Big Brother : Big wank.
Well, the TV is on.
I'd love to get up and change the channel or at the very least, dim the volume but that requires movement and I really like this song I'm listening to.

What makes this worse is that of course, the worst possible program is on ; Big Brother.

And here we go, 2 people down and both of which are total whores. Maybe that was somewhat harsh but when you use the word "flirtatious" when describing yourself, I cant help but think of the word "whore'".

"I'm not bi-sexual" She says "But I do believe the door swings both ways". Good work Ms. Slut, the whole of Australia is so very proud of you.

"I wonder whats behind that door" the blond host announces, flicking her hair to one side, a 16 year old stuck in a 45 year old's body. "Does anyone know whats behind that door" she asks as if to get a response but before I can answer "nothing" she answers promptly "It's a secret" as though I was holding out for the answer.

The 3rd contestant walks on stage wreaking of the two previous women. Cloning bans seem to be broken, 3 women, 3 total skanks. Welcome to the world of popular main steam television.

"Is it possible that every house mate is a woman?" The host announces. Not fucking likely, whilst I'm sure the bi-sexual slut would LOVE it, the eagerly watching Australian public wouldn't have it. No males means no ( less?) sex and heaven forbid we go an hour without a sexually tense moment. Can we just PLEASE stop living through other people Australia? Instead of watching crap like this could be go out and live our own lives?

And what a surprise it was! A male enters the house, I didn't see that coming Gretel. Your right, this new season is FULL of surprises.

"Warm, highly energetic and likes to be in control" The slutty host announces. It's almost as if they using the same descriptions over and over again. Warm means slutty. Highly energetic means slutty. Likes to be in control means she likes to be slutty.

God, OK! I'm changing the channel now! You win channel TEN you horrible bastards!

From one friend to another.
Dear Friend,
You may have heard once or twice in your life the phrase " You can do better", never have these words spoken more truth about one person than NOW. While the most important thing is that your happy you also have to take this into account.

He looks like a 7 foot tall Muppet, yes, Muppet. Like Muppet's, he has only one eyebrow which scares the HELL out of me might I add. He also, much like the Muppet's, has great difficulties sounding out the "bigger" words like " it" , "and" and "the" .

Just like the Muppet's, his intellectual equal is that of a child and the preference to younger friends, which may seem strange to some, is easy to understand once you realize that its easier to impress people younger than you.

Hopefully you'll realize what I'm say is the truth before it comes to that point where he tells you that the word for the day is "sex" and asks if its OK if Big Bird watches.

Stupid sayings ;
"You never know what you had until its gone"

WRONG - What about STD's? Im sure as hell you know you have those when there present , unless of course your one of those total whores who cant tell where one diseases symtomes starts and the other one ends.

"Smoke a smoke, not a butt, fuck a virgin, not a slut"

Nice, so what you want to be a pedaphile maybe? Is that what your about? Go back to Victoria with the rest of them.

"I'm like a butterfly, pretty to see, hard to catch"

Yeah, trust me, if your've ever said this to someone ( please god no ) or ever thought this may be true then it doesnt apply to you, personaly, I dont see how this applys to anyone, accept maybe female secret agents which dont exist ( females cant whisper therefore make bad secret agents).

"I'm not a slut, your just frigid"

No-one has ever thought this about you, if your've ever said this the chance that your going to be 28, living at home, mastebating to discount clothing store magazines far out-ways the chance you wont.

"The worst thing a guy can do is make a girl fall for him with no intention of catching her"

Reallllllly? Right off the top of my head I can think of about 50 things I could do to a woman that would change your mind right now and turn your stomach.

To a self apointed god
This has been getting at me for awhile now, something needs to be said.

I am of course refering to our self apointed god, President Bush. It's shocking to see that Mr Bush was allowed 200 metres near any some of government instiution let alone lead one of the most powerful nations in the world. This only stands testiment to the intelligence of the american people, I dont think you could have picked a worse choice. Mr Bush is only a generation or two away from playing a banjo and "shootin' and huntin' " with the good ol' boys.

For those of you with any interest in current world events and such things, you would of course remember the overly dramatic news report in which Mr. Bush lands on an aircraft carrier in one of the militarys fighter jets. Just watching that scene made me shudder and I could already smell the bullshit before he opened his mouth. "We Have Won!" Mr Bush claims , refering to the images of Sadam's statue's being pulled down. Well Mr. Bush, It's been months now, why arn't are troops home if were doing so well? Why , if we're winning did we just send more troops not only from our country but from others as well? You contradictive, war mongering arsehole, you might fool alot of people but your not fooling all of us, we see you as what you are, a wolf in sheeps clothing.

Adam's 18th
I went to my mates party on the weekend, as always, good fun to sit, drink, smoke and socialize with friends. We arrived at the party and quickly began to mix with the other guests, the theme being naughty or nice there was of course the token slutty school girl and naughty nurse.

My friend, always being the strange one despite a massive intellect was dressed as a sperm. Donning a white spray painting suit and wriggling around he did quite a good job. The worst mistake he made was getting zipped in the outfit with his arms and hands inside, he was quickly dropped and pushed madly across the smooth wooden floor surface, narrowly missing the stairs with his head.

The party raged on and for a change I found myself the sober friend, its quite a strange feeling, watching other people get drunk instead of being the one getting drunk. The language of the drunk which I normally find myself speaking fluently, I found just a jumble of slurs, sexual comments and laughing.

As the clock stuck midnight we quickly made our way back to another party as though the car would just as quickly revert back to a pumpkin and my black suit return to tatters.

We sat down and began to drink, barely sipping my beer I decided that drinking wasn't for me anymore and quickly gave up, walking outside and taking my last smoke out, slowing enjoying and savoring the blissful smoke raping my throat and just as violently attacking my lungs yet still enjoying it till the last drag. As I put my foot down and suffocated and crushed the filter at the same time, I knew that I would return back to this foul habit just as quickly as I would say I wouldn't. A promise to someone I care for deeply made sure that I would stick to what I had set out to do for the thought of her made me want to be a better person, someone who wasn't Dependant on a horrid drug and habit.

Taking Bets right here!
Shapelle Corby, Australian idiot, there's the outcome I hope for *ahem* and outcome thats most probable. So, depending on user feedback ( and I hope to get some) I will now be taking bets on the out come on the Shapelle Corby case.

Death - 4/1
Case Dismissed - 2/1
other -4/1

Don't Like What I Have To Say? awwwwww ..... DON'T READ IT THEN!
If you have some sort of problem with my morales ( or lack of ) then don't read whats here. If you don't like my opinions of Christian school girls for example, then don't read my story's. If your a bitch that can't take a joke then maybe your on the wrong website.

Since everyones so keen to voice there opinion they can now do it here. Just reply to this story and tell me what you truly think, that is , if you can string together a few words. Don't think I'm going to let you just post something which you may believe is very creative but only says " JAMIE'S A FAG AND YOUR WEBSITE SUXXXXX!".

Oh, and to the person with the nice new offensive email address dedicated to my sexuality, I thank you. I'm also very sure than your mother sexually abused you with a tennis racket, its OK man, just let it go, holding in a secret like that will only hurt you in the long run.

Sickness.... as in I was sick, you know? *cough* *cough* ?
Just recovered from a horrible bout with fever, at least I think it was fever. There are several possibility's as to the cause of my illness. Reasons could be any one of these or a combination of one or more.

1) Being attacked by giant insect.
2) Smoking a pack of smokes in 7 hours.
3) Sleeping on dusty couch.
4) STD from dirty female in surfers.
5) Ad's for "The X Factor".
6) Watching John Howard send more troops to IRAQ.
7) Watching President Bush's penis get harder watching more troops go to IRAQ.
8) Watching John Howard's penis get harder watching President Bush's penis get harder watching more troops go to IRAQ.
9) Eating McDonald's
10) NOT watching enough SpongeBob Squarepants.
11) Eating spoilt cream.
12) Discovering half eaten food in my computer desk.
13) Watching repeats of "Friends".
14) NOT drinking enough.
15) Eating lead paint.


Any one of these is enough to cause my unique symptoms which include :

1) Fever.
2) Runny Nose.
3) Lack of appetite.
4) Sore Muscles
5) Hallucinations
6) Sore throat.
7) Head ache.
8) Insomnia.
9) Ability to only judge people by appearance
10) Pure egotistical attitude.

Long time, no inspiration.
Just when I thought I should give up all hope on those who read my website, someone goes and supprises me. I havent written anything in awhile due to a lack of inspiration but then I read this under new comments to my poll.

"i am yet to watch an episode of this bullshit excuse for
entertainment, how can any person with a brain possibly find this interesting? I
think we are all rapidly losing our intelligence being exposed to this crap, the
people who endorse this should be pinned down and made to endure hours of bloody
torture, just like we do everytime we turn on the TV! "

Holy hell, this person almost makes up for the legions of idiots out there. Please if you wrote this email me @ emcee_snowball@hotmail.com

for the love of god im so impressed.

And I thought McDonalds were heartless corporate fucks!
Well, If you do by chance read my articles on a regular basis you would realize just how much I hate that drug smuggling woman in Bali (god I hate her ) but we have a new winner for stupidest fuck alive.

A 17 year old guy tried to shove a whole hamburger in his mouth at one time after reading the Guinness book of records and nearly chocked to death. Holy shit, the ignorance that just oozes from some people is astounding! I Just wanted to meet this kid, perhaps buy him a hamburger and then proceed to fail him with barbed wire for being such a stupid, fat fuck.

His mother, as genetics go, is equally as stupid. She brought up the question of " what would I put on his tomb stone if he died?" . Well, how about " My Stupid Fat Son : Died trying to impress some girl with a party trick, failed at that like he failed at 17 years of life. Will not be missed, sold organs for crack."

The X Factor
Why is it Australia get's all the crap from America, If only I knew who was in charge of the whole progress so I could rapidly kick them in the groin.

X-Factor has to be one of the worst show's ever conceived by a studio mind. What's more disturbing is it's a blatant copy of the "Idol" series. I'm not sure why you would call that particular show "Idol", personally all my idol's wear capes and skin tight clothing. Then again, maybe I'm being somewhat harsh but unless Casey Donovan's "Wayward Angel" album is actually Spanish and means "Casey Donovan - Fat Slut" then I'm right on key.

Yes, I know it's supposed to be about the music but whenever your parading your fat arse around Casey, I have to watch. Therefore I suffer most of all. So, as a compromise, how about instead of seeing Casey whenever she appears in a video clip, they bring out a midget on a miniature horse? Is there anything cooler? thats right, there isn't.

But I'm going off in a tangent here, one thing thats bugging me, what is "The X-Factor"? I'm assuming its that natural flare that some people have but more logically, its the person that can blow Mark Holden the most times in 5 minutes.

Don't forget to vote on my poll on home page of this site.

The party
Party's, great fun.

Just gotten back from the party. Not such a good night for me but I've learnt some leason's, lost a few good hours or so and have come to the realization that hitting the bottle isn't just harmless fun.

The plan was perfect, a pimp and hoe party. Arriving well before the party was to start in my suit, a dark navy pinstripe suit with a white formal vest and shirt, big glasses and an even bigger smile on my face. People began to arrive before the sun had set and it soon became a interesting sight to see the girls try and out do each other in there slutty attire. The sluttiest outfit however was something one would wonder why it was even bought in the first place. The wearer, Ashley, had decided on a black dress with was more of a flesh fest than material. No matter how many times I walked out of the room my eye was instantly directed to her, having the same effect each time of a literal jaw drop.

As more people started to arrive, it seemed that it was time to get my drink on and sat down with Adam. Bacardi Superior being our weapon of choice. Adam and I started off evenly but he believed me to be the heavy drinker and boasted that I should have to shot one and a half each round. The increased burden scared me but I tensed my body up, reminded myself who I am and what I've done and poured the alcohol down my throat, the burning sensation following quickly after.

When a slammed the shot glass down and counted off shot number 13, I was yet to find any effects of alcohol. I stood up quickly, did a little spin and was fine. I began to socialize with people making small talk with everyone. Everything after this is a total blur. I remember sitting in a room with the lights out, vomiting. I have never vomited from alcohol before yet this seemed like a good time to start, my stomach agreed.

Whilst Jamie laid, in a pool of his own bodily fluids, he found himself thinking about someone he knew he shouldn't be. I don't really want to say that person's name, in my own little way it'd seem like I was admitting defeat. My reasons for drinking where to forget about this person and yet as my stomach emptied itself of what little food was there, I found myself thinking of them. How sad you are Jamie. Even though I hadn't eaten anything in days, which was my own little way of holding some power over myself as my mind wondered all to often, my stomach still found some food to expel upon my friends sisters floor.

As I slept, the party raged on. A wet t-shirt contest was held and this is only a testament to how drunk I was as my absence was noticed. The police arrive shortly after and broke up the party. There's something about a stereo that can set off car alarms, horny teenagers and alcohol that doesn't bode well with police.

I'm sure to write more about today but as I finish typing this, my head is beginning to droop and my eye lids grow heavy. So I end this story with a few notes
1) You cant forget about someone you love when you drink
2) Drinking makes things worse and only amplifies all emotions and dulls logic.
3) Raspberry Vodka is the devil.
4) Christian college girls arnt frigid but are rather total whores.

Happy Birthday Mason
Well, it's mason's birthday today.
I think I might quite possibly be more excited about the night than he is, hahaha. The basic idea is to drink, smoke and sex away my issues. ( Nice insight there Jamie, maybe you should be a psychologist? ) . So, my boy's turned 17, remember man, your only 17 once ( cant you say that about every year Jamie? ) so remember to have fun out there tonight which I'm sure you will.

Bitchin' party tonight, pimp's and hoe's theme. Is there a better combination? Goes so well together like bread and butter and Jamie and alcohol ( oh yer? you mean when bread and butter get together they cause trouble and act like a jackass in public? ).

When the booze flows like water, there's hot women everywhere and your friends are there, I find myself wondering if heaven will be as good as this ( what makes you think YOUR going to heaven Jamie? )

Lookin' forward to seeing everyone there tonight.

Valentines day... awwwww
To everyone,
Today, Valentines day , you are all in my prayers. I pray you all choke on your cheap champagne, I pray you cut your wrists on your roses, you comercialistic fucks. Today is a day of love but I'd rather spend it in a filthy mood full of deep hatred and hope that maroon 5 realize that there not impressing anyone with there catchy lyrics and die.

If your lucky enough to read this before you meet up with that special someone, think of me when he gives you that rose and spit in his face, then, tell me all about it. That'd really make me feel better, at least until I call you a cock tease and verbally abuse you.

On another note, when your sitting at that candle lit dinner, when he takes your hand and looks deeplying into your eyes and says something like " your special baby, like an Italian sunset" remember, the ONLY reason he's saying this is because your easy and he knows in about 45 minutes he's going to be fucking you. I'm sure it wont matter though, he would have taped it and everyone will see it in a few months anyway.

For the guys out there, when your sitting down at the nicest restaurant you could afford, worrying about her ordering the lobster. When she's sitting there, playing with her panties, its not because she's been a flirt, its because of the STD's she has and will soon call your genitals home. You'll soon notice that your best friend is constantly adjusting his underwear the next week, coincidence? HA! I think not. Don't worry about it, in about 3 - 4 months she'll be pregnant anyway and you'll have no clue that it isn't yours.

Morale of this story : I'm a bitter fuck.

Society

A quick read of this article and you'll see why I would be so shocked. As per the highlighted sentence 26% of 8th graders and 38% of 10th graders this brings me to only one conclusion. American teenagers are pussy's, 5 drinks? I've had more than 5 drinks for breakfast. Come on you sissy 8th graders, get your shit together, 26%? Thats abysmal! 38% of 10th graders?! is this a Christian college or what?! Come on America, get it together.

Oh, and does it look like the old guy with the sweater is checking out that kids package? It looks as though he's about to put the smack down on this kid until he submits.

American's are just quitters, especially the males. I've got the stats to prove it. One in ten guy's have actually "tired" to commit suicide? So, your a failure and you cant even kill yourself right? Nice work genius.

here's an idea.
How does this sound for an addition to the website?
I get a piece of raw meat.... say..... steak and place it within the dark confides of my closet, then daily I take a picture of it at the same time and upload it on the website. I could call it "what happens to the mind of your average American when they watch The simple Life" , its a got a nice ring to it doesn't it ? Or maybe "The effects that New Found Glory have on a teenage girls mind"? There both good titles.

Or how about this? I get a balloon and inflate it and place it on my window sill and take a picture each day, without fail. I could call the experiment " Your sex life after the age of 30" or how about a flip a coin and record the results? I could call that "The chances you'll get an erection at age 50"

Lets just wait and see what happends shall we?

Someone help me out here.....
I just don't get it,
How can you all just sit there, voluntarily and watch "The O.C"? don't you all just see the plot holes? The predictable "random" behavior? Don't you realize that its just a big heaping bowl of bullshit mixed with gay innuendo and lesbians? Seriously, that ( thankfully) short lived shows "Queer as folk" had less homosexual scenes! I would rather mash my genitals with a meat tenderizer than watch more than 1.25 seconds of this shows. There are so many better shows's out there to watch! Like transformers, power rangers or The weekender's, all of which are infinitely more entertaining, well written and have much better actors whilst never having to dive as low as to show a cock shot or some nipple to make the viewers pay attention, I dont recall in the whole series of transformers Optimus Prime and MegaTron making out or sucking each other off to boost the ratings.

A happy birthday
Hey this is just a quick shout out to Emma who turned 17 yesterday. 17, only another year and you'll be able to do all those things you already do BUT legally. haha. She's having a fairy princess picnic which to me sounds fucking awesome, I'd seriously don a pair of wings and blow the dust of my magic wand to prance around the city with 60 odd people. Bah! who am I kidding? I'd prancing around the city like a fairy without anyone else. OK, gotta stick to the subject and stop going off in tangents here. So, the most important thing here is to remember that Emma has reach the prestigious age of 17 and I hope that in 17 years time, we're still friends. Happy Birthday Emma. Love ya.

worst exit ever ( said in the voice of comic-book guy )
Haha,
I had the day off today so I just sort of sat around, reading this and that and doing some chemistry revision whilst listening to "Rage against the machine" , that seems to be a regular CD in my player as of recent days. The words " Classic music" come up frequently.

My aunt came over to visit which I found strange to begin with, it was my understanding that she didn't get along with either of my perants so I made sure to stay within ear-shot of conversations at all times.

They all began to argue and my aunt got up to leave, as she took her long strides towards the door, her "professional" suit and briefcase giving her the appearance of a successful woman, I could only laugh as I realized what would happen. The door was stuck and required quite a large amount of force to open. She began to turn the handle but couldn't let herself out, I found this hilarious and began to laugh. After 10 seconds or so I had to go and help her tho she had already made a total arse of herself by trying to have the last defiant words in an argument then getting stuck inside.

Worst Exit Ever

Remember Billy, there's no such thing as a stupid comment...... oh wait
Why do some people bother?
Sure, on the very title page of my website it clearly states

" I highly encourage you to place a comment on anything you feel strongly about. "

but if you do decide to comment on something and your being negative, can you at least have a REAL reason before you post it? For example, the last piece of ignorant trash someone posted had no point what so ever. To quote them

" if it wasn't for your constant rambling about crap that nobody but urself and a few occasional helpless people give a flying fuck about i would still give a fuck about the 57, now soon to be 60 times fuck has appeared on ur website"

Now this exact same line would read something like this if you take out the mid sentence comments.

"if it wasn't for your constant rambling about crap, i would still give a fuck about the 57, now soon to be 60 times fuck has appeared on ur website"

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?????

That's a runner up for the stupidest one liner I have ever had the displeasure of reading. That's a serious contender for the stupid drug smuggling chick in Bali.