quotes! word quotes that will kill you. ok, maybe not.


bio...who am i?


crazy drunken writings





these are quotes that i thought were funny. maybe you won't think they're funny. that's ok. i'll still buy you a card every st. patricks day.

"come on sunny, we have to buy in bulk, price club style"

sunny:"damnit angie, i always knew i was going to die in your car"
angie:"yeah right, and put my bong in jeopardy?" (spoken like a true pot head)

"damn ang, you got a lot of weed" -sunny

"sunny, i find it very disturbing that its 1 in the morning, you're baby sitting, and writing a song about child molestation" -kyle

"look will, i'm grating your thickness!" -$unny

"damnit, this makes me want to do a lot of drugs" -angela

"sunny, you try so hard not to be normal, and then you go and like something like ice skating" -clint

"paul, if you were a villian you'd be the stay-puft marshmellow man. you wouldn't be scarey, just really big." -sunny

"yearrr, permission to board ye butthole" -kyle, the pirate

" its true. ive been fucked in the ass more then both of you combined" -mike motz

"paul, why aren't you eating your keesh?" -satan

"*mission impossible theme*" (hi robbie)

"if some crazy ax murdering guy was trying to kill me, I'd tell him not to cut off my shoes, cause my feet smell, and hey, I don't want to be rude" -sunny

"knock her up, kick her in the stomache, repeat" -robbie

"in the sea of your ass i'm a pirate" -robbie

"penis tastes better when its bleeding" -mike

"i'll burn a dummy of jesus on the cross with satan giving him head"-zach, beautifully offensive

"dude, its all about promoting the mindless" -thats from one of my comic book thingys

"oh, so it reminds you of milk?" -dan

"we have calculators!!!! we don't need god!!!!!!!!!!" -sunny

"yeahhh, this would not be a good time to get pulled over" -angie

"i'm going to pretend i know nothing and hope that you don't leave scars" -paul

"evil. yeah pretty much. sexy evil" -paul

"you are not excatly a plethora of information" -angie

"pablo es el diablo con carne" -sunny

"can't i just bob my head to the music without being cut off?" -megan

"normal pee worry" -this is from christines car. she had one of those 'normal people worry me' but kyle fixed it up.

"invite paul over so you can cut those things on 6 packs of soda so the birds don't choke. and then have relations." -robbie

"as long as these pants are square, and this sponge is bob!" -spongebob

"oh sweet domination, this is it!" -plankton

spongebob:"is that a microphone?"
plankton:"yes. i need to get this shirt cleaned."

mr. crabs:"remember the most important rule."
spongebob:"no free napkins?"

"ryan, you are going to be a fireman"
"but i wanted to be a doctor!"
"QUIET! the machine has spoken." -invader zim

"hey its skid mark steve! you still just hangin out, playin nintendo?"
"well if you must know, i'm in my second year of med school and i'm training for the summer games. what are you two up too?"
"just hanging out, playin nintendo." -BASEketball

"coin operated self destruct, not one of my better ideas." -plankton

"This so called new religion stuff is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Now lets say the lord's prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate." -rev.love joy from the amazing show the simpsons

"Okay, so blood is thicker than water, but it isn't nearly as refreshing after a tough basketball practice." -John Gephart

"Sometimes I wish I had a jetpack, just so I could write dirty limericks in the sky" -John Gephart (I think we've all felt that way)

"If at first you don't succeed, then fire-eating is probably not for you. " -Jeffery ErHart

"If you ever find yourself in a place and everything's ten times bigger than it should be, don't worry -- you're not in some dangerous Giant Land. You probably just shrunk" -Jay Buettner

"If I ever lost both my eyes, I'd replace them with big olives. Then if someone pissed me off, I could strain real hard and pop the pimentos at them. That would teach them a lesson." -Gary McGuire (unfortunately, I'd actually really do that, mwa ha ha ha)

"after checking out some pro-religion posters, I began thinking that my life probably would have kicked more ass if God spent less time tramping through the beach and more time reigning terror on my enemies"

"Good thing the guy's name was Henry Ford and not Henry Anal. Otherwise, a half million Americans would be driving Anal Probes" -Todd Filener

"who the hell cries over spilled milk? now a spilled urine sample at the doctors office is a whole nother story"

"She's my favorite hooker of them all" -Tori Amos on britney spears

"If I was captain of a pirate ship and we were about to be cambellattacked by a giant sea squid, and someone wanted to bring a pillow on deck. yeah, i'd be ok with that."

"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' and god granted it" -Voltaire

"bitches rule, cause a bad personality is better than no personality." -Sandi Tranble

"if there is a god, I'm sure he doesn't like me very much and he would create a big hole for me to fall into"

"If we were the only people left on the earth, and a bomb was about to go off or sumthin and we only had five minutes to live would u fuck us then?" -Dogma

"If you're arguing with an idiot, make sure he isn't doing the same thing."

"man, you've smoked yourself retarded" -half baked

"i'm troy mclure, and i'll leave you with what we all came here to see, hard core nudity!" -troy mclure, the simpsons

"my life is my own and i'll ruin it like i planned to" -william fudeel

"hello, welcome to Eternity. smoking or non smoking?"

"I do touch too much bread, yes, more than the next person." --Samuel Feldman, on being convicted for squeezing and destroying $1000 worth of bread and cookies in bakeries

"She was living in a room with three other individuals one of them was a male and the other two, well the other two were female lord only knows what they were up to in there and furthermore Susan I would be the least bit surprised to learn that all 4 of them habitually smoked marijuana cigarettes...........reefers" -if you don't know where that's from, well poo poo on you

"i would never let a woman kick my ass, if she tried anything i'd be like, you get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie" -cartmen, south park

"dear santa, jews need love too" -jon stewart

"basicly i'm not cool; it's more of an optical illusion. but if it works i'll take it." -david spade

want more quotes from myself and others? click the secret link secret link!!!!!!