well last night turned out to be a really longgg night. its finally gray and dreary out. the whole time ive been gone i was so desperate for a day like today. i was sick of all the sunshine. i just wanted everything to be gray. i wanted to watch the leaves turn brown and fall. and now after a really long wait they are. its still pretty warm outside but thats supposed to change tonight. i really just need it to be cold. i wanna feel the cold air on my cheeks. i wanna wake up and snuggle back under the covers cuz its just too cold to get out of bed. ive missed working on my sites too. i used to get so excited about them. i think maybe i can do that again now.

yay my puter is finally back online. im not quite sure about me yet tho. im finally starting to feel like me again. the past few months have really sucked. i havent listened to hardly any music or watched any of my favorite tv shows. id see or hear things that would make me catch my breath to hold the tears back. im feeling more positive than i did before i left tho. i think my modem is finally working now. its been going for 2 hours which is longer than its connected so far. the cable guys drove away just as i made it to the door this morning so i guess its supposed to be all fixed now. pleh @ what i had to go thru to get this thing working. but we got a new hardline run to our house so even our tv cable is better. well downstairs anyway. im really hoping i can handle things better now. maybe i have things in perspective and organized again. things dont feel near as chaotic as they had before. i still dont know exactly how much ill be online. but i'm just gonna take things small and not plan too far ahead or plan things that i cant keep. i guess im just gonna wing it heh.