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The Lessons on the Random

by amit.

the lessons   you guide to proper IM etiquette
- the rules of laughter.
- the rules of conversation
- the rules of correction
- the rules of dots
- the rules of words for the belated responser
- the rules of warning
mmm Words... without words, i wouldn't be typing this thing.
without words, you wouldn't be reading this thing.
without words, i'd be doing something productive. but when people say "go do something productive".. they usually refer to something like reading or writing. and of course, reading and writing involves:
1: a book
2: a pen (possibly a pencil.. depends on the mood)
3: words

i guess i could go play legos, or climb a tree.. but to make some cool new thing with legos, i'd need the instruction manual.. which involves reading.. and to climb trees without hurting my feet would require me to wear shoes.. and most shoes these days come in shoe boxes.. sometiems they have words on them such as: Reebok, Nike, Ladie's, Cross Training, Oshkosh B'Gosh, and etc... so i guess the world is surrounded with wodrs. just can't get away from them. words words words

oh by the way, if this one sucks.. it's cuz it's 11:30 PM.. early, but it's really sposed to be 12:30 AM but the whole 'move your clcok back 1 hour' stuff is killing me.. and forcing me to stay up earlier and making me make myelf look like a little wuss for complaining about me being tired at 11:30 when i did absolutely nothing home besides play tetris, solitaire, talk to people online, and stuff..and. stuff... that's why it sucks.. but if it doesnt suck, yay for me. back to the lesson

so wehre was i?


when you're tlaking online.. well, not talking.. typing,.. or even better: Chatting (SAT word right there, baby.. i just said baby), you need to know what words to use and when to use em. i'm not giving you this lesson to avoid getting slapped by girls by saying something like:

"wow, i want to touch your butt." and if that was the case, you'd be better off saying something like:

"you have a pretty design on the back of your pants. i love the way the manufacturers sewed it all together. it gives it some sort of mysterious kind of look.. reminds me of the romans, or maybe even the greeks.. i bet those pants were made in greek or rome.. ancient greek or rome of course. oh.. did i ever tell you i have always wanted to touch greek or roman art?".. that will definitely get the girl to let you touch her butt.. i suggest you try it.. worked with me a few times.

i even said i wasn't gonna give you advice on girls, but whatever .. i did

so.. back on topic now.. i'm gonna teach what to say and when to say it. this isn't as hard as it seems to be.. i know what you're thinking: oh man, he's making us think when we talk online!  but after you are done reading this, you'll be able to choose your words wisely so naturally that you'll think you are the coolest man or woman or both alive. trust me

Rule 1:
if you are known for being a slow replier to people's IMs, and if one day you decide to answer quicker than normal, why answer quickly? if you are konwn for answering 10 minutes after, and you answer 3 minutes after, the person on the other end will know something's up. and most people don't wanna tell peole what's up, nor do they want to be asked. so.. if you don't wanna be asked, and if you wanna sound smart.. and chose a word wisely, follow these simple steps
1-Write out the sentence in your mind, but do NOT press send. this is a very important step
2-Examine your sentence. look for the biggest word in there. if there is a tie, add up the total number of letters in the words that are tied, and multoply by 0. if the result is 3 or higher, go to 3b. if not, go to 3a. if there was never a tie in the first place, go to 3.
3-Pick up a thesaurus and look up a synonym for the largest word in the sentence, and pick the one that sounds cool.. if it sounds like "micro-organelle" or "pyromaniac" or "Snapple Iced Tea," it's cool. if it sounds like "pocupine" or "root beer", it officially sucks at being a cool word. remember the word you chose and the wpelling. possibly the part of speech too. now go to 4.
3a-Pick any of the words that were tied, and go to 3
3b-Buy a new calculator.
4-highlight the word that you chose to replace in your sentence and press delete. now, remember the spelling of the cool word and type it in. and out loud, say the part of speech 5 times in a row or until you feel like a genius.
5-press send


spellerbuddywhohasntsentyet:i love amazing turkeys
spellerbuddylookinginathesaurus:brb,im looking in a thesaurus
Auto Response: looking in a thesaurus
spellerbuddywithnewword:i love prodigious turkeys
impressedbuddy:wow! did you teach my english class???

so.. that is how you shose words wisely.

oh, and another thing.. when ending a convo.. you can't say bye all the time..

sometimes you something like:
see you later
talk to you later
see you tomorrow
see you tomorrow at school
good night
later dood
later dewd
later man!!!!
gotta go
bye bye
see ya
sea yuh
i love you hunny bunch!!!
and so many more...

the best way to choose which to use is to pick a number between 1 and the number 83. and then, come back to this lessonsand pick the one corresponding to your number. if you pick 1, you'd say bye. if you picked 82.. you'd count till you get to the 82nd one.. once you reach the end you start over, but keep counting.

so ya.. umm, i pick the the numbber 100.. wow! that's not between 1 and 82! you knw what that means?? i can pick any thing i want! and the one i pick is:

yo, catch ya later, bro.

(i even used a thesaurus to get the word catch!)

thanks to greg for aide with the name of this lesson, and forr peeing his pants while reading this. means a lot man. don't worry, he wears diapers. haha, oh man. that's mean. he didn't really pee his pants. he just helped make the name. man, rumors spread quick around here, don't they?