God told me quite specificaly not to drink
Well, I cant drink anymore.
But Jamie, you cant stop drinking? you'll put millions of people out of work!!!
I'm sorry But God told me not to drink.
I had a dream, I was out drinking one night and was raped by an attractive guy. God then showed himself in all glory and said quite specifically to me " Told you not to drink Jamie".

Well, thats to specific for me, thats basically god saying "Jamie, if you drink, your going to get raped by a guy". Well, currently thats not on my list of things to do so no drink for me. But this raises one question. Is the pain in the arse ( pun intended) worth the booze?

Then again, maybe god was trying to give me another message, maybe he's trying to say I'm gay? Personally Its not my thing but hey, "each to there own" a friend of mine used to say, wise beyond her own beliefs. Well, guess I have no choice but to give up the booze. FUCK! what am I supposed to spend my money on now?!

Morale of the story : Drinking gets you raped.

Movies.... I swear.....
Some movies just have the worst story lines you've've ever heard. A good example is that new movie about a racing zebra, honestly, it sounds as though they've smoked something hardcore and wrote down whatever came into there drugged induced minds, woke up the next morning and found the only legible words they wrote where "racing zebra".

That is the most fucking stupid idea Ive ever heard! Closely followed by the colossal fuck up they call "Blade Trinity". Sure, the action was good, I don't mind seeing a few vampires get there throats ripped out. The problem is the story line, you want to add a new character? But you don't want to make it coherent? Well, lets just say it was an old characters child. Good idea dumb fucks. Ive woken up hungover and blurted out better Ideas than these people ever will. Its almost painful to think about the storyline in blade. Whats ever more sad is that the blade series was so good, once again, much like "The matrix Revolutions", they fucked up something which was impossible to fuck up.

Good work Hollywood, whilst people are dying in you've own country, the general public is quite happy to pay $12 to see your bullshit and give it rave reviews.

Morale of the story : zebras used to be cool then Hollywood came along

Gotta Miss Newcastle
On the first day I went to Newcastle me and my friend decided to go for a drive, just to talk, listen to music, abuse people, the usual type of things teenage males do.

We were "lucky" enough to take a trip to "Islington". Great place to visit if you like whores, sluts or whorish sluts. Other than that theres not alot to do. We drove along the main street and what did I see? at 1:30 in the afternoon, there was a hooker workin it already. Jesus. Its like that old saying I guess, "The early hooker gets the best tricks". My friend thought it would be fun to ask her for a blow. Me being in the passenger seat told him quite frankly to " fuck off!". He ignored me and pulled over, waited for her to walk over and took off. Now if I was a whore ( one day Jamie, one day ) then wouldn't you just ignore ANY cars with a fucking P plate on the back window???

Oh well, I'm guessing that intellect was in short supply when your a hooker. Then again, mental handicaps never stopped those girls from getting a job a Maccas.

Prejudice? sexist? Ignorant? Jamie
Apparently I've got issues with women.

People believe this because I know that 99% of women ( give or take 1% ) on TV are whores.
Can anyone say I'm wrong tho? OK, you can SAY I'm wrong but that doesn't mean your right. In fact, It makes you wrong to such a degree its makes me break out in fits of giggles.

Look at them all, prancing around like a bunch of dressed up hookers but there no better. You sold your soul for money, your a fucking sell out, your bringing down society with every skimpy outfit ( seriously Janet Jackson, I dont want to see your nipple). With every Female to Female kiss your making young girls think its right to be total whores like you are. Your not just degrading yourself, your degrading ALL females.
Morale of this story : The only thing worse than a whore is a feminist.

Roll the dice.
My grandmother doesn't know it yet but she's making a rather large decision.

I want to go to a private school in my area this year. Problem is the cost of the school is around the $6000 mark. I've asked that the money be taken from my trust fund, money that is there for when I turn 18.

Weather or not I get this money is up to one person, my Grandmother.
If I get the money, then I go to this new school.
If I don't, then I'm moving away, I'm not sure where to yet but just away. Maybe to Perth or Melbourne? To Adelaide perhaps? Somewhere where no one knows me.

I can see it now, seducing young women for a place to sleep at night. Maybe I could be a mime? That looks like fun. Do you think I need a mime's uniform to be a mime? DO they have a union perhaps? How do you become a mime? Is there a course at uni? Maybe you have to be a mime's apprentice for a few years until you become "Qualified".

Or maybe I could be a one man band? That looks like a laugh. I'd worry that I'd need some sort of talent for music to be a one man band but it doesn't seem to stop any of them.

It all sounds like fun realy, we'll have to see what fate sends my way.

Morale of this rambling : Mimes are arseholes just like me

Guess Im a punk now....
I've lived in QLD for 4 years, during this time my taste in clothes, music, women, have all been greatly influenced by my friends for the better or worse. Guess Im abit of a sheep then arnt I?

4 years of work to make me what I am and only 2 weeks in NSW to destroy all that. Sitting here with bright red hair and a spiked braclet, that little voice in my head ( which sounds alot like Trent actualy ) keeps telling me that Im a punk and Im an arsehole for being so influenced by NSW in such a short time.

I'll even admit hardcore music doesnt sound so bad anymore and I'll even yell a few lines when its been played. AFI doesnt seem like such a pack of whining bitches either.

Oh well, for better or worse ( worse Jamie, very much worse ) Ive changed, such is the effect of friends and an entire state on a teenage lad.
Atleast my friends wont see my piercing....

A Thank You ( I know, it sounds strange to me to )
This is just a thanks to all the people that have been nice enough to let me sleep under there roof. If it wasnt for these people I would have lived in the streets for the 2 weeks Ive been in NSW now. But then again, I'd probley have some REALY good storys if I stayed in the streets. Tales of hookers and.... ummm.... drunk hookers I guess....

Well, regardless of the lack of hooker storys, Id like to say thanks to you all, much appreciated.

To Much Faith.
Again burnt by "Love"
Guess im just a fool for a pretty girl with promises. Haha, gotta watch out for that in the future. If your've come to read a pathetic story love and romance, keep reading.

Falling in love with a person you havent met before, sounds even more pathetic than the storylines that "The OC" has. Though, against my own logic it happend to me. I wont blame myself to much for it tho, I had a connection with her I havent shared in uncountable months and she was undoubtabley the most attractive person I've had the pleasure of meeting in my short life. I dont recall being more emotionaly and physicaly attracted to a person in my whole life.

So, on with the story, so I fell in love with someone, not only is it a person I havent met before but its a person that lives 1500ks away. My god Jamie. So, what do you do when you love someone that lives 1500ks? forget about it? find someone else? yer, there both good options, but i took option "C" and packed my shit up and went to see her. Yep, 1500ks away to visit a girl Ive never met before. Jamie your fucking insane.

So I pack my things, travel 15 hours to see her. For the first time in my life I look at her, not in a picture or a dream but right infront on me. A vision of perfection, her photo's, whilst breath taking, dont do her justice. We get along right away without horrible arkward silences, she seemed somewhat "distant" but this was nothing that time would not overcome. Atleast thats what I thought.

That night, I asked her about her distant behavior. "Its just that...." She started, tears rolling down her face "... Im not strong enough, I couldnt handle a long distance relationship" My god I thought as I felt that ever fimiliar feeling in my chest, somewhere just where my ribs met that I imagine is what its like to be stabbed with a white hot serated blade. I briefly thought about it and decided to would be for the best if I left. "Lets go out for dinner" I told her, atleast I would have one nice memorey of going down there.


TO BE CONTINUED..........

Happy Birthday to me
Haha! Im 17 today but I'd also like to wish Happy Birthday to my mate Trent, who I couldnt call on his birthday because there was no power and my phone was dead, gotta love trailer parks.

17, I can see the wrinkles creeping up on me already. Is that crows feet I see?

Your only 17 once and since the lovley people Im staying with have a bird, Ive gotta dress up like a pirate for the rest of the day. Sound like fun rite? ( yer, maybe when you were 5 or 6 ) . Maybe Ill just buy enough lego to build myself a life sized fort instead? OR I could go and sniff a line of coke off a hookers arse?

Anyway,
Happy Birthday Trent, Dont worry man, Ill jump out of a cake for you.

Bus's, gotta love them
Thats the last time i attempt to use public transport again.

I left QLD with the insane ramblings of a man dressed as a pirate smoking pot. "The FBI man, there after my turtle shell and feathers man, its all because I have more power than the man in white house man" Jesus christ, some people. Not even my own conspiracy theorys of coffee can compete with such insite. "The FBI is just trying to break my heart, there watching me , 24/7, every fucking day of the year, its because I know that the first Americans where Chinese but they dont know that im going to kill all the non-believer's"

I told him I had to get some fresh air and took all my belonging and hastfuly ran around the corner and waited for my bus's to pick me up. I could still hear him yelling at people as they walked past tho, "This is jesus's land! " .

I need some pepper spray.

Alien Blood
OK, its still early in the morning but I thought I'd start writing about last night. Started off with me creating what I now refer to as "Alien Blood" ( aptly named because it has the same effect on steel and floor panels that Alien blood does from the movie Alien). Alien blood is made from 2 Litres of vodka mixed with 3 cans of red bull. Yes, it does hurt you. Yes it turns your stomach. Yes it gets you off your face. I will NEVER drink that again ( offer expires the start of 2005 ). Somewhere between the shot number 5 and 6 I realized how wasted I realy was. Still, good fun tho, heaps of bruises and scratches on me. But when you stop and look back and realize that your been an arsehole the whole night and you got realy trashed, isn't THAT the most important thing? I even came out of the night with a lesson ;
Morale of the story : Alien Blood is awesome!

Maybe you dont have a boyfriend because your a slut.
Arrrrgh! I cant stand it any longer, stop asking me why you dont have a boyfriend, step back, take the dick out of your mouth and look at yourself. Maybe, just maybe, the reason you dont have a boyfriend is because your a complete whore and gives handjobs in the back of under 18's dance clubs for cans of drink?! No self respecting male will out with you people they're not idiots, they know of STD's. Males, myself included, would rather open mouth kiss a homeless person than even hold your hand. Fuck you slut.

My Trip
Yep, I'm going to NSW for 2 weeks *cheers from QLD people everywhere* . Going to be awesome, catch up with old mates, see my angel as well. Worst thing about NSW (besides the people that drive Datsun's's *shudder* ) is the bus trip there. Last time I have the pleasure of sitting next to Australia's fattest or second fattest man alive. Jesus Christ, I thought his arse was going to consume my left leg! Not fun at all, I didn't sleep the whole trip out of fear that his arse was going to rape my leg. I should have brought music. This time I'm going prepared, no bathing from now on till I get to NSW. Yep, thats gross but drastic times call for drastic measures, this way, no one will want to sit next to me, ill get a seat to myself and I can sleep and stink all I want the whole trip. Good idea ay?

Jamie's newest game
Have you ever seen people in there work uniform while your shopping, with obnoxious signs on there shirt it says something like " ASK ME ABOUT OUR SPECIAL DEALS ON KFC GREASY CHICKEN" . I hate these shirts. If my boss asked me to wear something like that I'd have to choice but to knock him out, sleep with his wife and defile his home and all his possessions. Anyway, back to my game. My favorite thing to do at the moment is ask the people wearing those stupid shirts about there offers and promotions that no one gives a fuck about. When they start to tell me about whatever it they're payed poorly to do, I stand there, arms folded with a massive grin on my face, way to big for someone that gives a fuck to make. They know that I don't care but they have to keep telling me there bullshit story. As soon as there done I scream "SERIOUS!?".
Yer i know, its pathetic but it makes me laugh.
Morale of this bullshit : My boss's wife slept with me.

New years eve
Yep, the biggest drinking event of the year is only 24 hours away people. Now I'm not the type to drink irresponsibly *ahem* but it seems to me that its going to be one the best night of the year and I cant even spend it with my girlfriend, FUCK. Oh well, I guess ill just have to kiss Trent at the strike of midnight instead. I've come up with the best idea that Ive ever had the fortune of conjuring, thank you brain, i knew there was a good reason i kept you around. My idea is to fill a camelbak full of booze, anyone that doesn't know what a camelbak is should be shot but I'll go ahead and inform you before I call the firing squad. A camelbak is like a plastic bag you wear on your back with a hose coming out of it that you stick in your mouth. Ingenious invention. Means ill premix all my drinks for that night and pour it directing into my camelbak. Good idea ay? If i see anyone else with a camelbak full of booze I'll have no choice but to attack you. I'd feel the same way a great serial killer does when someone does a copycat and I'll react similarly. Speaking of which, wouldn't it be a good idea to actually kill people with cereal? What a dope idea Jamie. You could kill people with a box of cereal, is there anything more skillful? Thats right, there's not.
Morale of this rambling : Cereal is murder

Apparently Child abuse isnt funny.... go figuire
I was talking to my boss today, he was telling me what life was like where he lived. That kids where made to serve food at dinner and werent allowed to eat until the adults where done. He also told me about how your perants could beat you over the head with something like... .say .. a chair, for being a rotten shit. I said to his disgust "yer, child abuse is funny"

He didnt seem to think so

He showed me where his mother had stabbed him in the face. Not a good choice of words Jamie, not a good choice at all........
He probley had it coming.

If you have red hair, your probley a slut.
I hate generalizations, people generally do though but if you have red hair its a good bet that your a slut and your mother is most likely a whore. Your probably realy insecure and you should be because in all honesty, you could be replaced by a pet rock. The pet rock wouldn't fuck around like you do, it makes better decisions and quite frankly, its more interesting than you'll ever be. The pet rock smells and looks better than you ever will. Even if you do the obvious thing and dye your hair, I'm sorry, but the pet rock would still kick your arse in a beauty contest. This is because you look like you were bludgeoned with a rock. Since a pet rock is in all aspect of life, superior than you, do me and the world ( and pet rocks ) a favor. Kill yourself.

I know your probably sitting there, playing with your dyed hair thinking "This guy is wrong, I'm kool, my mother always said I was kool so it must be true! fuck this guy, I'm going to go and suck someones dick till i feel better". I know you are. Your not just offensive to look at, you make the world sadder to live in. If your born with red hair, you should be shot from a rocket into the sun.

Morale of the story : Pet rocks are awesome

Fire, whats with that word and me?
Fire, Fired, Fireworks.
That word has a horrible way of connecting itself to me.

I'm at work so ill try and make this quick.
Before i left NSW i was like 11 and my mum and dad left me home alone, yep, all good movies start this way.

I decided to fuck them, and cook my own dinner, just some chips. So i put oil on the stove and waiting for it to heat up. Now, ignoring all advice giving to me up to that point i walked away from the stove and went and played games. Yep, big mistake.

The oil heated up alright, started a massive fire in the kitchen, my dad was home by then, he eventually put the fire out but just the weekend before I used all the extinguisher to freeze grass, sounded like a good idea at the time, by the way, i recommend trying to freeze grass, its heaps of fun.

Anyways, the ending of the story is pretty funny, i freaked out, as one would, ran deep into the bush and sat there crying for like 6 hours.
OK, maybe its not that funny.

Why arnt I fired yet?
Serious, theres nothing I can do to get fired. I came to work, an hour late, my boss said nothing to this. As soon as I got there I rang up Holly, started talking to her, and again he doesnt say anything to this. THEN I fall asleep for about 15 minutes, Im pretty sure I was snoring loudly but nothing was said. This is insane. Tomorrow im going to have to try and seduce his wife, maybe THAT will get a reaction out of him.

Long Distance
Do long distance relationships work? Everyone give me your comments on this.