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Survivor Crocs
If you were a croc, what kind of croc would you be?

polite croc
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Current Results

"How much meaner are these Survivors compared to the last ones?"

 23%: 50% meaner
 15%: 100% meaner
 62%: most of them are real dicks!
Total Votes 742

"Would you postpone a romantic encounter just so you could watch Survivor 2?"

 51%: "Of course"
 20%: "Possibly"
 28%: "No way, I'm pretty desperate"
Total Votes 396
(Thanks to Mary for suggesting additional answer: "I would tape it on my VCR")

   Yes, Survivor 3! The big yellow X on our map marks the spot. 2 of our staff are currently on location in the Shaba Reserve in Kenya, Africa as part of the Survivor production crew. We'll bring you reports from overseas as news develops!


Tina Wins Survivor 2 - Beans Spilled Early
A Phone Call from Mark Burnett, Nonplussed
Steve Irwin, Croc Hunter: "Croc Attack a Crock"
The Controversial Pig Receipt
Everyone Gettin' High Down Under
McDonald's Says No to "Koala Pounder"


    Very soon, millions of TV viewers will watch Tina Wesson walk away with the $1,000,000 Survivor grand prize.
    Reliable sources in Knoxville, Tennessee report that Tina Wesson's children - Katie and Taylor - have been spilling the Survivor beans to friends and family members that their mother is the winner.  Over the weekend, we placed several calls to Tina's home in Knoxville, politely asking her about the reported leak. She promptly panicked and hung up on us every time.
    Earlier this week, we received an e-mail from a Knoxville bank employee who claimed to work for the financial institution where Tina (and her husband Dale) hold their mortgage and accounts. Of course we were skeptical, however we were able to contact the person, confirm their identity and view the banking files which indeed indicate the Wesson family is soon planning to invest a sum in excess of $750,000.00.
    So what about Mark Burnett's claim of a "lockbox" that apparently holds the secret results of the final Survivor 2 jury vote, determining the winner?
    "The lockbox idea was superfluff created by Burnett, the video dentist, " says our Survivor CBS insider crew member, "Burnett claims no one knows who the winner is, but it's pretty easy if you consider this: which of the final three Survivors had the least conflict and/or issues with the jury members? You know it wasn't Keith or Colby."

   After leaving about 30 messages with his office, Survivor producer Mark Burnett finally called me back on Monday - using my home phone number at the ungodly hour of 6am. As he chuckled at my interrupted slumber, I clicked "record" on my answering machine. Here is the transcription of our conversation:

GC: "Did you look at our website, what do you think?"
MB: "Well, I can see you've been talking to some of our people. I can't do anything about that, but I appreciate that you've avoided spoiling the good stuff."
GC: "Yeah that's not our thing. There's a huge public interest in the behind-the-scenes aspect of the show and that's what we're about."
MB: "Yes well here's a tip - be on the lookout for a "Making of Survivor" special some time in the future."
GC: "That would be great, as long as it's the real deal. I mean, people are fascinated with the filming process, the inner workings, the psychology, health stuff, sex - you could do a whole documentary series on it."
MB: "Yeah we have something in the works."
GC: "So what about these contestants? I heard a rumor that 2 of them fell in love and are now living together."
MB: "Can't comment on that, my friend."
GC: "Okay, what about planning the show? Do you get psychological profiles on each contestant and tailor the challenges accordingly?"
MB: "I can't comment on that either."
GC: "So I guess I can't convert you into one of our insiders, can I?"
MB: "Nope."
GC: "Fair enough I guess. What about Survivor 3? We get tons of e-mail from people asking how they can get an edge over other applications."

more to come; we're running behind, sorry!

Click to enter the Laughing Kangaroo Art Gallery 02/27 THE GIGGLING KANGAROO GALLERY
   Open by popular demand! Creative, humorous Survivor 2 art submitted by you. See "Kimmi's Bath", "Survivor Billboard", the "Final Three" and more...

Croc hunter Steve Irwin 02/25 CROC HUNTER: "CROC ATTACK A CROCK"
    ...Insider confirms Mark Burnett toying with us

   While the internet goes wild with discussion about a speculated "croc attack" in the next episode of Survivor 2, we consulted foremost crocodile expert Steve Irwin.
   "There's no way any freshwater croc up in the Herbert [river where Survivor 2 was filmed] would attack anyone," says Irwin - aka The Croc Hunter - from theAustralia Zoo located in Queensland.. "They're only a few feet long and they just aren't aggressive. I caught a freshwater croc in absolute pitch blackness once by feeling underwater with my hands and feet to maneuver him into the monofilament net. It's the saltwater crocs that will get ya, and eat ya for lunch." (Ed. note: thanks Steve)
   Our source inside Studio City confirms the hinted crocodile-attack in the episode 6 teaser footage was indeed fabricated by Mark Burnett - aka the video dentist. "He's having the time of his life keeping everyone guessing. This thing isn't even half over yet, wait till he starts playing the sex angle!"
[read more about croc debunking at SnakeWine Survivors]

It's a good game. 02/24 PLAY THE SURVIVOR 2 VIDEO GAME!
   Introducing the fun and challenging Survivor 2 video game-
The favorite game of all Survivor 2 contestants we think!
  Click here to download (500K)

Pig in the Outback 02/20 "BABE 3: PIG IN THE OUTBACK" - WHO LET THE HOG OUT?
   Mark Burnett, of course! See the controversial pig receipt everyone's been talking about.

by GC, Survivor Insider Public Relations
   Our web site recently caught the attention of show producers and we were fortunate enough to receive a telephone call from one of their lawyers Tuesday morning. It seems they're concerned with the crew insiders we've been talking to and they want to plug the leaks.
   "We respect your right to your website, but our client is concerned about some of the information you're releasing," I was told in a telephone call from the Beverly Hills law firm used by you-know-who. "Obviously you've been talking to members of the crew, but those people are under a strict confidentiality agreement. By releasing information from them, you may also be culpable for breaking that agreement and subject to legal remedies."
   Legal remedies? For the Survivor Insider? I was doubtful, but decided to check it out. I consulted a lawyer, and indeed we both had a good chuckle over it. Nothing to worry about here; in fact we're cranking it up - ANYONE WANT TO KNOW WHO THE FINAL THREE ARE?

Mark Burnett with naughty smile 02/07 MARK BURNETT: "NOW THE REAL FUN BEGINS!"
   With Survivor 2 in full swing, producer Mark Burnett has been booking several hours a day in CBS Studio City editing suites, doctoring Survivor teaser footage for upcoming episodes.
   "He loves doing what we humorously call "video dentistry" a source close to Burnett told us. "He's cranking up the deception dial now to prevent future spoilers. He couldn't avoid the first 2 'spoilers' about Debb and Kel being voted off first, but now he's thrown down the gauntlet. Mark is the master of on-the-fly screenwriting: Out-of-sequence clips, digitally altered images of contestants, curious negative-frame inserts - you name it, he's doing it to mislead the 'net detectives."
   "He still leaves clues though. He loves that stuff. But only the most observant viewers, if anyone, will catch them first time around."

A jerky soldier 02/02 EPISODE 2: WHAT THE KEL HAPPENED?
   After viewing the final aired cut of last night's episode, our Survivor 2 insider cameraman recalls the events surrounding Kel's exile from the Outback:
   "Burnett was genuinely disappointed when Kel got kicked, because he was a strong character and he made good TV. Burnett himself is an ex-military man - and he shook his head at the "beef jerky" situation which turned the tribe against Kel. As you've already seen, this group of contestants - at first - view individual initiative with suspicion and contempt. Kel is a U.S. Military man, trained to take action, not sit on his ass at camp. He was out working, eating grasses and tree bark, and his frequent absence made it easy for his tribe to become suspicious of him. It was the same with Mike in the Kucha tribe - in tonight's episode he caught fish, but he also caught but attitude from the others."
   "All in all, Burnett was nonplussed with these contestants at first. Most of them got by on sexuality alone. Their hyper-paranoia made them reticent to share much, and they were lazy-asses for the first couple weeks. But they soon got a rude surprise they weren't prepared for: remember it's rainy season? You'll soon see just how well their shelters hold up! They were absolutely miserable..."

Pot-smoking cameramen make good TV 01/31 EVERYONE GETTIN' HIGH DOWN UNDER
   We've reported before on the lofty digs provided for the CBS crew during the filming of Survivor 2. However, it seems conditions were improved even more by the easy availability of marijuana - aka pot - on location in the Outback of Australia.
   "Many people with technical jobs in this highly-driven industry have always enjoyed "smoking a bowl" or sharing a joint together to relax and wind down," a crew insider told us, "and it was no different in the Outback. Many of us were pleasantly surprised to find good sticky buds available throughout the shoot. I have no idea where it ultimately came from, but there was always lots to go around. In fact, much of the creative camera work you see on the show - quick pans, angled zooms, jumpy close-ups, jiggling POV shots - is a productive result of cameramen powered by THC."
   It seems the high times weren't limited to the crew. Our insider tells us "At one point early in the shoot, we caught 2 female contestants smoking a joint in the bush. How did they get the reefer? They refused to say - it could have been any of the crew, or [they] smuggled it in somehow. But you won't read about that in any of the journals."
   "As for Mark Burnett? Yes, many times I saw the big man himself kicking back at the end of the day puffing on a big fatty. He's the man alright."

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