hmm when i woke up today i was determined i was gonna accomplish something online today. i wanted to change freeze but i dunno if i can just yet. i decided to surf around tho and maybe get a lil more inspired. i havent really found much for inspiration yet but i tend to get sidetracked when i do that heh. sooo im gonna just dive in and try. who knows if anything will actually come of it. apoc still hasnt come home. its weird everything seems so normal. it feels like he's just outside playing. except for last night when it was so cold. i was so upset cuz i didnt want him to be cold. switch went out for a few minutes but then he came right back in. his lil paws were freezing so he laid on my back til they warmed up. even now he's curled up in my bed sleeping. i wish so much apoc would come home. id feel so much better knowing he was snuggled in my bed sleeping safe and warm. im trying not to give up on him yet tho. i just wanna cry when i think about him. its been a really long time since i let myself cry. thats where being so busy with things helps. and here i am wasting more time again i should get started with psp if im gonna get anything accomplished.

well school has finally started back and i have a lil time to myself.ive been cleaning my room today. i normally concentrate on cleaning downstairs so much i neglect my room except for straightening it and making the bed. mmm@flannel sheets and pjs i slept so good last. not that it was cold. the heater seems to be working great this year. yesterday i kept thinking about my trip to idaho. i dunno why but it was on my mind alot. my first trip by plane. and only trip by plane heh. i was so terrified. i wanted to just run off the plane before it even took off. then i kept watching the couple sitting next to me. they were young and didnt look afraid at all so i thought why should i be worried their apparently not. course they prolly did it alot. so that helped absorb my thoughts til take off. and then meeting juni and storm was awesome. even tho we lost storm at the airport. i was so worried about her. i just knew we would never find her. but we did and it all turned out great. and juni tellin the man in the elevator we didnt have elevators in ms. he thought that was so cute and patted my shoulder as if to tell me it was ok. they took me up on the mountains too to where the snow was. rick stopped the truck and we all got out.. i stepped knee deep in snow. was the most snow id ever seen. *looks out the window* and that ill never see here. well i suppose i should get back to all this cleaning i was doing.

haha reading over my last post eesh i didnt even finish some of my thoughts and i repeat myself alot =/ josh has gone over to morgan's for a lil while so im sneaking in another few mintues to myself. i slept so much better last night since it cooled off. its really really cold outside today. i just stepped outside on the porch in my shorts ...bad idea! switch doesnt seem to mind tho i found him wandering around on the balcony this morning. apoc was sitting inside the door watching him. i think he was snickering too cuz he was inside warm. now apoc's napping and switch is back outside doing whatever it is he does out there. hmm definitely gonna have to work on complete thoughts with complete sentences.

wow i take a long time to write. i still dont have much time to tho. i really dont have it today but im making a lil time. its way too hot and im not feeling like doing much cuz i didnt sleep well. i can't believe im sitting here watching wasps fly around outside. its supposed to rain sometime today and then its gonna be cold again. im feeling a bit happier lately but i still want the cold. i got an email from storm the other day. it was wonderful to hear from her after almost a year. of course i could have called her too. i didnt have to wait this long and im not sure why i didnt just call her. we used to talk on the phone alot heh i would leave her lil messages on her answering machine when she wasnt home. that makes me think of val too. she would call me at least once every week.
*sigh* my cd burner has died too. it might just be throwing one of its fits and start working again in a few days but for now its just dead. oh well i dont really need to burn anything right now anyway. i just realized im sitting here watching a knife infomercial. not that im really watching it...its just on. i suppose i should get start getting ready. maybe i can sneak in a nice hot bubble bath too while im getting ready. i can listen to my michelle branch cd. i still need to get her newest cd too. hmm or maybe sugar ray's new cd. decisions are evil!

well last night turned out to be a really longgg night. its finally gray and dreary out. the whole time ive been gone i was so desperate for a day like today. i was sick of all the sunshine. i just wanted everything to be gray. i wanted to watch the leaves turn brown and fall. and now after a really long wait they are. its still pretty warm outside but thats supposed to change tonight. i really just need it to be cold. i wanna feel the cold air on my cheeks. i wanna wake up and snuggle back under the covers cuz its just too cold to get out of bed. ive missed working on my sites too. i used to get so excited about them. i think maybe i can do that again now.

yay my puter is finally back online. im not quite sure about me yet tho. im finally starting to feel like me again. the past few months have really sucked. i havent listened to hardly any music or watched any of my favorite tv shows. id see or hear things that would make me catch my breath to hold the tears back. im feeling more positive than i did before i left tho. i think my modem is finally working now. its been going for 2 hours which is longer than its connected so far. the cable guys drove away just as i made it to the door this morning so i guess its supposed to be all fixed now. pleh @ what i had to go thru to get this thing working. but we got a new hardline run to our house so even our tv cable is better. well downstairs anyway. im really hoping i can handle things better now. maybe i have things in perspective and organized again. things dont feel near as chaotic as they had before. i still dont know exactly how much ill be online. but i'm just gonna take things small and not plan too far ahead or plan things that i cant keep. i guess im just gonna wing it heh.