The Cow Joke Page

Ground beef.

What is another name for a cowboy?

Hamburger helper.

What do you call a cow that has just had a calf?

Decalfinated.

what is the best use for cow hide nowadays?

To hold the cow together.

What do you call a 10 foot cow?

Ma'am.

What do you call a deaf cow?

You can call it whatever you want, but it's no going to come.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

So, there were these two cows standing in a field. One turns to the other and says, "What do think of this 'mad cow disease'? Does it worry you?" The other cow then replies, "Why should I be worried? I'm a chicken."

Socialism -- If you have 2 cows, you give one to your neighbor.

Communism -- If you have 2 cows, you give them to the government; and the government gives you some milk.

Fascism -- If you have 2 cows, you keep the cows but give the milk to the government, who then sells you the milk at a high price.

Nazism -- If you have 2 cows, the government shoots you and keeps the cows.

New Dealism -- (FDR Version) If you have 2 cows, you shoot one, milk the other one; then pour the milk down the drain.

Capitalism -- (Reaganomics) If you have 2 cows, you sell one and buy a bull; you then sell all the excess milk to the government who in turn ships it to fascist and communist governments.

Anarchism -- If you have 2 cows, your neighbor on your left takes one cow, and the one on the right takes the other; while your backyard neighbor takes the milk, the bucket and the stool.

Utopianism -- If you have 2 cows, Mother Nature zaps the cows, turning their udders into eternal milk-shake dispensers.

Radical Feminism -- If you have 2 cows, you declare an amazonian state free of bull oppression and sit around waiting for the cows to hump each other.

What's a cow's favorite city?

Honamoomoo, Haywaii or Milkwaukee, Wiscownsin are favorites. Then there's Pittsburger and Harrisburger, Moo York, and Chicowgo.

Who's the cow heavyweight champion of the world?

Milk Tyson, used to by Cowscious Clay

What does a cow do after writing a book?

Has it cowpywrighted

What are a cows favorite classes in school?

Cowculus, psycowlogy, moosic, thermoodynamics

Where do smart cows go to school?

Cowlumbia

What happens when a cow stops shaving

Grows a Moostache

What do cows eat in greek restaurants?

Shishcowbob or cowlbasa

What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?

Cowboom

What's a cows favorite basketball shoe?

Cownverse

What did cows used to call the ruler of Germany?

The cowser

What do cows usually fly around in?

Helicowpters and Bulloons

What does one call a red cow?

Either Cowmunist or Cowmrade

Who is a cows favorite cowmposer?

Some like Mootzart, others like Tchaicowfski

What religions are cows?

There are Cowtholics, Episcowpaliens, Moothodists, and some are mooish.

What do cows do on a Saturday night?

They go to the moovies, or the discowteque.

What kind of haircuts do punk cows like?

Moohalks

What do cows like to do at amoosement parks?

Ride on the roller cowster

What games do little cows like to play?

Moonopoly, or cowps and robbers

What kind of cowfee do cows like?

Decalfinated

What kinds of moosic do cows like?

Mootown, Mootzart (Amoodeus), the moos, moo wave, the moody moos

What kind of locks do cows use?

Cowmbination locks

What's a cows favorite Olympic event?

The mooathon. Also the discowse and the calf mile.

What does one call a cow who sleeps around?

A bull dozer.

What does one call a cow who talks down to other cows?

Cowndescending.

What does one call a cow who just does what all the other cows do?

A cownformist.

Who is a Cow's favorite Astronomooer?

Nicholai Cowpernicus.

How would you get a cow in your car?

If you promise to let her steer.

What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?

An encownter group.

What would you call a Post Apocolyptic Bovine?

A Mootant.

Did you hear the one about the Texas Longhorn who defected to the USSR?

He just wanted to live in Mooscow.

Where do the hep cows hang in Paris?

Moolin Rouge.

Cow's favorite Dickens opus?

A Christmoos Cowl".

Definition of a Moocher: a selfish cow.

What do cows call an act of god?

Bovine Intervention.

What do you call Eskimo cows?

Eskimoos.

What gives milk and says, "Ooom, oom?"

A cow walking backwards.

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?

A lawn moo-er.

Where do cows go on vacation?

Moo York.

Did you hear about the cow who couldn't give milk?

She was an udder failure.

What do cows do on a Saturday night?

They go to the moovies.

What does a farmer use to count his cows?

A cow-culator.

What does one call a sleeping cow?

A bull dozer.

Who is a Cow's favorite Astronomooer?

Nicholai Cowpernicus.

How would you get a cow in your car?

If you promise to let her steer.

What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?

an encownter group.

What would you call a Post Apocolyptic Bovine?

A Mootant.

Where do the hep cows hang in Paris?

Moolin Rouge.

Why did the farmer feed his cow money?

He wanted rich milk.

Why did the mad chef watch the lazy cow?

He liked to see meat loaf.

Did you hear about the cow who couldn't give milk?

They called her a milk dud!