Day One Hundred Twenty Seven: Office Gossip Day
Now Playing: 'Crazy in Love'
"Blow this up and leave it on your office copier."

First off, look at that! MY NAME is first on the list! For those of you who can't read it, it says...

Lay-offs (draft
Cc: McFadden Bartie & Hill legal
Circulate management.

Andy
Tom B.
Sarah?
P.W.
Anyone else?

First, our store doesn't have a real copier. We use the fax machine to make copies, on the two days a week that it works.

Second, I wouldn't post it because I think there's no dash in layoffs. Besides, nobody would believe it because everybody knows upper management names and McFadden doesn't fit.

So I fail miserably!

Besides, I'm off. No bookstore! None! Instead, I've crawled into my own little hole today. But Andy... no! Hole! (See, I can steal things from the best of 'em.)

Tomorrow, it's Day One Hundred Twenty Eight... New Fruit Day!

Day One Hundred Twenty Six: Consumer Rights Day
Now Playing: 'Stay'
"Today exercise your full rights as a consumer. You are legally entitled to buy a lot of prepackaed material by the unit. Buy one beer out of a six-pack. Buy two cookies out of a pack of 20. Buy five pistachios, a dollop of face cream, or one sock, and experiment with shopkeepers' knowledge of the law."

You know, I've always thought I needed a dollop of face cream.

I made a trip to Wally World to buy batteries for the digital camera today, but I figured I wouldn't mess with the people there. The cashier was jabbering enough as it was about how amazing it is that now packs of batteries have to be desensitized before you walk out the door. She went ON and ON and ON. Maybe because they're special expensive lithium batteries or something? I don't care. Ring up my batteries and my Claritin and my Shrek-sized M&M's and let me go already.

On a related note, I have demolished twelve of twenty-four bottles of prepackaged water in the last four days. Note the bottles.

And note the clearly marked but not clearly photographed "NOT FOR INDIVIDUAL SALE" note.

See, it all ties together.

Tomorrow is Day One Hundred Twenty Seven and a day I'm oh so familiar with... Office Gossip Day! And my name appears preprinted on the page! Yikes.

Day One Hundred Twenty Five: Your Stars Day
Now Playing: 'End of the Road'
"For once, take your horoscope seriously. To help, we've had this one designed scientifically, by the world's leading expert. Follow it to the letter."

Being of the December 7th born chillins, I fall under "Sagittarius." My Benrik horoscope is as follows:

"Today you are compatible with Virgo, Leo, and Pisces, but totally incompatible with Taurus; if one enter the room, leave."

Oh, I always go running when a Taurus walks in. Bad news!

And my Astrology.com horoscope, courtesy of My Yahoo!:
"Your aim is perfect. Your choice of targets is entirely appropriate. While these are familiar themes in your cosmic profile, for the next day or so they'll be strong, affirmative guiding principles. If romance is on your mind, you have an excellent chance of scoring those last few critical points to make something delicious happen. People and events might be moving fast, but nobody outsmarts you. You get the last laugh no matter who started the joke. The person that starts out trying to knock you off your high horse will end up begging you for a ride."

Yes, I have a chance of scoring! :) Nobody outsmarts me... uh-huh. I do get the last laugh usually. Geez, I didn't know I was signed up to read the daily ego booster horoscope.

My daily career horoscope:
"You're on the front line in commerce, development and team management. You know what you're talking about. That's why there's this sudden flood of interest and income in your life. Don't act so surprised about it, either."

Well DUH. I *always* know what I'm talking about. :)

And my Chinese Horoscope, being of the monkey breed:
"The circumstances will compel you to take a position, to align yourself and to make clear-cut choices. Your friends will give you lots of joys. In your family, you won't have to look for a long time for a solution -- it'll present itself to you. After an angry outburst, you'll be a little upset; from now on, don't take the smallest incident as if it was a tragedy. You'll have a chance to meet great love, the one written with a capital L; live it intensely, but avoid proclaiming it all over the place."

Okay, great love... show yourself. Where are yooooou?

In an unrelated story, I can't stand Usher, but his song just came on my Launch station and it's fun just for the "Yaaay-ya!" and "Whaaaaat?". Ah, Lil' Jon. What fun.

In more related news, tomorrow would be Day One Hundred Twenty Six... Consumer Rights Day! Yaaaay-ya!

Day One Hundred Twenty Four: Parrot Day
If you're coming here from the journal and looking for my - ahem - good artwork, it's below this entry. Progress continues, you know.

"Today buy a parrot and train it to say some unpalatable truth that you cannot voice yourself in society."

So I bought a parrot, right? I named him Wally. I tried for "We're all gonna die!" Wally wouldn't say it. I couldn't understand! Speak, Wally, speak! After hours of trying, I figured it out.

This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It is an ex-parrot.

Tomorrow, it's Day One Hundred Twenty Five... Your Stars Day!

The week ahead, for the curious:
125 - Your Stars Day
126 - Consumer Rights Day
127 - Office Gossip Day
128 - New Fruit Day
129 - Blessings Day
130 - Local Newspaper Day
131 - Hierarchy Day

Day One Hundred Twenty Three: Emergency First Aid Procedure Day
Now Playing: 'I'm Gone' by Alison Krauss + Union Station
"Today learn an emergency first aid procedure."

Well, there's nothing *I* can really do here but learn. I can't really practice it on anyone. So learn with me, and together we shall all save lives!

I did, however, use my extremely great artistic ability to draw out how to save lives. Thank me later. Apologies if it takes forever to load.

Clearly Timmy here is in a lot of pain. It's pretty obvious, I think. Our problem is ACUTE APPENDICTIS, which includes symptoms such as pain in the lower right abdomen, nausea, loss of appetite, and vomiting.

Thankfully, Sara was walking through the room at the time and heard Timmy's desperate call for help (or desperate plea for attention). She's not a doctor, but thanks to TBWCYL, she can help.

The first step is to anaesthesize the patient. Timmy is almost out of it, as seen here. Make sure you wait until he's totally out.

Make an incision in the lower right abdomen. (Alternate caption: Watch as tulips magically grow out of his stomach.)

Hey, you try drawing an appendix right on the first try.

Pull appendix out (left) and tie it at its base (right). Note: appendix may not look like balloon when tied.

Remove the appendix and throw it away. For an extra challenge, try to find a garbage can that's almost as tall as you are.

Suture the incision.

We should stop at this point to warn you of possible complications, which I did not draw: If the appendix has ruptured, clean out with a warm saline solution, insert drain through incision to allow pus to drain out of abdomen, leave skin open but pack with sterile gauze and leave in place until pus is drained and there is no sign of infection. If abdomen is too infected to locate appendix, treat with antibiotics before removing. Do not attempt this procedure unless you are a quialified surgeon, and even then think twice about it.

Maybe it's best I didn't draw the complications, with the pus and all. AND YOU'RE DONE! Another successful open appendectomy!

Tomorrow is Day One Hundred Twenty Four, which we all know is Parrot Day!

Oops - this one got misplaced... Day One Hundred Eightteen: Snooper Day
"Snooper alert!"

Basically, it's a message where you fill in stuff for potential snoopers to read. This isn't really necessary here, as I've had one human besides myself even enter my apartment in the past month. But nevertheless, because I'm a devoted Book-follower (though, had I written it, it would have correct grammar and punctuation):

Dear Snooper:

I know you are snooping in my Book, you have had guilt written all over your stupid face for the last few weeks, this is what I think of you if you really must know:

Next up, Day One Hundred Nineteen: Sense-less Day #2!

Days One Hundred Twenty One and One Hundred Twenty Two: No TV Weekend
Now Playing: 'Cats Are *****' by Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog
"The publishers of the Book have arranged a deal with news organizations and world leaders whereby nothing of real importance will happen this weekend, so you can feel at ease giving your remote a break. Instead, here are some pre-TV era activities that will feel a lot more wholesome."

Someone apparently forgot to tell The President about this, as we continue with more deaths.

This entry is easy. I have no cable, antenna, or satellite hooked up to the TV. DVDs and video games, yes. No cable. Piece of cake!

Tomorrow, we'll all learn as a part of Day One Hundred Twenty Three... Emergency First Aid Procedure Day!

Day One Hundred Twenty: No Money Day
Now Playing: 'Short Skirt/Long Jacket' by Cake
"Don't spend any money today."

Come on now, quit with the impossible tasks! I bought lunch somewhere, I'm sure. Actually this was Friday, so no... a coworker did. I bought dinner though.

Next, it's a duo of days, Days One Hundred Twenty One and One Hundred Twenty Two, and the event that is No TV Weekend!

Day One Hundred Nineteen: Sense-less Day #2
Now Playing: The Essex Green, who I'm really digging
"Go through today without the using of your sense of: hearing. How to: Wax ear plugs, available at any drug store."

This was impossible on whatever day it happened, because I either had to work - which involves customer service and pretty constant hearing - or school, which involved learning, which involved hearing. Oh well.

Next up, it's Day One Hundred Twenty... No Money Day!

Day One Hundred Seventeen: Me Day
"Today is all about me, myself and I, looking after number one, and sticking up for oneself. Be selfish. Don't give up your seat to the little old lady. Eat the last cookie. Park in the disabled space. Play with your kids' favorite toys. Shout out your own name during sex."

Well, the only one of those there's an opportunity for is the disabled space. For those of you who know me, I park at least halfway back in the parking lot. It makes sense to me. Everybody else is fighting for the first ten parks. You have to wait for people to walk behind you when you pull out. You usually have to spend five minutes finding a park, and two more waiting for it. Me, I park halfway back. No wait. I can pull right out and leave. I'm parked and unparked faster than everyone else. And really, how lazy are you when you don't want to walk farther than three parks from the store?

I'm so the last person to have a day all about them. I did, however, learn that I married a coworker under weird circumstances in somewhat odd attire today at some point in the past, so one point for me.

Seven up (the Spot game was the greatest NES game ever, by the way):
Day 118: Snooper Day
Day 119: Sense-less Day #2
Day 120: No Expenses Day
Day 121 & 122: No TV Weekend
Day 123: Emergency First Aid Procedure Day
Day 124: Parrot Day