Cupid's lap is wunna tha safest places in tha world. I know that now. Back then I just knew that tha shakes eased up some when he pulled me up ta sit across his thighs. He was curved around me, holdin me, an whisperin in my ear. I don't remember tha words, just tha tone. It was gentle an' soothin, reassurin. I stopped cryin in a few minutes, but I didn't try ta get away. It felt too good. I knew he had ta be uncomfortable, he had ta be hurtin, but I was selfish. I just stayed there, restin against him.

After awhile he said, "Better now?"

"Yeh." I sniffed. "My nose is runnin." He materialized a handkerchief an' handed it ta me, an' I blew my nose. I made sure that I honked, hopin ta lighten tha mood an' get his mind offa what happened.

Fat chance. Some people think Cupe is kinda soft, but ya haven't seen him when he makes his mind up about somethin. "Can you tell me what happened now?"

I shrugged. "What can I say? So I hate ta see a good time come ta an end."

He frowned, but his expression was gentle. "It won't work, Strife."

"What?"

"The smart ass act. I know that it isn't a real act with you, you are a smart ass. But it isn't going to get you out of explaining this."

I pulled out of his arms an' threw myself on my belly, pushin my face inta tha pillow."I'm sleepy now."

"No." He rolled me ovah an'took hold of my chin, makin me look at him. "Strife, you were paralyzed. You were crying. That isn't a normal reaction to a good bit of loving, I know."

I sighed. "Ya aren't gonna let this go, are ya?"

He shook his head. "And what was all that nonsense about hurting me? Why did you apologize for giving me one of the nicest orgasms I've had in ages?" He noticed tha skeptical look on my face, an' took my hand, pullin it ta his belly. I could feel the stickiness of dryin sperm.

"Don't mean nothin." I turned away again, movin onta my side ta face away from him. "Tha body reacts all kinds of crazy ways ta physical stimulation, if it's intense enough." I laughed, makin it sound as nasty as I could (an I can be nasty when I wanna). "I know that, too. Ya should see what happens in some of tha little sessions I have with mortals that get on my bad side. Easy ta do, since tha bad side is so big, ya know?"

I felt him lay down behind me, an' closed my eyes as he moved up against me, puttin his arms around me again. "The bad ass pose won't work any better than the smart ass pose. Not this time."

I sighed. "Cupe, I ain't discussin this. Can't ya leave it alone?"

"No."

"Shit. Go ta sleep. I ain't talkin."

"All right."

Oo, I shoulda known he wasn't gonna give up that easily. I mean, son of Love an' War, two of tha most inevitable forces in tha universe? But, I dunno. Lookin back, I think I musta known he wasn't gonna stop. Maybe I wanted him ta keep on. I'd nevah told anyone before.

So I let myself sleep. Things were all jumbled up in my mind, an' usually I have a hard time sleepin aftah I've fucked someone. Conscience botherin me, I guess (an' don't ya dare laugh at that). But with Cupid's arms around me I started ta drift off.

A little later I felt a tickle in tha back of my mind. I didn't do anythin at once, just stayed quiet an' waited ta see what he was up to. Normally I'd resent someone pokin around in my mind, but I knew Cupe was doin it for tha best reason, an' I also knew he wasn't gonna find anythin I didn't want him to. I had those memories walled up good an' tight. They only got out when I was really asleep, or when I had sex. It had taken me years an' years ta get 'em corralled, an' I'd built the walls that held 'em thick an' high, with broken glass on tha tops.

Finally I whispered, "You're gonna get filthy, muckin around in there."

He sighed, an I felt his lips against tha back of my neck. "What did I tell you about downgrading yourself like that?"

"Old habits die hard."

"Fight it, okay?"

"Okay."

I felt tha tickle again. In my mind, Cupid was touchin tha wall. "What is this?"

"Nothin."

"It doesn't look like nothing. That's the type of wall you build to hold in a monster: a hydra or a gorgon."

"I like architecture. Now, will ya please let me go ta sleep?" I felt him leave my mind, an' waited till I felt his breath fall inta that deep, slow rhythm that means sleep. Then I finally let myself drift off.

I shoulda known it would get out. It almost always does aftah I... do that. An' I shoulda known Cupid would realize what was goin on: I know how I get when it hits me. I shivah an' moan, an' usually end up screamin.

I came awake with someone on top of me, an' I was screamin, "Not again! Oh, gods, not again!"

Yeah, I'm minor, but I was trained by Ares, an' I can fight. I did. Tha voice kept sayin "Calm down," an' that was wrong, because it usually just said stuff like 'Take it, slut!' an' 'If you fight I'll cut you again'.

Usually it doesn't last long once I wake up, just a couple of seconds. But this time... It had been waitin a long time ta get out. It wasn't gonna stop till it ran all tha way through.

Tha feel of cold iron on my ankles an' wrists, iron forged by Hephastus. Iron I couldn't slip or break. Iron that also had a compellin spell on it, so I had ta do whatevah I was ordered. Tha cold. It shouldn't have been that cold, they had a fire. Sure, they had a fire. Othawise they couldn't have heated tha brand, could they? But me bein naked, it felt cold anyway. Tha way tha big one laughed when I screamed tha first time one of 'em raped me (no oil, he said tha blood would work just fine). Maybe if I'd screamed sooner, or cried more, it wouldn't have lasted so long, or been so bad. Probably not, though.

Then tha next one, an' tha next one, an' tha next one... It shoulda just faded inta a blur, but I could remember each wunna them, all tha differences in tha way they fucked me. I woulda remembered how they tasted, if they'd used my mouth. But none of 'em quite dared do that, even with tha spell an tha iron. From tha way I cursed them at tha start they were afraid I still had a little control there, an' they didn't wanna risk losin a chunk of their favorite organ.

Yer not supposed ta be able ta kill a god except in certain, special ways, but I damn sure felt close ta dead when they finished with me just before dawn. Tha next to tha last order was ta heal myself an' clean myself up. I did, making tha blood an' spit and shit an' come disappear, wipin away tha tears an' burns an cuts an' bruises. Then he beat me a little more, so I'd have somethin ta show Ares.

Tha last ordah was that I was nevah gonna tell anyone what had really happened, an nevah seek revenge for as long as tha bastards lived. As far as Ares or anyone else was concerned, I'd just gotten bashed around a little, An' hey, what was tha big deal about that? Happened all tha time, didn't it?

I finally managed ta fight it back behind tha wall, lockin it in. I opened my eyes. It was Cupid who was holdin me down. I've nevah seen such a horrified look on anyone's face. Oh, shit. He knew. He had ta know, with that expression.

I jerked, tryin ta throw him off. "You looked, damn you! You had no right!"

"Strife, gods! You were screaming and fighting, and I couldn't get you to wake up. I had to see what was causing it." He stopped holdin me down an' started ta pull me into his arms. "Baby..."

"No!" I shoved him off an' rolled away. When my feet hit tha floor, I was dreassed. Yeah, black leather. My bad ass gear. My own version of armor. I started pacin. "Ya don't understand, Cupe! I was bound not ta tell anyone. What tha crap are tha Fates gonna do to me now? Shit, I don't wanna be harpy dive bombed every time I go outside."

"You didn't tell me. I snooped."

I paused, considerin that. Yeah, it might pass. It was a technicality, and tha gods thrive on technicalities. I sat back down on tha bed. "Yah, okay. I guess that flies."

"Strife, who were those people?"

"Look, it was a long time ago."

"It might as well have been last night, the way it's affecting you."

"Oh, I'm lots bettah. I couldn't go anywhere near a fire for awhile."

He looked green, but he kept on. "When did this happen, and who were they?"

I sighed. "All right. I can see ya have the bit in your teeth now. I'm just bound from sayin what really happened, there's nothin about tellin what's public record. Ya remember a warlord named Cezanno?"

Cupid's forehead wrinkled, then he looked even more upset. "Cezanno the Cruel?"

"Yah, except he hadn't earned his nickname then, he was just Cezanno. He did some pretty important stuff for Ares, won a lot of battles, an' Unc offered him whatevah he wanted as a reward. What he wanted was me for one night. That was way back when I'd just assumed my position as God of Mischief, an' I was..." I smiled, "maybe a little ovah enthusiastic. I'd really been givin him Tartarus for about a month. Unc knew this, and figured he wanted ta kick me around a little in revenge. I'd pissed Ares off by fumblin somethin or other, an he agreed. Figured it would teach me a lesson."

When Cupid gasped, I said, "Nah. He didn't know what was gonna happen. Neithah did I. I thought I was just gonna get a regular butt kickin. Like I've said before, nothin that had already happened, right? So Heph slapped on tha restraints, an' I was deposited at his fortress." I shrugged. "You saw tha rest. He brought in..." I frowned. "five... no, six of his favorite men. I survived. In tha mornin I cleaned up, I healed, an' they turned me back ovah ta Ares. He cut me loose, told me he hoped I'd learned somethin, an' that was that."

"But the man's cruelty is legendery. He... he was horrific."

"Yah. But he wasn't born that way." I thought. "No, maybe he was. It just took him some time ta get big an' strong' an' powerful enough ta do what he really wanted ta. I think I was wunna his first projects. A god, who won't die no mattah what ya do, an' is a hell of a lot less likely ta pass out or become numb ta tha pain? I was perfect for him, an' he was really, really pissed with me."

"Oh, Strife. I'm so sorry."

"Why? Wasn't you that did it, Cupe."

"Dad..."

"Wasn't his fault, eithah. Like I said, he didn't know."

"Something should have been done."

"Oh, somethin was done."

"What?"

"Like I told ya, that was a long time ago. They're all dead now." I could feel tha smile stretchin my lips, an' I knew it was tha one that has most everybody convinced I'm crazy. "Ya know, Cupe, besides bein tha God of Mischief, I sorta think of myself as tha Lord of Loopholes. They left me one. That stupid shit said I couldn't seek revenge for as long as they lived." Tha smile got wider. "I bet he didn't know that he could have visitors in Tartarus."

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