Divorce Me 6
Deep in the wildest undergrowth of yesterday's comments , Darren's questions prompted some thoughts that I hadn't formed into words so far:
"Were you this deeply unhappy when you and DH were together?"
"There were too many prescriptions on my life. I need more freedom than I had. I'm not being facile, I was biding by more rules and regs than a teenager usually has. There wasn't enough communication. When you don't communicate, it's not the case that you don't communicate, you simply impute more wildly wrong motives to the other person's behaviour. Over time, this can lead to some wild, weird-wrong apprehensions about the other person. And there were too many old arguments to be raked up that I and she were never going to be able to get over. Until those grudges are firmly in the past, we'd never move forward. Both of us need to grow up a little before it would actually work, rather than pootle along making the same mistakes.
You're right, I love her, she loves me. But we're both just wasting time if we're making each other miserable. She deserves better. I certainly deserve better. I intend to get 'better'. Seriously I do. Whether that involves difficulties, being alone, or financial problems - I only get one shot at this. I'm not spending my time being underestimated, fucking about as if I'm a bit-actor in a third rate soap opera, or being ignored. It's not good enough for me".
Having run like a weasel away from the flat when ex-DH returned to pick up some stuff / lie face down on things, I wondered if some things out of place were merely my paranoia when I got back.
Item: vase full of flowers thrown against wall;
Item: my new camera lens broken open;
Item: the largest kitchen knife out on the shelf.
Am I paranoid? Am I?
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