R.I.P.
This Blog Will Change Your Life, we hardly knew ye. Thanks for all of the entertainment, Ant (and Emma and Ryan when you were there).

Dave One Hundred Thirty Three: New Color Day
"In 1957, French painter Yves Klein invented and patented an especially intense ultramarine blue pigment, International Klein Blue, shown here. Today, dream up a new color of your own, and contact your lawyers."

I just saw an ad in the phone book while looking up what the name of our airport was for my former gifted teacher who apparently doubles as a lawyer. That is mas scary if you know the woman.

Anyway. New color. Hmm. Maybe a blend of red and pink and yellow, which is probably a shade of orange. Dang it.

Tomorrow, Day One Hundred Thirty Four... Hacking Day!

Day One Hundred Thirty Two: Lucky Number Day
"Today we can reveal that your lucky number is: 12. Now capitalize on your lucky number."

I didn't exactly follow any of the suggestions here (lottery ticket, but on a horse, buy a house at #12). Besides, my lucky number is plainly seven. Duh. The hypnotic red and black page can't fool me!

Next, Day One Thirty Three... New Color Day!

Day One Hundred Thirty One: Hierarchy Day
"Defy hierarchy today. Don't just accept society's rules. Talk back. Stand up, be the cog that clogs up the machine."

Let's see how I can do with the four authority figures here.

THE BOSS
Well, I'm not usually defying the boss too much. My immediate supervisor, the GM, I defy somewhat. We're pretty much on an equal level, and she knows that usually when I have an idea, it's a good one, so that's okay. The boss above that, our area coordinator, is cool with me for the most part. The one above that, our district manager... not so much. Only met her once though, and defying isn't a good first impression.

THE LAW
Right. Because I like jail.

THE TEACHER
"You listen here, Mr. Algebra Teacher! THIS C IS UNACCEPTABLE! GIVE ME A B! NOW!" And I still got a C. Freakin' A.

YOUR FAMILY
I've barely seen my family in the last week, so no defying here.

Next, another exciting day of not doing the task, Day One Hundred Thirty Two, Lucky Number Day!

Day One Hundred Thirty: Local Newspaper Day
"Today write a letter to your local newspaper to achieve a high profile in your community."

I already have somewhat of a high profile in my community. Everywhere I go, it's "Hey! You're the bookstore guy!" Yes, I *am* the bookstore guy. Thank you for reminding me. Ugh.

And I'm not even kidding. I can't go to Wal-Mart anymore without somebody knowing me. It's a curse.

Next up, it'll be wickety wack because it's Day One Hundred Thirty One and Hierarchy Day, yo!

Day One Hundred Twenty Nine: Blessings Day
"Count your blessings. In the great hubbub of life, we often forget to pause and consider how lucky we are. Today, assess this scientifically."

And by scientifically, by using the scoring sheet here. Let's roll.

Are you alive? Yes - 10 of 10
Are you in good health? Yes - 9 of 9
Do you have regular sex? No - 0 of 6
Do you have children? No - 0 of 3 per child, -3 for naughty child
Do you have a roof over your head? 5 of 5
Can you feed yourself and your family? Yes - 5 of 5
Do you have a steady job? 3 of 3
Are you free from racial or sexual discrimination? 5 of 5
Is your country currently at peace? 0 of 6 (ha - -99999 of 6)
Is your country well away from any geographical fault lines? Are we? 0 of 6 since I don't know
Are your parents still alive? 4 of 4
Are you still on speaking terms with them? 4 of 4
Have you found God? technically yes, but I lost him/her/it somewhere... 0 of 3
Have you found yourself? 1 of 2
Are your bowel movements regular? 8 of 8
Were you born into one of the richer social classes? 0 of 5
Are you a born optimist? 6 of 6
Are you a born pessimist? 0 of -6
Do you have a sense of humor? 1 of 1

TOTAL: 61

"If you have scored more than 40 points, you are luckier than 90% of the human race. Congratulations."

Well hot dog. Consider my blessings counted.

Tomorrow, Day One Hundred Thirty... Local Newspaper Day!

Day One Hundred Twenty Eight: New Fruit Day
Now Playing: 'Cabron'
"Try a new fruit today."

I didn't try a new fruit. I'm fired.

Tomorrow, it's a day with math, Day One Hundred Twenty Nine... Blessings Day!

Day One Hundred Twenty Seven: Office Gossip Day
Now Playing: 'Crazy in Love'
"Blow this up and leave it on your office copier."

First off, look at that! MY NAME is first on the list! For those of you who can't read it, it says...

Lay-offs (draft
Cc: McFadden Bartie & Hill legal
Circulate management.

Andy
Tom B.
Sarah?
P.W.
Anyone else?

First, our store doesn't have a real copier. We use the fax machine to make copies, on the two days a week that it works.

Second, I wouldn't post it because I think there's no dash in layoffs. Besides, nobody would believe it because everybody knows upper management names and McFadden doesn't fit.

So I fail miserably!

Besides, I'm off. No bookstore! None! Instead, I've crawled into my own little hole today. But Andy... no! Hole! (See, I can steal things from the best of 'em.)

Tomorrow, it's Day One Hundred Twenty Eight... New Fruit Day!

Day One Hundred Twenty Six: Consumer Rights Day
Now Playing: 'Stay'
"Today exercise your full rights as a consumer. You are legally entitled to buy a lot of prepackaed material by the unit. Buy one beer out of a six-pack. Buy two cookies out of a pack of 20. Buy five pistachios, a dollop of face cream, or one sock, and experiment with shopkeepers' knowledge of the law."

You know, I've always thought I needed a dollop of face cream.

I made a trip to Wally World to buy batteries for the digital camera today, but I figured I wouldn't mess with the people there. The cashier was jabbering enough as it was about how amazing it is that now packs of batteries have to be desensitized before you walk out the door. She went ON and ON and ON. Maybe because they're special expensive lithium batteries or something? I don't care. Ring up my batteries and my Claritin and my Shrek-sized M&M's and let me go already.

On a related note, I have demolished twelve of twenty-four bottles of prepackaged water in the last four days. Note the bottles.

And note the clearly marked but not clearly photographed "NOT FOR INDIVIDUAL SALE" note.

See, it all ties together.

Tomorrow is Day One Hundred Twenty Seven and a day I'm oh so familiar with... Office Gossip Day! And my name appears preprinted on the page! Yikes.

Day One Hundred Twenty Five: Your Stars Day
Now Playing: 'End of the Road'
"For once, take your horoscope seriously. To help, we've had this one designed scientifically, by the world's leading expert. Follow it to the letter."

Being of the December 7th born chillins, I fall under "Sagittarius." My Benrik horoscope is as follows:

"Today you are compatible with Virgo, Leo, and Pisces, but totally incompatible with Taurus; if one enter the room, leave."

Oh, I always go running when a Taurus walks in. Bad news!

And my Astrology.com horoscope, courtesy of My Yahoo!:
"Your aim is perfect. Your choice of targets is entirely appropriate. While these are familiar themes in your cosmic profile, for the next day or so they'll be strong, affirmative guiding principles. If romance is on your mind, you have an excellent chance of scoring those last few critical points to make something delicious happen. People and events might be moving fast, but nobody outsmarts you. You get the last laugh no matter who started the joke. The person that starts out trying to knock you off your high horse will end up begging you for a ride."

Yes, I have a chance of scoring! :) Nobody outsmarts me... uh-huh. I do get the last laugh usually. Geez, I didn't know I was signed up to read the daily ego booster horoscope.

My daily career horoscope:
"You're on the front line in commerce, development and team management. You know what you're talking about. That's why there's this sudden flood of interest and income in your life. Don't act so surprised about it, either."

Well DUH. I *always* know what I'm talking about. :)

And my Chinese Horoscope, being of the monkey breed:
"The circumstances will compel you to take a position, to align yourself and to make clear-cut choices. Your friends will give you lots of joys. In your family, you won't have to look for a long time for a solution -- it'll present itself to you. After an angry outburst, you'll be a little upset; from now on, don't take the smallest incident as if it was a tragedy. You'll have a chance to meet great love, the one written with a capital L; live it intensely, but avoid proclaiming it all over the place."

Okay, great love... show yourself. Where are yooooou?

In an unrelated story, I can't stand Usher, but his song just came on my Launch station and it's fun just for the "Yaaay-ya!" and "Whaaaaat?". Ah, Lil' Jon. What fun.

In more related news, tomorrow would be Day One Hundred Twenty Six... Consumer Rights Day! Yaaaay-ya!