A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town. He's going through his usual run of off-colour "dumb blonde" jokes, when a well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts:

"I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being? It is morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential, because you and your anachronistic kind continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs. You are a pathetic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to Discrimination laws in every civilized country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this Mister! I'm talking to the little bastard on your knee"

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits, however the second hid behind a bush to see what would happen.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples. The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one watched, and then wandered off to find ten small berried. He returned and the King explained the trial to him. 1...2...3...4...5... 6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

Joe was shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it was missing an oil seal. So, whenever it rained he had to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be or else it won't start.

Anyway, his girlfriend was having him over for dinner one night to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she stood outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Joe sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes were piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody was saying a word. So Joe decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

A few minutes later he grabs her girlfriends' mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend was furious, her dad was boiling, but her mother was a little happier. But still there was complete silence at the table.

All of a sudden there was a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE DISHES!!"