COC Guidlines

You will find a suitable sample COC on the contracts page. Below are a few hints to help you in your negotiation.

You should tailor this, adding or amending it to suit your own particular limits, preferences, desires and requirements.

Put in as much detail as you feel necessary in order to clearly state your own limitations and desires.

Make sure that your partner does the same. Then you should both exchange Contracts.

Once you have exchanged Contracts, and can see what your partner wishes, you should then negotiate together a final version to which you both fully agree.

One important point to make here is that both parties should negotiate this Contract as equals. If you are unable to negotiate as equals then DO NOT MAKE A CONTRACT WITH THAT PERSON. A true BDSM lifestyler would always make sure that both parties are freely able to express their views.

Do not allow yourself to be bullied into agreeing to anything that you do not wish to do.

Please also remember that as your relationship progresses you can both request a re-negotiation of the terms and limits it states.

Either party should be able, AT ANY TIME, AND AS AN EQUAL, to state that they would like a Contract Re-Negotiation. However, at this point it may be sensible to say that although the above probably works for the majority, there are people for whom it would not. There is no right or wrong way here, only what works for the individual. The important thing is that both parties are agreed on that issue.

A Further Explanation About Safewords and Safesigns ...

Safewords and their use ...

In this particular specimen Contract, the submissive has one safeword and one safesign, either of which, upon use, immediately halts all activity.

You can, however, choose to use a "military style" of safewords ... where a warning safeword which indicates "You are treading on thin ice" is given first, followed, if necessary, by a safeword which means "stop all activity NOW".

It is common for people to choose to use the military terms "Amber" and "Red" for these warnings. However, we stress here that the choice of words is up to you. We would suggest, however, that you use short words that are immediately recognisable as being utilised as warnings.

If you wish to use this progressive safeword system, amend the specimen Contract to reflect this. Again, make sure that your partner fully understands and respects their use.

It is the responsiblity of each party to constantly monitor the other to identify the use of a safeword or safesign. If you are unsure whether the safeword or safesign has been used follow the golden rule ...

IF IN DOUBT ... STOP AND ASK !!!

Safesigns and their use ...

Given that in some situations either party may be restricted in movement and / or speech (through the use of bindings, straps, gags, etc.) it is essential that both the safeword and safesign are clearly and instantly recognisable.

Again, we would stress that the use of any safesign can either signify "STOP ALL ACTIVITY NOW" or can also be progressive, as discussed above.

In a progressive pattern the left hand might indicate the warning, the right hand indicate that all activity should stop immediately.

Examples of safesigns with the hands might be :

"X" - index and middle fingers crossed, and the thumb, ring and little fingers folded into the palm of the hand.

"PEACE" - the traditional peace sign, with thumb, ring and little finger folded into the palm of the hand and the middle and index fingers raised side by side in a v shape.

"HORNS" - the traditional sign of Pan the Goat God - thumb, middle and ring fingers folded into the palm of the hand, with the index finger and little finger raised.

"OK" - the OK sign - the thumb and index finger held in the shape of an "O", with the other fingers raised (as in a cockrels crown).

If you are not blindfolded, then holding one eye shut for an extended period of time (a prolonged "wink") can be used.

Example safesigns with the head and face :

Circling, nodding or shaking of the head, again for an extended period of time, can also be used. But we would not recommend this highly, as it is a sign that can easily be confused with the throes of passion !

Examples of safesigns with the feet :

Crossing the big toe with the toe next to it can be used. But again, make sure your partner is constantly monitoring you for these signs.

You should both practice together the use of these safesigns and safewords so that they are familiar in use and recognition to each party, and their meanings are fully understood.

One final word of caution ... once you have agreed your safewords and safesigns ... stick to them. Do not change them each time you meet for a scene as this will inevitably lead to confusion and misunderstandings.