggled. "Around this?" He patted his tummy. *whisperwhisper* "Hmm... Maybe with lots of pillows..."

Hera was bouncing up and down in joy. "Oh, oh, oh! A wedding shower and two baby showers! Let's see... since it's two we can do pink and blue decorations."

Eris skipped into the room. "Make that two wedding showers, Mommy!" She giggled, trotted over to Strife and kissed his forehead. "I've found you a daddy, baby! Mommy is so sorry she didn't provide you with a male role model while you were growing up. But don't worry, I found a nice, ambitious business man."

Zeus and Iolaus came in. Iolaus said, "Okay, I located Zeus, but he seems to be pretty out of it. I don't think he's going to be much use..." Zeus was rubbing the thistle against his crotch, making little yips of pain and passion. "Stop that!"

Hera looked at the now drooping and thoroughly molested plant, and said gently to her husband, "Zeus, I think you were a little hard on the thistle."

Apollo came in, his sword dripping sap, muttering to himself. When he saw the thistle, he started twitching. *hic* A short, tough looking blonde man, a very tall man dressed in red serge, and a wolf with blue eyes landed in a heap in front of him. The blonde shook his head. "Benny, so help me if your freakin' father's ghost is behind this..."

"I do not believe my father has anything to do with this, Stanley." He looked around, perfect forehead puckering. "I cannot even think of an Inuit folk tale to cover this." He stood, helping his friend to his feet. Noticing the very handsome blonde man who was staring at them so pointedly, he smiled politely. "Good day. We seem to be lost. Could you help us?"

Apollo nodded enthusiastically. "I just appointed myself God of Lost and Found. I found you two, and finders keepers!" He grabbed Fraser by the Sam Brown belt.

"Oh, dear! Stanley?"

Stanley kicked Apollo in the nuts, grabbed Fraser while Diefenbaker nipped the Sun God on the ass, and they took off like a pair of scalded cats. Apollo, whooping joyfully, gave pursuit.

Joxer was groping Ares, who had another sudden mood swing. He pushed Joxer away, calling, "Greagus! Come protect me from this sex maniac!"

Ares' huge war dog raced into the room, planting himself between Ares and Joxer, growling menacingly.

*hic*

A litter of kittens came scampering in from all directions. One climbed up Hercules' chiton to perch on the shrieking hero's hair, but the rest attacked Greagus. In a moment he had hissing, snarling, ferocious kittens dangling from his tail and ears. One, luckily too short to reach, was swiping frantically at his balls, and another more ambitious one was humping his leg.

The astonished war dog stared down at the randy bit of black fluff, then leaned down and grabbed it in his massive jaws. There were screams from most of the beings present, but their horror was premature. Just as quickly, Greagus spat the kitten out on the floor. It landed, a bit damp with dog slobber but none the worse for wear, finished piddling as the dog spit and licked the floor, trying to clear the taste out of his mouth, then went back to molesting the dog's foreleg.

Strife was laughing helplessly. "Oo, crap! I keep gettin these massive jolts of energy, but I'm laughin so hard I feel weak. My sides hurt!" His eyes flew open. "Yow! That wasn't my sides!"

*sploosh*

Ares stared down at the puddle of water around his feet. "Mooooooommy!"

Hera wrung her hands! "Squat down, baby! You pitch, I'll catch!"

Iolaus looked at Ace. "Shouldn't I boil water, or something?"

Ace snapped, "This is no time to be thinking about Cuppa Soup!" He waved his hands, divesting both Ares and Strife of their garments, and materializing a bed. "On the bed, you two! This will be the first time I've done a double-header!"

Hephastus, net in hand, came in. "There's a honking great hole in the ground out there, and I can hear Hades talking about setting up a croquet field in Tartarus. Something about maybe the damned wouldn't be so gloomy if they had some recreation." His eyes lit on Bliss, and he brightened. "There you are! Man, where am I ever gonna find a jar big enough for that one?"

*Flash*

There was a fountain of multicolored sparks, and Gaia rose up out of the floor. She looked around, hands on hips, forehead puckered. "Will someone please tell me what is going on? I just found an animal that's warm blooded, but lays eggs, and has a duckbill. I know I didn't authorize that. My plum trees are growing bananas, the bananas themselves are polka dotted, and I now have a patch of four-leaf clovers six miles square, infested with leprechauns." Cupid perked up, a gleam coming into his eyes. Strife groaned, squeezing his hand, and he forgot about it.

"Strife got the hiccups," Ace explained. "We're trying to cure it."

*smeck* "Whaaaaaa!"

Joxer started strutting. "I have a baby boy! And just look how he's hung!"

Ace looked. "Joxer, that's the umbilical cord."

He fixed things up, and soon had Ares cuddling his new son, Joxer sitting beside him happily. Ares glared at Joxer. "We're not naming him after any relatives."

Ace turned back to Gaia, "Zeus is, er, preoccupied..." *yelp* "so we were hoping you..."

*smeck* "Whhhaaaaaa!"

"Bliss!" Cupid called, "Boyo, climb out of that blasted net an' come say hello to yer new sister, the prettiest colleen in creation."

Gaia blinked. "Oh, my. Yes, something does need to be done. Have you tried frightening him?"

Ace shrugged. "There aren't many things that can frighten a god, especially one who's already been dead."

Gaia tapped her chin. "There has to be something."

Salmoneus strolled in, put an arm around Eris, kissed her on the cheek, then surveyed the two gods and two babies lying in the bed. "Hey, Peaches. Which one of these is gonna be my stepkid?"

Strife's eyes flew wide open, his mouth dropped open.

*Hic!*

It rained toads and hula-hoops. Vegetarians ate hamburgers. In a tavern, a barbarian who'd just been rejected by a wench did not accuse her of being a lesbian. Taxes were lowered. Far in the distant future, someone came up with the idea for New Coke. The AJCS mailing list was created. The universe trembled...

*hi...*

Strife closed his mouth. Dead silence. "I think it stopped."

Everyone was blinking. "What stopped?" Ares, confused, looked down at the baby he was cuddling. "This kid looks a lot like Cupid did when he was little, and why does my ass hurt?"

Cupid was blinking down at Strife. "Babe? Did we decide to adopt?"

Gaia shook her head. "Just as I thought. Once the phenomena stopped, all awareness of it was wiped."

Ace blinked at her. "What phenomena?"

Cupid was tickling the baby. "She's a cute lil squirt. Can we keep her?"

There was a blizzard of black and orange feathers as they were shoved out by silky white ones. Bliss sighed, wondering if he could get the same effect if he used his finger-paints.

Hephastus was staring at Aphrodite. "That's a new look for you, hon. Kinda sexy, though. Want to go home and play 'sixties radical and college security guard'?" Aphrodite giggled, and they disappeared in a flare of pink sparks.

Hercules plucked a kitten out of his hair, and looked down at himself, aghast. "Zeus! How did this happen?! I can't go around looking like this!" He paused, running a hand down the smooth, sheer fabric. "Well, not on weekdays, anyway."

Iolaus blinked, then took Hercules' arm. "C'mon. Let's go find some ale and discuss things."

Herk didn't quite simper. "Sounds good." As they strolled out, arm and arm, he said, "Oh, and be careful. For some reason, there's a cactus garden out here."

Bliss had sat next to his daddies on the bed, admiring his new sister. Strife said, "Kiddo, why dya keep stickin yer tongue out?"

Bliss did it again, wiping at his tongue. "Tastes funny."

"Yer brushin yer teeth when we get home."

Hera was looking at her neat little dress, appalled. A wave, and she was in her usual dignified toga. She kept the pearls, though. Eyeing the occupants of the bed severely, she said, "I'd like to know why I wasn't informed about the impending births, and my eldest son's marriage?"

"What marriage?" said Ares, cuddling his son.

"What?" Joxer had wrapped a discarded towel around his waist and was trying to sneak away. "You!"

He ducked behind Jett and Jayce. The other two brothers exchanged looks, then stepped apart. Joxer groaned. "Thanks a lot, guys!"

Jett slapped him on the back. "Gotta face up to your responsibilities, baby brother."

Ares was gaping. "Joxer?" He looked down at the baby, searching out resemblances. "But... but... I had the baby. That would mean that Joxer..." He stared at the would-be warrior.

Joxer's eyes rolled up and he fainted. Jayce squatted beside him, patting his hand. "Hyou know, thees really sucks. Poor Yoxie, about to get blasted, an' he don't even have the fun of remembering hwhat it was that got him in thees mess."

Ares shook his head. "You don't think I'm going to blast my consort, do you? Zeus, I love the guy, even if he is a sex mad dog." His grin was a little feral. "Of course, he's gonna be looking at sex from the other side of the sheet, once I'm a little less sore." He looked at Ace. "Isn't there something you can give me to speed that up? And Dad...?"

Zeus had put down the pot, kicking it to the side. He was in the process of gingerly trying to remove various spines and bristles from a very abused set of private parts. "What?" he snapped. "I have to tell you, Ares, I'm not in any mood to be generous and magnanimous right now."

"Joxer gets immortality and godhood, or I make sure an image of you and your ho'ticulteral activities get sent to every scrying mirror in the universe. They'll probably hold a public screening and sell tickets in Asguard."

"Right, fine, blackmail your own father! Here!" He materialized a golden apple and tossed it to the triplets. Jett caught it neatly. "Feed that to him when he's conscious. We'll work out the godhood later. I can't concentrate right now."

Xena was looking around, confused. "For some reason, I have an almost overwhelming urge to go out and kick some ass. No particular reason, no specific purpose, just any general ass."

Gabrielle came in. "Someone better detail someone to start filling in that big hole out there. I can hear Hades screaming about how all that sunshine is turning the grass green down there, and he won't be responsible for cheerful shades." She examined her bellybutton for lint.

Strife blinked, looking at Gaia. She shrugged. "The hiccup mischief is dissipating. Maybe she just really had gotten in touch with her inner lout."

Strife giggled. "Holy shit, she may even get a little tolerable."

Gabby belched, looking at Strife. "Better lose that post baby flab if ya don't want hubby to be checkin' out the other gods, toots." Xena noticed both Cupid and Strife forming fireballs, and quickly dragged Gabby out.

Hera was shaking her head, sighing. "Well, we need to get you and Joxer married, Ares. I'm not waiting until my new grandson is old enough to act as ring bearer, either."

"Muh-muh-married?" Joxer squeaked.

Ares arched an eyebrow at him. "You do intend to make an honest man out of me, don't you?"

Joxer, wild eyed, looked at Hera, then Zeus. You could almost hear his mind screaming, "In-laws?" Then he looked at Ares, and the baby wiggling in his arms, and he melted. "Sure." He hugged Ares. "I love kids." He cooed at the infant.

"Good thing. You're having the next one."

*Thud* *sigh* "Boys, will you kindly carry Joxer back to my room for me?" He got up, carefully cradling the baby. "My hands are full."

Jett and Jayce picked up Joxer and followed Ares, debating together what godhood their brother might end up with. Jayce thought that God of Textiles would be good, since that could cover both fashion AND interior decorating. Hera gave Cupid, Strife, Bliss, and the new baby a peck on the forehead, cautioned Strife that there'd have to be an official naming ceremony for the new godling, then flashed out with Gaia to see what was going to need to be set to rights. Ace and the Muse left, sure that there was going to be a number of minor injuries to take care of.

Cupid had materialized a cradle and placed the baby in it. Bliss sat on the floor, gently rocking it back and forth.

Salmoneus said brightly, "Wow! You folks sure throw a hell of a family get-together! Can't wait to see what your bachelor parties are like." He squeezed Eris. "Eris, my dear, you're pensive."

Eris was glaring down at her little pink suit in horror. She slowly removed the pillbox hat, staring at it like it was a cow patty that had suddenly appeared on her head. She turned blank eyes to Salmoneus. Cupid quickly covered Bliss's eyes, and even Strife squinched his eyes half shut in anticipation.

Eris said quietly, "Salmoneus, why don't you go on over to my place?"

Salmoneus pouted. "Without you, dumpling?"

Eris smiled. There was a grating sound that everyone but Salmoneus realized was her teeth grating. "I'll be there soon, then we can spend lots of time together."

He left, and she watched him through narrowed eyes. In a blink she was once again in her usual leather and metal. The kid gloves had become gauntlets. She looked at the discarded potted thistle and pointed to it. "Are you through with that?"

"What? Yes, of course!" Zeus snorted. "The very idea--enamored of a spined plant. What do you want with it?"

Eris had picked up the pot and was carrying it toward the door with a gleam in her eyes. "I'm going to plant it somewhere."

Zeus sighed and started toward the door. "Well, I hope this has taught you two a lesson."

"Sure has," piped up Strife. "Nevah do this!" He shoved his hands under Cupid's arms and started tickling.

"Strife!" Cupid brayed with laughter.

"Ah-hah! Yer even more ticklish than me! Ammunition! Tickletickle!"

"No, don't! Heeeheehee!" Zeus shook his head and stepped out the door.

"Tickle!"

"Heeheehee." *hic*

A voice floated to them. "My, my, what an absolutely scrumptious example of echinocactus texensis you are! Yow! Looooove huurrrrrrts!"