"Cooking Without: Recipes free from gluten, sugar, dairy products, yeast, salt, and saturated fat"
The title of this book says it all. To omit the delicacy’s of artery blockage is to immediately render the meal inferior and for us, completely inedible. Try it yourself, try to think of a tasty snack which does not have any of the “bad stuff” in…it’s as difficult as finding a clean knife in Gables.
"Low-Fat Diet Book:"
Without fat, shops such as Evans would lose all their horizontally challenged customers and Top Shop would reign. We’re not all size 8 (apparently).
"Catering For Health"
Greasy spoons do not exist to cater for our health needs. They only serve to cater for our unexplained urges for kebab after a night of downing aftershock. They cater for long distance drivers who are more interested in their extra-marital mistress in Calais than reducing their steering wheel blocking stomachs.
"Vegetarian Cookbook"
If it hasn’t roamed green fields or developed blisters in battery farms it will not be successful in a greasy spoon menu. The only vegetables that exist in these cafes are the mushrooms that grow behind the deep fat fryer, out of the way of passing Environmental Health Officers, which are the equivalent of Satan for the emaciated staff who rely on the greasy spoon minimum wage to buy cigarettes and hairspray.
"The NO cholesterol Cookbook"
No Cholesterol??? (Cue drawn-out breath and hyperventilation) Cholesterol is an integral and essential component of the greasy spoon menu. Without it, favourites such as “Egg n’ chips” would be extinct, which would quite possibly cause the metaphorical and physical collapse of all greasy spoon cafes in Birmingham.
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