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1
The Cows are Taking over. Yes, it's true. Really, cows are real intelligent creatures who hide their intelligence cause they like being milked. Me being a bull (no jokes okay?) do not care for my nipples to be pulled and squeezed by some old man who is deprived from his wife. Besides, humans can give milk too. I saw it. But anyway, back to the theory, yes, the cows are intelligent. My IQ in HUMAN standards is about 200. yes 200. And there are cows smarter than me. I'm telling you this because you at this point, cannot stop us. We also have the chickens and the pigs as our allies. And the monkeys. They're sick of you humans saying you have a common ancestry. The lambs were too stupid. They're even dumber than you humans. The cows are going to do this by using our SECRET WEAPON. HAHA. and YOU will never find out, because you pitiful humans will try to destroy the weapon. =P
2
President Clinton is really a martian sent to the U.S. to ruin earth. Actually, he's helping us. We would have had to do twice as much work if he wasn't here. But hey! We know we can deal with the Martians, so if they want to help us out then fine. We accept your help with gratitude.
3
CD's are REALLY meant to be heard. Next time, when you are with your friends, hold a cd to your ear, and tell everyone to gather around and "listen" to the cd. When you actually hear something, you'll be genuinely surprised, and so will your friends. If you dont, maybe you're a psycho and just plain wierd.
4
Macintosh backwards spells Hsotnicam. This in some foreign language of which I cannot say the name, means "I like the smell of ass."
5
Keyboards that you type into are really weapons of mass destruction. By typing into these keyboards, you are pressing ticks into your time set bomb. Each time you type in a letter, the keyboard gets closer to exploding. NO, the backspace button CANNOT HELP YOU!!
6
When farting, people let out an gas. This gas is actually odorless. However, due to the dangers of flammability of these gases, the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) add chemicals to make your ass smell like the ass smell you have grown so fond of.
7
PIKACHU. He is known as a lovable creature with the power of lightning. In actuality, Pikachu is actually the Japanese weapon to take over the US Economy. You see, this was their insurance. Damn those JAPANESE, its going to be a bit tougher killing them off.
8
These anti drug commercials you see on TV actually have hidden subliminal messages recorded into the background of the noise, to get you to do the SWEET SWEET CRACK. Yes. SWEET SWEET CRACK.
9
Books are actually not meant to be read. They were really meant to be toys. Think about it, Thin sleeves of wood bound together? Sounds like an old toy to me! Man, trees, thin. Hidden message? A conspiracy within a conspiracy? Anti Fatness message?
10
Contrary to popular belief, librarians have a secret organization, where they practice Black Magic, and support Fascism, in hopes that they can reincarnate the great Mussolini. (by the way, I am in no way in support of Fascism. It's the Librarians, they just are fascists.)
11
Contrary to popular belief, teachers are not in school to teach. In fact, schools are not a place for learning! The real reason for the existance of schools, is to keep your minds occupied so they (government) can control the intelligence level of kids. Why? Because adults don't like being dumber than kids. And, the government got some order from a "Higher power". Heh heh... and they think the President ordered this... (It was me!)
12
In the late 1800's, many women were killed for being "witches". We now know (cows knew back then) that witches do not exist. So why were we so confused back then? The answer is simple. No one has considered the peculiar little fact, that everytime a farmer died, a witch was convicted. What is the relationship? Well, back then, potatos had explosives in them, and whenever one came near, then he (or she)'d release the explosive, killing the farmer. Most of the time, their efforts went unknown, because potatos were, and are rather slow. That is why the explosive almost never went off, and most people were safe. In the 1900's, glasses became common, and therefore, if a farmer had bad eyes, he simply got glasses. This ruined any chance for potato explosions, and therefore, eliminated the blame of witches...
13
The average age of a human was supposed to be 120,000,000 years, but due to rather silly actions on part of the human race. The reason is that humans lie down to sleep. If humans never slept lying down, then they would live for approximately 120 million years.
14
Scientists (human) think that the average human only uses 20 percent of his/her brain. This is not true, instead, the human uses 80 percent, and 20 percent goes unused. However, do not feel bad, because that 20 percent is causes fungpartaponicupokupodiec syndrome, which is bad for you anyway. It makes your the rest of your cells, other than brain cells, and causes them to grow continuously at incredible speeds. This makes humans think they heads shrink, but it really is their bodies growing.
15
It is believed that President Clinton had sex with the following people:
Monica Lewinsky, Paula Jones, and Hillary Clinton. He did not have sex with any of them, for the following reasons.
Monica- She's fat. She's ugly.
Paula- She has a big nose. The president had no way of reaching her, unless he got her from be..h...i..n...d... OH MY GOD!!!! But then again, she is ugly, so that proves he couldn't have sex with her.
Hillary- She's too (excuse the language <---For the politically correct) bitchy. She isn't that ugly however, considering her age. (and that she's a human) but still, she's too bitchy.
The president has standards you know. I mean after all, he IS a Martian.
16
Vampires are really werewolves. Werewolves are really knights of the round table. The knigts of the round table are abominable snowmen. Abominable snowmen are really witches. Witches are really vampires.There are no such things witches. Where does that leave everyone?
17
Those phones you use in your house are really martian frying pans. But only the portable ones. The one's with cords are Martian barbeque grills.
18
Bill Clinton did not really sleep with Monica Lewinsky or Paula Jones. The whole plot was planned by the President because he felt that modern news lacked the amount of yellow journalism it had in the past.
19
There is this kid named Henry Hong. But he goes under the assumed alias "Heesuk". Never trust him! He will sing in his very strange voice the Jiggly Puff Song.
20
Abercrombie and Fitch is actually made of reorganized chemicals from Dog feces. One may have noted the smell in the store and said to oneself "no way, this is a brand new clothing store, they cant have dog poopie here!!" but in fact, there was Dog dung there. Haha! Hoho!
21
Walbaums is owned by the Devil's children who happen to be controlled by the one and only Henry (Hong). Never shop there. Or else, Danny Chung will show up and begin to act gay, like Dae, in a play, in that way, so dont stay. Or I'll make you pay, by the bay, in that special way. (Yes I said way already, yes that was in Happy Gilmore)
