Some common lifestyle terms and definitions ...

We list below some of the common terms and definitions which are used in this lifestyle. Should you be unable to find any particular information, please complete our Feed Back Form and we will try to reply to you.

We would also like to state that we do not judge anyone for their particular preferences. So long as the activities are undertaken by consenting adults, who abide by the creed ... SAFE, SANE, CONSENSUAL, we make no comment about the acceptability, or not, of any activity that anyone wishes to indulge in.

We agree wholeheartedly with the words from Different Loving ... "...sex for pleasure is a normal human drive and is acceptable when it brings pleasure to both partners."

Remember ... normality and acceptability are relative terms and should always be viewed from the personal perspectives of the individuals involved.

Some basic definitions :

 BDSM - This term covers BD + DS + SM. Bondage, Domination, Submission, Sadism, Masochism.(Other variants came along as people guessed at the meaning, not expecting it to be an overlapping abbreviation.) It is an all encompassing term which covers many aspects of the lifestyle.

 B&D - Refering to Bondage and Discipline/Domination ... and can refer to many different levels of varying intensity.

  Bedroom D/s - This generally refers to people who indulge in occasional erotic D/s play, but do not live the lifestyle on a 24/7 basis.

  COC - A Consensual Ownership Contract - please refer to our Specimen COC for further details.

  Collaring - The giving and receiving of a collar is the exchange of an outward symbol of consensual ownership. Performed between the Dom/me and the sub, it must not be misconstrued or treated lightly. Please see our related page for more details.

  D/s - Domination and submission. It is generally interpreted as concentrating more on the mental aspects of the relationship than the physical. Athough this is not to say that physically, a gentle, erotic lifestyle, cannot be included. And, as in all things, there are some who take it further than others.

  Dom / Domme - A person who takes the dominant role. Can also be referred to as "Tops".

  Flagging - Traditionaly a gay practice of displaying bandannas or other such items to indicate erotic preferences and interests. Left usually signifies dominance, right submission.

  Lifestyler - Refering to people who consider their form of erotic lifestyle to be central to their intimate lives, and generally live it on a 24/7 basis.

  Masochist - One who is aroused by receiving pain (to greater and lesser degrees) from another.

  Master / Mistress - A person who is dominant.

  Munches - Generally, social gatherings where likeminded people get together for a meal or drinks for purely social purposes. Note : generally munches do not include scening, either group or individual. They also normally take place in a vanilla environment.

  Pro Dom/me - Pro sub - A professional dominant/submissive - can be male or female - who receives payment for their services.

  Sadist - One who is aroused by inflicting pain (to greater and lesser degrees) on another.

  Scene - Also can be called "session" or "encounter" - refers to the time spent in an erotic episode. It can also be used as a term to describe the organised or social aspects of the lifestyle ... to be "in the scene".

 S/M - Refers to Sadomasochism. This is generally a "harder" form of lifestyle and is considered to be more severe in its form. However, we emphasise that it is a consensual form where both parties gain enjoyment and pleasure from the activities they indulge in.

  Sub - A male or female who takes a submissive role in the partnership. Also can be called a "subbie" or "bottom". Sometimes also referred to as "slave".

  Switch - A person who enjoys spending some time in a dominant role and some time in a submissive role.

  Third Party - Someone who is outside the D/s relationship who protects the Dom/me or sub from possible harm during real life meetings. Please refer to our Third Party Agreements Page for further details.

  Vanilla - Refering to conventional intimate styles of relationships, that do not include any form of D/s, S/M or B/D etc.

Some common descriptions of alternative lifestyles :

  Ageplay - Scenes where one party may take the role of adult and the other a child, or variations on this theme. This includes babying and infantalism. Also covers adolescent fantasies where the parties go back to being "teenagers" again.

  Body modification - This includes piercings, tattoos, scarring, branding etc.

  Bondage - The art of tying up or being tied up with various kinds of materials including silk, leather, chains, rope etc.

  Corporal punishment - Sometimes refered to as CP. The giving and receiving of varying degrees of erotic pain through, for example, spanking, whipping, cropping etc.

  Depersonalisation - To become an object, a footstool for example, Or sometimes taking on the qualities of a pet like a kitten, puppy or even pony.

  Dressing up - Can include such things as corsetting, wearing of maid's uniforms etc. Can also include leather and rubber.

  Erotic Combat Games - Includes things like wrestling or mud fights.

  Fetishes - Any activity which induces an erotic state. Can include things like being stimulated by feet, by odours, by the particular feel or sensation of a substance or material.

  Gender Swapping - When individuals take on the role of the opposite sex. This often includes dressing up in appropriate clothing etc.

  Mind games and roleplaying - This generally involves games of pretend, both physcial (including props such as costumes and objects) and purely mental/imaginary.

  Intense stimulation - The art of sensitising the sub physically, often utilising a variety of stimuli such as clamps, wax, pinwheels, and in some cases electricity etc.

  Power Exchange - A term refering to the giving and receiving of power and control in a BDSM lifestyle

  Water Sports/Scat - The use of golden showers(urine), enemas (cleansing) and scat (games with faeces).