Least homoerotic post ever
Mood:  smelly
Now Playing: U2 - With Or Without You
So if you have been hiding under a rock or a bridge of sorts and have not been watching espn today you may not know that Jason Giambi and Barry Bonds admitted to using steroids. Personally, I don't think that steroids make you a better baseball player. The fact that Bonds was a hall of fame player BEFORE the year 2000 makes the whole "steroids made him better" argument a load of bullshit. The same goes for Giambi. Sure he was a beanpole for his whole life, but he was drafted in the second round in 1992, he was on the Olympic team, and he did well BEFORE he was an MVP. See kids, steroids don't increase the reaction time necesary to hit a 98 mph fastball or an 80 mph curveball that starts out at your head and breaks to your knees. Steroids don't improve your swing mechanics or hand-eye coordination. All of those things are what makes a great swing. What steroids DO help improve are increased acne, scarred and dead tissue around the area of injection, smaller and non-functioning testicles, uncontrolable mood swings that lead to violence, liver, heart and kidney failure, various cancers and tumors (testicluar being a really fun one). But it does make you stronger and bigger. Just look at these photos I have put together of Bonds and Giambi. I did NOT doctor these photos at ALL. Except for the steroid bottles. These are before and after pictures.

The picture on the left is of Bonds when he was in the minors. Pretty skinny huh? Bonds is huge now. Capital "H" u-g-e. And he is a world class asshole. He claims he didn't know that what he was given by his trainer was steroids. BITCH PLEASE. I'm not that dumb, and neither are the american people. Well...atleast I'm not that dumb.

Now on to Giambi. The guy was an amazing athelete in high school. He was all-state in basketball, football and baseball. He stuck with Baseball and probably made the right choice. The picture on the left is of him in the minor leagues in 93 or 94. Ironically he played for the same organization that Bonds did when he was in the minors. The picture on the right was taken in 2000. Right when, as he admitted to, he started to take steroids, human growth hormone, and even a female fertility drug (wtf?).

So after seeing some of MY idols do steroids, and seeing their results, I decided to follow in their footsteps. I mean, I AM an impressionable young guy, and other people in society are dumb enough to do this. I started this experiment about two months ago. And I have to say that it worked. See for yourself. These photos are not doctored in any way. Nope...not at all. These are ALL REAL.

So starting out, I was your typical 90 pound weakling. And appearantly I liked wearing leaves instead of underoos. And my nipples were brown. Anyways. By day 30 I had noticed some extra muscle. My bulge was still intact and I had not experienced any shrinkage. I did notice that I was lashing out at Brady more often. He ended up calling the cops on me...stupid spousal abuse. I mean what? Moving along. So, day 90. As you can see I was so big that I almost needed a manziere to hold back my man boobs. Also, my package had completely disappeared and I had a really bad fake tan. And I lost all my body hair. Which really wasn't that much to begin with.

To sum my experiment up, I guess it really was not that great. I began wearing spandex biking shorts, which is NOT HOT. My skin tone on my face didn't match the skin tone of my body. I lost my bulge. Don't do steroids kids. Steroids are bad. I will end with a quote from Jimmy of South Park "Taking steroids is just like pretending to be handicapped at the Special Olympics. Because you're taking all the fairness out of the game. But I know now that even if you do win on steroids, you're really not a winner. You're just a p-pussy. You're just a big fat p-p...p...pussy, and if you take steroids, the only decent thing to do is come forward and say, "Remove me from the record books, because I am a big, stinky p-pussy steroid-taking jackass." That's how I feel about myself, and why I must decline this medal and my place in the history books. And if you'll let me, I'll be back next year. To compete with honor.

How to spend seven hours on campus when you don't need to
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: Led Zeppelin - Over the hills and far away
So I spent SEVEN hours on campus today when I had no class AND I didn't need to study. Well, I DID have to get my student's grades together and give them their packets. But other than that it was a fairly uneventful day. Good times.

It has been a long time...long time...lonely, lonely time...
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Ramble On - Led Zeppelin
So it has been a couple days huh? And having waited long enough for death threats and hate mail to come in from my last post, I feel that it is time to move on. SO...Moving along now. This post is dedicated to the most underappreciated cartoon of ALL-TIME. No it is not Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law (which is friggin hilarious), or Aqua Teen Hunger Force (that show gets enough credit), or even Batman the Animated series (the one from the early 90's that was dark and more like the comic book). The most underappreciated and underrated cartoon is (drum roll) UNDERGRADS. Yes it is the show that aired from April-August of 2001 on MTV. Having spent many nights watching this cartoon with my buddies, it is easy to see why this show kicked so much ass: because it relates to anyone that watches it...but especially college students. The basic premise for the show is four high school buddies that graduate and go to college. Two go to the state university (Cal and Nitz), one goes to Techerson Tech (Gimpy), and the other goes to a sketchy community college of sorts (Rocko). Basically, the show is about college life, and other things related to it. I guess you could say it is an animated seinfeld for teenagers because it really is a show about nothing. Minus the superman references and puffy shirts. I found out that Undergrads is on dvd now, so I highly recommend getting a copy of it, or downloading the series if you have an outrageously fast internet connection. NOW FOR THE PICTURES!

Gimpy - Gimpy is a nerd. Plain and simple. He has a fetish with star wars movies and coffee. As well as never sleeping on his own bed. He also twitches uncontrollably at times and makes odd noises. He reminds me of my friends brady (from whidbey...or seattle as he prefers) and tom.

Nitz - He is the central character. The guy that everyone knows but can't quite remember. He also has ladies throwing themselves at him and he is totally clueless. He reminds me of Matt.

Cal - The typical ladies man. Also dumb as a stump AND a box of rocks. Has lots of sex with lots of women and the ladies can't get enough. He reminds me of Jeff Dawg and George.

Rocko - This guy is possibly the biggest asshole ever. That or he is just too dumb to realize what he is saying or doing. He does have his moments of clarity. He reminds me of Jeramy and myself.


Go check out Undergrads. Good stuff. Sorry for the lame post. I'm a bit um, preoccupied.

Corrections
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Oasis - What's the story morning glory
Okay Okay, I hear the bitching and insults about Oasis. I like it...so...FUCK OFF! Anyways, last night while I was listening on my short wave radio, I came across some information that has led me to believe that my post about Caleb has some factual inaccuracies. First off, I would like to state that I am never wrong...

Second, my trips to the future are never wrong

Third, since I can't and don't drink beer, ALL beer is the same to me. Sorry if that sounds racist...err BEERcist. Fourth, well, um, hmmm...okay so that is pretty much it. Appearantly, Caleb is also a BEER snob as well (my apologies to the good folks at Pabst Blue Ribbon and Miller High life but I guess Caleb is too good for you). Chicken Pitas give Caleb's gas and thus are not worth fighting for, which makes since considering that Caleb's prefer Pirogis (sp) and Bagels over some pita that is as addicting as crack or heroin. Or crackoine if you will. And Caleb's only wear ceremonial togas or monkey suits when beating the crap out of republicans and then drinking their blood.

I guess I have failed as a wildlife researcher. Please excuse me while I go vomit to make myself thinner because now all I have are my looks instead of my intellect.

I take the blame
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Open Your Eyes - Goldfinger
They lost. I can't believe they lost. I knew I jinxed them. I knew it. I have learned that god is a vengeful god. "OH SPITEFUL ONE, SHOW ME WHO TO SMITE AND THEY SHALL BE SMOTED" - Homer Simpson. I feel like such a heretic. Stupid Buckeyes.

Tribute
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Some Indpendent/Trendy/Unknown Musician
So I wanted to create a post for one of my friends that I feel doesn't get the recognition he deserves. This post is dedicated to the Cuddle Monster himself: Caleb Heeringa. After living with the guy for a year, I feel I am qualified to create such a grand and revealing post about him. The Caleb is a rare and mysterious creature. At times he can be seen downing beer

monkey suiting, shit-dollaring or even staying up past 10 on weekends. At other times, he disappears for weeks at a time. Some scientists speculate that caleb's prefer cave troll like dwellings and newsrooms as they provide perfect settings for hermit-like behavior. Caleb's also possess a higher aptitude for politics and independent music, which coupled with dutchness makes them superior beings. The type of Caleb that is indiginous to the NorthWest area tends to break lent and play guitar...and grow creepy facial hair. Some people may be asking, "How can I tell if I am friends with a caleb?" Well, Caleb's have several distinguishing physical characteristics. Gangliness is one, look for limp wrists and random flailing of limbs. Soft hands is another key feature. Dave Mathews band memorabilia are also common. But the most telling sign of a Caleb is if its carpet does not match its drapes.

But in all seriousness, Caleb is a badass friend. And a pretty stand up guy. Here are some pictures of caleb's adventures here at western and across the globe:

This one was taken when caleb led a rebellion against the Pita Pit when they raised the price of a chicken pita from 4.50 to 5.50. Needless to say, bodies hit the floor.

This next one was taken when caleb was investigating the corrupt AS elections last year. Much like Dick Tracy, caleb kicked ass and took names. AND bagged a hot chick.

Here is a picture of Caleb prior to one of his catwalk appearances. It is a little known fact that Caleb is a male model on the weekends. I figured it out when he gave a friggin AWESOME yagoogaly at some guys funeral. And if you watch him closely, caleb only makes right turns...

Here is a picture that I obtained from travelling into the future. So in the future, Caleb takes down the conservative media and spares nobody. Here he is beating the crap out of human dildo Bill O'Reilly.

And finally, here is photographic evidence that caleb is the sexiest man alive. Screw that Jude Law. British people aren't hot (except for Keira Knightly and Elizabteh Hurley).

SO as you can see, Caleb is a badass. And should be treated as such.

For Shame
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Cake - The Distance
So just in case you haven't seen or heard about this, there was a huge brawl at the Pistons and Pacers basketball game in Detroit tonight. Unbelievable. I don't blame the players. Ben Wallace over-reacted a bit to Ron Artests foul, he could have played it cool. The players need to hold themselves to a higher standard. I mean come on guys, what the fuck? You don't cross that line. I don't fucking care man. You don't do that. Fans, what the fuck guys? You don't throw shit at players or attack them. Come on. We aren't british. GOD DAMNIT. Way to fucking ruin it for the rest of us. WAY TO BE A HOLES! Unbelievable. I'm so sad about this. This really disappoints me. I'm disappointed in the players AND the fans. Whatever happened to good old fashioned heckling? Like rhyming the players name with something stupid? Or making creating funny signs to heckle players. Or even just spouting yo' mama jokes at players. Don't throw beer, don't throw popcorn. What are you people, retarded? Didn't you just pay like 10 bucks for that beer? Wasn't that popcorn like 7 bucks? Who is that dumb to disgrace the game they love? I don't want to sound like some bleeding heart liberal/churchie here but did anyone think of the children? There were kids in the stand that are probably scarred from this. i saw footage of kids crying looking like they had lost all faith in humanity. That is not cool. Not cool. Seriously. Grow up everyone.

5 psych experiments in 1 glorious day
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: that annoying hum from the computers in the library
So I have just finished my 4th of 5 psych experiments today. Why am I participating in so many experiments? Well because I am an idiot and signed up for two that were worth .25 credits. Talk about dumb. I have spent my entire day on campus and I don't even have class today or the need to study. SO LAME. SO VERY VERY LAME. Also, my hip still hurts. It actually throbs with pain. I have seen myself walking (by glancing at the windows as I pass by) and have noticed that I look like Igor from young frankenstein when I walk. I'm all hunched over in pain with a noticeable limp. I guess I will just have to amputate. Haha.

This is me for the day: Professor Frink...master of all things scientific and psychological.

Much like the Seahawks, the Sizzle are one and done.
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Something emo-ish...I dunno say...anything by the cure
So the sizzle lost. We lost our playoff game. Damnit this sucks. My hip hurts so damn bad. Some A-Hole took out my legs and hit my hip with his shoulder. I should have slapped him and then shamed his mother while he watched but I'm a good person and shook it off and kept playing. So anyways, it rained like a mother tonight, the wind was howling, and it was cold. CURSE YOU OLD MAN WINTER. So without the ability to throw the damn ball, James became the man at QB. He is awesome, scored a td, and another which he was ruled out of bounds on which was total bullshit and he scored it was obvious and the ref fucked it up cause he is a bonerbiting unclefucking cockgoblin. I'm not bitter. Not at all. Not one bit. I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL REF. I mean what? So anyways james had a td, and I returned an interception for a td. Those were our two scores. The other team, which I will call team Bitchrod because we should have destroyed them handily, scored thrice. It was close until the end. Until they scored two unanswered td's. Oh well. Next season is only 300 something days away. In the spring, I vow revenge on the other teams. So help me god I will wreak havoc on the league. The Sizzle will win the championship before I graduate. This I guarantee. GOD DAMNIT I HATE LOSING.
(After winning OT coin toss) We're gonna take it...AND WE'RE GONNA WIN!

Thank god I didn't guarantee victory and then lose. THAT would be totally moronic...

The Weather was a bit odd...

Old man winter was in full force with all his huffing and puffing.

Usually, rain gives people from western washington some sort of superpowers. Tonight it was like somebody had some kryptonite. I blame lex luthor.

So after all these factors combined together all the players on the field looked pretty much like this...

So Caleb. My dear friend. I can't accept your title. I refuse to be the Gonzales to your Ashcroft. See, unlike John Ashcroft, you HAVE succeeded at your position. I'm sorry for comparing you to Ashcroft. You are the exact opposite. Although I'm pretty sure Ashcroft does some monkey suiting. Anyways. The Blogger General needs strong Dutch genes and immense knowledge of indpendent music. While I am dutch, I am nowhere near a music snob. Plus you didn't lose to a dead guy in your election. I think as soon as you are done with your journalism experience, your blog will go back to being the superior website it was and still is. Rantom Banderings wouldn't be any good without E-Caleb. Bring Back E-Caleb. Thats it...I'm starting a petition.

Beyond The Glory : TimTom
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: Behind Blue Eyes - The Who
So now that the Sizzle are in the playoffs, I thought it would be best to do a profile on possibly the greatest and most mysterious player that has ever been with the Sizzle: TimTom.

Little is known of TimTom's birth and his early childhood is only based on speculation and hypothesis. What is certain is that TimTom was born on what would possibly be the luckiest day of all time: 7/7/1977. That many luckey sevens on one day contributed to the utter greatness that was to become TimTom. After living in the highlands of Scotland for his first 5 years, TimTom left with his father to travel around the world. TimTom studied with the greatest scholars, trained with the greatest athletes and held counsel with numerous religious leaders. His journeys took him from the Himalayan peaks to the depths of the Pacific Ocean. Across all continents he traversed until one day his father decided to take him to Ann Arbor to complete his training. In Ann Arbor, TimTom acquired his skill for football and honed his athletic skills at the Universe's premier university: The University of Michigan. Once he passed his Trials (a rigorous test of physical, mental and supernatural skills similar to the jedi knight trials) he decided to attend Western Washington University. There he grew a beard (which signifies greatness in the Tom family, see relatives below) and became rather anonymous. Until last year when fate led him to a flag football scrimmage. There he showed up at the very last moment and saved the day, which is a trait of the Tom family. He continued to do this for the Sizzle all season long. Our performance can be shown on this graph.

Room is actually "field" in this case. He Became a savior of sorts. Nobody knew his name and yet we all knew deep down inside that it was indeed THE TimTom. The chosen one destined to rule all of flag football and possibly the world. If you don't believe me, check out some of the members of his family tree.

TimTomexander the Greaterer-
After Alexander the Gay, er I mean Great died, his empire began to crumble. That is until one young soldier began to rise up the ranks. It seemed as if he came out of nowhere to lead the greeks back to prominence. TimTomikus used his empire to spread the good word of flag football and beardedness.

TimTomatine-
The Holy Roman Empire almost never happened. Constantine was having trouble. All of his followers were leaving him because he lacked a beard and wasn't mysterious BAM in comes TimTomatine. With his mysterious beardedness and awesome flag football play he provided much needed compassion and coolness to Constantine's camp. People joined Constantine in droves and it was all due to TimTomatine. To thank him for his efforts, Constantine named a small city next to Constantinople after Timtomatine.

TimTomington-
Remember when General Washington crossed the Delaware? Well, nobody "remembers" it but it did happen. And Washington kicked ass. However, he succeded only because a young captain named TimTomington used advanced cloaking techniques and jedi battle meditation to fool the british. For his heroic efforts on the battlefield AND for copy editing the Declaration of Independence AND the Constitution, TimTomington appeared on the ill-fated three cent piece.

As you can see, TimTom is beginning to live up to the legacy of his forefathers. Don't be surprised if one day you hear of TimTom becoming the greatest President of all-time. WAY better than Woodrow Wilson. That guy was a pansy.