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Ally McBeal

Funny Fishisms... Sappy McBealisms... Burning Sarcasms... They're all here.

" We make a few promises to ourselves as we grow up and one of them is to walk down the aisle with someone we love…someone who makes our heart bounce."

"Hey! No. Don't say you're sorry when you not sorry. You didn't even look up to see who you bumped into. What if i was an old lady? I could have fallen down and broken a hip. I could be lying on my back in some HMO, my lungs filling up with phlegm till I'm on life support, draining my family of every last cent of their inheritance while I asphyxiate on my half hacked dried mucous. No. Don't say you're sorry when you're not sorry."

"The more lost you are the more you have to look forward to. So what do you know? I'm having a great time and I don't even know it."

"Where does it say women can't act like men sometimes. I saw a piece of cute meat and I said to myself, you only live once. Be a man."

"Whoever said that theres plenty of fish in the sea was lying. Sometimes there's only one fish. Trust me."

"I think I need to believe that it works. Love. Couplehood. Partnerships. The idea that when people come together they stay together. I have to take that with me to bed every night, even if I'm going to bed alone. That's a McBealism."

"What, he can't be a man and just paw me a little? I am a sexual object for godsake, he couldn't give me a little grope?"

John Cage: "The world is no longer a romantic place, some of its people still are however and therein lies the promise, don't let the world win Ally McBeal."

Rabbi Stern: "Are you always such a bitchy little thing?"
Ally McBeal: "Bitchy?"
Rabbi Stern: "Coming in here, insulting the Tamud, insulting me."
Ally McBeal: "What kind of rabbi calls somebody bitchy?"
Rabbi Stern: "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
Ally McBeal: "Cuz I'm bitchy? God has no love for the bitchy?"
Rabbi Stern: "Get out."

Billy Thomas: "Will you ever forgive my letting go?"
Ally McBeal: "I forgive it, but I'm still not sure I'll ever understand it."

Ally McBeal: "Hey."
John Cage: "I don't want to talk about it."
Ally McBeal: "I understand but..."
John Cage: "Ally, I don't want to talk about it. Sometimes I feel better not talking. That thing about talking making you feel better, that was made up by a bunch of yappers! I want to be by myself, with myself, would that be alright with you?"

"If you think back and replay your year, if it doesn't bring you tears, either of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted."

Richard Fish: "Simple. Men, women, friction."
George Madison: "That's it? Friction?"
Richard Fish: "Friction, friction, friction, orgasm."

"There's been many times I wished my wife glowed in the dark. Would be easier to see what I'm doing."

Happiness is getting into bed with anything that makes you feel warm and snuggled. And for me it happens to be a pair of flannel pajamas."

Ally McBeal: "I can sing Richard, I have a voice."
Richard Fish: "Agreed, your having a voice isn't my concern, its just the rest of us have ears."

"Is that your final answer or would you like to call a friend?"

John: "You could call him"
Ally: "I'm the woman, it's against the law for me to make the call."
John: "But since he's technically the dumpee..."
Ally: "John I am fine don't you see me sitting in the bar having a good time."
John: "Yes it's infectious."

Ally: "I think you're in love."
Ling: "What?! How do I snap out of it?"

"Love is um ... well... it's like an obstacle course. Some people let the obstacles win and then there are those who don't."

"Men--men cannot decorate; It is by nature, it is genetic."

John to Richard: "I don't think we maximize our potential by taking our clothes off."

"Then he hires a man to get her to stumble like a cheap episode of Temptation Island."

Ally: "How long are you back for?"
Larry: "Does forever work for you?... I was hoping it would."

Ally advising Elaine on men: "You love him, you be honest with him, you be there when he needs somebody to hold on to and every now & then you tell him that he has a real nice ass."

Ally on Larry: "He's a dream come true right till the bitter end."

"Forgive me because I have spent my whole life crafting this little list of how it's supposed to go when I meet somebody and as I've gotten older I've become more willing to make compromises. There's only one real prerequisite left on the list for the man in my life... I have to love him."

Larry: "I've been meaning to ask you something for awhile now. Ally, are you nuts?"

"Well if you need a sympathetic ear I can fake it"

"Sometimes I'm tempted to become a street person, cut off from society but then I wouldn't get to wear my outfits."

"I'm used to getting dumped, this isn't pain I'm feeling. It's nostalgia."

"Being a woman, I know how women react to things even when they don't mean a thing,"

"Sometimes there's no point in the truth if the only thing it'll do is cause pain."

"Sometimes I feel as if I'm being unfaithful to love it self,"

"I live my life as one big Christmas Eve & it just makes me hapy, happy, happy!"

Ally:"How did I get to be such a mess so soon in my life?"
Billy: "You've always been ahead of your time."

"Idiot!, even if you find her she might be looking for the prefect man."

"If you kiss him he may not stay forever but he won't be running off quick."

Richard: "Everybody's alone Ally it's just some people don't know it."

"Today is going to be a...less bad day. I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and know everything is going to be...less bad."

"The truth is, I probably don't want to be too happy or content, 'cause then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That's the fun."

"I'm human, I'm temperamental, I'm guilty, and I'm ovulating!"

"Listen, I don't need to pay for a therapist to give me crap. I have a roommate who does it for free."

"We keep on believing life is gonna take care of everything. It doesn't."

"The last thing you want is to be in love with someone you can't have. Believe me, that's something I know."

"We're women. We have double standards to live up to."

"There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some loves that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky enough to end up with somebody who has a little of that insanity. Someone who never lets go. Someone who cherishes you forever."

"You're supposed to be able to send your life to the dry-cleaners and get it back nicely pressed and folded."

"Even if I get past my problems I'm just going to go out and get new ones!"

"Never trust second thoughts. Next thing you know there'll be a third and a'll be thinking forever!"

"Problem is just a bleak word for a challenge."

"I couldn't help but overhear, probably because I was eavesdropping."

"If you don't kiss a girl on the first date, you're a gentleman. If you don't kiss her on the second date, you're gay!"

"You're a great lady, and I don't want to spend my whole life feeling overmatched."

"I'm the victim of my choices...And I am just beginning."

"I realize it's my loss but there are just some victories I am not equipped to handle."

"Sometimes the worst thing for somebody's heart could be loneliness."

"Sometimes, when you hold out for everything, you end up with nothing."

I'm sure there's a right response for this... but... it escapes me at the moment."

"The greatest insanity now is that people still think that the right love will come along. But people often find out that the right one slipped away, never did the right one ever come along."

Ally: "You love me."
Billy: Yeah, so much that at night, I want to call you up and just hear you breathe while you're sleeping."

"I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. (But stay anyway.)"

"Some people find love permanent, some are just meant to be alone."

"There is no sin in loving men, only pain."

"Not everybody gets THE ONE."

"Loneliness is the feeling that there might never be anybody ever again."

Love isn't like a train, like when you see one, you can't just say, "hey, I'll just take the next one."

"I think I need mental help... I feel happy.... I am just not equipped."

"I've always believed that when I met the right man, our souls would connect even before a single word could be spoken."

"Sometimes, I wonder if it's only Hope that I've got going in my life."

"The real fraud is the mindset that has been ingrained in us since childhood: that people get the person of their dreams. Most don't."

"I've spent my entire life doing what she's done-- loving the one not there... somebody I've never met. I Have a rough idea of what he looks like. I have a more specific take on what he thinks, what he feels. I have an almost exact sense of how he makes me feel. I've never met him. I may never meet him. I've actually been told he's not even out there."

"The men and women of our dreams lives in our dreams. And in the real world, we should be allowed to settle for the one who comes close."

Richard: "Quiet! Let me ignore you one at a time."

"You find the love of your life as a teenager. You've been waiting for another love like that to come along. Now you're thinking that it might not. You'll never know love again, that's what's eating you. Don't beat yourself up for thinking these things-- you could be 100% right."

"Men love to be thought of as funny...except when they're in bed."

Richard: "I can't do anything about it but I'd be happy to sympathize."

Richard: "It's not my style to care about others, but, what's going on?"

"I need to believe that men and women love each other. I need to know that they go home to each other every night, so I can believe that it will happen to me too someday."

"Snow White. Cinderella. All about gettin' the guy. Being saved by the guy. Today it's Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas. All about gettin a guy. So basically, we're screwed up because of Disney."

Tracy: "He's afraid."
Ally: "Why?"
Tracy: "He's interested."
Ally: "Men are supposed to pounce when they're interested."
Tracy: "Hel-lo! They pounce on the wrong girls. When it's the right girl, they turn into bumbling little chickens."

"Check him out-- even if he's a Maybe; even if you know he's not really The One, but you feel he has a chance of being The One. Coz the right ones-- even those who have the remotest possibility of being The One-- they don't come by too often, if they ever do come at all."

Ally: Oops, sorry!
John: It's alright, porkchop!
John to Richard: Dammit, I meant to say lambchops!

Ally's shrink: "You're someone who desperately needs love but who no longer believes in it."