Why it is cool being Freddie Mitchell
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: Superfly - Curtis Mayfield
Recently, if you have been watching tv, in particular, sports television (espn, fsn, etc) then you have probably seen and heard of Freddie Mitchell. If you DON'T know who this guy is, let me fill you in. Some people might say that Freddie Mitchell went to UCLA where he was a star wide receiver and was drafted by the Philadelphia Eagles where he has been playing for the past few years. To those people I say YOU ARE FUCKING WRONG. Look at the facts: Freddie Mitchell has the ability to make ungodly catches, he wears bow-ties WITH cool hats AND can pull it off, AND he wears corn rows with a mowhawk. So what do all these facts mean? That Freddie Mitchell is indeed not of the human race. Much like Elvis and James Brown (to name a few) Freddie comes from a place I like to call Funkytown. Some government agencies may call them extraterrestrials, I like to call them muthafucking p-i-m-p's. Need proof? Here are some undoctored photos of Mitchell, and maybe Elvis and James Brown.
Here is a chart showing the planets of our solar system. Funkytown is appearantly by the small bodies of the system.

Here are the Funkytownians in their true forms:

Freddie Mitchell, my new favorite receiver. "I'd like to thank my hands, for being so good."

A salute to the greatest man ever
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: Pink Floyd - Time
Although I doubt I can do the man justice, I have to try. Homer Simpson is not only the greatest cartoon character ever, he is also the funniest. Without him, there wouldn't be a Peter Griffin or some other fat dad characters that I can't think of. Since my dad lived 2,000 miles away from me while I was growing up, and my step dad was kindof a dick, Homer became a sort of surrogate father for me. I think I turned out alright. Enjoy the quotes and pictures!

I would be pretty pissed too if some lameass did a half-assed attempt at a tribute. Even if that guy was using his whole ass to make the tribute.

atleast homer and I have shared the same headline.

homer obviously doing his best Joe Namath impression "Agent Scully, I...I wanna kis you."

Here are some of My favorite Homer Quotes, and believe me, there are tons more that I left out.

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, if you will

Well, maybe if he had had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught 'im. ( about Jesus wearing sandals ).

Ah, the college roadtrip. What better way to spread beer-fueled mayhem?

All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!

Dear Homer, IOU one emergency donut. Signed Homer. Bastard! He's always one step ahead

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!

Here's to alcohol : The cause of ... and answer to all of life's problems

I like my beer cold ... my TV loud ... and my homosexuals flaming

I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, The Bus That couldn't Slow Down.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen

Marge, please. Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman

No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American Way.

Oh, Lisa, you and your stories ... Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that ... building ... thingie ... where our beds and TV ... is.

This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke : It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!

A big mountain of sugar is too much for one man. I can see now why God portions it out in those little packets

What are you gonna do? Sick your dogs on me? Or your bees? Or dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at me?

What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway?

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'

Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leah and as smart as Yoda.

Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population : you.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose : it's how drunk you get.

Marge send the kids to the neighbors. I'm coming home loaded.

Oh, well, of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.

I felt a surge of power, like god must feel, when he's holding a gun.

I know what is going on here. They did it to Jesus. Now they are doing it to me.
Marge : Are you comparing yourself to our Lord?
Homer : Only in bowling ability.

Pffft, English. Who needs that. I'm never going to England.

Homer : Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the bible.
Lisa : Really? Where?
Homer : Uh ... Somewhere in the back.

No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

Homer : Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge : What's that?
Homer : [thinks] A dinosaur

Homer : I can't fake an interest in this, and I'm an expert at faking an interest in your kooky projects.
Marge : What kooky projects?
Homer : You know, the painting class, the first aid course, the whole Lamaze thing.

Marge : Homer, please don't make me choose between my man and my God, because you just can't win.
Homer : There you go again, always taking someone else's side. Flanders ... the water department ... God ...

I hate all the programs Marge likes, but it's no big deal. You know why? Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for looooove.

They took the foam off the market because they found out it was poisonous, but if you ask me, if you're dumb enough to eat it, you deserve to die.

Marge : It looks like there's going to be twice as much love in this house.
Homer : You mean we're going to start doing it in the morning?

Marge : Homer there's a man here who thinks he can help you!
Homer : Batman?
Marge : No he's a scientist.
Homer : Batman's a scientist.
Marge : He's not Batman!

Marge : Have you noticed something about Bart?
Homer : New glasses?
Marge : No. It seems like something could be troubling him.
Homer : Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge : I want to get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer : Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge : That's not what I meant.
Homer : Admit it Marge, it was.

Homer : Kids, Kids! I'm not gonna die! That only happens to bad people!
Bart : What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer : Err ... He sold poisoned milk to school children.
Marge : Homer!
Homer : Hey, I'm just trying to make it easier on them.

No offence Apu, but when they were handing out religions you must have been out taking a whizz.

Homer : You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. [cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart : Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer : I like stories

Marge : Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?
Homer : Yeah, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Flanders : I think we just hit something.
Homer : I hope it was Flanders!

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make god madder and madder.

Lisa : 'Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Homer brain : What does that mean? Better say something or they'll think you're stupid.
Homer : Takes one to know one.
Homer brain : Swish.

HERE is a site that generates random Homer Quotes

Speaking of being 10 foot tall and bulletproof...
Mood:  special
Now Playing: Snow Patrol - Run
That is correct folks, I am officially back from the dead. Not quite like Lazarus, or 2pac, but back nonetheless. I think it has been something like 2 weeks since I've posted. I think that sets a new rantombanderings record for futility in posting. I now own all of my site's records. Good times. So now that I have conquered Mononucleosis AND a liver infection like some Crusading Templar Knight crusading for immune systems, I feel it is safe to say that I am invincible. Not immortal, or infallable, but just invincible. Like Colosus from X-Men, or Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry. Yes, I fealt like I was near death for over a month, and I lost 25 pounds, but I'm back now bitches. Back with a vengeance. The only problem is that I am as weak as a kitten now. Still invincible though. Note to all diseases: DON'T FUCK WITH CHRIS!

Hooray for everything! But not for being sick. Boo that.
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: The Music-Breakin'
Well, I still have not found out what I am sick with...Actually I have...BUT, aside from the mono, i'm getting bloodwork done to see if my liver and spleen are ok. Appearantly my spleen is three times larger than it should be. And my liver isn't functioning properly. Giving me some pleasant side effects. Seeing as how it is still the holiday season, and because this illness has turned me into the Grinch, I have decided to write my own catchy little jingle.

You're a sick one, Mr. Chris.
You really need to heal.
You're as energetic as a sloth,
You're as charming as an eel.
Mr. Chris.

You're a sad panda
With a greasy black heel.

You're a carrier, Mr. Chris.
Your liver's an empty hole.
Your spleen is full of spiders,
You've got mono in your soul.
Mr. Chris.

I wouldn't touch you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole. (and you shouldn't)

You're a vile one, Mr. Chris.
You have termites in your smile. (not true, I brush AND floss)
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile. (crikey!)
Mr. Chris.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the seasick crockodile.

You're a foul one, Mr. Chris.
You're a nasty, wasty skunk. (actually racoon, but you try rhyming racoon)
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your lungs are full of gunk.
Mr. Chris.

The three words that best describe you, are as follows, and I quote:

You're a rotter, Mr. Chris.
You're the king of sinful sots.
Your heart's a dead tomato splotched
With moldy purple spots,
Mr. Chris.

Your immune system is an apalling dump heap overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.

You nauseate me, Mr. Chris.
With a nauseaus super-naus.
You're a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked hoss. (Actually, I drive a Toyota)
Mr. Chris.

You're a three decker saurkraut and toadstool sandwich
With arsenic sauce!

Alright, so I got lazy with the last parts, so sue me. Here is a new picture of me. "And some say that Chris' spleen grew three sizes that day."

Well, shit happens...
Mood:  smelly
Now Playing: Dune Buggy - The Presidents
Well, just to recap my christmas, I feel that I had a very good haul this year. Usually, I can gather what my family thinks of me by what they get me. This year, I think my family feels that I need a new wardrobe. I got several sweaters/jackets, some boxers (some risque martini girl ones from my mom), wool socks (which are a must have in cold weather, and a scarf which I plan on wearing every waking hour of every day just in spite of my raging heterosexuality. I also got a cool aquarium for my fish, new tires for my truck (hooray! no more wire tread sticking out!), a sweet gym bag, and some other ultra cool stuff. I also gave some sweet gifts. The complete Stevie Ray Vaughn collection for my mom, a $75 gift card to the gap for my sister (simply because I want her to be trendy and because she is too young for victoria's secret and too good for hot topic), a badass michigan shirt for my dad and an anthology rock and roll collection for my mom's boyfriend. I would say this has definitely been the best chrismahunakwanzikuh ever. Moving along to other things in my life. So I have been sick for atleast 2 weeks now. Every morning I wake up with a mild fever (99-101 degrees), neck pain and a migraine headache. Every night I go to sleep with the same damn symptoms. Well, tomorrow I finally get to see a doctor and start to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. I don't have health insurance so I get to pay for this visit out of pocket. But I would like to know what is wrong with me; bubonic plague, herpes, the clap, mono, or some other assorted venerial disease. Hopefully I can treat it and go back to being a normal human being. I feel like i'm in a bubble. Everything feels and sounds so far away. I fucking hate being sick. On to other news. SO today, as I was preparing to go get the new tires put on my truck, my dear mother plows into my truck while backing down the driveway in her van. My truck didn't really stand a chance. It was really like David vs. Goliath except in car form. And there were no biblical miracles. Oh well. I just spent $700 fixing the passenger side, now I get to fix the driver's side. Shit happens. For some reason though, this doesn't really bother me. It seems like there are SO many bigger things in life to contemplate. Why fixate on a fucking truck? On the plus side, this means I get to drive the van for awhile. Which also means I get to re-live my high school days. Which means I will get terrible acne, stay at home on weekends, run from girls, and play video games. Now that I think about it, life really hasn't changed that much in three years.

So, since I am really, really, REDICULOUSLY good...at explaining my life in picture form, I have decided to make the next two sequences for people that may have felt either lost when reading the previous passage or just plain too lazy to read it. I like to think of my blog as a website for mentally challenged college students or really gifted 3 year olds. Either way, pictures help.

Here is me in picture form right now. If you can figure out what it means, you win an end of the year blog award*.

This next picture, or sequence is how I would visually describe the battle between my truck, and my mom's van. I feel for the crippled heap of scrap metal that is my truck right now.

*actual guarantee of an award not guaranteed. No purchase necesary, for a gamepiece please send in a self addressed envelope with 2 upc codes to "Chris's year end blogapalooza" c/o Chris Hahn Inc. Bringing you shitty ideas and filling awkward silences since 1984.

So I guarantee this post will get me killed...again
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: The Zutons - You will You won't
OK, I realize I have used that title on a previous post. So what. This is my blog, I do what I want. If you don't like it then start your own blog and try to make it better than mine. I dare you. Ok, now that I used my body's entire testosterone supply to provide that tiny sample of machismo, I will move on to my post. So I finally saw Napoleon Dynamite in its entirety. And you know what? I think it was pretty good. NOT THE FUNNIEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME like some people make it out to be. Sorry, this movie is NOWHERE near Monty Python's Search for the holy grail, Dumb and Dumber, Half Baked (when stoned, or even when not stoned), Zoolander, The Big Lebowski, and honestly, I could probably name another dozen or so movies that are funnier than Napoleon Dynamite. That does not make it a bad movie. In fact, I think it is the funniest movie of the year. And I laughed a whole lot when I saw Team America: World Police. Something about puppets having wild sex that makes people laugh. I dunno. This movie had its spots. When he got the suit. When he danced to Jamiroqoui. When his tots got smashed. There are many more. But frankly, this movie had WAY to many stupid moments of silence or scenes that lack dialogue. What am I supposed to be doing during those moments? Laugh at the character's appearance? Sorry, but there is only so much I can do of that before I start feeling like a manipulated dumbass. I get the jokes. No seriously, I get them. They just are not that funny. Caleb, don't try to insult me for not thinking so highly of this film, in fact YOU are the one I am blaming for me being disappointed in this film with your "greatest movie of all-time" and "I laughed like a little girl" lines. You gave me grandiose dillusions. This movie gets a rating of pretty funny from me. I like the Lafawnduh thing. The way he gets manipulated into wearing gangsta clothes. That is hilarious. Or whenever Napoleon has to feed tina. I guess the biggest disappointment has to be Napoleon (who is actually played brilliantly by Jon Heder). You would think that the title charcter would be the funniest right? WRONG. DEAD WRONG. Everyone around him is so much funnier. Especially his dead-pan buddy Pedro. And Uncle Rico. He was funny too. This movie definitely wins my soon-to-be awarded biggest disappointment of the year award. The hopes were so high, so marveslously high. Then, like everything else in america, they came crashing down. So sad. Good flick though. You won't see me wearing a Vote for Pedro shirt anytime soon. But it was good.

DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE!!!!! MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND!

I don't know how I keep doing it, but soon I will have offended almost everyone and will have succesfully alienated myself from all people on the planet. Hazaa!

Why you should not be blasphemus
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Macgyver
Well, in case you missed it yesterday, the Lions showed why they are a cursed team. After tying the game late in the 4th quarter, the Lions let the Vikings march right down the field and score. With no timeouts, only 1:29 left and starting out on the 20 yard line, it looked like the Lions had blown another game. Or had they? Looking on the sidelines, you could see a glazed over (and bearded) Joey Harrington want to vomit. He had the flu and required IV fluids prior to the game and during halftime. You knew he had some sort of heroics in him. You knew he had done it numerous times at Oregon. However, you also knew he played for THE LIONS, destroyers of all hopes and dreams. Anyways, he gets on the field and leads the Lions all the way down the field and throws a TD pass to Roy Williams. Things look good. All that was left to do was kick a simple extra point and send the game into overtime. Prior to the kick, Caleb said that it would really suck if they missed the kick. I said "yeah, that would really suck." Sure enough, the snap is terrible and the holder, Nick Harris (a punter), can't control it and gets tackled. Game Over. Lions lose. SO LAME. SO INCREDIBLY LAME! DAMN YOU DAN MUHLBACH!!!
Here is Joey Harrington showing the "Why must I play for the Lions oh lord? Why?" Face

Here is why the Lions lose every game. Because they are cursed. Notice the demon football.

In other news, Caleb, Matt and I became ordained ministers over the weekend. I guess this means that we can say that we are holier than thou. See for yourselves:

Is hell freezing over? Did I just see pigs flying? The Mariners are Spending Money? On Good Players!
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: Muse - Hysteria
Yeah, that title is no typo friends. Believe it or not, the Mariners, yes THE Seattle Mariners are going after big name free agents. I know, I almost had a stroke when I heard the news. We signed 1B/LF Richie Sexson to a 4 year $50 million deal wednesday and signed stud 3B Adrian Beltre to a 5 year $64 million deal yesterday. After years of bitching I am at a loss for words. After losing so many great players: Junior Griffey, Johnson, Pay-Rod, Jose Cruz, etc. It got to the point where we had a bunch of guys that were playing out of their minds for a couple years and then reverted to their true forms, exposing the poor management and decision making by the front office. Appearantly Howard Lincoln and Bill Bavasi heard enough of my (and other mariner fans') bitching and moaning and decided to loosen up their sphincters and shell out some dough for good players. Maybe Nintendo (who has a controlling interest in the mariners, yes mario owns us) wanted to field a winner.

Maybe Ichiro went all last samurai on their asses, who knows. What I DO know is that we just got two really good offensive players. And Beltre is not that bad in the field either (he only had 10 errors last season). Now, as a public service, I will introduce you to our newest Mariners.
Richie Sexson:

At 6'8" 237 lbs, Sexson definitely earns the nickname Big Sexy. The Guy played with new Mariner manager Mike Hargrove in Cleveland back in the day and has been a very productive player during his career. Last year he only played in 23 games with the Arizona Diamondbacks due to a separated shoulder. But if you look at his season averages for his career the numbers are VERY impressive.
a .271 batting average, 39 homeruns, 119 rbi's and a very good .877 ops (OPS=On base percentage+slugging percentage). Sexson was born in Portland and grew up in Washington so he should adjust well to living and playing here. He has lots of power so hitting in the cavernous Safeco field should not be a problem for him. And as I said before, he has played for Hargrove, so he should have an even greater comfort level in Seattle. He is only 29, which is right about when most power hitters start hitting their prime. This only means good things for us because we have him for the next 4 years. HAZAA!

Adrian Beltre:

At 25, Beltre has already been in the major leagues for 7 seasons. Beltre was the gem of the Dodgers farm system coming up in the mid 90's and has progressed steadily since joining the team in 1998. Last year he had a breakout season hitting .334 with 48 homeruns and 121 RBI's. The guy carried the Dodgers down the stretch and finished second in the MVP vote to Barry Bonds. Some detractors say that last season was a fluke for Beltre and that he was only doing well because he was in the last year of his contract. To those nay-sayers I have three words: Suck...My...Balls. The guy was 24, and had shown glimpses of his greatness during his previous seasons. So he put it all together. Don't tell me he all of a sudden got really good cause he wanted money. He made over $5 million last year anyways. His career averages are not too far from last season's production: .274 average, 25 homers, and 89 rbi's. Also, remember that he was usually not the 3 or 4 hitter until last year, which will take away from his stats. I think Beltre has the power needed to hit well in Safeco. Dodger Stadium is a notorius pitcher's park and he still put up big numbers there. He is also a HUGE improvement over the combined effort at third base last year where the mariners leader Scott "Mr. Versatility" Spiezio played 65 games and batted a WHOPPING .215. I hope I didn't set off my sarcasm alarm with that last comment. I feel that Beltre may not come close to his numbers from last year, but if he can hit say .290, with 30-35 homers and 90-105 rbi's, I will be happy.

So there you have it folks, the new editions to the Mariner family. Kudos to Howard Lincoln and Bill Bavasi. Odd, I never EVER thought I would say that, but oh well. Here is to hoping that the Mariners DON'T lose 99 games next year. And that they can get atleast 1 decent starting pitcher this offseason. Sorry, John Halama is taken...what where the Red Sox thinking when they signed him?

Get up on the downstroke
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: The Presidents - Supersonics
Well, continuing in my long, long line of sports related posts...Matt and I went to a Sonics game last night. Yes, Matt is back from jolly old England and back on the CORRECT side of the Atlantic. No more cucumber sandwiches, royal families, or chunnels for Matt. Back to shitty weather, pale skin and dumb people. Well, ok, so maybe England isn't so different from the U.S. Except for the accents. I STILL think that we speak the language as it was meant to be. I mean, how is it that when anyone sings in english it sound like american pronunciation? Just saying... SO anyways, back to the game. Matt and I had sweet seats (thanks to George, who is in Mexico right now...lucky bastard). And I don't think we left them the entire game. I really wanted a big foam finger but we got there like a minute late (I FUCKING HATE SEATTLE TRAFFIC ARGH!!!) so I didn't want to miss any of the game by buying a big finger. So I guess that quest will have to wait another day. BACK to the game. It was a thorough ass-kicking by the Sonics. The Lakers really played like shit. Kobe "I'm a whiny, selfish, crybaby bitch" Bryant had a great game for the Lakers. But that is easy to do when you never pass and you take rediculous shots that nobody else would take. I hate that guy. His most recent fit of jealously (after the shaq fiasco last year) is with the Mailman, Karl Malone. Now, I despise Karl Malone as much as the next guy, but this is one instance where I will back him up. WHO CARES that Karl hit on Kobe's wife. Have you seen her? She is unconsciously hot. And it isn't like Kobe is getting any after the whole rape trial. What a dumbass. You have a hot wife, millions of dollars in endorsement deals, and respect from fans and you go ahead and piss it away on some skanky white chick from Colorado? What the fuck man? If you are going to cheat on your wife, do it like Beckham and sleep with some of the hottest women in the world. Or not cheat at all and sleep with your very, VERY hot wife and have lots of babies. Some people. Again, back to the game. Some stupid people behind us were rooting for the Lakers. And in particular Kobe Bryant. And by stupid people I mean girls. Girls that were close to my age. This just confirms my theories on women. Why would you root for a selfish, whiny asshole that rapes women and cheats on his wife and has the middle name Bean (Im serious, check it if you dont believe me)? BECAUSE YOU ARE A DUMB WOMAN thats why! Only a dumb woman would cheer for a rapist when he scores, even though the team is down by 18...eighteen, Im going to go home soon because we are up by...EIGHTEEN. Sorry, that was a little diddy that some guy did in response to that group of dumb girls that were cheering for the lakers. It was funny at the time. AND NOW BACK TO THE GAME. So we won 108-93. A big win for the Sonics who continue to tear it up this year. A HUGE game from Rashard Lewis. The guy was on fire last night. 17 points in the first quarter and then that flurry of scores to end the game. He singlehandedly brought the house down. And I think he rekindled my love for basketball. Until recently, my inner basketball fan had been deceased. Partly from the Shawn Kemp trade, partly because the quality of play in the NBA has sucked recently, and partly because I grew to like baseball and football more. Now I consider myself a fan of 5 doomed sports franchises: The Detroit Tigers, The Detroit Lions, The Seattle Seahawks, The Seattle Mariners, and the Seattle Supersonics. Although I think the Lions are the most doomed of all the franchises. No matter who is there, they seem to lose and lose big. Atleast the Tigers have won a championship in my lifetime, albeit the year I was born, and the Mariners have been competitive while I have been a baseball fan. But no, nothing for the Lions. Barry Sanders retires and all hopes and dreams go with him. 1 playoff win in 50 years. ONE. Unless you are a fan of the Cardinals, you have no argument with me about doomed franchises. NONE. Fucking Lions. ON TO THE PICTURES!

After several solid seasons, is this the big breakout year for Rashard Lewis?

Ok, this picture PROVES Kobe is a whiny bitch. Notice the trail of tears on his face. Again, look at his wife. So hot. Please tell me why you would want to cheat on your wife? Please?

OK, so I knew Beckham was a football genius, but by wearing this shirt he proves to be an intellectual genius! Thats right people, even the greatest footballer in the world loves the University of Michigan.

Fear him, hate him, despise him, or loathe him...George Bush is a terrible president
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: The Music - Breakin'
Well, I have spent nearly the entire day scouring the internets for random stuff. I found a couple of troubling things. Well, actualy, a LOT of troubling things. One was THIS video clip of the first presidential debate. Yes that debate was like two months ago but it still shows how much of a terrible speaker/huge moron/eater of babies/fascist asshole Bush truly is. GOD I hate that guy. And yet he won again. Unbeleivable. Ok, ok, I won't do that rant all over again right now. Maybe later. I also found a very sad picture of Bush made of the faces of every soldier that has died in Iraq.