'See, today was the day I had to ask myself, was it really worth it, I mean, getting into those hot pants everyday, well, let me tell you . . .' - Alister

Does the Chicken need a reason?
(Whats that got to do with the price of fish at the market?)




How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk?

The light went out, but where to?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Why is it you have a "pair" of pants and only one bra?

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a-door?

Tell a male that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?

Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What's another word for thesaurus?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON. how do they get it to stick to the pan?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? How do you know?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Why do you need a drivers licence to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Have you ever imagined a world with out hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?

If a cow laughed. would milk come out her nose?

If your in a vehicle going the speed of light. what happens when you turn on the headlights?

Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment. but when you transport something by ship. its cargo?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address. you turn down the volume on the radio?














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