Jamie & Zoe's Guide to surviving high school
Ok, me and my friend Zoe have this idea.

We were talking on msn about how we could make money but not actually do anything that involves moving and things of that nature. We came up with what we think is a good idea ; A book. Not just any book but a book that anyone that is going to start highschool or even someone who's IN highschool should read. A survival guide to the jungle that is high school.

So, I'm starting to write short notes about the basics of surving high school. Maybe from there I'll expand it, become rich and live in a small suburban home where I can write books about true situations I've been in and drink heavily till I die in my early 20's.

so,

The beginers Guide To High School ( working title)
Written by Jamie & Zoe.


Chapter one, The Most Important Thing You Will ever do.

What would that be? Easy answer. Social establishment.


MORE TO COME.......

www.imscared.com
Whilst searching the Internet mindlessly one relaxing afternoon I stumbled upon a website which intrigued me.

www.werenotafraid.com

Take a look, apparently there's people who AREN'T afraid of terrorists.

I'm scared as hell, personally I like living and the thought of death isn't the most inviting idea. Just take a hint and be spineless like everyone else! Your just making them madder.

Where did I leave my stick of ignorance?
Oh mighty lord, punish those who I deserve so.

Whilst glancing over my ever increasing amount of msn sluts (girls who get your msn address and you don't know how.... ) I couldn't help but take notice of one particular name.

"Replacing this pain with something numb"

"Sure" I thought to myself, this girls probably going through a hard time, I may even avoid destroying her for being a dumb Pratt but those thoughts were quickly dismissed when I realized that her display pic was indeed a picture of her dad's Ferrari.

Bitch! Shut the fuck up! What have you got to be sad about! Your father actually OWNS a Ferrari. I haven't even touched a Ferrari. The closest I've been to a Ferrari was when I threw a cigarette but at a nice Lexus!

Yes, Money buys happiness, not the best kind of happiness but still, a form of happiness. People need to look around, compare their lives with someone who doesn't have it so good and feel better. Especially if Daddy has a Ferrari.

Fuck you.

"Dont cha' wish your girlfriend had aids like me?"
SHUT THE FUCK UP! no, you're not edgy, kool ( notice the "K" ) or sexy. you're just sluts that no one will remember in 6 months time, and those that do are the type of people that don't say "Mp3" player but call all portable audio devices, "iPod's".

Seriously, is there anything else you would like to add to the lyrics Pussycat Dolls, which is a stupid fucking name, whatever happened to good old names like "Anersha" or "Short-lived"??? "Who?" you ask. "Shut the fuck up, thats who."


Speaking of sex, mason got some! wooooooooo!
The boy makes me so proud sometimes. Just when you think you're've got the boy figured out to be a clergy man, he goes and surprises you. A toast to you mason.

On to our latest conflict. "Jatt" ; Spanish/English : Pronounced "Ja-hat". A negative comment, one made in geest or a word which describes a heavy or dull object. In reference to a person : Refers to an person who is unable to hold his alcohol. A person who is untrustworthy or lies to close friends. Believes "Hoe's before bro's". Slutty.

Jatt, a recently occurring problem has been making life impossible to deal with. Weather its telling females bullshit to try and make conversation or impress them, to his constant lying and mispronouncing words due to a horrible gangsta type accent. The annoyance has no end.


Well, those are short articles I will soon update.

Jamie Lopez,
over and out.

Drugs, get high, make friends
It's happened again,
another dumb whore has tried to get drugs into Bali. Why people why?! Have you no intelligence what so ever? does your brain cell count only have single digits?! Is there something about "death sentence" you don't understand?!

Once again we have another bitch ( I use this word not based on her character but because she's female and has a smaller brain than my own ) who thinks she can just suck dick to get out of charges. WRONG, Balinese police officers don't want attractive models you fool, they want toothless Asian sluts with lots of body hair! thats why they live in Bali!

Well, lets hope that we see some justice ( you know, a killing) and his bitch gets what she deserves. Not because she's guilty or even because she's female, but because she's ignorant.

A small update so get off my back.
Yes, it has been a long time since I last updated my blog but I have my reasons. If you dont like these reasons then its because the real reason is that I've been sleeping with you mother. and by sleeping I mean sex.

Now, the day is Saturday, its about 8:30 in the morning and I'm feeling fine all things considered. My blog has started to grow cob webs on it since its been such a long time since I even thought about touching it ( my blog, not my penis as I often touch that ) . This has come about due to recent employment. Thats right, someone has seriously overlooked various character flaws which I have and has hired me. The fools.

Currently I'm working for a theme park development company, designing installations and creating basic programs on the computers to cut out shapes that are then either sculpted or glue to make various objects. Life at work has been hectic since I began.

I started work and had 2 days to learn everything as I was replacing the person training me. I got the hang of it after an hour or so. Since then its been non-stop with the dead-line of "Wiggles World" looming over the workplace. Thankfully the company will be done on Monday afternoon and I wont have to look at any more Wiggles related crap. Not that I mind having a perv on "Jeff" from the Wiggles.

This weekend however was supposed to be "action packed" but its a fair bit of a let down. My friend, who drives us around, has found his vehicle incapacitated due to a faulty ignition. Which is horrible because his parents blame him when it wasn't his fault and now he's grounded for the remaining weekend.

So this weekend I'm just going to be avoiding as much work as possible whilst seeing my girlfriend and my boys in between bouts of sleep.

I believe its fathers day today, not sure about that since my family doesn't really care about stupid holidays. So, for those of you that care, Happy Fathers day. I cant wait till my own illegitimate children are born and I too can be considered a Father, even if I am a dead beat rather who drinks scotch in the mornings and petrol at night.

So, back to what I was saying, there are good reasons why I have posted anything in awhile, if you want someone to blame, blame your mother for being so ugly.

Sincerely,

Jamie Lopez . - whom is better than you'll ever be.

Terrorist attacks or terrorist retaliation?
"Help! Terrorists" The people on TV scream wildly.

Well, if YOUR troops were in MY country fucking my day up I'd be trying to do the exact same thing the "terrorists" are doing as well. Fucking your day right back up.

"Terrorist attacks" are they? How about retaliation? What do you expect when you come into their country, bomb it, rape the land of its resources and kill the people? I'd be pissed off as well.

I hate to be the one to point it out but America DESERVED the September 11 airplane bombings. So a few thousand people died? Who cares? More people than that die of starvation every day of the fucking year in 3rd world countries but I don't see anyone giving a rats ass about them. Just because those people arnt white and educated like you doesn't mean they shouldn't have a voice.

I see a pack of whiny mothers on TV when one of there precious children gets bullied at school for being ugly as dog shit but I don't see anything when an African mothers child DIES OF STARVATION.

Another good stereotype here. Married white women are ignorant bored skanks. There so quick to yell to the media when the street they live in hasn't got a speed bump or when the price of bread and milk goes up. How about you shut the fuck up for a second and realize that the only people that care are other married white women and your husband is banging his much younger and more attractive secretary.

Bitter like a lemon.

Stupid TV Ideas.
Well, well, well, when did we become reduced to watching TV not for the content but rather because of the people on the show. The 3 greatest examples are such shows are ; Dancing with the stars, Celebrity Circus & Skating on thin Ice. All of which contain material which is not entertaining on any level but just contains D grade celebrity's.

So Jamie? Since you seem to know everything, what would be a better idea that these crappy shows that I masturbate to when I see some loser from a failed TV?

The answer is obvious.

"Sleeping with the stars" , a show in which we watch Paris Hilton and other rich spoilt sluts flaunt there surgically perfected asses at clubs and act like getting dick is as tactical as chess.

At least my show has less TV whores.

Say what you mean!
I hate commercials that don't actually speak about the product they're advertising at all, rather they speak about some random bullshit and finally go off in a totally different tangent in which they Finally introduce the produce there trying to sell.

The worst such culprit of this is tampon commercials. They talk about random colors, about awkward situations, they never say what they mean. So, heres my own commercial.

No bullshit, no confusion, straight to the point and honest.

QUICK!!!!! DOWNLOAD 50,000 EMOTICONS YOU DONT NEED!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant go to a porn site without being attack by pop-ups asking me to download the latest and greatest emoticons.

Do you seriously NEED that many emoticons? I dont even have that many emotions, I can only think of 3 things I'd need to express.


Anger.





















Desire for sex.


























Anger related to desire to sex.

























Thats all the emoticons we REALY need. Anything more than that is just wanking it.

Sprite-Zero™ can go ahead and fellate me.
Everything has to be low fat, no fat, no sugar, no glucose or no preservatives, even McDonald's uses free range pigs to make there pig anus burgers now.

Enough healthy crap, I want my burger soaked in fat, mashed between chocolate cake, deep fried and covered with M&M's. I don't want a lettuce leaf that comes from the top of a magical spring in Madagascar, gently sat between bread made by virgin priests. I want my food to be killed, not just killed but murdered in the middle of the night with a baseball bat and left to soak in a grease trap for at least a week before I eat it. Food should be artery clogging pleasure, not magical beans and cous-cous.

Drinks are the same way, we've had diet coke for years but now I've been bombarded with new "zero sugar" bullshit. Sure, I have the choice not to buy one of there drinks but there been shoved down my throat by commercials and other advertising. I even feel bad if I buy a coke from my corner store. I'm immediately questioned with " are you sure you want THAT coke .... wouldn't you like this nice zero sugar coke?" . NO, I would NOT like your zero sugar drink, I want my 45 table spoon's of sugar drink and I want it now, your not my doctor, take my money and give me what I fucking asked for.

Sick of environmentalism? Me to.
All I happen to hear or see now is crappy ad's about pollution or sad music played to images of monkeys. I'm sick of it all. How about we stop thinking of other people for a change and start enjoying our own lives?

Smoking for a start, causes illness to not only myself but to others, a perfect combination. Not only do I get to relax myself, increase coordination, short term memory and reflex's, I also get to harm other people in the process. Perfect.

Car pollution causes damage to our native wild life which is just another good excuse to drive a car that bellows black smoke. Sure, everyone thinks koala's and kangaroos are cute and cuddly. Have you ever seen a koala? Not one of those bastards that lives in the zoo with food on command but a koala that lives in the bush. There not cute or cuddly, there vicious. Giant massive teeth that I'm sure are just an evolutionary trait to bite my ass. The less koala's the better. Killing wildlife is a great hobby.

Polluting the ocean, what has anything in the ocean ever done for me? Everything in the ocean tastes crap already, at least when its drenched in toxic oil it might taste better. Dolphins, if there so smart why don't they make a web site where they bitch about crap that comes to mind when ever they feel like it or something even more constructive like have illegitimate children with 2 different women and pretend like they love both of them? The only useful thing that dolphins do is make cheap brands of canned tuna taste better, I refuse to buy any canned tuna that isn't at least 50% dolphin meat and it has to be drenched it toxic oil to get rid of the taste of whale seamen.

Deforestation, another great past time. Not only do they piss me off with there incessant dropping of leaves all over my lawn but they block out of view of my attractive neighbors bathroom window. The only useful thing trees do is occasionally crush ugly people.

Primates should be trained to do jobs they no one likes like politics or perhaps turned into some sort of gorilla steaks. Gorilla looks pretty appetizing to me and I'm sure tastes better than McDonald's.

More Corby bullshit.
Well, more intelligent actions by Australians has taken place. Good work fuckwits, thats it, boycott Bali, REAL good fucking idea.

What makes this woman so special that people would actualy send fake anthrax to bali?

Recently in the local newspaper I noticed a 3cm x 3cm article. All the most interesting acticles are tiny whilst bullshit about "Pacific Pines State High School talent show winner" takes up an entire page. The article briefly touched apon a Japanese visitor who was arrested around the same time as Corby with similiar charges.

So, for those of you who are slow allow me to recap.

Australian woman gets massive media coverage.

Japanese visitor gets 3cm x 3cm newspaper article once in a local paper.

Seems rather one sided doesnt it?

You dont see Japan boycotting us with fake anthrax and death threats do you though?

Take a hint Australia, give up.

Schapelle Corby.
Well well well.

Look who was right? The bitch was guilty after all.

Some of you may STILL think otherwise and may argue "what do you know anyway Jamie?". Well, I'd have to say to you "what I know isn't realy relevant is it?" 3 Judges agreed with me didn't they? I dont see 3 Judges backing your weak arse innocent case up do I? Thats right.

I'll have to admit though, 20 years seem abit.... soft. Life in prison is what she deserves if not that then death. Either or.

Apparently there's going to be some sort of "rally" to support poor Ms Corby. I'll find out the exact details and I hope to see other people down there so that I can cause trouble with other like minded citizens of free speach who are intelligent enough to see that she's a fucking fraud.

If she wasn't so attractive no one would give a rats arse about her. There are currently 154 Australians in prisoned in other counties but we dont hear about those people do we? When was the last time you hear more than 10 seconds about "The Bali 9"? No one cares because there just a pack of losers ( like Corby ) and have faces like dropped pies as well.

Well Ms Corby, I hope you enjoy the lovely facilities they have in your new home, must be fun sharing a 3 metre cube with 3 other people.

Your pain is my pleasure.

Cut the shit people.
Please, everyone, cut the fucking shit already. Maybe the term "everyone" was abit broad ( is there anything broader Jamie? ) but there seems to be a growing increase of ugly women with msn names that would suggest they are in one or more ways, attractive. If you've've never had a boyfriend, if you've 16 and haven't been kissed, if people call you a name which refers to an africanised animal or if you've presence makes children cry, flowers wilter and milk turn sour, you are in fact ugly.

"What sort of names are you talking about though Jamie?" someone might ask. Anything with "sexy" or a variation is a good start. Using the word "sexy" will make me picture you in skimpy underwear, its a miracle I can get thru the day without vomiting more than 50 times.

Stupid poems are the next offender, examples include "I can resist everything but temptation, can you resist me? " . Yes, yes I can. Can you resist a claw hammer to the face?

Offender number 3 : blatant sexual comments. For example "god I'm horny" or "FUCK ME!!!!!" . Well, the desperation finally starts to show and years of masturbating to steal magnolias starts to show doesn't it? Take a hint and kill yourself.

Big Brother : Big wank.
Well, the TV is on.
I'd love to get up and change the channel or at the very least, dim the volume but that requires movement and I really like this song I'm listening to.

What makes this worse is that of course, the worst possible program is on ; Big Brother.

And here we go, 2 people down and both of which are total whores. Maybe that was somewhat harsh but when you use the word "flirtatious" when describing yourself, I cant help but think of the word "whore'".

"I'm not bi-sexual" She says "But I do believe the door swings both ways". Good work Ms. Slut, the whole of Australia is so very proud of you.

"I wonder whats behind that door" the blond host announces, flicking her hair to one side, a 16 year old stuck in a 45 year old's body. "Does anyone know whats behind that door" she asks as if to get a response but before I can answer "nothing" she answers promptly "It's a secret" as though I was holding out for the answer.

The 3rd contestant walks on stage wreaking of the two previous women. Cloning bans seem to be broken, 3 women, 3 total skanks. Welcome to the world of popular main steam television.

"Is it possible that every house mate is a woman?" The host announces. Not fucking likely, whilst I'm sure the bi-sexual slut would LOVE it, the eagerly watching Australian public wouldn't have it. No males means no ( less?) sex and heaven forbid we go an hour without a sexually tense moment. Can we just PLEASE stop living through other people Australia? Instead of watching crap like this could be go out and live our own lives?

And what a surprise it was! A male enters the house, I didn't see that coming Gretel. Your right, this new season is FULL of surprises.

"Warm, highly energetic and likes to be in control" The slutty host announces. It's almost as if they using the same descriptions over and over again. Warm means slutty. Highly energetic means slutty. Likes to be in control means she likes to be slutty.

God, OK! I'm changing the channel now! You win channel TEN you horrible bastards!

From one friend to another.
Dear Friend,
You may have heard once or twice in your life the phrase " You can do better", never have these words spoken more truth about one person than NOW. While the most important thing is that your happy you also have to take this into account.

He looks like a 7 foot tall Muppet, yes, Muppet. Like Muppet's, he has only one eyebrow which scares the HELL out of me might I add. He also, much like the Muppet's, has great difficulties sounding out the "bigger" words like " it" , "and" and "the" .

Just like the Muppet's, his intellectual equal is that of a child and the preference to younger friends, which may seem strange to some, is easy to understand once you realize that its easier to impress people younger than you.

Hopefully you'll realize what I'm say is the truth before it comes to that point where he tells you that the word for the day is "sex" and asks if its OK if Big Bird watches.

Stupid sayings ;
"You never know what you had until its gone"

WRONG - What about STD's? Im sure as hell you know you have those when there present , unless of course your one of those total whores who cant tell where one diseases symtomes starts and the other one ends.

"Smoke a smoke, not a butt, fuck a virgin, not a slut"

Nice, so what you want to be a pedaphile maybe? Is that what your about? Go back to Victoria with the rest of them.

"I'm like a butterfly, pretty to see, hard to catch"

Yeah, trust me, if your've ever said this to someone ( please god no ) or ever thought this may be true then it doesnt apply to you, personaly, I dont see how this applys to anyone, accept maybe female secret agents which dont exist ( females cant whisper therefore make bad secret agents).

"I'm not a slut, your just frigid"

No-one has ever thought this about you, if your've ever said this the chance that your going to be 28, living at home, mastebating to discount clothing store magazines far out-ways the chance you wont.

"The worst thing a guy can do is make a girl fall for him with no intention of catching her"

Reallllllly? Right off the top of my head I can think of about 50 things I could do to a woman that would change your mind right now and turn your stomach.

To a self apointed god
This has been getting at me for awhile now, something needs to be said.

I am of course refering to our self apointed god, President Bush. It's shocking to see that Mr Bush was allowed 200 metres near any some of government instiution let alone lead one of the most powerful nations in the world. This only stands testiment to the intelligence of the american people, I dont think you could have picked a worse choice. Mr Bush is only a generation or two away from playing a banjo and "shootin' and huntin' " with the good ol' boys.

For those of you with any interest in current world events and such things, you would of course remember the overly dramatic news report in which Mr. Bush lands on an aircraft carrier in one of the militarys fighter jets. Just watching that scene made me shudder and I could already smell the bullshit before he opened his mouth. "We Have Won!" Mr Bush claims , refering to the images of Sadam's statue's being pulled down. Well Mr. Bush, It's been months now, why arn't are troops home if were doing so well? Why , if we're winning did we just send more troops not only from our country but from others as well? You contradictive, war mongering arsehole, you might fool alot of people but your not fooling all of us, we see you as what you are, a wolf in sheeps clothing.

Adam's 18th
I went to my mates party on the weekend, as always, good fun to sit, drink, smoke and socialize with friends. We arrived at the party and quickly began to mix with the other guests, the theme being naughty or nice there was of course the token slutty school girl and naughty nurse.

My friend, always being the strange one despite a massive intellect was dressed as a sperm. Donning a white spray painting suit and wriggling around he did quite a good job. The worst mistake he made was getting zipped in the outfit with his arms and hands inside, he was quickly dropped and pushed madly across the smooth wooden floor surface, narrowly missing the stairs with his head.

The party raged on and for a change I found myself the sober friend, its quite a strange feeling, watching other people get drunk instead of being the one getting drunk. The language of the drunk which I normally find myself speaking fluently, I found just a jumble of slurs, sexual comments and laughing.

As the clock stuck midnight we quickly made our way back to another party as though the car would just as quickly revert back to a pumpkin and my black suit return to tatters.

We sat down and began to drink, barely sipping my beer I decided that drinking wasn't for me anymore and quickly gave up, walking outside and taking my last smoke out, slowing enjoying and savoring the blissful smoke raping my throat and just as violently attacking my lungs yet still enjoying it till the last drag. As I put my foot down and suffocated and crushed the filter at the same time, I knew that I would return back to this foul habit just as quickly as I would say I wouldn't. A promise to someone I care for deeply made sure that I would stick to what I had set out to do for the thought of her made me want to be a better person, someone who wasn't Dependant on a horrid drug and habit.