Can you hear that? Listen VERY closely...
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: green day-st. jimmy
Wait...I think I hear something. Can you hear it? I think...I think it is...YES it is the world's smallest violin. Aw and its playing for the yankees. How sad. That makes me a Sad panda. Wait, I hear something else. Yep, it is hell freezing over. Damn, who would have ever thought that the red sox could come back like this. They creamed New York in game seven. Johnny Damon has become a god, if not some other figure of biblical proportions. David "big papi" Ortiz is huge in every sense of the word. The man is just plain big. And he hits in the clutch. AND he used to be a mariner minor-leaguer. Derek Lowe and Curt Schilling both pitched amazing must win games. Schilling is officially the man for pitching 7 unbelievable innings on an ankle that was suchered (sp?) together to hold the ligament to the bone. He was bleeding through his sock the whole game. Damnit thats awesome. This win can compare to only one thing...Star Wars. The fall of the evil empire, the rise of the jedi, and the eventual shitty prequals that don't live up to the hype but have hot chicks (natalie portman...is there anyone hotter? Maybe Keira Knightly. Maybe. And she was a double for portman in the first movie) So hot. Anyways. So I used my MS Paint skillz to create some rather lame, but funny pictures relating star wars to the alcs. GO SOX. WOOO. We're going streaking...we're going streaking through the quad! Sorry, I have NO idea where that came from. Idle hands.

Ok so this has nothing to do with star wars, but it is SO obvious that I had to do it. Damon of Nazareth. The man has supernatural powers of beardedness. Must GROW FACIAL HAIR.

So this took me over an hour to do. Partly because I had to find pictures of Manny, Damon, Pedro, Jeter, Steinbrenner and Payrod, and partly because Ashley kept dropping ass. Not really, but it sounds funny. Dropping ass. Just say it, its impossible not to laugh. Say it. Anyways so yeah, I left out ortiz, and he would make a perfect jabba the hut, or jabba the ortiz if you will, but I got lazy. And Jeter fits the profile better. A big name guy that gets way too much credit for what he does and is feared for really no reason. The guy is a putz. OVERRATED. Steinbrenner as the Emperor is obvious, as is Pay-rod as Vader. Pedro as Lando felt right. A guy that betrays han, and then comes back when needed. Think about it. Pedro comes in, BLOWS against the yankees, then somehow cranks up the fastball to 98 (which he hasnt done ALL season) and finishes the inning. Manny as han is an easy choice here. The guy is cool, he is the man on that team. Sure he looks like an idiot in left field, but he is shifty, gets the ladies and is always clutch. Damon as Skywalker has to be. He denies being the man, letting others take the spotlight like Bill Mueller (chewy) or Kevin Millar (possibly Obi-Wan although Griffey fits that role better). All along you knew he had the power and then BOOM he brings down the empire. FUCK YEAH. GO SOX. Greatest comeback EVER. Period. End of story. Anyone who argues against that has some severe mental deficiencies and is quite possibly lacking a soul. Thus concludes my post. Coming soon: a review of green day's new album American Idiot. Preview: Green Day makes a Punk Rock Opera? Think THE WHO with TOMMY.

THE RETURN OF THE SIZZLE
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: lipstick tourniquets-vendetta red
So I will avoid my usual sports wrap up and ranting for this post. This post is solely for the purpose of spreading propaganda about the Off Campus Sizzle. This being the new version of last year's South Campus Sizzle. We have dave, jeff, me, and chris back from last years team. There are some new editions, Kyle and Alec, both from Whidbey. SO anyways, about the game. The sizzle played Mac-Attack. Think mac as in pimp, not mac as in fruit inspired computer company. The game started off well enough, an interception (a reoccuring theme throughout the game) by the sizzle led to a td catch by chris richards. Another sizzle pic led to another chris richards td. Chris was by far the mvp with something like 3 pics, 2 tds and a couple extra points. Then a circus of the foot interception by alec was returned for a td. So far so good, 18-0. Throw in a beautiful full field td pass to kyle and the sizzle begins to initiate cruise control. Mac-attack scores near the end of the half to give a 38-6 halftime score. After orange slices and capri suns, we get the ball to start the second half. Quick downfield strikes to dave, chris and alec lead to a JeffDawg td reception and the end of the game thanks to the 35 point mercy rule. Final score 44-6. Td receptions by chris richards, jeffdawg, kyle, and I think dave. We really had everything going for us. It feels really good to win big after getting smacked down a few times in the fall last year. Good times were had by all. I did alright, nothing fancy. Having chris and kyle on the outside really made it easy. Those guys can outjump and outrun just about anyone. During the game it seemed like there was this magical aura around the sizzle. Like some secret formula helped us win. In order to solve the mystery that is the sizzle, I have come up with a formula (with pictures) that explains why we are so hot right now...and why we rule at flag football for the moment.

This is our goal. Yes it is a t-shirt, but you can lord it over people. Duh...

the pigskin plus...

flags of course=flag football. But why is the sizzle such a success? For the answer to that we must dig deeper...

Mojo is a key ingrediant. Being the really, really, ridiculously good-looking guys that we are, mojo is a given.

Schnapps for Schnappasaurus, without some sort of secret potion, the sizzle would fizzle.

All players live off campus (except kyle, but fairhaven is pretty much off campus). High concentrations of sizzle can be found off campus. Contributing to our pure awesomeness.

And finally, the biggest reason why we rule so hardcore is because our core players grew up on whidbey island. Something about counting trees all day and driving down roads that lead to nowhere that makes you a badass flag football player.
Thus concludes my first post of the Sizzle. I hope it was enjoyable AND educational.

They Call me MR. Saturday night...
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: glow-alien ant farm
So as I sit here watching the vikings and saints duke it out, I can't help but realize how BAD commercials are today. Ok sure, some beer companies and jack in the box get it, but everyone else SUCKS. Especially mcdonalds. I don't want your crappy burgers and justin timberlake doesn't make me want them any more. Skinny white guys that think they are michael jackson are not funny. Give me commercials with ferrets or secret code languages. Anyways, so the weekly sports wrap goes like this: Saturday was another grand day for michigan football. The Spartans (MSU) kicked the crap out of minnesota. The poor golden gophers, two years in a row they play michigan and michigan state and two years in a row they lose both times. Sad really. Actually no. So Drew Stanton, golden boy, finally shows spartan fans why he is the chosen one. Yes Drew Stanton, prototype quarteback, passed for 308 yards and rushed for 102. He even caught a 4 yard pass. Drew Stanton, Mr. Versatility, had major reconstructive knee surgery in the spring. Drew Stanton, human miracle, battled two other QB's while still rehabing his knee this fall for the starting job. Drew Stanton, god's gift to Spartan Football, finally gets his day in the cold gray michigan winter. Good for him. Good for the spartans. My beloved Wolverines also won 30-19. And for a while they looked completely out of it. Being down to lowly Illinois for some time. Illinois being the team that has not won a big ten game in 2, yes T-W-O years. Anyways, so Mike Hart, stud freshman running back (sorry I'll stop with the name thing now), ran for 234 yards. Now UM is 11th in the nation. Slowly creeping back into contention. Wisconsin shares the lead in the big ten with Michigan. Unfortunately, they don't play eachother so this could lead to one of those total BULLSHIT split titles. I'm not still bitter about Michigan splitting the title with FUCKING NEBRASKA in 1997. That was total bullshit, that michigan team would have SPANKED the cornhuskers. Charles Woodson was a DB and he WON the heisman that year. Not some schmuck option QB from Nebraska (see Eric Crouch). Anyways, on to other things. The Red Sox are getting beaten like some redheaded stepchild/sweatshop worker. I really hope the yankees lose. Um...work is good. Can't really argue with that. So I saw Team America: World Police the other night. I Swear this is one of the funniest damn films I've seen in a long time. Everything that Trey and Matt (south park guys) do is hilarious. Who would have thought that marionettes would be funny? Well they are. My ribs hurt from laughing so hard. This movie is so funny on so many different levels. The obvious dick and fart jokes, the political jokes, and the obvious spoofing of jerry bruckheimer (sp?) and michael bay. The people that brought us the utter disaster that is Pearl Harbor the movie among others. Go see it, and be prepared for some funny shit. So thats it for this post. No funny pictures or lengthy rants. Go enjoy what is left of the night. Don't be like caleb and go to bed at 9 on a weekend. Lame. SO lame.

who says old people can't be boring?
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Flake-Jack Johnson
So, here we are again in the midst of one of the greatest political battles in the history of the world. Something tells me that the fate of the universe could very well be decided by the decision that the people make. And the funny thing is, most people my age won't even vote and probably aren't even registered. Now that the debates are over, I would like to give a brief summary for the general public. Round One: Enter the middle-aged dragons. Kerry really looked sharp, not like the piece of driftwood I assumed he really was. Bush lived up to his hype; being one of the worst public speakers ever. The classic deer-in-headlights pregnant pause really caused him to lose much of this debate. Note to Kerry: Don't say anything ever about passing a global test when you mean something else. Don't do that ever, ever, EVER, ever ever ever ever. Not enough evers. Round 1.1: The dynamic duo's sidecar companions duke it out. Well, in this battle of Robin vs. Robin, I really think Cheney came out ahead. As annoyed and pissed off as he was, just the fact that he is SO much better at speaking than bush made him the winner. Edwards was good. A charming southerner just like Clinton. Just keep it in your pants damnit, and pay for dry cleaning if you don't. Round 2: Big Brother meets Town Hall. How 1984-ish. Lets pre-screen all questions and then cut off the questioners if the stray from the question. What? Are we afraid of making the candidates think on their feet? Would this cause an advantage for one? Yes, yes it would. Bush would look like a fucking moron if he had to improv. Pregnant pauses would abound. This was a bit more even. Bush definitely improved, but still, so many misleading statements. Check the facts. Each candidate totally BSed more than a few comments. That goes for each debate. Round 3: geriatric showdown at the ok corral. Ok, so neither candidate is geriatric, big deal, they are still older than I am. This was a frustrating debate. Kerry should by all rights have unleashed a total fury of facts and tidbits to destroy bush. But he didn't. He did defend himself well. Same for Bush, he did his usual smirks and monkey-like faces of disgust. Is anyone else bothered by those faces? I can't stand that shit. Anyways, that sums up the debates. I think Kerry did a good job solidifying his position. I would have like to seen more examples and more detailed versions of his plans, instead of just saying he has them, but he did well. The only positive of having bush around for four more years would be that...wait, nope can't think of anything let me check...nope sorry. Huh, usually I can find the positive in any situation, but somehow I am stumped when it comes to him. Odd. Oh well. In other news, the redsox are getting spanked in the alcs. Damn. DAMN.
catcher's gear: 300 Dollars. Personal Trainer: 150 dollars per session. Being able to stick it to that bitch A-Rod: Priceless.

Good Times
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Rodeo Clowns-Jack Johnson
SO I realize that I have not been posting as frequently. I plan to fix that. Hopefully, I have figured out my schedule with work and school enough that I can allow 40 minutes to blog every few days. Now, on to the ranting. So this weekend was a banner weekend for michigan football. The Wolverines won in dramatic fashion thanks to stud freshman chad henne and mike hart. And a nice catch and run by tight end tyler ecker. Good work guys, you didn't allow 400 rushing yards against minnesota this year. Hear is hoping to a rose bowl bid. The lions were also victorious against michael vick and the falcons. Vick looked lost. He may be an amazing athelete, the best ever at the QB position, but he still needs some time to improve as a pure passer. Having a freaking cannon for a left arm and a 4.2 forty does not make you an expert passer. It just helps you hide flaws. I hope he develops into what he could be. But until then, go lions. Go Harrington, it is about time you proved me right. In other sports news, the Spartans (MSU) also won. Hazaa. Directional Michigan moved out of the bottom ten on ESPN's poll. And the yankmees and the bosox are poised for yet another alcs showdown. I hope pedro has the nuts to bean pay-rod in his pretty little face. I'd like to see veritek kick some more ass like he did earlier in the year. But most of all, I want to see the yankees lose. FUCK THE YANKEES AND their fans. Rooting for the yankees is like rooting for the lakers (sorry brady) or the dallas cowboys (WHO THE FUCK THINKS THEY ARE AMERICAS TEAM??? CERTAINLY NOT ME). You can compare it to voting for george bush, or cheering on darth vader. I mean come on, how heartless AND ingnorant/stupid do you have to be? Lets root for a team that always wins and cripples the rest of baseball by having an ungodly team salary. Fuck the yankees. Did I mention I hate the yankees? Anyways, on to better things. So I read in article in the Seattle PI yesterday by this columnist named Bill Virgin. Sorry, that's not the punchline. His article was about why we needed to re-elect bush. Basicly he titty whined for 2 pages about why he has a solid economic history and has done a good job. He attempts to discredit "rumors" of his faults by stating that democrats are ignorant and uninformed. When you bring up mike moore to reinforce this claim, it really does NOT help. Everyone knows he is a nut, everyone, so don't fucking use him as a credible "uninformed" democrat. To MR. Virgin I recommend getting a rectalselfalectomy. It is a surgical procedure where a doctor removes your head from your ass. What the fuck man? Have you been living in a cave, feeding off of wayward hikers like some troll? Are you blind or just stupid? (to quote homer simpson) I have heard of dittoheads, and yesmen and so on, but you my friend take the cake. Opinion article or no, your opinion is wrong. Sorry, I said it. You should have your civil liberties stripped away and be hauled off to the looney bin (your boy W did a good job of that with the patriot act). Clever huh? Patriot Act...lets disguise the most unpatriotic thing you can do by calling it the patriot act. Those politicians sure are fancy with their sophistimicated words and letters. Anyways, back to old bill. So, I hope you die a horrible death and the world rejoices. Actually, not really. Just know that you are wrong, because I say so. And that matters bitch. I would like to bitch about the mariners, bill bavasi, howard lincoln, but what can I say that hasn't already been said? Melvin gets fired, not his fault. Bavasi totally fucked him by getting shitty players. Lincoln greased him up and bent him over by solely seeking a profit and being TOTALLY unwilling to go after ANY good players, or pull the trigger for a big trade like oakland always does. If I was king, melvin would not have been fired. No, he would not have been hired in the first place. I would have insisted on keeping piniella at any cost. Lou WAS the mariners, just like Buhner and Edgar were and still are. You don't get rid of people like that. Second, you don't sign rich aurillia and scott spiezio. NEVER EVER sign other team's shit. Third, you go after guys like Pudge (who hit .333 and had another amazing season behind the plate) and Vlad Guerrero (mvp candidate) and bartolo colon. Hell, try to trade for NOMAR. People (Howard Lincoln and Bill Bavasi) don't realize this but when you win championships, you make MORE money. Winning requires good players, spend more to get them, make more money. So simple. If only I was king. If only. So I do not have any funny picture to end this post with. Hold on let me look...

I always knew there was more to cows...

No words necesary...

its funny cause its true

So it comes to this...a clipshow
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: Weezer-Pink Triangle
Yes I realize that it has been two weeks since I last posted. To some people that might SEEM lazy. I prefer to say that I was doing some research to make this site that much better. So turns out being an IA really is as enjoyable as I thought it would be. All my students kick ass. Not one ralph wiggum amongst the group. Jeff is once again summoning the great power that once was the south campus sizzle. This new and hopefully improved incarnation (is that the right word?) of the team will be called the OFF CAMPUS SIZZLE. Feel the wrath that is the Sizzle bitches. While I don't think we have the fanbase that the beastmasters do, or the fat guys wearing diapers, I think we will do ok. Without Matt, our resident techinician/math whiz, our team will be lacking the common sense and calculus skillz we once had. While matt is busy living it up in england, drinking pints, carousing with seedy women, and starting vicious brawls at football (soccer to us americans) games. Must be nice. I'm not envious at all...Anyways, so george and I got jobs at costco. So I guess any free time I did have will be taken up by this job. Not bad though. 25 hours per week at 10 bucks an hour. And the people there are cool. So here is caleb's cue to say that george and I will be rolling around in our piles of money. To caleb I say humbug. Hopefully he will shed his hermit crab shell and venture out of the comm building a few times this quarter. So on to other things. I got a copy of Radiohead's amnesiac album. I haven't been able to stop listening to it. I always hated this album, and kid a. I loved pablo honey and the bends, and of course ok computer. Now I regret having this bias against this album. I guess I was in my shitty rock phase that included limp bizkit and linkin park. Atleast I admit it. Anyways, yeah, this album kicks ass. Somewhere in a little cubicle in the journalism department, caleb is celebrating. I also burned a copy of Weezer's pinkerton album. I have to say this disc is also extremely good and I am disappointed that I overlooked it for such a long time. Every song is so good. It definitely is a different flavor than the blue album, but it is great in its own way. Pink Triangle is definitely my favorite song so far. Good life is also a great song: "When I look in the mirror/I can't believe what I see/Tell me who that funky dude is that's starin' back at me." Such a great line that I say to myself ALL the time. So my wolverines have recovered from their annual first road loss of the season to go undefeated since then. The timing is about right for Lloyd Carr to screw the game up and once again dash ANY hopes of a title. But I have hope. Chad Henne is amazing for a true freshman. And the D is awesome. Braylon Edwards, Jason Avant, and Steve Breaston are untouchable. On to the Lions. The loss to the eagles was ok, they are a great team. Now if only we could find a way for roy williams to touch the ball on EVERY play, then we could have something. DEAR TONY SIRAGUSA: Don't play into Dick Stockton's obvious ploys to start controversy, you are way to dumb for that. And also, try not to suggest that the starting QB for the game that you are broadcasting might be gay because he is articulate and well mannered. That is just a bad move as a tv journalist or sideline analist or morbidly obese annoying onfield interviewer guy or whatever the hell it is that you do. On to baseball. So the evil empire lives thanks to their latest sith lord PAY-ROD. Fuck the yankees. I hope they lose to the twins, or boston, or the Cardinals in the world series (sorry to the fans of the braves, dodgers or astros but honestly, don't kid yourself because your teams have a snowball's chance in H-E double hockey sticks of beating the red birds). Damn the yankees. That pretty much covers my sports section. So now for something completely unrelated, here is a picture of Caleb and I at a teryaki restaurant. Notice the facial hair.

College Version 2.0.1.2se for Bellingham
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Say it Ain't so - Weerez
So I haven't updated in awhile, and some of you (um, caleb) are getting restless. So I guess I will talk about the new school year and the goings on. So I moved into a new place. The lovely villa bonita apartments. And my new roomie is Brady. I think Brady will be an awesome room mate. And he brings Assley Overman over, so that is always a nice bonus. To compliment our bachelor pad I bought a 44" Plasma Tv. Which I think we will waste plenty of time playing Madden and NCAA Football '05. Which is fine with me. I have a bathroom in my room. Which is nice and really creepy at the same time. It is an odd feeling waking up in the morning to evacuate fluids and realizing that you only had to take like 2 steps to get there. I dunno, maybe that is a good thing. So my first day of school had many expected and unexpected happenings. I think my Psych 101 class will kick ass. Mike Mana is a crazy canuck. Which should make class interesting eh? Being an IA will also be great. No, I won't torment poor freshman or abuse my power and make them do my bidding. And I won't hit on any of them, which is actually a rule in the handbook oddly enough. I sat in on two spanish classes. I sat in the corner, on the floor for two hours. Good times were had. Then I went to the book store where I saw Jeffrey. He looked lost/confused/bewildered as usual just staring off at some random point while he was standing at the top of the stairs. I said hello, and he just jumped up and walked away doing his jeffreyisms. It was a glorious day. So now for the ranting. So I was watching the Mariners game the other night. Yes I watched a mariners game. Trust me people, it is NOT that bad. Try being a Lions fan or a Tigers fan. I hate fairweather fans. Pick a team, stick with them, and be a fan. Anyways so watching the game I realized how utterly bad the mariners management is. And Ichiro rocks. So Pat Gillick. Stand Pat as he is called. I hate this guy. I know he is stepping down yadayadayada. But he built this team. What a fuckup. Yes we had success. But aren't you supposed to maintain that? Not become the third team in history to go from 90 wins one year to 100 losses the next. When we were having success we still lacked a potent offense. So what do we do? Go out and get Javy Lopez, or gary Sheffield or Pudge Rodriguez? Nah, lets get Rich Aurillia and Scott Spiezio. Who are decent situational players. Oh, how about getting a stud pitcher, Colon, and a damn good outfielder, Vlad Guerrero? Nah, lets let them go to a DIVISION RIVAL (anaheim). WHAT THE HELL? That is like the dumbest most boneheaded thing you can do. NEVER let a great player go to a rival without a fight. Look how the yankees stole arod away from boston. Atleast Steinbrenner gets it. Build a winner, keep winning, pay to do it. He makes millions because the yankees are always good. Do the mariners do this? No. Lets keep Bret Boone so he can swing from his ass and look like a complete idiot at the plate while he hits .260. I admire keeping Edgar because he is a legend. But why treat Olerud with such disrespect? We have not developed ANY starting position players from our farm system in so long. Guillen came from the astros in the Randy Johnson trade so he doesn't count. Neither does bucky jacobsen. Its been ten years since payrod came up. Almost ten years. Look at all the former mariners. Randy Johnson (to astros for Halama, Garcia and Guillen). Griffey (to reds for brett tomko and assorted crap). Payrod to Rangers for big paycheck and eternal assholishness. Jose Cruz Jr. to blue jays for Mike Timlin and PAUL SPOLJERIC. Or just look at the Red Sox. David Ortiz, former mariner minor leaguer, Jason Veritek and Derek Lowe were traded for HEATHCLIFF SLOCUMB. Remember that guy? Part of the terrible bullpen of the 90's. Anyways. It is time we start spending money on good free agents. Look at the tigers, they are promising to go after every big name guy they can. It is about damn time. All I want is for the mariners to do well. Go Ichiro Go. Singles alone won't win a ballgame without someone to hit some more and a pitcher to shut the other team down. On a completely unrelated note, here is a picture of my dog and cat sharing an apple. Enjoy!

Have you seen my stapler?
Mood:  suave
Now Playing: Under My Thumb-Rolling Stones
So I don't really have anything to rant about today. Just that Michigan better win tomorrow or I will personally dip Lloyd Carr into a vat of acid if they lose. Hmmm...I must a sore loser. Other than that, I think packing stuff has to be my least favorite activity. I don't remember where half of my stuff is, and I don't think I need the stuff I do find. Hopefully Brady left enough space in the apartment for me to put in our new leather couch and chair. And in classic bachelor fasion, they are different colors so they don't match. Which I find solidifies our straightness. Not that there is anything wrong with being gay. Gay is being homosexual, you know being sexually attracted to someone of your sex and of course stealing the rainbow and the triangle from straight people. I say give back the rainbow, and you can keep the colors pink and purple. I think that is a fair deal. I mean, non Irish people don't steal the clover from Irish people. So why should we give up the rainbow? Why isn't this being discussed in the presidential debates? Oh sure, marriage is SUCH a big deal. Lets see, Bush doesn't like gay marriage because it ruins the sanctity of marriage. Since when has marriage been sacred recently? Um, lets see, more people get divorced then stay married. A vast amount of married people cheat on their spouses. A vast amount of people also abuse their spouses. So where is the sanctity in that? I think some uptight bible thumpers need to pull their heads out of their asses and see what is going on. They say it is wrong and unnatural and so on. Why do they care? Yes they have their opinion, but so do gay people. And they have the right to choose their own way in life. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness right? Well, if it is a sin then fine, that is their choice. I'm sure when all you redneck bible thumpers go back home and either beat your wives or cheat on them like SOME people then you can all have a nice party down in hell. God I HATE hypocrites. Almost as much as I hate those asshole abortion protesters. The last day that I was in michigan, I was driving by a church when I noticed that they had a thousand crosses planted in the ground in front of the church. I was thinking, oh how cool they are honoring the troops that died in Iraq. Oh no. These crosses were in mourning for all of the aborted fetuses accross the nation. WHAT THE FUCK? Do these people have any kind of a clue about what goes into a decision like that? Any at all? My guess is that it was a bunch of uptight men that decided to put up those crosses. Because men really have no clue about childbirth. And a man would be that ignorant. That is why women should be able to choose, because men are too stupid to make that type of decision, AND it has nothing to do with their bodies. Wow, for a second there, I sounded just like a manhating lesbian. Or any manhating person. Isn't Cheney's daughter a lesbian? Isn't that just a little weird? You would think since he runs the country that he would do something to support his daughter. Oh well, I think I should get away from this topic before I offend all two of my readers. On a completely different note, I saw an inflatable gorrila at the state fair and thought of Caleb.

I wish I could buy this, Imagine the marketing power this thing has. Inflatable gorrilas can sell anything.

15 Albums/Bands that you should NEVER listen to
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: U2-Where the streets have no name
So even after I ran this idea past caleb, he has either refused to do it or just forgotten. I like to think he refused to do it because he knew I could do it better. Anyways, to compliment Caleb's 15 cd's you should listen to, I have compiled an assortment of 15 band's and/or cd's that you should never EVER listen to under any circumstances. And no, these won't be stupid independent label bands that nobody has ever heard of because I don't try to be some kind of music snob like somebody I know...um, you know who you are. These will be bands that everyone has heard of, which is rather unfortunate seeing as how bad their music truly is. And now, without any certain order or rank, I give you the list-
1. Puddle of Mudd

These guys take sucking to new and terrifying heights. The guy sounds like a very bad Kurt Cobain and he tries way to hard to look like him too. That and the music just blows. I don't need to hear a song about how this loser likes some chick smacking his ass. How about less ass smacking and no more music from you at all.
2. Limp Bizkit
Alright, I will admit I liked half of their first album. But then Fred Durst turned into the biggest sellout/jackass/poser/terrible rhymer of all time. You can't rhyme "here" with "here" (see Rollin') THEY ARE THE SAME DAMN WORD. Plus that song was like a retarded version of the hokey pokey. And anyone that wears a yankees hat, especially backwards is automatically qualified to make this list. Also making up stuff about hooking up with hot girls helps you in making this list. For these pathetic acts Fred Durst should have been first, but I think number 2 fits him much better.
3. Nickleback
This is not the first time Canada has tried to dump their shitty music on us and it won't be the last time. if ever there was an epitome of the term butt rock, these guys would be it. Every one of their songs seems like it was pulled out of the nether regions of someone's bowels. That and they get overplayed EVERYWHERE.
4. Britney Spears
Ok, so she sounds like someone beating a cat while simultaneously running their fingernails across a chalkboard, but I will be damned if she is not that unpleasant to look at. But she doesn't write ANY of her songs, I mean who needs to when 5 swedish dudes churn out such musical masterpieces as "crazy" and "oops I did it again". But she doesn't look bad in a skin tight vinyl suit. So I guess I'm saying look, don't listen.
5. Jessica Simpson
Ok,I'm beginning to see a pattern here. Boobs+Crappy music=SUCESS! Well, I'm sorry but if her lame ass tv show is what is taking the place of music videos then she deserves to be on this list. And according to caleb, she has no soul. Which makes sense since she must have sold it to play up the dumb blonde role when according to her mother she obviously is not (a 160 IQ, which is genius level). I don't buy it. I don't buy her cd's. And shame on her for playing into a sterotype.
6. Justin Timberlake
I am going to just lump NSync and the Backstreet boys with him since he is still carrying the flaming torch of the boy bands. And because, thank god, those two boy bands will never be heard from again. Is it just me or is this guy trying WAY to hard to pattern his career after Michael Jackson's? Boy Band->Solo Career. Then there is the girlyman voice, the ripped off dance moves, and the penchant for little boys. Well maybe not yet. I wouldn't be surprised if Justim Timberlake eventually turns into a creepy looking white woman just like Michael Jackson.
7. Hoobastank
If you take away the facts that they have the worst band name ever, and that they are blatantly ripping off incubus, they would still be a terrible band. I hate that damn song reason or whatever. It sounds WAY to much like an emo power ballad. Emo is bad enough on its own, as is a power ballad, but together, they create a hideous and disgusting creature. Change your name to succubus and become what you really are, and incubus cover band.
8. Simple Plan
This my friends is the definition of emo "punk". Five emo kids from quebec (which says it all right there) whining about girls and pretending to be something they are not. And at warped tour, they said "HELLO SEATTLE" like ten times, even though they were at the gorge.
9. Celine Dion- You know, I won't even post a picture of this hellspawn. She is also from Quebec. Something about being both french and canadian that makes them genetically superior at producing crappy music. Plus she married her manager who is like 40 years older than her. That is just creepy. My heart will go on. and on. and on. and then you want to destroy the radio with a baseball bat, then run over it with your car, then bury the remains and move a thousand miles away from the site. I hate that song.
10. Yanni AND Kenny G. Alright no pictures of these guys. These guys may be very talented at what they do, but why would I want to listen to the music that I hear in an elevator or the lobby at my doctors office. You know that cheezy crap they play...um, muzak. This is the kind of stuff we use to get prisoners to confess down in guantanamo bay.
11. Toby Keith
I'm sorry, but since when does this redneck asshole represent the "heart of the country"? Comparing our foreign policy to putting a boot up your ass is a good analogy, but it is not the american way. This guy needs to be given some concrete shoes and find his way to the bottom of some lake or river where his music will never ever be heard again.
12. Any of those Damn Now thats what I call Music Cd's
If anyone is dumb enough to buy these instead of burning the songs themselves and making their own mix cd is obviously lacking a few chromosomes as well as some brain cells and should not be allowed to breed. I don't want a shitty collection of songs by britney spears and story of the year. Give me a copy of Punk-O-Rama instead. Or anyone of a number of samplers from indie record labels. Why have 5 cd's with the same song on it?
13. The Chipmunks Christmas Album
I can say that these chipmunks sound better than britney spears. Which is not saying much. But I mean the "chipmunks" are probably a trio of carnies or midgets that ended up selling over 500,000 copies of this album. 500,000 people bought this. Unbelievable. People really are dumber than I think they are. What is the thought process behind that purchasing decision? Gee lets buy the album of three cartoon chipmunks that sound like prepubescent boys full of helium. I'm sure it will be a masterpiece and a true auditory experience. 500,000 people bought this. I still can't believe that.
14. Alanis Morisette
I think Kevin Smith got it right buy conveying the message that whenever Alanis opens her mouth, people's heads explode and their chests cave in. Her voice is like a combination of a yodeler and some farm animal. Maybe a duck...I'm not sure yet. Yeah she is a strong women, blah blah blah I don't care. Crappy music know no bounds.
15. Dashboard Confessional
Here is the dictionary definition of emo. Chris Carrabas brings shame to everyone named Chris. How dare he ruin that great and glorious name. Anyone that writes songs about this being the best day of their lives or how they are all alone is a wuss. And it wouldn't be so bad if he didn't write all his songs about the same damn thing. Plus he butchered R.E.M.'s Automatic for the People. And he inspired that lameass who performed before caleb and talked about how his parents never came to see his shows and never bought him a puppy when he was a kid. Wait...I think I hear it...YES it is the world's smallest violin, and it is being played inside the waaaahmbulance. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get the fuck over it you whiny bitch and stop making shitty music.

Thus concludes my list. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves.

Tribute
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: Bouncing Souls-Manthem
Well Matt, this is what happens when you are not around to prevent me from making stupid pictures.

We all hold these truths to be self evident. Here is to hoping that Matt imposes his will onto the Brits just like any good American should.

I always wondered why Matt would disappear whenever disasters would strike and then reappear after all was said and done. Too bad though, because he could never have sex with a chick because it would be like a shotgun blast coming out of her back. Unless he wore a kryptonite condom...and that would kill him.

Many of the things that make up "Classic Matt" are his "isms". Rantom Banderings is one of them. Here are two of my favorites.

So it all leads to why we all really like Matt...Because he has more than one look.

Well, this sums up my picture tribute to Matt as lame as it is. I do hope that he enjoys himself in England. Here's hoping that he joins the ranks of such great knights as Elton John and Paul McCartney. And that drunken matt becomes famous on two continents. And that he remembers to email all of his friends about three times daily. And that we find a way to fill the space left by Matt. I'm thinking about retiring his jersey on the South Campus Sizzle so some other schmuck doesn't take it. Which means matt will have to email with his jersey number.

On a completely different note. Having travelled on a plane today. I was served some "airline food" and I am beginning to wonder what the deal is with that stuff.