September 18, 2004 1:45am- UPDATE

I just wanted to say that I probably won't actually be posting again very soon because I get intense spyware installed on my computer every time I come on to Angelfire.com. This sucks. I'll try to get rid of this problem, but it's not looking too good.

September 3, 2004 11:16am- UPDATE

So, I think I'm going to start posting again. I can't believe the last time I did was in April. Good God. Time moves horribly fast. I don't think there's anyone else coming to this page anymore besides me, but I feel like doing this again, so I will. But not right now. Maybe later this afternoon.

Or later tonight.

Or maybe tomorrow.

Okay, tomorrow.

Great to be back.

April 4, 2004 11:36pm-

Thank you Wally for bringing my internet connection back to life. I dedicate this lame post to you.

March 19, 2004 6:44pm-

Last weekend I spent a few good hours putting together a page with pictures from the 70's party my friends and I went to, but Geocities decided I was having too much fun with too many pictures and wouldn't let me post all of them. So, I'm in the midst of finding a solution to this problem.

In the meantime, you should go to our Yeti website and sign the new guest book. That would be very nice of you.

March 5, 2004 2:44pm-

I want to take some pictures at the forest preserve with my digital camera, but the ground’s been pretty wet every time I have a chance to. I have a million other things I need to do today anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter. I'd probably be blown into a tree or something with this wind today, so I'll save it for another weekend.

February 17, 2004 10:26pm-

The good news is I've lost four pounds over the last two weeks. The bad news is I can't figure out where those four pounds came off from. Oh well.

February 8, 2004 11:25pm-

I'm finally online in my room! Wally just spent over three hours getting this wireless connection up and running, for which I am extremely thankful. I don't have the best setup for my computer here in my room, though (monitor on a desk in my closet, keyboard and mouse on a wobbly TV tray), but it's fine for now. I haven’t had my own computer since last semester at school, so this is good. Thanks again, Walter.

February 1, 2004 3:02pm-

Thanks Liz, for letting me know about my pictures, which apparently aren't showing up. I can't say I know how to make them show up, since I can see them fine on my computer. Is everyone (three people) having this happen? Please let me know. I would hate to think my stupid pictures of me in my disgusting room aren't getting the exposure they deserve.

And, happy February. Feh-boo-airy.
I can't wait for spring.

January 23, 2004 10:27pm-

January 18, 2004 3:40pm-

January 18, 2004 11:27am-

So today, along with my regular spam email, I got one that said "Look twenty years younger". That's funny, because lately all I've been thinking about is how much I'd love to look like I'm four again. So I'll have to look into whatever it was they were selling.

January 11, 2004 11:12pm-

Damnit. I slept too much this weekend. It's so easy to be such a lazy ass. Now it's time for bed. Again.

Oh yeah. First post of 2004. Wooh.

December 28, 2003 10:45pm-

More camera fun, at Barnes & Noble:

I guess the kid likes gum.

Wow. These guys are HOT.

December 28, 2003 3:23am-

My room has looked like this for about ten years now. Why do I look so angry?

December 28, 2003 12:49am-

Took this over our hedge in the back yard:

December 27, 2003 12:12am-

I got a digital camera for Christmas. So here you go:

December 11, 2003 10:54pm-

Thanks for signing my guestbook! It made me happy.

Soooo. Yeah. Hmmmmmm. Well...uh...hmmm. Yeah, I'm really trying not to neglect this page, though I'm probably going to move it over to my Geocites account. The ads here are just too rediculous.

Be well.

P.S. Let's try some different colors.

...Okay, maybe next time. I'm going to bed.

December 1, 2003 10:49pm-

Hey, I just thought of something: sign my guestbook! Please? Sign it more than once. Someone talk to me!!

December 1, 2003 10:42pm-

I hate sit-ups. And crunches suck, too. How's that for an update? Is anyone still reading this? If you are, I'm sorry. Yeah, I've been working at the bank. Yeah. Loads of fun.

November 9, 2003 1:55am-

On a lighter note, there's this weird sound effect my computer keeps playing every few hours. It sounds like someone pressing a singe key on a keyboard and I have absolutely no idea what it means.

November 9, 2003 1:42am-

Yeah, sorry I haven't been posting lately. Or maybe that's a good thing. I wish I wouldn't have told anyone about this page--subjected my friends to reading this stupid crap, etc. If started anonymously I would be writing about a lot more--going deeper into more serious things, which is kind of the point of these things--but, again, don't want people I know reading that crap. Oh well. Maybe I'll start another one somewhere else. But then no one would read it...blah, I don't know.

And, it's been quite a lazy, boring weekend--let me tell you--with no one being around. Sucks. Blah.

November 4, 2003 10:52pm-

First day at the Bank today. LONG day. But I must go to bed now. I still feel like I have a tie around my neck, too. Weird. After work dad and I went to the mall and he got me some nice new dress clothes, which was good. My current "dress" clothes are really not so.

November 2, 2003 2:09am-

Ughck. I've been spending way too much time online these last few days. I feel shitty.

October 31, 2003 6:27pm-

October 27, 2003 2:03am-

So, tomorrow's my last day at Barnes & Noble. I'm a little sad, actually. Though I only worked there about two months, I'll miss a lot of the people and the nice environment. I'm opening tomorrow, so once again I'm up too late. Goodnight!

October 22, 2003 12:01am-

Got the quiz link from Erin's site:

Your Heart is Red

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

Translation= Foolish and pathetic.

October 21, 2003 3:51am-

I'm still here--I just don't have much to say. Now, I'm gonna go take out the garbage (see?).

October 17, 2003 3:32am-

Okay, Brett didn't go tonight, but it was still a lot of fun anyway.

October 16, 2003 6:14pm-

October 15, 2003 1:55am-

Scheduling someone to close at night and then open the next day is not a very nice thing to do. Doesn't matter, though. Monday I gave my two weeks notice. I've finally decided to work at the bank. I'll be a teller. Not the most interesting job, but I needs to get paid.

October 12, 2003 2:10am-

I wish I had a better command over language. It's such a talent and is so powerful when you do. I'd love create beauty with words. I'll work on it.

And that I'm at the point in my life where some of my peers are getting married is really fucking weird. Really weird. I still feel like an inexperienced kid. I can barely take care of myself let alone share my life and living space with someone else. I feel retarded, in the non-mental affliction sense of the word.

And this Coldplay album I'm listening to is absolutely beautiful, which is partly why I'm opening up like this.

- Sappy Adam, signing off.

October 9, 2003 1:21am-

Shit. I don't want to go to bed, but I have to. So here's another shitty post for you. Sorry. Oh, yeah...Brett's performing at The Comedy Spot tomorrow night! So everyone should show up if they can! Brett T! Brett TTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

October 6, 2003 11:52pm-

I'm going out for a cold, lonely walk.

October 4, 2003 5:29am-

I don't think my page will ever get another search engine hit to top this one:

" how do you build an oil rig for a science project that fits in a garbage bag "

And with that to think about, I'm going to bed.

October 3, 2003 1:36am-

I am SO glad I'm not opening tomorrow. Yeesh. That would be rough.

October 1, 2003 11:34pm-

Tonight Sam and I saw Al Franken speak at the Barnes & Noble in Skokie. Awesome. It was a good feeling. We both got our books signed, I shook hands with him, and Sam exchanged a few words. Again, awesome.

September 30, 2003 1:14am-

Wow. I like closing way better than opening at work. Starting your workday having slept a full eight hours beforehand really makes a difference. Tomorrow I have to open and I will be a zombie. Better get to bed. Sorry for such a boring post.

September 28, 2003 12:15am-

Just got back from having dinner with the family and grandparents at some really nice restaurant downtown somewhere on Rush Street. Had a great time. My grandpa is best friends with one of the owner's father, so we got the "governor’s table". Pretty nice. And good god there were tons of beautiful women/girls all over the place tonight. I really have to move downtown. And the Cubs winning tonight was pretty damn exciting.

September 24, 2003 10:47pm-

Green.

September 23, 2003 10:28pm-

Holy crap, I'm tired. And it's almost time for me to go to bed again. I can barely stay awake. This is rediculous.

September 22, 2003 5:50pm-

I'm very tired from doing meaningless things all day. New A Perfect Circle is good. And is that a blatant love song I just listened to? Weird.

Yeah, so I need a real job. Or a better shitty job. I'm giving this one a few more weeks before I decide anything.

September 21, 2003 2:06am-

The best part of trying on clothes in a dressing room is looking in the mirror and seeing your big fat gut. The second best part is leaving the store to feed that big fat gut. And I did.

September 20, 2003 4:36am-

Last night at the Comedy Spot was great. Mr. Pleasant's performance was awesome and it was cool to be at the taping of his DVD. It's been a fun experience going there every Thursday for as long as we have. It was great being with everyone too.

Today I stayed in bed until 7pm. I was sick with something called ELS. Extreme Laziness Syndrome. Watch out. If you catch this one it's a bitch. The later you stay up the worse it gets too, so I guess I should sign off now. I did, however, managed to leave the house eventually tonight to see the midnight showing of Underworld with Sam. It was pretty good, actually. The story was interesting and it looked really good.

September 18, 2003 5:37pm-

I need a new job.

September 18, 2003 2:10am-

I have to be at work (that still feels weird to say) at 9:00am. What am I doing.

September 17, 2003 3:09am-

There are two coyotes that I've now seen twice when driving at night through one of Arlington Heights's small industrial parks. It's really cool to see wild animals like that roaming around a regular neighborhood, but also pretty sad. I saw them tonight while coming home from Sam's.

Speaking of Sam's, we jammed today with the drummer he knows through work, which was cool for about five minutes (despite having our practice amps almost completely drowned out). We soon realized, however, that it wasn't going to work out. The guy doesn't really care for or understand our type of music. So that was too bad. It's alright though, because we were just going to jam with him anyway, since he's moving to L.A. and already has a band. So we're still looking. Anyone know a good drummer in the area?

Also, A Perfect Circle’s new album came out today, but I didn’t get it, because I’m an idiot and slept well into the late afternoon.

September 14, 2003 5:15am-

Hey! What's going on! This is me, Adam. Just checking in. No, I'm not drunk. I'm just me at five in the morning.

Hi Wally. How's work today? Hopefully stupendous. Go back to sleep.

Well I sure do wish I was tired so I could go to sleep myself right now, but unfortunately I'm not. I just spent about ten minutes trying to find that one nude picture of that old MTV vj Kennedy. Why? Because I like that picture. I mean, she's naked.

I'm having a hard time getting through Al Franken's book. Again, I ask why? Because I hate politics. Fuck 'em. I will finish it, though. Eventually.

This is kind of like doodling, but with real words and sentences instead of scribbly lines of pen.

September 13, 2003 3:52am-

This was pretty dern fun. Johnny Depp was great. And the retired CIA agent looked like Jeff's dad.

And now, here are a few of the latest web searches that landed on this page:

- lonely girls shaved
- "lil' pal" grill
- how to stay awake & not fall asleep in class
- how to go from looking boring to pretty,hot,and wild
- adam sandler's community work
- i was an irish traveler but not anymore
- LOG HOME MAINTENENCE
- Peavy and log stand
- dating cartoon online not real sims

September 12, 2003 8:55pm-

Yeah, so, I don't really have much to say. I've worked two days in the cafe at Barnes & Noble already. It's ok. Lot's of stuff to remember, as it is when starting any new job. The people are pretty cool. I'm hoping I can work somewhere other than the cafe eventually or maybe transfer to Sam's store, which is a little nicer and closer. In the meantime I'll just do this and make some money. It's not bad. So, yeah. I guess that's it for now. Gonna go see a late movie tonight and possibly go to Durty Nelly's beforehand.

September 10, 2003 12:24pm-

Here, here, Sam (I'm now in Parliament). When Angry Dude speaks, you listen. Good stuff, kid.

September 8, 2003 3:13pm-

I have a job. I am now an official employee of the Barnes & Noble in Schaumburg. Thank you Laura. Thank you Erin. I'm finally puting my college degree to work. I start making coffee Wednesday.

September 8, 2003 1:52am-

"We love America just as much as they do. But in a different way. You see, they love America the way a four-year-old loves her mommy. Liberals love America like grown-ups. To a four-year-old, everything Mommy does is wonderful and anyone who criticizes Mommy is bad. Grown-up love means actually understanding what you love, taking the good for the bad, and helping your loved one grow. Love takes attention and work and is the best thing in the world."

- Al Franken, from Lies, And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them

Though I think it's unfair and untrue to say that only the right is guilty of this mentality, this is just a great quote that can be applied to a lot of things. It's the perfect analogy.

September 4, 2003 4:55am-

Well, I can't sleep. Read a few chapters in a book...felt painfully tired. Turned the light out...wide awake. Turned the light back on and wrote some lyrics for twenty minutes. Got tired, turned the light off again...nothing. I even ate a banana and some pickles. Still nothing. I'm gonna have five bags under each eye tomorrow while carrying an enormous couch up a flight of stairs. Can't wait.

September 4, 2003 12:30am-

Ugh. I just watched Ghost World with Sam and it depressed the hell out of me. I don't think any movie has ever affected me like it did. I got a huge headache in the middle of watching it, and I'm not a headache person. I don't know. It made me feel like shit inside. I'm also tired and have a lot on my mind. I think that movie secured it though. Well, whatever. I have to get up at 7am tomorrow to help move my sister into her apartment downtown. Yes, SEVEN. AM. This should be interesting. I think when I get up tomorrow I might actually be a Yeti. Don't ask me to explain that.

I think I'm going for a walk. I'm sick of almost everything I see and do, so I need to clear some stuff out. Fuck that movie, man. Damnit. And why does Thora Birch have to be so goddam attractive?

September 3, 2003 12:18am-

It now looks like I have three bookstore job options. Nothing at all for four months and then three in one week. A few of my friends have helped get interviews, for which I am very greatful. I just hope I don't piss anyone off when I eventually go with the "other" store.

And, Sam and I both bought Al Franken's new book tonight. I have a general distaste for politics, but after reading a few excerpts I couldn't resist. Just one more added to my pile of unread books.

September 1, 2003 1:04am-

The add banners on the bottom of my pages have returned. They were gone for a few days after they initially showed up, but now they're back. I was thinking of moving everything I have to a Geocities site, but that would be a huge pain in the ass.

Yes, I do have bigger things going on in my head than distracting add banners, but my mind is kind of frozen right now. Here're (sp?) a few things that are floating around:

Job
Money
Getting in shape
Male pattern baldness
Writing songs
Becoming a better singer
Meeting/being with girls
Moving out
Having a pet
Taking pictures
Happiness
Confidence
A new wardrobe
More space
How I still want a guitar made of mahogany and feeling guilty about it.
Connecting (or not) with people like me
Working in a parking lot
OCD
Mom's health
Being able to let go
Wasting time
Living elsewhere
Is the grass always greener?
Good friends
Confusion
Breaking away
Being heard
Idealism
My life is not a movie, but I still act like it is some times.
Having a "real" job
Learning to dance
Not held back by my fear of embarrassment
Making a difference
Living a life closer to the kind I've always wanted

So, there you go.

Oh, and Happy Birthday Sam!

August 31, 2003 6:30am-

It's a beautiful sunrise. And in a few hours of sleep I'll wake up to a beautiful sunset. See you then.

August 30, 2003 6:04pm-

Do you ever zone-out in the shower for ten minutes and then realize you've washed your ass or something, like, five times? I do.

August 29, 2003 4:58am-

It's been a weird 24 hours. Driving to DeKalb for a brief night and then driving back early this afternoon on 1 1/2 hours of sleep. Took a long nap and then went to the Comedy Spot. The comics were good, but the crowd was completely lifeless--the worst I've ever seen.

I guess I should go to bed, though. The sky will be lightening soon, which is my cue. I better not oversleep tomorrow!

August 27, 2003 6:32pm-

My family is now cable modemed. I am pleased.

Also, I've done some updates on the Yeti website, which you should all (three people) check out.

Now, I'm off to DeKalb, or the shower stall.

August 26, 2003 10:47pm-

I have no life, or anything interesting or non-depressing to say.

Tomorrow I'm driving out to DeKalb to visit Tim. Me being Me, I 'll probably end up feeling sad about not having done enough in college, met enough people. I'm sure I'll find a way to be sad about something. I'm just retarded. I don't understand myself. I do wish I had gone to NIU for more than two and a half years, though when I graduated High School I wasn't anywhere near being ready to go away to school and live on my own. Maybe I should have gone anyway, which would have forced me to be more independent, resulting in having more confidence and being generally happier, more satisfied.

And then there's the job issue. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. If I don't get a job at any of the four bookstores I applied at in the next two weeks I'm getting the teller job with my dad. I need to make money and have a life half-resembling an adult's. I just wish I could find something that I'm semi-interested in, but don't know where to look. Wasn’t that the point of getting a degree? So I could get a job doing something I liked? I know getting an ideal job right after graduating isn’t the way it usually goes--and I don’t expect it to be that way for me--but I’d like something that at least suits me. I just don’t know where I fit in, as far as working goes. I don't know what to do.

Anyway, the summer is ending and I haven’t accomplished much of anything. Typical me-style. I still conduct my life like a child, and so I don’t end up with much. You get what you put in. I don’t blame anyone but myself.

August 26, 2003 2:22am-

We took some goofy band pictures tonight with Sam's camera. Gonna take some more tomorrow at Deer Park forest preserve. Hopefully I'll have them up on the site (which now has a link at the top of this page) sometime this week.

And, I need a job soon, because eventually I will have no money. And that will be bad.

August 25, 2003 1:10am-

Some recent search engine hits that landed on my site:

- "it's fucking disgusting" refrigerator note
- What was the 2001 movie Amilee about?
- crotchless-jeans pics
- care and maintenence of log homes
- try not to be a dickhead
- moustache

Someone did a search for "moustache"? What did they want to know? I hope it was a confused toddler or something. A confused toddler with excellent spelling.

August 25, 2003 12:01am-

I am just incredible. What I can do with 24 free hours, day after day--just incredible. Now, if you'd excuse me, I'm going to go try to find a way to kick my own ass.

August 21, 2003 12:19am-

If I could have any special power I would choose (like Peter Steele) invisibility, without hesitation. I feel awkward sometimes in public. Uncomfortable in my own body. Especially lately. There are a lot of times where I just don’t like knowing everyone sees me, which makes me more self-conscious. When walking around a store this feeling is at its worst. I’d love to just walk around and be able to observe others while going unnoticed myself.

A perfect example: No more than two hours ago I drove up to the Barnes & Noble in Schaumburg to fill out an application. I walked in and thought I’d first get a Frappicino and visit Laura if she was working in the Café, which I discovered she wasn’t. The cute Asian girl who was there instead was busy making someone’s drink so I just stood there and waited for her to finish. I ordered my drink when she did and stood off to the side while I waited for her to make it, feeling slightly awkward standing there. I got my tasty little (actually “grande”) drink with whipped cream and chocolate syrup filled to the top of the cup and walked out from the café to see if Laura or Erin were maybe shelving books or something. You see, this is the feeling I hate. Walking around looking like I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I walked down an isle between shelves, looking down the length of each for either Laura or Erin, but didn’t find them. Instead I found other people staring at me like I had a gun under my coat. Or maybe that was just my own paranoid impression. I felt even more self-conscious when I headed off to the Children’s section to look for Erin (she works in that section, for those of you who don’t know her) and just turned around and walked to the magazines, deciding to avoid it entirely.

I walked back to the front of the store and up to the information desk to get an application to fill out. No one was there. I stood there sipping my big chocolaty drink looking around in every direction for anyone with a little Barnes and Noble tag hanging from their neck. After fifteen minutes of standing in front of the abandoned desk I felt really stupid. Looking back I know there was no reason for me to feel like that, but at the time I felt like I had a spotlight on me with a sign tacked to my ass reading, “desperate for a job, has a 2.0 cumulative average, needs to lose some weight, and is holding a big stupid drink while waiting pathetically for someone who isn’t coming”. Finally someone did come. I was slightly unnerved by the pissed off-looking middle-aged guy with burly tan arms (this is a BOOK store, right?) who walked up and asked if I needed something, so instead of just saying “Hi. I would like an application to fill out.” I said something brilliant. I can’t even remember exactly what it was I said, because what came out of my mouth was so confused and disjointed it didn’t resemble a real sentence with a beginning and end. What came out were a few unsuccessful starts at a question or a statement—I think I was attempting to do both at the same time--and then a short silence while I tried to remember what the fuck I was doing. Somehow he knew what I was trying to spit out and said, “You want an application?”. Yeah. Hi. I would like a job at your bookstore sir, but I can’t form coherent sentences when I speak. When do you think you’ll get back to me?

I went back to the café and sat down to fill out the application. I scratched my face and then looked down at the smeared chocolate on both of my hands. So at least I had chocolate all over my face when I couldn’t speak straight. I must have had “Management Material” written all over my face. In drizzled chocolate.

After that incident I drove down Golf Road to Border’s and applied there, which went much better—as in, I didn’t look like a two-year-old in a 24-year-old’s body.

And thanks Angelfire for now having add banners on the BOTTOM of all pages in addition to the ones on top. Looks really good. I've always wanted the female cast members of Friends stretched across the length of this page.

August 20, 2003 12:26am-

Woke up late. Jammed/recorded. Went to Fox and Hound. Saw a meteorite streak across the low sky for several seconds before burning out, which was very, very fucking cool. Space is insane. Came home.

I'm not satisfied with my voice. Singing is really hard. My voice isn't sharp enough--doesn't cut through too well. Unfortunately a great voice is something you're born with. I'm going to just keeping trying different things. Still haven’t found my "style".

And go look outside. Mars is really bright.

August 18, 2003 1:52am-

I'm getting angry with machines. They make me feel confused, frustrated, and helpless. Computers freezing, not being able to understand seemingly simple guitar switches, and now my beloved Microsoft Paint is not letting me save files as GIFs or JPEGs. What the fuck. And in situations like these, there is nothing you can do. The machines always have the last laugh too, because if in your anger you try to satisfy your need to lash out at the machine and decide to "hurt" it, it's you whose still gets fucked in the end.

August 17, 2003 8:21pm-

Leinenkugel's Berry Weis beer. Fuckin tasty. It's dangerous--I could easily drink a lot of these because of the taste alone. I recommend trying some though.

Oh, and here's an interesting website.

August 17, 2003 3:07am-

Went downtown with the family tonight for my Dad's birthday. We ate outside right on Rush street and I spent most of the time, when I wasn't talking to my family of course, staring at the Hancock and other surrounding skyscrapers as well as the endless stream of attractive girls walking by the restaurant. The horse-drawn carriages circling the block were fun to watch too. It was good.

After dinner we drove around several north shore neighborhoods and looked at the outside of my sister's new apartment she'll be living in this year while going to school. Pretty damn nice. Every street we drove down was packed with people walking around or just standing around talking. I'd like to live downtown sometime.

Oh, and earlier in the day, before buying my dad a card at the Hallmark store, I went to PetSmart across the parking lot again to see the African Grey. I came out of the store wanting a Love Bird and a couple of ferrets in addition to the African Grey. A big goofy dog would be good too. I could fit them all in my room, I’m sure. They’d love it too. Plenty of obstacles and dirty laundry to run around and play with.

Well, it isn’t four o’ clock yet, so that means I’m going to go read a few chapters in Cold Mountain. I’m coming close to the end. My sister accidentally revealed to me last night that Jude Law is playing Inman in the movie that’s being made. Not who I would have cast, but much, much better than who they were originally going to go with--Tom Cruise. Good god. That would have been fucking retarded.

August 14, 2003 3:33am-

Jammed. IHOPed. Rollerbladed in the High School parking lot at 11pm. There were construction horses at every entrance to the lot but one, so I managed to pull in and park far in back so my presence wasn’t so obvious should the Fuzz show up. Yes, I used that term. The blacktop was new, as were the parking space lines. I was a little paranoid knowing I wasn't supposed to be there. About the time I rounded my 20th lap around the lot a loud BOOP blurted from some unseen speaker at the front of the building and was followed by eight or so unintelligible words spoken by some guy with a high voice. Me being me, I got a little more nervous when I saw flashing orange lights coming from the street across the field. I thought Wow that was fast, after thinking I heard the word "security" among the others that had echoed across the parking lot at me, but it turned out just to be the mosquito spray truck. So I don't know what the hell that was all about. But I do know that I still can’t stop on rollerblades, which is retarded. Anyway, I skated a few more circles around my car, drove out through the one unblocked entrance, passed by the bug spray truck (as well as through the dense chemical cloud following it) and drove home.

August 12, 2003 4:58pm-

"No, we're not hiring, but we're taking applications if you want to come in."

x 4

Apparently book stores are popular places to work.

August 11, 2003 4:40am-

I have discovered a time warp! The mechanism itself is located within the frame of Penny Lane Pub's front door, in South Barrington. While approaching the doorway last night I never would have guessed that I was in fact walking up to an undiscovered scientific oddity, a galactic mistake, but simply thought I was entering an ordinary bar to see the Metal band, Brand New Sin. Well, once I stepped through the portal I knew right away that it couldn't have been the year 2003. There was no other explanation to what I saw once I entered than that I had passed through a ripple in time. I found myself in what I now believe to have been the year 1985. The other people surrounding me were dressed in attire unique to that time. Styles I had long forgotten reappeared everywhere I turned: the mullet, tapered leg close-fitting jeans, teased and excessively sprayed hair, fringe, and an assortment of denim jackets and vests. This was incredible. I was now a time traveler, I thought excitedly to myself. I tried to take in as much as possible while there without bringing attention to myself. I stood in a dark corner of the room so that no one would see my “futuristic clothing” and ask questions I didn’t want to answer. The effects of my presence in the past were something I was weary of and wanted to avoid if possible.

After a few hours in this strange yet familiar environment, I had successfully remained an observer. But then something happened. My focus shifted to the stage in the back of the bar when something caught my ear. A different band had taken the stage and began playing. The music coming from them was not the cheesy sound of bands from this past era I had fallen into, but in fact the modern Metal sound from my own time! Upon closer inspection I discovered with shock that I had not walked through the portal alone. The band in front of me was none other than Brand New Sin! In my awe I had also not realized my friends standing around me. The had also entered the time warp and appeared to be confused by the time travel as I first had.

Since Brand New Sin was playing, my friends and I decided to stay in the alternate dimension long enough to watch their entire set. As soon as they said goodnight and left the stage, though, we moved hastily toward the portal, which to our relief was still open. We passed through and returned to 2003 a bit dazed and recounted the night’s extraordinary events as we walked to our cars. What had started out as a normal night in the suburbs had transformed into a monumental discovery we would never forget.

A few things struck me as peculiar concerning the 1985 we had just come back from and I’ll mention them briefly. Though most people were dressed as the youth of the time, everyone appeared to be fairly old for their clothing. Also strange, was the common body type among them. In this version of 1985 everyone was either chubby, obese, or anywhere in between. I guess I’ll never know for sure why, unless I decide to return to that unassuming bar on Penny Road.

August 8, 2003 9:18pm-

Our band might be changing names from DeadVolt to Yeti. Yeti's a cool name, but I don't know if I want that for our name. It's all tentative, I guess. I'm probably too picky about that kind of stuff. Just as long as we're not called Purple Smurf Bomber, or something, I guess I'm fine.

August 6, 2003 3:15am-

Our computer room is the only room in the house lacking a heating/cooling vent. Add a heat-radiating computer and an already sweaty guy (though I've strangely become less so recently) and you have a stuffy little room that I like to waste many hours in. But, tonight I won’t be watching the sun rise through the window to my left because I want to leave on time tomorrow to see Type O Negative at the Metro! This will be my first concert in a long time. Way too long.

July 31, 2003 5:09am-

I'm really a smart kid. I bought this giant ziplock bag of peppered beef jerky tonight and have been happily eating big strips of it off and on since ten o’clock. I know I’m going to wake up in a few hours with my stomach full of angry molten lava, but damn this stuff’s tasty! There's a shitty cartoon drawing of The Hulk on the front of the bag looking all insane with "HULK UP on Protein” and “Forget the fat" written above. I think that's usually why people go for the giant bag of beef jerky when they're walking around the store shopping. That's why I bought it, at least. To stay in shape.

July 30, 2003 4:53pm-

I just walked downstairs, arms full of dirty laundry, went up to the machine, then realized I was standing in front of the dishwasher.

At least I got up at noon today!

July 27, 2003 4:41pm-

Look what I did!   --> here

July 27, 2003 3:42am-

Ate a lot of food, spent a lot of money, and checked out an African Gray parrot. Even gave him a little tickle on the head.

July 26, 2003 5:19am-

Those listening stations with the barcode scanners that Barnes and Noble has are great. I was going to buy the new Allman Brothers' CD, but didn’t after listening to a little of each song (pretty boring). So they’re probably not too good for business. On the other hand, a certain resident of DeKalb I know recently shelled out a wad of money because of the listening stations, so maybe it balances out. Why am I talking about listening stations? This is so boring.

Oh, and this afternoon I finished The Catcher In The Rye. I never finished reading it my junior year of high school, but after that same certain resident turned me on to Salinger (thank you Nancy) I wanted to read it again. I liked it a lot. I thought the end was a little abrupt, but it was great otherwise. Certain parts really got to me, and I thought it showed wonderfully youthful cynicism/disillusionment and the dead end--when it’s that consistent and intense--it can lead to. Such great deep (as in truly human), complicated characters too. Holden and Phoebe. No wonder he has so many devoted fans.

- Adam (phony bastard) Green

July 25, 2003 4:20am-

I'm completely wired. I turned the light off an hour ago and tried to go to sleep, but couldn't. I even read for about an hour beforehand, but once I laid down it was hopeless. Well, I'm going to drink my milk and I guess read some more and hope I get sleepy.

Oh, and Open Mic at the Comedy Spot was excellent tonight. The best yet, I have to say. And tomorrow I get my car back. Yay! I hope it’s fixed. Only took me two months to take it in.

July 24, 2003 2:21am-

I am in desperate need of some kind of nightlife. Something sort of accessible would be nice, but realistically, it’s not too probable that I’ll find anything in the suburbs. I'm thinking of checking out the few bars in Palatine's "downtown" anyway, just for the hell of it, but am afraid of finding myself sitting alone in an all-out cheese fest. It would also be cool if when I took a walk at night it would be somewhere slightly exciting. Yes, I need to move out.

July 21, 2003 8:02pm-

I'm trying to figure out a way to rig an electrically charged wire to my bed and alarm clock. I’ll have the massive charge run through my body when I hit the snooze button any more than twice.

Oh yeah, and Joe’s Party. Uh, I’d like a do-over for that one. Let’s just say I haven’t had any strong urges to have a beer in the last few days. When I open the fridge and see the bottles grouped in the corner I look at them the same way someone might glance at a wasp's nest a few days after they foolishly decided to take a closer look. Very stupid.

July 19, 2003 4:34pm-

Okay, so I got out of bed at 11:15, but still, that's pretty good compared to when I've usually been getting up this summer. I only slept about four hours, but I feel more like a normal person today, so it's good.

A Perfect Circle tickets: sold out before anyone in line even stepped up to pay. I'm not surprised at all, though, because they're playing at The Metro for God's sake. It would have been really cool to see them in such a small place, but oh well. I still got Type O tickets! I bought Radiohead's new one before I left the store. After half a listen I'd say it's pretty good. Very sleepy, kind of sad. Very Radiohead-like.

Joe's party soon awaits and need to shower and buy some beer to bring. I feel like I'm about to fall asleep right now as it is, so I don't know how I'll be after a few beers and some food. I'll have to try to find the most uncomfortable lawn chair possible to sit in.

July 19, 2003 4:30am-

Last night I stayed up until 9am to finish Dreamcatcher. It was alright for a suspense novel and had a few really good moments, but 879 pages is a little too long for a book that’s just alright. Needless to say, I’m extremely tired and I’m getting up at 10:30 tomorrow morning (getting up in the a.m.!) to drive to Tower with Sam for A Perfect Circle tickets, so I should go to bed. And, Joe’s annual backyard summer party explosion will be happening a few hours later. By this time tomorrow, I probably will have put on about thirty pounds.

July 17, 2003 5:42pm-

Okay, I really like thunderstorms, but this is ridiculous. It feels like it storms every other day now. What's going on this summer?

In other completely non-related news, it’s once again Comedy Spot night, and I need to go shower and dress nicely for all the fine ladies who will be seated in the extremely dark Mt. Prospect basement on Busse Road. Last Thursday was kind of, uh, interesting--and intoxicating (in the grain alcohol kind of way).

July 17, 2003 1:26am-

Ahh! Why does every Blogspot site I go to take so long to load? They’re just text. I'm sure the modem connection we have doesn't help to speed things up, either. You shouldn't have any trouble loading my page though, because it's a "crappy fake blog", as someone I know once tactfully put it. Speaking of which, it's nice to see that that person finally updated her own page.

July 15, 2003 3:57pm-

Highlight of the Week: The world's laziest 24-year-old franticly taking the family garbage out to the curb at 5:30am under a violent thunderstorm. My parents are very proud.

July 15, 2003 3:22am-

Ah fuck. I just remembered that I have to take the garbage out. It's really not a huge task or anything, but for some reason it usually infuriates me when I realize it's garbage night. Maybe I’m not expending enough energy on a daily basis or something. Speaking of that, the weather is perfect right now. It’s a bit late for a walk though. Looks like garbage is it then.

July 12, 2003 2:32pm-

Holy shit. It's like 1984 for real. This is terrible. I think Dubbya should pick up a copy of the book for himself. Not that he reads, though. Very, very scary. Horrible. I'm afraid to know how much of this goes on all the time.

"We've seen the future, and it's been deleted."
- Russ Baker, writer for MSN

Jesus Christ.

July 10, 2003 4:54am-

Hello me4/agreen,

This is your free Angelfire account speaking. I was just browsing through the pages you've created over the last few months on the space I have provided for you to do your "thing" on. I must say I am disappointed, me4/agreen. Very disappointed. Though you undoubtedly show signs of pouring hours upon hours into the construction of your little personal expressions, I must inform you that they...well...suck, to put it bluntly. In fact, I have come to the unshakable conclusion that you yourself suck. Scanning through this literary train wreck you call your "log", I have all the evidence I need to support my analysis of your character. You have painfully inflicted several online viewers, not including myself, with dull – and almost daily- anecdotes consisting of trite material unsuccessfully dressed up as interesting, insightful, and even entertaining observations. It is quite obvious that the nature of your life reflects nothing to deserve the use of such adjectives. You need a job, me4/agreen. And you need one badly. And staying up until 5 a.m. every day will not help you attain one. If you fail to provide evidence, within a short period of time, that you do in fact have anything to offer the online community, then myself and the collective Angelfire entity will be forced to make sure you never post another despicably boring entry again.

Sincerely,

Your Free Angelfire Account

P.S. Go to bed.

P.P.S. Do some sit-ups in the morning. Your midsection feels like that dead blubbery flesh-pile thing they found washed up ashore in Chile earlier this week.

P.P.P.S. Go downstairs and get a glass of water, because you’re thirsty. Do it right now!

P.P.P.P.S. Goodnight.

July 8, 2003 4:22am-

If you're terrified of spiders, then I strongly suggest going to this website. Because it doesn't have tons of close-up pictures of the most hideous, enormous, disgusting creatures you've ever seen. It doesn't at all.

July 6, 2003 9:02pm-

Found this on a semi-random search.

July 6, 2003 1:15am-

Woah. Recently I've spent much of my online time looking at friends' blogs, blogs linked off those friends' blogs, search result blogs, and blogs linked off those blogs, etc, etc. One of the many I came across had a list down the left side of the page consisting of a blog directory in alphabetical order that must have included at least a few hundred sites. So the blog thing is huge. And I'm not surprised. It’s a great vehicle of expression and communication that’s only made possible by being online. I love them, like most people who read and/or post them, because I love learning about people (and finding people I like). It’s scary though. I could easily spend all day reading them – reading about other peoples’ lives while mine slips away – because, well, they’re really interesting and fun to read. Like most things, moderation is the key, though. But good GOD there is a lot out there.

And now, I must go read more of Dreamcatcher...

July 5, 2003 11:31pm-

Beer and cake - a good combination. Thanks Laur.

July 3, 2003 9:01pm-

Blah. I need to change.

July 2, 2003 9:59pm-

"...the 40-foot-long mass of decomposing lumpy gray flesh apparently was an invertebrate."

Holy shit! This is fucking awesome! I love giant sea creatures -- especially real ones! That links to what I believe is one of the best paragraphs I have ever read. "HUGE GELATINOUS SEA CREATURE" Fucking great. Holy shit.

July 1, 2003 4:23pm-

Oh God. So tired. So stupid. Feel like I was stepped on in the night by an Elephant. Damn the internet.

July 1, 2003 4:41am-

Last night I stayed up until 7am working on something of utmost importance. If I told you what it was you'd probably shake your head and call me a dumb ass. I'll put a link up to it when the time is right.

Jammed with Sam and Jeff tonight. I've been singing the crappy lyrics I wrote. The sound of my voice is ok, but what's hard is coming up with a vocal style, and one that fits the type of song involved. I want to sound original and...well, good. It's hard to do -- at least for me. I don't want to sound cheesy or annoying or boring. I guess it will be trial-and-error for a little while.

June 30, 2003 2:51am-

Had my graduation party (with family) at Tuscany. Was very nice. Later on Sam and I had some drinks at the very lovely Denny's in Palatine. Yeah, Denny's makes Ihop actually look nice. Yikes is all I can say about that.

June 29, 2003 4:07am-

Huh? Bored? Tired? Sweaty? Wasting time and staying up too late as usual? Yes. Happy Sunday everyone. The sun will be up in about an hour.

June 28, 2003 7:16pm-

Ended up not going to the movie last night. Felt like She-ot and wasn't in the mood for a 12:30 movie. So instead I decided to start a new book since I finished 1984 a couple of days ago. I went looking through a box I have in the garage of books I either didn't finish or never read at all from past classes. I didn't feel like digging too far (how can a person be so lazy?) so my decision was between the very long You Can't Go Home Again, by Thomas Wolfe, and The Surrounded, by D'Arcy McNickle. I went with the latter, which felt like a mistake. I didn't like the first 70 pages. The characters weren't very interesting and the story, like the writing, wasn't vivid enough to be engaging. However, this morning (late afternoon, "Normal Time") I read a little more and feel like the story is starting to get better. I still don't like the writing style, though. It's kind of vague and stiff. But anyway, I guess I'll keep reading. Woah! I giant thunderclap just exploded pretty close to my house. I hope there’ll be a thunderstorm. That would be nice.

So anyway, I’ve decided not to go out yet again, so tonight’s gonna be about listening to the new Type O while cleaning my room and doing some laundry. I’m down. Everyone is out, so I can spread myself and my loudness freely around the house without getting in anyone’s way. Ah hah! It’s started raining.

June 27, 2003 9:02pm-

Uhh. Went to bed a little after 5am last night, but didn't fall asleep until some time around 8 because I couldn't breathe. I woke up around noon, went to the bathroom, then back to bed again, this time to wake up around 5:30pm.

I just watched the second half of Kiss of The Dragon--which was really pretty good--with my sister while eating salsa and drinking beer from a small Wisconsin brewery that she and my mom brought back from La Crosse. Gonna go to the "Zombie Movie" tonight at 12:30. Ooooh.

June 27, 2003 1:27am-

Oh Lordy, the Comedy Spot was painful tonight. Yikes. Obnoxious, rude crowd, two shitty featured comics, and we were sitting all the way in the back where it’s hard to hear anything--especially when stupid people are talking all around you. And I’m sick of being congested and snotty. The Sudafed wore off about 45 minutes after we got to the place. By the time we left my hearing had faded slightly because of being so stuffed-up. Time to take some drugs!

June 26, 2003 5:46pm-

Spending the day painting the shed’s trim with the wrong color paint while blowing my nose at consistent and frequent intervals. I’m a big snotty mess. I hope the Comedy Spot is good tonight. I may have to bring seven miles of Kleenex though if this Sudafed doesn’t kick in sooner. Wow, I managed to mention two brand names in that sentence.

June 25, 2003 2:23am-

I just went outside to pull my car onto the driveway from the street, because I'll get ticketed after a certain time (it's happened) if I don't. When I parked and got out I was met with the wonderful plume of exhaust that surrounds my car after about 20 seconds of running, but this time instead of smelling of anti-freeze and charred oil, it smelled--I swear-- like a fired up Weber grill. It was that burning charcoal smell. I walked away from my car and then came back behind it to make sure the smell was coming from my car. Maybe in a few days it will smell like bratwurst and burgers. I’ll take it to the shop and say, “Yeah, my car smells like Joe’s party. And I guess I want you to fix that.” Shit. Joe's party. Now I’m getting hungry.

June 24, 2003 7:52pm-

God I love the new Type O Negative album. It's...beautiful. There's so much emotion. They never dissapoint. They're one of the most original, unique (yes, I want to use both of those words), and talented bands. Love those guys.

June 24, 2003 5:35pm-

Holy shit it's hot and disgusting out. This is why I need to move away from the Midwest. That's one of the reasons, anyway.

I've been reading George Orwell's "1984" these last few days. It's an extremely cheap paperback addition, complete with inconsistent type-weight and slightly-off-alignment text blocks. Anyway, the book itself is pretty good. Some parts get a little too social/political science-centered for me though—especially the couple of chapters that include several-page long excerpts from a fictional history book.

I've done a good amount (for me) of reading this summer. I'm slowly becoming a faster reader--not that that's what is important, of course. I just wish there was more time for everything I want to do. When I get a job there will be even less. If there was just some way I could do without sleeping...

June 24, 2003 12:27am-

It's going to happen. I'm gonna do it. I can't hold off much longer. One of these days I'm just going to break down, unplug the phone, and finally build that BEVERAGE CAN TRAIN that I lay awake in bed, night after night, thinking about.

June 23, 2003 5:48pm-

I'm starving and need a shower. Jamming with Sam and Jeffrey in about an hour (didn't mean that to rhyme).

June 21, 2003 5:32am-

Yep, it's definitely morning. Yep.

June 21, 2003 5:27am-

Yeah, I'd like to write some stuff, but it's just way too late...or early. God, I'm never going to get up tomorrow, I mean today. Someone should step in and beat me up everytime I do this. So I guess that'd be every day then. Bad idea.

In the time it took to write this stupid post I could have written the normal stupid post I was too lazy to write. You can't really "write" a post, can you? Oh well. I think I'm gonna go read.

June 19, 2003 3:13am-

I just totally fucked up my guitar. The newer Ibanez. I was moving around my room and accidentally bumped it with my arm and knocked it off the stand. It fell and connected with my metal folding-chair and chipped the paint completely off in a small spot on the tip of the lower horn. I'm so pissed off. Fuck. Right down to the wood. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck. FUCK. I can't believe this. Fuck.

June 17, 2003 4:58pm-

I just dreamt that I had long hair again, but this time all I wanted to do was shave it all off. Hell yeah! I also don’t really think long hair looks all that cool anymore. Never, EVER thought that would happen. I’ve found myself saying that a lot lately, which is good in some cases.

June 16, 2003 9:45pm-

Just got back a little while ago from having Father's Day dinner with the family at the Weber Grill restaurant in Wheeling. The place was packed. We were served by who I believe was the oldest living waitress in the world. She was almost the world’s least friendly waitress too. She carded me and stared at my I.D. for like two minutes when I ordered a beer. I had to ask her twice for a second drink before she brought it reluctantly to the table. Then I ate a cheeseburger the size of my head.

Right now I have Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like The Wolf” in my head. Good song. I need some coffee. I need to wake up so I can go jogging around midnight.

June 15, 2003 2:45am-

Blah. I'm feeling very agitated. I'm just feeling angry with myself. If I'm disappointed with anything it's mostly my fault.

Oh, and I hate stupid weak mean people. Fuck them.

June 14, 2003 5:26pm-

Painting the SHED!

June 13, 2003 7:18pm-

Last night made it two consecutive "off" Comedy Spot nights. I won't go as far to say they were bad nights (ok, last Thursday was close), because the spectacle of open-mic night itself is part of the fun. But two things made the night less enjoyable than it could have been though. First, the audience was a large and completely rude group who were quiet and polite during their "person's" act, but talked right through everyone else’s, including the paid opener’s. Besides the talking, which was extremely aggravating by itself, no one laughed at anything. I mean, you go to a comedy club because you have, or at least think you have, some sort of sense of humor and desire to see something funny. It was a total ignorant dickhead crowd. No one cared. What would have made this bearable would have been the featured act, but he decided, though officially booked, not to show up, which is the second reason why it wasn’t the greatest night. It isn’t anything that will turn me off from going every Thursday, though. It’s still something fun and different to do once a week.

June 10, 2003 4:08am-

Yoy. Hung out with Nancy last night at her house, which was fun. We roller-bladed for a bit in some parking lot. I'm getting better. I need to keep it up though. I also need to learn how to stop. Eventually I'd like to go on the bike trail or something, maybe even play hockey, but I'm not good enough for any of that yet. Anyway, it was a nice night.

Today I finally painted the fucking floor of the deck. It took longer that I expected, but I finished it. One more coat and this thing that I was supposed to have finished two weeks ago will be done.

Just got back a little while ago from the new Ibrahim household. Jeffery got himself a nice new little Hartke and we jammed for a bit. Way too much volume going on tonight for that little corner we were crammed into. There’s really nothing in that basement to absorb all that sound bouncing off the walls. I don’t want to lose anymore of my hearing. I better start buying earplugs again. Shit I'm up past four again. I really need to break this habbit. Or hobbit.

June 7, 2003 10:51pm-

Holy shit I have to lose some weight. With my shirt off I look like Crowbar's newest member. I think I have to go jogging instead of taking walks like I've been doing. It just isn't working fast enough.

June 7, 2003 3:25am-

Just when this deck-painting project looked like it was actually going to happen, it rained. Oh well. I'll start it tomorrow afternoon. I like paint. It'll be kind of fun.

So Sam and I went and saw a late showing of "Bruce Almighty" tonight. Yeah, one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I didn't expect it to be very good, but I didn't think it would be that bad either. Good God it was horrible.

June 6, 2003 4:11am-

Picked up "St. Anger" with Sam today. To be honest I don't know if I like it or not. Sure it's heavy and there are really cool parts here and there, but all the riffs kind of sound the same. Not very creative. Not much variation from song to song. It doesn't seem like they put much time or effort into them. The songs’ parts seem carelessly put together--riffs randomly following one another. The lyrics are pretty weak too. Like the music, they seem like they were written spur-of-the-moment. There are a couple songs I think are pretty good though. It's just a lot to digest since they all sound so similar. I’ll be listening to it all day tomorrow when I paint the deck (I swear I’m going to really do it this time).

Oh, and the Comedy Spot was pretty bad tonight. First of all, there were THIRTEEN fucking open mic comics, out of which ten were absolutely horrible. What sucked the most was the shitty main act though. He was this stupid prop/magician guy who just wasn’t funny. Not a smart guy, had shitty “jokes”, if you can call them that, and was pretty unprofessional. Just not entertaining or enjoyable to watch. It wasn’t really comedy either, and I fucking hate magicians. Anyway, it was an unusually bad night for the Comedy Spot. Not that it ruined my night or anything. I mean, I didn’t really have anything else to do. Ok, I’m tired of writing so I’m going to bed. Goodnight.

June 4, 2003 7:46pm-

Got this link off Nancy's Blog:

I will be struck down by a meteor!

How will you die? Take the Exotic Cause of Death Test

The funny thing is I actually worry about this from time to time. I mean, that would really suck, wouldn't it? If I knew it was going to happen I'd have to go out and have sex with every tree in my...I mean...nevermind.

June 3, 2003 -2:46am-

Just watched "A River Runs Through It". I liked it a lot, but didn't think it was long enough. There seemed to be a few plot jumps in relation to the interaction between a few characters. I hate it when things are rushed, especially in those types of movies. I was also confused by the movie’s direction in a few places. All in all it was a good movie, but could have been much better. The location (Montana) was insanely beautiful though. The cinematography was the same. Maybe I should look for a job there.

June 2, 2003 -10:03pm-

All I have to say is I’m not satisfied at the moment. I’m sitting here listening to Black Label Society’s new album that Wally burned for me and drinking a screwdriver. I woke up really late today and washed more of the deck while listening to first the 311 CD I have and then “Electric Lady Land”. I need to take the garbage out right now, but I really don’t feel like doing that. I feel like going to some far off town and hanging out with a couple interesting people.

May 30, 2003 -3:11am-

Went to the Comedy Spot tonight with Sam and that McVittie girl. The open mic comics were the usual batch of sort of funny to horrible acts, but the featured guy was pretty good. He was a graduate of Northern, which was kind of funny. Funny as in "weird", not as in "holy shit that's so fucking funny". Anyway, it was a good night, even though I once again got intimidated into giving the slutty waitress too many tips.

Oh, and Nancy, I agree:

"...I think driving on the expressway at one in the morning has got to be one of the most kick-ass freeing-feeling experiences in the world. A good cd, though, is key." -Nancy (from her blog)

I loved driving back to school for that reason.

May 27, 2003 -4:36am-

Why do I keep staying up so goddamn late. Because it's fun and easier than going to bed. I feel like I'm floating though, so I must sleep. Goodnight.

May 27, 2003 -1:45am-

Helped move this kid into his new house today, along with Brett, Walt, and Jiff. It was a long and sneezy day. My allergies exploded within the first hour and kept going ALL DAY. Really fucking annoying. The house was really nice though. Lot's of space and a great basement. I'm especially envious about the basement. I love basements. When we more I'll finally have one.

We eventually hit the Hop and I sneezed some more. Too bad I'm not ripped from carrying stuff all day. That would be awesome.

Tomorrow -- back to scrubbing the deck! Can't wait.

May 25, 2003 -11:45pm-

Oof. I'm sitting here all sweaty because I was just out on my new roller blades. I went to Sports Authority with Walt the other day and picked up a pretty decent pair for $40. Considering tonight was only my third time on roller blades I think I did ok. I went over to the St. Thomas School's parking lot and skated around for about a half hour. Suddenly I felt like I was 12 again over there. I used to hang out over there a lot when I was kid. It wasn't that good nostalgic kind of feeling though. I hate my neighborhood. I hate this town. I hate the suburbs. But I only fell once!

Anyway, I can’t put off writing out the thank you cards to those that sent me cards/money for graduation any longer. That was an awkward sentence. Then I’ll probably read more of “The Shining”. Only fifty pages in and it’s already creepier than the movie. Danny’s episodes are a lot scarier. The movie didn’t really show much of what he was thinking.

May 25, 2003 -5:07pm-

Seeing Joe's band The Gravetones Friday night was really fun. They played at a little club downtown called the Lion's Den. Their set was as energetic, solid, and funny as usual. The band before them, the Cocktail Preachers, was a really good Ventures type surf band, complete with two cute go-go dancers. No singer, just dancers. The Trip Daddies followed Joe, and were pretty damn good too. Raw Rockabilly 3-peice. The singer was quite agile on his fat Gretch hollow-body and really knew how to perform. Fun night. Go see the Gravetones if you can. Good Stuff.

Right now I'm taking a break from a project I'm doing for my dad this weekend: Painting the deck. It's heinous. You see, the painting part isn't so bad. Before I can paint it though I have to first "scrape it" to get all the loose cracked paint off each beam of wood. After I spend all day doing that fun activity, I get to spend tomorrow on my hands and knees scrubbing the deck with a brush and bucket of soapy water to prepare it for the paint. I’m doing this because my dad is too old and out of shape to be doing a job like this still. He’s also paying me, which is nice. I’m young and out of shape, so I can handle it, sort of. I’m predicting a sore back within an hour or two.

May 23, 2003 -9:27pm-

I'm sitting here waiting for Wally to pick me up so we can go see Joe's band play downtown. I just ate some nasty pizza and I feel gross too. My parents keep getting this nasty-ass pizza that tastes like tomato-bread. They've been getting it for the past few years now. It's fucking disgusting. Well this is really exciting, so I think I'll just go now.

May 22, 2003 -3:21am-

I'm covered in cat hair and itching all over.

May 21, 2003 -5:53pm-

My car is toxic. I went to get its emissions tested this afternoon and it failed miserably. According to the inspection printout carbon monoxide emissions should not exceed a level of 15.0. My car puts out 151.1. So now I know what that weird smell is. My car is basically a biological weapon right now.

May 21, 2003 -12:05am-

Watched "Mulholland Drive" with Sam last night. Despite how lost I was, I still enjoyed watching it. I've been thinking about it all morning, so that must mean something.

Anyway, it was dece hanging out with Sam and Walter at their house until 4am again. Sitting around. Eating cookies (I was, anyway). Talking about stupid shit. Preventing Sam from going to bed and getting the sleep he needed for work the next day because I wouldn't leave. Good stuff.

May 20, 2003 -2:33am-

Well, I finally got my walk tonight. I also finally finished Orson Scott Card's "Ender's Game" that Sam lent to me over a year ago. The ending was weird. Not how I thought it would be at all. I don't know if I like it. Oh well, it was a pretty good book regaurdless. Now I guess I'll finish the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. I would really like to find some "people" books though. Books just about life and people. Despite the fact that I now hold a degree in English, I have no idea how I'd go about finding something like that. Someone want to help me out? Feel free to make use of my email link up yonder. I don't even care if I know you or not.

May 18, 2003 -4:42pm-

Damn it. I wanted to go for a walk, but since I get up at inhuman hours Crabtree is probably closed now. I don't want to walk around my stupid neighborhood. I can only handle walking at night around here, and even that I haven't been in the mood for. But, shit do I need some exercise.

May 18, 2003 -4:18pm-

Sam and I did some shit yesterday. Hit up Chipotle for some mammoth burrito pouches. Bought some strings at Guitar Center (picked up an application as well). We went to Woodfield for a bit and I sprayed myself point-blank in the eyes by accident with some stenchy cologne. That was fun. Stopped by Borders too. We ended up seeing Matrix Reloaded again at AMC. The movie got a lot worse with a second viewing. Good God. Pretty cheesy and sloppy. Hmm, sounds like a sandwich.

May 17, 2003 -4:53pm-

Storing fat for hibernation.

May 16, 2003 -5:39pm-

Going to see Anthrax and Motorhead tonight at the House of Blues, courtesy of Mr. Joe Papa. I have to be at Brett's house pretty soon, so I guess I should go take a shower. My parents are going to kill me if I don't get a job real soon.

May 16, 2003 -1:10am-

Yeah, I was going to write some stuff here, but I'm feeling tired and lazy. I'm going to go play Diablo for a while and then read. More tomorrow. Oh, and fucking dorks have attractive girlfriends. Maybe those girls a dorks too though. Negative bitter statement of the night completed. Blah. Goodnight.

May 15, 2003 -5:10pm-

Had a lot of weird dreams last night/this morning. One of them involved a Civil War reenactment with live rounds and people getting killed. It took me forever to figure out how to work my rifle. I was on the Union side, of course. I had some sort of higher rank I think, because people were treating me different from everyone else. Must have been from reading "Ender's Game" right before bed last night. I also smoked a cigarette for some reason. I think Ben was there, and I was smoking with him. Another dream involved me trying to stay in DeKalb. It wasn't DeKalb at all though. A lot of people I knew were there, from home and school. Lot's of weird stuff.

In other news, Sam, Nancy and I will be going to the Comedy Spot in Schaumburg tonight to see some of the nation's HOTTEST comics. Hopefully there will be a few decent performers. It'll be nice to see Miss Nancy again, since we're no longer both residents of the land of corn. Weird how things change so quickly.

Oh, and Joe has mono. That really sucks kid. Hope you feel better soon. And thanks for the Anthrax/Motorhead ticket! I get to go for free, for God's sake. Thanks kid. I owe you, something.

May 14, 2003 -2:24am-

Highlight of the evening: getting bitten by Jeff's chocolate lab. I was tugging at her toy with her and she bit right through my thumb by accident. I hate getting cuts on my fingers.

May 13, 2003 -8:59pm-

Didn't have the most productive day. No Crabtree. Instead I woke up at 1pm and read "Ender's Game" by Orson Scott Card for a few hours. I've gone back to it now that I don't have schoolwork to worry about. Then I fell back asleep and didn't get out of bed until 5. I worked out a little after that. That's about it. My pinki finger on my left hand is numb. Don't know what that's all about. Pure fun kids. Pure fun. I really want to move out and get my own appartment. Thanks not going to happen for a while though, seeing as I don't even have a fucking job. Damn it. What the hell am I going to do with my life?

May 13, 2003 -2:50am-

Went to Ihop with the idiots tonight. Was a classic night. We all have degrees now though. Haha. That's funny. Now it's just you Joe! Hurry up! Actually, take your time. No need to rush things.

I think I'm going to get up tomorrow and go to Crab Tree nature center. Walk around. Talk to some animals. Uh. I wish I wasn't so tired. I want to read. Oh well. Time for bed.

May 12, 2003 -4:35pm-

I'm starting the room-cleaning project today that I've been puting off for the last six years. It's going to take days, probably a week, but I really need to do it. Before I can really think about or do anything I have to get this done. So I have my Kyuss, my mug of coffee, and a nice breeze coming into my room. I'm also wearing my crotchless jeans, so I'm set. I need to learn how to sew.

May 12, 2003 -1:05am-

The last 48 hours have been really weird. I feel a little dazed. I ended up getting about two hours of sleep the night before graduation. I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep. The ceremony was ok. Just really strange. I didn't feel like I was even on campus while inside the Convocation Center. Afterwards, Sam and I went and had lunch at Applebee's. While I was there I kept thinking about the last few years and how it was all over. So we went back to UP and for several exhaustive hours we moved all my stuff out into my car. The place was empty. Drove back home, had dinner and then met everyone at some bar/restaurant on Wise Road. After being surrounded by bars filled with nothing but young people, this suburban bar was pretty sad. Bad, outdated music. Expensive-ass beer (pitcher of Miller Light = $9). Over-the-hill waitresses. It wasn’t pretty. I ended up getting pretty buzzed and slept over at Sam’s. Left his house this morning and bought a card and some flowers for mom at Jewel. Came back home, gave mammy her stuff, took a nap, and went out to dinner in Evanston with my family to celebrate both my graduation and Mother's Day. Dinner was nice. Kind of funny too. The restaurant had some Asian jazz singer named Yoko something as the night's featured performer. She played cheesy boring jazz songs on the piano and had a low raspy voice and sang with an Asian accent. She was trying to do all these things with her voice characteristic of an old black jazz singer, but her accent made it ridiculous.

So, I’m back home now. I miss DeKalb already.

May 10, 2003 -3:10pm-

I have a degree! Now I need to shut this computer off so I can take it home. Goodbye DeKalb and NIU. It was fun.

May 10, 2003 -2:47am-

This is bad. I can't sleep. I'm hungry, but guess what? No food! I was just laying there in bed, all uncomfortable, with my mind going crazy. Thinking about way too much right now. Tomorrow, the future, and a couple other things that have been eating at me. Damnit, I have to get up at fucking 7am. I wish this ceremony was later. God. I'm trying to be optimistic, but I'm hate saying goodbye and I hate ends of things. I'm gonna go bang my head against the wall now and hope I will knock myself out. Once I get all my stuff home and rest a little bit, I really have some brainstorming to do. I've got to have a plan. I've got to figure some things out. I really need to change the way I am about a lot of things. I really wish I wasn't thinking about this right now and was instead happily snoring away. I'm trying not to be sad and stressed out. Almost everyone has moved out of UP. Not that I really like too many people here, but the lack of them really makes it feel like the year is over. I need to stop freaking out. I need to fucking relax. I need to go back to bed.

May 10, 2003 -1:10am-

Last night in DeKalb. I brought some stuff home tonight, stopped by Barnes and Noble to give Sam his ticket, then came back here. I'm very tired. I'll write more tomorrow if UP's internet is still connected. But now I must sleep. Graduation ceremony is at 9am. I better go to bed.

May 8, 2003 -1:58pm-

I'm done!!! I just emailed my last final to my professor. I can't believe it. I'm finally done. It was a long time ago when I started as a skinny kid with long-hair at Harper. Six years. Wow. This is good.

May 8, 2003 -1:08am-

Saw X2 again tonight. Tim and I went to the theatre here in DeKalb. The crowd was slightly annoying, but it was still fun. Then we had some late-night greasy food at Shelly's. Was my first time there even though it's right across the field from UP. I'm gonna play guitar for a little while and then go to bed. I have my last final EVER tomorrow afternoon. I also have to get my cap and gown sometime tomorrow. Don't know the details. Better figure that out.

May 7, 2003 -4:47pm-

Woah. That was a lot of sleep. Just got up. No finals or anything today so I thought I'd let myself sleep in a little bit. Had a great time with Nancy last night. We had dinner at this little restaurant by the Fox River in St. Charles and then went and saw "The Two Towers" at this really cool old theatre down the street. They just happened to be showing it right when we walked up. This theatre was also playing "4 Bitchin' Babes" a little later, be we decided to skip that one. After the movie we drove to her parents house so I could finally see her rottweiler Guinness who I've heard so much about. Very cute and friendly dog. Took him for a walk and everything. Anyway it was a really fun night. The fullest I've had in a long time.

May 5, 2003 -7:29pm-

I'M GRADUATING. I talked to my Spanish teacher today and found out I'll end up with a D. I don't have to look at one more fucking Spanish book ever again for the rest of my life! I can't believe it. I'm finally done with it. Sure a D isn't refrigerator material, but it means I'll pass. Fuck yeah.

May 4, 2003 -5:42pm-

Ok, this is getting ridiculous. The door at the Spanish lab is still shut. I guess I'll write that e-mail.

May 4, 2003 -4:35pm-

Brought some stuff home yesterday: Crate amp, two broken HP printers, and a couple of guitar pedals. For some reason at the last minute I decided to keep my tv here, even though I've only turned it on about five times the entire semester. Just in case I have some incredible urge to watch tv I guess, it's here. Still haven't found the remote.

My dad woke me up a little after 10 this morning. I had to leave early to go fill out an application at Sam's Barnes & Noble and then get to school in time to go to the Spanish lab. So I went and filled out the application. I've done it so many times I almost have the questions memorized. I should have just written out my own copy at home and brought it in. Sam told me three people are quitting, so I might have a chance this time.

After that, I took my three drinks and flew over here (DeKalb), not becaues I was really in a hurry, but because I was listening to some good tunes (Primus and then Queens of The Stone Age). I got here in about twenty minutes. No, not really. I got to UP, made minimal small talk with some unfriendly girl on my floor while riding the elevator, put my stuff down in my room and headed over to the lab. I almost had a fucking heart attack when I got to the door and it was closed and locked. I walked home thinking of what I'd write in the email I'd have to send to my professor. All I basically came up with was, "Please help now". Sitting in front of my computer, I was about to send the email when I realized that on Sunday the lab is open from 5pm to 9pm. I love it when I'm wrong.

So, I've got about a half hour before I go over there and rot away for a few hours. I'm fucking hungry, but the cafe doesn't open until five, and I really need to be at the lab when they open. Looks like dinner tonight is a smashed Krave bar I brought from home. Yummy. Ok. This long boring post is finally over. Thanks.

May 3, 2003 -4:06pm-

Oops. I slept in a little too late today. I was going to try to get back to UP in the early afternoon, but I guess that's not going to happen now. I purposely didn't bring any dirty landry home so that I wouldn't be tempted into staying here later. My mom and sister are at the Cubs game and my dad is outside painting something. Just thought I'd include that random detail. Well, I guess I should take a shower and get back to school. I'm going to miss dinner, because UP sucks and they only serve dinner between 5 and 6 on Sunday. Thanks UP. I guess it's dinner at Subway tonight. Fuck. Why am I getting so depressed writing this? Maybe I should make something up that will put me in a better mood. Like, I need to get back to school because my professors are throwing me a graduation party to commemorate the leaving of one of the most incredible minds they've ever had in their classes. Sorry, that's the best I could come up with.

May 3, 2003 -4:11am-

Just got back from seeing X-Men II with Sam, Walt, and Ben. We hit the 12:45 showing. It was pretty damn good. I liked it better than the fist one, though I'd have to agree with Sam and say it needed a little bit more fighting. It had some great cameos though, including the "demon guy" from that Morbid Angel video, Ferguson Darling, and that little bastard Harry Potter. Good stuff. Now, I'm off to bed. Got to get up tomorrow and finish my Spanish lab homework.

Holy shit. I can hear my dad snoring from the computer room here. That's through two closed doors. Jesus Christ.

May 2, 2003 -6:58pm-

So I've decided to go home tonight. No one else is really around, so I'd be hanging out with myself, which I'm not in the mood for tonight. I have to start bringing stuff home too, since UP is kicking me out right after I graduate next Saturday. But before I leave tonight, I need to straighten things up a little here:

May 2, 2003 -3:28am-

Lonely and tired and going to bed. Goodnight.

May 1, 2003 -9:08pm-

I want to go running around like a wild idiot, but instead I'm going to go buy some beer and watch a movie with Tim. Maybe something fun and stupid will happen anyway though. Blah. Today's the first day all week I've had the luxury of being bored. It's pretty nice. Expect a drunken post a little later, maybe.

May 1, 2003 -6:30pm-

And now, I'm eating some M&M's.

May 1, 2003 -6:13pm-

So, I haven't written anything here in a few days. It's been a busy week. Monday I humiliated myself in front of my Arthurian class. Later on that night Sam, Tim, and I went to see Nancy and Megan do their fiction reading at The House, which was really cool. Both are intimidatingly good writes. Yikes. After that we hit the bar which was also fun, and then Sam came over for a little bit after. Tuesday...what the hell happened Tuesday? I can't remember. It's been four days of light sleep and due dates. Yesterday I had my Spanish final, which was...yeah, and re-recited my poem for Arthurian, which went very well. So that was good. This was the last week of classes. No class tomorrow. The last week of college classes for me. I just have a few finals next week and then I’m done. It’s so weird. It hasn’t all really sunken in yet.

Tonight. What am I doing? Cleaning my room, doing some laundry, putting on new guitar strings, going to Walmart, and starting the mammoth load of homework I have to do this weekend. But now, I’m going to take a nap, as usual. More later from me, I’m sure. Bye-bye.

April 21, 2003 -3:39am-

Paper is done. Five and a half pages long. Not bad. Even though I'm usually up much later than this, I feel like I'm the only one awake in the world right now. I hate that feeling. I think it's because Tim went to bed a half-hour ago, instead of being up until 5am like he usually is. Haveing someone else stay up all night with you makes all the difference. I learned that last year living with this idiot, who just picked himself up a brand-spanking-new Peavey Bandit 112. I can't wait to try that thing out kid. You probably don't want me to come over. I'll be all over that thing. It'll be fuckin' dece.

April 21, 2003 -12:03am-

I'm in the middle of writing a paper for Arthurian. It has to be six pages, but by the looks of things, it's going to be hard to squeeze out more than four. Oye. There was a time when I could write papers start to finish and actually get decent grades on them. Those were also lower-level classes though. Well, I'm gonna go down and get a pop. Sorry for such a boring post. It's been a pretty boring weekend.

April 27, 2003 -2:16am-

Not to be all cheesy and pseudo-philosophical, but I just thought of something. There are way more "negative" emotions than positive ones. Anger, fear, guilt, jealousy, sadness = all horrible. Happy, um...what other good ones are there? Confusion? That could go either way. What's a word for "spaced-out". That's kind of neutral too. Oh well. Whatever. I'm just going to sit here and finish my weak tea.

April 26, 2003 -10:23pm-

By Monday, I am to have twenty lines of Middle-English text memorized to be recited in front of my Arthurian Legends class. Things are off to a great start, as you can listen here.

Also, I did something today sort of different than usual. Took three naps? Yeah, that too. But around noon me and Ms. McVittie went and flew her kite. Fun was had. I got tired. Many old people were happy.

April 26, 2003 -1:50am-

Today was like two different days joined together by a four-hour nap. I keep forgetting that I went to class. Anway, I just worked out a little bit, so now I'm going to drink some applejuice and take a shower, which I haven't done yet. Then I'm gonna do some more Spanish flashcards and go to bed.

April 23, 2003 -8:31pm-

Prince Humperdink: You're a jerk and everybody
knows it. You only get away with it cuz your
Dad's the king.

What Princess Bride villain are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Shit. I'm Humperdink.

Had a nice late birthday dinner with Ms. McVittie last night at PJ's. Thanks Nancy! Hope you had fun playing Beatles songs last night.

Oye. Now, I have to write a paper for my American Fiction class. Yay. Better get on that.

April 22, 2003 -4:47am-

Oh my god. This game is evil. I can't stop playing it! Actually, I just did, but it took quite some time. Good god. Who makes these horrible things. And why?? Evil.

April 21, 2003 -9:21pm-

Maxim magazine is 100% stupid bullshit for today's ignorant classless brainless American moron walking boner of a male. They should just call it Stupid Prick or Fat Pathetic Loser Jerk-Off Dork Who Will Never Have A Relationship With A Women..."Monthly". I thought Rolling Stone was bad. Maxim makes that magazine look like a fucking scholarly journal. I went to Barnes and Noble and bought this dumb fucking magazine because I needed an ad that "stood out" for a paper I have to write tonight. Maxim unfortunately had the most out of the other magazines I looked at. Anyway, at least I bought two REAL magazines while I was there--Revolver (Metallica interview) and Guitar World.

April 21, 2003 -4:15am-

Buying new underwear and socks from Walmart at midnight is a great thing. Laundry dilemma solved. Sleep is pretty good too...

April 19, 2003 -7:38pm-

April 19, 2003 -7:16pm-

It's so DARK in my room. It feels really nice outside despite the gloomy weather though. I need to do laundry. The combination of The Hollow (Paz violin/piano version) and this weather is a little intense. I'm gonna go read. There are like 20 people at UP right now. I smell burning leaves. This is all kind of surreal. Smells good though.

April 19, 2003 -2:44am-

Tonight Ami picked me and Tim up and we rented Red Dragon. It was pretty good, not great or as good as Silence Of The Lambs, but still pretty good. Pretty much what everybody said about it. Ami is letting me borrow a CD of her boyfriend's band. He is so talented. So many people play instruments and are in bands, but so few are actually original and good.

Tomorrow I have to get up at a semi-normal time and head over to the Convocation Center to buy tickets to my graduation ceremony. I'm gonna work out now, even though I'm tired. Summer's coming.

April 18, 2003 -12:22am-

Listening to the Dead Meadow CD right now that Mike Felsenthal made for me several months ago. This first song is awesome. Anyway, it's funny the ridiculous amount of hours I've put into this site, into pages that aren't even linked to the main page. Stuff you’ve never seen and probably never will. Like, for instance, no one visiting this site has ever enjoyed the mysterious but peaceful atmosphere of “The Cave”. And I bet you never experienced the mind-bending effect of the unfinished “Backwards Page One”. Most of its just pages I've created to teach myself web design. Lot's of silly stuff though. This site's come a long way from the one-page original with the cartoon anteater background. That background was awesome though. Those were also the days when you could come on and view the picture of my nuts as many times as you wanted. Ah, what quaint days those were.

April 17, 2003 -7:51pm- So tired. Want to sleep. Can't. Want coffee. No time to make it. Have to go to lab. Not down. Listening to Helmet's "In The Mean Time". Good. Writing full sentences. Not in the mood.

April 16, 2003 -5:57am-

Can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep can't stop thinking can't sleep can't stop thinking can't sleep can't sleep can't stop thinking can't sleep I want to sleeeeeep.

April 16, 2003 -2:23am-

So this is Internet Explorer 6 huh? Cool. Yeah. I just tried to shave my neck and gave myself about thirty nice little cuts. Won't stop bleeding. looks really nice. I also just let three people into Tim's room forgetting that a few minutes ago I knocked on his door and he answered in his briefs. Some weird guy from our floor with two girls (no, not hot) were making noise in the hallway, so I poked my bloody-necked head out of the door to see what was going on, because I'm extremely bored. They wanted to know if I had any movies they could borrow. I said no but told them that Tim probably did. Let them right in. He was a little embarrassed. I laughed my ass off.

April 15, 2003 -10:37pm-

I'm going insane.

April 15, 2003 -8:13pm-

My pages should load a lot faster now. I found out that by adding a picture's dimensions into the image code it loads much quicker. Cool! I'm sure some of you computer people already knew about this, but it was quite a discovery for me. Yay.

April 15, 2003 -1:33pm-

Today was...brief. Went to Spanish, came back to UP, ate some lunch, took a five-hour nap, woke up, had some dinner, started to read, took another nap. That's about it. Oh, and Tim and I just had some beer and watched Judge Dread. It's been quite a day.

April 14, 2003 -2:18pm-

I need to buy some new razors. I feel like I just shaved with a torn-open Coke can. It hurt so much I only did my moustache, so now I have a really cool ape-beard going. So tomorrow I really should scurry off to class on all fours.

April 13, 2003 -6:46pm-

Had a good guitar momment a few minutes ago with the Duncan Distortion pickup. I'm finally getting my "new guitar" to sound the way I want it too.

And here's a clock:

April 13, 2003 -4:42am-

I was going to write some stuff tonight about the weekend, etc, but I spent a few hours HTMLing and getting confused reading about JavaScripting and now I'm really tired. So I'll have to do my usual boring post thing tomorrow instead. And I need a snack.

April 10, 2003 -10:01pm-

My mammy sent me this review of Metallica's new album "St. Anger" that's supposed to come out in May. I hope it's as good as this guy says. It would be so awesome. I'm still a huge fan and I really want them to be a great band again.

April 10, 2003 -4:01am-

One of my plants is looking pretty good. It's cool how I haven't killed it. It's got long vines growing outward on each side. Looks perdy. I want to wake up some day tangled in vines. Ok. Time for bed.

April 9, 2003 -1:43pm-

Tired. Very very tired. I want to crawl back into bed, but I have a boring-ass class to go to. Fuck. My teeth hurt.

April 8, 2003 -6:03am-

I had a humbling experience today in my Advanced Essay class. My paper was put up on the overhead for critiquing. Oof! is all I have to say. I'm gonna go eat now. Tonight's gonna be a really long night. Maybe I'll go out tomorrow. I'll need to do something fun.

April 8, 2003 -2:42am-

A few of those fourty-hour days would be really nice right about now.

April 7, 2003 -3:10am-

This is kinda like the phone call you make after saying a bunch of insensitive things during a heated argument and hanging up. Reading the last post,I realize this log is a bit grueling to get through. A lot of shit going on in my brain. I need to let some of it out sometimes.

April 7, 2003 -2:53am-

I think I was meant to be born into a world with forty-hour days. I know a lot of people feel this way. There's so much that I want to do, that I have to do. Ahhhhh! The motivation to do these things usually comes to me when the day is already over. The vicious sleep cycle I've been in for the last few years has turned me into a horrible unproductive creature, living life, wasting life day-by-day. I stay up way too late, sleep in way too late (when I can), and sit around WAY TOO MUCH. I like being "comfortable" a little too much. Well I'm not sixteen anymore so I'm really gonna have to kick my own fucking ass before it's too late. The ass-kicking begins. Right now.

April 4, 2003 -5:40pm-

Naps are good. Now I'm going home.

April 4, 2003--2:02am--

Didn't have the best start to my day today, but I won't go into that. The second half of today was better. Tim and I watched the Japanese original version of "The Ring", which was so-so. Better than doing homework I guess. Oh, and I just shaved off my goatee. I look fat. I knew I would, but I did it anyway. Because I don't care what people think of me. Right. I just get sick of the way I look. Whatever. Fuck it. Who cares. Anyway, I'm getting really sick of hearing myself talk, think, and type. Anyone reading this probably is too. You should go find a different log that's less boring and monotonously depressing. I would. Next time I'll just post a picture.

April 3, 2003--3:19am-- My room looks like the inside of the world's most sanitary dumpster.

April 2, 2003--1:43am-- I feel destroyed. I'm fucking hungry. No food here though. Watching Mtv right now. The new Foo Fighters song is really good. I'm gonna have to get the cd when I get some money. Uhhhh. I'm fucking fucking bored. I'm excellent at wasting time. Yeah.

April 1, 2003--9:37pm-- So far this page has gotten three hits from search engines. My site came up when searches were performed for the phrases "been twitching for", "been needing", and "retarded donkey".

April 1, 2003--12:16pm-- Holy shit! I just checked my email and realized that I neglected TWO emails from the photographer of the flying pig-balloon picture I had on my "random pics" page asking me to remove the image. Never thought THAT would happen. Jesus. I guess I better start including copywrite information on all those pictures I have up, because the five or six people that have actually looked at that page really thought those were my pictures. Yeesh.

March 31, 2003--11:15pm-- I missed dinner tonight, so I just ate some beef soup that looked a little too much like dog food. I ate it violently like a dog too. It was really fun. Well, back to reading and stuff. These next few days are going to be really busy. I better get back to my reading before the internet takes over my brain.

March 31, 2003--7:39pm-- This is awesome. Make sure you have your sound on. You don't even have to play it.

March 31, 2003--4:57pm-- Back from classes. I took my Spanish quiz this morning and think I did ok. I went through flash cards for a while last night and again this morning which really helped. The only part of the quiz I was unsure of was a true/false section that had some words from past chapters that I didn't know.

I didn't get my reading done for Arthurian, which made an already boring class almost unbearable. I wasn't even able to entertain myself with doodling. It was painful. And I have a paper due Wednesday. Not down.

Saturday night I hung out with Miss McVittie at her place. It was fun. We watched "Bottle Rocket" and "Oh Brother Where Art Thou", had some pizza and drank some hard cider. It was a good night.

I didn't sleep very well last night, so now having drank my afternoon Coors Light, I'm taking a nap. Hope everyone is well and happy.

March 31, 2003--4:35am-- I can't sleep. I have to get up at 10:00 to finish studying for my Spanish quiz. I think it's the Aderall plus the three cans of pop I had tonight on an empty stomach that's keeping me up and making me feel so nervous and shitty. I'm starting to feel better. I'm going back to bed.

March 29, 2003--1:32am-- Tonight=basement party, beer, Weezer covers, two shitty bands. Saw some aquaintences (spelled wrong, I know)from classes/town. Um, yeah. I guess that's it. Bye bye and goodnight. My ears are ringing and no one is here at UP. What the fuck.

March 28, 2003--3:30am-- I spent several hours of my day today reading about and experimenting with HTML. Haven't done that in a while. I can't say I have much to show for it, but it was fun and good practice. I wish I could take a week off from school so I could learn more. I know a lot of HTML and CSS stuff, but I'd like to master them completely and get into more Java Script. Maybe even get into some of the hardcore languages. Anyway, time for bed.

March 27, 2003--1:23am-- Tonight Nancy and I went to the lecture on Bestials for extra credit. It was ok I suppose. After that we hung out for a bit and had a nice little time. By the way, I just added the link to your blog Nancy, so don't be mad at me anymore. Now I'm gonna do some homework I guess.

March 26, 2003--2:57am-- At 10:30 this morning gaining a few more hours of sleep at the cost of missing two classes seemed like a pretty good idea. So did taking a long nap later before dinner. After an extremely healthy dinner tonight I went out on the town. By that I mean I sat at the student cafe by myself in my salsa-stained black jeans with a cup of McDonald's coffee while barely making it through three pages of horrendous Arthurian literature. Well, time for some more sleep. I'm beat.

March 25, 2003--1:13am-- I finally went to the art building today and dropped my minor. The last time I was there was during the first week of classes in January of 2001. I wonder what things would have been like if I did the art thing. Since art classes tend to promote casual conversation while sitting around drawing for hours at a time, I probably would have met more people than I have in English classes. The few cool people I've met from my classes I really like, but they've been just that. Few.

March 24, 2003--12:48pm-- Spanish cancelled--Fuck Yeah!

March 24, 2003--1:44am-- That last post sucked. I'm really tired and unfocused. God it's so late and I don't have stuff done. Damnit damnit damnit. I'm gonna go talk to Tim now before I go to bed. His girlfriend broke up with him tonight, so I'm gonna go see how he's doing. He's been listening to a bunch of different kinds of music, so he can't be doing too badly. I really hope he doesn't wallow in it, but I would if it were me. I hate wallowing, but I can't help it. I always do it.

March 24, 2003--1:21am-- So I guess this weekend wasn't too bad. I never went to that party Friday because Ami said it was gonna be a huge jock party that we wouldn't enjoy. So instead she was going to rent a movie and watch it at the apartment. I went over there and watched "Amilee" with Ami and Alicia, which I saw before and liked. It was still pretty good the second time, but a lot longer than I remembered.

Last night Tim and I hit the bars briefly. We first sat in the Annex at Lord Stanely's, which was really laid back and nice compared to the other bars in town, and then went to the main room for a bit. After finishing our drinks we headed over to the underground at Otto's. Very gamey. Some punk band called the Urinal Mints with an obese singer was playing and the place was swarming with all kinds of WT and people that didn't seem too cool. The room with the band smelled like BO too. It wasn't pretty. The singer sounded like he was suffocating under his own fat. As cool as all that was we decided to leave pretty quickly and went back to UP and watched "Waking Life". I really wished we would have watched something else. A normal movie. It was a little too "oh man" for me at that particular moment. So what happened today? Lot's of sleep and not a lot of work. The usual Sunday night.

March 23, 2003--3:26am-- I really tried to have a fun weekend, but it just didn't work out. I'm really fat too. Awesome. More tomorrow.

March 21, 2003--5:14pm-- Another week comes to a close. This one has been kind of weird for obvious reasons. There was a peace march/war protest thing yesterday as well as people for the war walking around voicing their opinions/supporting the troops. I don't see why you have to be on one side or the other. Things aren't that black and white. I've always considered myself pretty anti-war, but I have recently found myself not being all for it or all against it. I wonder how many of the protesters really know enough to justify running around with signs and how many are just following the crowd because it's cool to be anti-government. I personally feel that I don't have enough information to enable me to passionately support one side or the other exclusively, let alone walk around and block traffic/cause public disturbances. I just hope this is over really fast and with the least amount of death possible.

So all that aside, this week has been the usual. I just came from the library where I spent over an hour sitting in a silent corner of the fourth floor and finally got depressed enough to leave. I used the ghost bathroom there and had a bad toilet experience. Let's just say that I think they installed a bidet instead of a toilet. I was sitting there doing my thing and flushed the toilet which immediately sent my "lil' pal" on a white-water rafting adventure of a lifetime.

I'm staying in DeKalb this weekend. Since it's my last semester, I'd like stay here as much as possible before it's over. Ami invited me to go to a party tonight, so that's what I'll be doing. I hope it's fun. I'm all about fun.

March 18, 2003--10:13pm-- For the last two days I've kinda been freaking out because of school things. The warm weather has made the fact that I'm graduating in less than two months that much more real, which is cool, but stressful at the same time. When the weather starts getting warmer and the end of the semester approaches I always get that "hey, wait for me" feeling. I also get that "I should have worked out more" feeling. But anyway, today made me feel a bit better. I got a B on a paper I was embarrassed even turning in, and I'll be able to do my presentation tomorrow for Arthurian after all. I wish I could do this presentation with pictures instead. It would be a bunch of drawings of knights and ships and gore and swords and chain mail...yeah. Well, I suppose I should go finish it. I really just want to listen to music, play guitar, work out, go for a walk, go for a jog, go to a bar, but I can't right now. I'll do some of that this weekend I guess.

So, on a different note, we are about to go to war. This is really fucking scary. I never thought things in the world would get so crazy--at least this early in my life. It's like the Sixties with Viet Namn, but more unconventional and unpredictable. Terrorism scares the shit out of me. There's nothing you can do about it. You're helpless. It's so fucked up. I hate it. I have no idea what this war's about--I mean, as far as what they say on the news I know, but that isn't much. It isn't enough. The news just gives you what the government wants you to know. Who knows how things really are in our own government, in other governments? The world is so massive and spread apart that it's hard to have things communicated between different places completely or even truthfully. I just hate all this confusion and anger. Most of all, I just hate death.

March 14, 2003--9:41pm-- Holy Crap. I hope flaming garbage trucks fall from the sky tomorrow so I'll have more time to finish things. Professors who give out large assignments over spring break should be tortured. I really need to find a time-warp. I'm still at home too and not ready at all to leave. Shit. Time-warp.

March 14, 2003--9:41pm-- I just added a guest list to the main page, so everyone should go sign it! Say something nice or make fun of me--I don't care. And everyone should do themselves a favor and go out and buy Urge Overkill's "Exit The Dragon". They were a great rock band that I've really gotten into over the last few years. Unfortunately they disbanded a couple years ago. So go buy it, listen to it, and feel good and alive, because that's what good music is all about.

March 14, 2003--3:21am-- I'm not going to write anything, because I'm too tired and my toe hurts. I love sleeping.

March 13, 2003--3:48pm-- Just got back about twenty minutes ago from DC. I had a Corona and came up here to reconnect with the wonderous internet that I've missed so much the last five days. I'm sittin here with my geetar. I have to go play now. I couldn't stop thinking about playing during the last few days of the trip. Instead of cleaning my room I'm gonna clear away a tiny square of the floor and change the pickup again. More about the trip later...it was fun...

March 8, 2003--10:21am-- Goin' to Warshington. Hope everyone has a good week

ABG

March 7, 2003--2:08am-- A little while ago I went to the gas station down the street to fill up my car and get some supplies and came back smelling like I went swimming in the underground storage tank. Maybe wafting the fumes for a few hours will help me sleep tonight.

I spent most of today running around like an idiot printing things out and turning things in, but I got most of what I need to get done...uh...done. I went to the library and picked up the book I'm doing a report on over break for Arthurian Legend. It's some middle-English story translated into prose entitled "Brut". I'll have to start reading it while in D.C. with my dad to get it done in time.

I guess I'll be getting to bed now. I've been feeling feverish the last few days, probably due to not sleeping enough, and tonight I'm trying to take care of myself. I don't want to be sick while sitting in a plane or walking around town looking at museums and monuments. Tomorrow I'll be hanging out with Travis for the last time before he goes off to Florida. The kid's leaving pretty soon. Crazy.

March 5, 2003--6:46pm-- Ok, so last night I went to bed at eleven instead of nine, which is still insane for me. The shitty thing is that at a quarter to five this morning I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I even changed my pillows to the other side of the bed and layed that way, but it didn't work. Oh well. I'll be tired as shit tonight, but I can't go to bed early because I have a paper due tomorrow. Oh man, I have tons of things to take care of by friday. Now, I'm gonna take a nap. Screw UP's meal schedule. I'll make a pbj sandwich. That'll be a fine meal.

March 4, 2003--9:08pm-- I'm tired as hell and I feel like crap, so I'm going to bed. Right now.

March 3, 2003--1:45pm-- I've noticed that "Mr. Internet" has become a little rude recently. For example, I got another one of these today.

March 2, 2003--7:11pm-- This weekend has been pure excitement. Really. Last night I had a string of the worst dreams I've had in a really long time. Maybe if I went to bed earlier my dreams would be better.

March 1, 2003--6:26am-- Seeing that band tonight was really fun. I'm glad I went. They were excellent. They sounded, acted, and looked just like Guns 'N Roses. I've always been apprehensive about seeing coverbands-- being afraid of a pathetic sad experience that will just make me wish I was seeing the real band--but it wasn't like that at all. It was pure fun. A strange experience too though. It was like a Guns N' Roses celebration really--the band and the audience enjoying the songs together as fans. When people cheered, it was partly to praise the band for doing such a good job, but mostly it was for the songs. The crowd reaction was great. Tons of people were singing along with every song, even the obscure ones. They played several songs from "Lies", surprisingly. It was great. I hadn't heard some of those in almost a decade, but remembered them all once they started. Guns 'N Roses was my first "favorite" band. I was twelve when I started listening to them. They were the beginning of a lot of things for me. They were the first band I identified with in a rebellious way--the first to introduce that kind of attitude and feeling to me. It was when I started listening to them that I got totally into rock music and guitar. I started playing guitar because of the world of music they opened up for me. Anyway, I had a great time. Another big part of what made it all so fun was that I was there with Joe and Brad who had the same appreciation for them as me. We sang out every single word or "woa-oo-oah" as loud as we could. There was some serious (and accurate!) air guitar playing going on as well. My voice was gone after the first five songs. They were loud as hell and my ears are still ringing. They played for almost three hours. It was insane. I'm definitely going to see them when they come again in April.

After coming back to UP I hung out with Jeff and his suitemate for a little while and ended up coming back to my room. Tim came back from the party he was at and we went to Walmart and bought many junk food items. Bring on the fat! We chilled in his room for a bit, listening to good music and eating an assortment of disgusting foods. Well, the music is still going and there's no sign of either of us going to bed right now, which is bad. I better start the wind-down process before it's sometime in the late morning. Goodnight to all.

February 28, 2003--8:31pm-- I'm about to go with Jeff to meet Joe and Brad at Starbusters to see Nightrain, a Guns 'N Roses cover band. I hope I have enough money. I have about six dollars to my name right now. Let me describe this week: Uhhhh ooooh yie yie yie yie oppotawww oppooootawwww goo goo goo gorchabrocatodio!!!!!!! Gaboooooooo!!!!!!!!!

I'll explain later. Maybe.

February 28, 2003--2:17am-- My eyes are burning. I can't even describe my sleeping habbits lately. Inhuman, I guess. I've been drinking way too much Diet Dr.Pepper too. I borrowed Tim's Supergrass CD tonight, which is really good. All I knew of them until he bought this CD was the song they had on the "Clueless" soundtrack, which I remember being horrible. It's a really great British pop-rock album full of really interesting and catchy sounding stuff. They're just great rock songs. Great melodies, singing, music. So, I'm up late doing this second diary assignment for Spanish. I'm being lazy by using the translator on Altavista. Oh well. I'll get the grade.

I found out yesterday that my good friend Travis will be moving to Florida in the next few weeks for a job he got hired for. That's insane. He's gonna be living almost twenty hours away. I guess this is the part of my life when things start changing and people start moving away, starting their "adult" lives. It'll be me my time in a few months. For the last six or so years I haven't had too much change in the structural part of my life. I've been going to school and going back home, back and forth. My friends have all stayed in the same area. No one's moved away, or even moved out for that matter. From this point on things like that are going to change. I'll miss my little Travy. I hope he finds good living and is happy down there.

February 26, 2003--7:35pm-- Since this is a free website I'm forced to stare at some asshole making a dumb face who can't even do the metal sign right. (Hint: look at top of page.) I wish I had something interesting to say, but I don't at all. Maybe next time.

February 25, 2003--2:57am-- Well, I just typed out the rough draft for my resume assignment and realize that I actually do have some things to offer in a work environment. I mean, as far as experience goes I'm lacking, but I'm not as unqualified as I've lately thought. This is good. I'm sure when I actually start applying for jobs I might think differently, but for now I feel pretty good about myself. Anyway, I still have to do my critique assignment. For the fourth paper in this class I'll be one of the three people who have to submit their papers to the class website to be evaluated by everyone. Not down with that. Now I must go. Damnit I'm hungry, but do I really want to eat a bowl of soup at three in the morning? Maybe.

February 24, 2003--8:26pm-- Holy crap, it's 7 degrees out.

February 24, 2003--7:52pm-- Today was really boring. Spanish then Arthurian Legend. The nap and dinner thing went down too. I just opened the fridge and smelled the coffee I have in there. I'll have to make some. I'll need it tonight too. I have a paper and critique to write for Advanced Essay, as well as thirty pages to read for American Fiction. Better get crackin'. This "optical mouse" rocks too, by the way! Stuff rules.

February 24, 2003--12:58am-- I'm back at school now. I was all proud of myself on the way up here because it took me about ten minutes less than it usually does. Unfortunately as I was enjoying my music (Big Wreck) I wasn't paying attention and blew past the Annie Glidden exit at 80 mph. I payed my 95 cents at the next toll--NOT DOWN--and pulled an illegal u-turn about half a mile down and drove into town. It's cold as hell and snowing here, which doesn't feel good on a recently shorn head. I still have my clothes in the car. I guess I better go get them before it gets too late. I'm using my new mouse right now too. Yes, very exciting.

February 23, 2003--8:19pm-- Good god. How is it 8 already?? Today feels like a dream. Speaking of dreams, last night I dreamt that I had a baby. Not that I physically had the baby. The baby wasn't even mine. I was at some sort of party and this couple had triplets. I was cuddling with this one baby and eventually I asked the parents if they really wanted it, because they were shitty people and didn't seem to. The said sure right away. Bizzare. Then me and Wally went to this old shut down train station that the same family owned and burned it down. Wally actually started the fire, but I let him. Then I was floating around in space and turned into the evil cat guy from Inspector Gadget. Then things got scary and I felt empty and lost--can't really explain. I ended up crashing my spaceship. Well my mom made dinner tonight, and it's ready, so here I go.

February 23, 2003--2:31am-- Damn it, no one said anything about that picture I made a few days ago of me and Cate Blanchett! Didn't anyone think it was funny? It took me forever to make and it looks fucking perfect! Well, it didn't take too long, but c'mon people! Make me feel good. Say it's the funniest crappy cut-and-paste picture you've ever seen!

February 23, 2003--2:01am-- I love guitar. I love music.

February 23, 2003--1:58am-- This weekend was fun. Last night Sam and I went to AMC and saw the midnight showing of Old School. It was fucking hilarious. Everyone was good in it. They did the stupid humor thing in a smart and sublte way, which 9 out of 10 comedies fail at these days. After the movie we did the IHOP thing, which was dece, but there weren't too many people there. It's always more fun when the HOP's hoppin'. Today was dece too. I actually made it out of the house before 6. That's pretty good for Saturday. Me, Sam, and Walt hit Sam Ash until they closed. They had the little Peavy combo I've been checking out online for the last few months. It's pretty fucking nice for a small relitively cheap solid-state combo. I was impressed. It made me happy. I love it when manufactures really nail some great sounds. So many amps are just not that great. God, the electric guitar has been around since the early fifties. You'd think they'd have mastered the making of both guitars and amps to the point where they'd all be good and reasonably priced. I guess it isn't that simple.

After they kicked us out of Sam Ash we went and stuffed ourselves at the Chipotle in Arlington Heights, which is pretty crappy compared to the Schaumburg one. Being there made me depressed about living in the suburbs. I actually think I'm liking DeKalb more than the suburbs lately. It may be a tiny crappy little town, but it at least has SOME character. The suburbs are fucking nothingness. I hate it. Pure nothingness. I'll miss leaving the home I was raised and spent my entire life in, but I'll be glad to be out of the suburbs when we move to Evanston. I don't even know that I want to stay in the Chicago area for too long. I want to try living somewhere other than the midwest. Just because I started my life here doesn't mean that I have to say here forever. It doesn't own me. I think a lot of people feel they have to be loyal to where they were brought up.

The story goes on...Let's see, went to Target to buy hair clippers and a new mouse (I love buying stuff!)and am pretty sure I saw Sylvia there. Yikes. It had to have been her. I saw her come out of an isle for like a second and then she was gone. She probably wanted to avoid me as much as I wanted to her. Not that I have anything against her, it'd just be really awkward to make small talk in Target after not talking to/seeing her in over five years. Anyway, I got my loot. Then we hit Barnes and Noble for a bit, and had some tasty fattening discounted drinks. Yeeah. We eventually went back to Sam's. Me and the kid listened to a CD Jeff made of a bunch of WTB recordings. Some were actually pretty good. Actually, all of them were. As much as we were just screwing around we did put some time into those songs. It's easier to hear the quality of something you've done after you have had some time away from it. Sam was talking about how we should get together and play again. Write some stuff together and record it with my drum machine and 4-track. I'd be down. Anyway, the last few days have been fun. I'm very lucky to have the friends I do.

This won't go on much further, or farther. I shaved my head again. I oiled up the blades and let 'er rip. I think I cut it shorter this time, which is fine. I used a mirror and actually got it all even. Yay for me. I started listening to Big Wreck again today, after giving the CD rest for a few months. It's great. So good. Damn. They deserve to be really popular, but I hope they don't because I'm a stingy music dork. Well, that's it for now.

February 21, 2003--8:01pm-- Wow. I'm very close to making my first internet sale. The guy just has to e-mail me saying he sent the check. I'm doing this off the Seymour Duncan website. I'm selling two pickups that I don't use anymore. The one I'm selling to this guy is the Duncan Invader, which I bought for a little over $70, and am giving to him for $55 (including shipping). If all goes well and his check is good, then this is pretty cool. I'll use this money to buy the Duncan Custom, which will replace the weak-ass stock bridge pickup in my new Ibanez. I really hate that pickup. The Powersounds on my RG270 are WAY better.

In other news, I'm supposed to be home right now, but I'm sitting here listening to Stone Temple Pilots and eating mandarin oranges in "gel". I went crazy with the snooze button during my Friday afternoon nap and that's why I'm still here. No dinner with Sam tonight, but we're still gonna catch a movie. Now I need get the hell out of here.

February 21, 2003--11:33am-- Damnit. I just found out that I missed Queens Of The Stone Age play on The Late Late Show last night. Ehhh, I always miss this stuff.

February 21, 2003--2:49am-- While doing homework late at night, drinking three Diet Dr.Peppers works out much better than drinking three Busch Lights. Yeah, I'm sitting her making Spanish flashcards with one of the cool new pens my mom sent me. Thanks mom! Now, back to Sparnish and Diet DP. Ah, the train is going by. In DeKalb these trains go through town blaring their horns all night long. I used to like it, but now my attitude is starting to change. So, yeah...homework.

February 21, 2003--1:17am-- Today was incredible! No, it wasn't actually. Tim and I went to Walmart to do some shopping and saw many attractive young ladies. Some pretty hot girl was standing next to me in the toothpaste isle and laughing at my comments about how confusing all the different kinds are. She was really talkative to both me and Tim in the small amount of time we stood there. Her boyfriend didn't look too pleased though. When she eventually walked to a different isle Tim and I both agreed that having a friendly girlfriend like that would be torture. I know I'm nowhere near being confident enough to deal with something like that. I really need to work on that by the way. I don't really know how though. I say "really" too much too. Anyway, I love soup. I just had some Campbell's Chunky hearty vegetable with pasta. Oof, so good. I need to shave my head again too (I almost said I "really" need to). It's all uneven in certain spots. I think the shape of my head has something to do with that though. I just want to shave it before I get that awesome "helmet of hair" look. That look sucks.

February 19, 2003--3:43pm-- Something cool happened today. About fifteen minutes ago I was walking out of the library when I noticed some hippie-ish guy walking around with three wily mixed breed dogs. I noticed the dogs first, because most students don't have dogs, let alone three, but then I realized that he was holding the top of a Papa John's pizza box turned around with the word Smile written on it. He was just walking around showing everyone who walked or drove by the sign and smiling himself. He eventually came up behind and passed me and said Hi and I said Hi and patted one of his dogs on the head. So walking behind him I was able to see peoples' reactions as they noticed this guy. Everyone smiled. Whether because they liked what he was doing or because they thought he was a freak, they all smiled. I couldn't help but smile too while this whole thing was going on. I know a lot of people might see something like this and think "fucking weirdo" and write the guy off, but I really liked it, even though I was a little intimidated at first when he came by me. Anyone who goes out of their way, while risking complete humiliation, to do something positive like that I really respect and appreciate. It breaks the usual disconnectedness of the serious well-behaved "adult world" everyone gets used to and comfortable with. The guy didn't seem embarassed at all either, which was really cool. This was something he really wanted to do. Just to be nice. Eventually I ended up passing him and crossed the street to go back to UP. Before I did though, he said bye and told me to have a nice day. Well it did make my day better.

February 19, 2003--3:11am-- Maybe I've had this experience because I spend all my time in the Suburbs and DeKalb? I should go to bed, even though I'm pretty awake. Yes bed. Yes.

February 19, 2003--2:23am-- If you're in no mood to hear me bitch, moan, and ramble until no end, then I suggest not reading the rest of this post...

People. Loneliness. Very interesting/strange/frustrating. The more I talk to people, the more I realize how many people are lonely--not just lonely for the opposite sex, but that's the one I've been suffering from for the past several years. Companionship, blah blah blah blah. There's no way for me to write this without sounding cheesy and melodramatic. I'm really trying though. Anyway. I'm not talking about sexual frustration. I'm talking about having one person of the opposite sex as a friend/intimate companion. As horrified as I am of commitment (yes, I fit the male stereotype) this is really what I want. Most of the people I know who share this loneliness want the same thing. It drives so much of what I do in my life. This is my last semester in a sixth year (yeah shut up) stint of college to attain my bachelor degree and I've made it through all six years without having a single girlfriend. I always figured college was the time in your life when you experience serious relationships and really learn about yourself and what you want in another person. I think it is for many--almost every girl I've met has a boyfriend--but very few people I'm friends with have had this experience. Is this more of a problem for guys? Even though there are more females in the world than males it feels extremely the opposite. I don't get it. If those statistics are true, then it seems like the amount of males dating should be just as high. But getting back to what I was complaining about...I'm almost finished with college and I haven't, and most likely won't, get into a relationship with someone. Maybe it's meant to be. Maybe if I were to find someone it would end up badly when both of us have to go back to our separate homes, possibly far away from eachother. That's how I've been looking at it, but it still feels like I did something wrong. All the cheesy things guys do to get girls, the things I've always made fun of for being shallow, are starting to seem smarter lately. Maybe being an honest respectable person isn't enough. It sure as hell hasn't worked for me or most of my friends. Let's just say that if in a few years I'm still single, I might start doing some of those cheesy things if it helps me meet someone. This is sounding way too "poor me" which is not how I wanted to write this. People are lonely, and it's intersting that no one is able to figure out how to interact. If a lonely guy meets a girl he likes, he can't appear too lonely, because then he might seem too desperate. But there are so many lonely girls as well, that they should pick up on that and identify with that person for having similar feelings. Ahhh, I'm straying from what I wanted to say again. I just know a lot of people that are unhappy because they can't find anyone, and it seems unnatural. Maybe our society is so big and complicated that it prevents people from interacting. I'm tired and things aren't getting any clearer for me here. Maybe I'll post on this again when I'm not so tired and I'm able to express myself better. Thanks for bearing with me. Goodluck on your pursuit of companionship and happiness.

- Captain Depressing

February 18, 2003--11:33pm-- After looking at my website on a larger computer screen I now realize it looks nothing like I thought it did. Damnit. Everything looks washed out and the text is really hard to read. On my computer it's all dark and cooler-looking. What the shit. So I changed the background on this page to just plain black to make it more readable. I don't know if I'm gonna do anything about the rest of the site.

Today I was hoping something fun and cool would happen. Well it did. One of my plants that was starting to resemble a dead dried up spider is now very alive and normal looking. The other day I added some of that "water" stuff I've been hearing about, and today it looked that much better! So that's pretty fun and cool, right?

February 18, 2003--2:45am-- Continuing this joke any further = Definitely NOT FUN!

February 18, 2003--2:41am-- Being single for an eternity = NOT FUN!

February 18, 2003--2:27am-- This guy's teeth = FUN!

February 18, 2003--2:12am--

FUN!

February 18, 2003--1:50am-- After a boring day of class and the usual dinner thing, Tim and I went out and saw "Dare Devil", which sucked. I expected it to though, and just wanted to get out of my room and do something. Joe Pantilliano and that Irish guy were good though. Anyway, I live in filth and chaos. Tim's room is so much more relaxing and peaceful to be in. Tomorrow I WILL clean things up, I swear. I hope something cool happens tomorrow. I don't care what it is. I'm not in my usual "desperate need of anything mildly interesting to prevent me from going crazy" state of mind--I just like fun. Give me fun damnit! FUN! Oh, and today I went on the Seymour Duncan forum and saw some guy with a Strong Bad picture for his icon. I was down. Holy crap, it's only Tuesday? Woof.

February 17, 2003--5:28am-- Mid-Extravaganza Report: I'm tired and jittery at the same time. I'm slowly making my way through a luke-warm bottle of Pepsi. Everyone is asleep but me. I just completed the online portion of my Spanish homework, which was horrible. My ass is sore from this cheap UP wooden chair. There is a strange chattering noise coming from somewhere within my heater I think. It's turned off though. I'm hungry. Ahhhhhhhh.

February 17, 2003--12:38am-- The Spanish Extravaganza has just started and I'm already confused. At least my room smells like pudding.

February 16, 2003--3:49am-- I have a weird shaped head.

Damn it. I'm too soft. Some of these games are so pretty they make me sad. What the hell is wrong with me?

February 16, 2003--12:25am-- One last thing. What the fuck is with these pop-up ads that grow out of the middle of your screen and completely cover what you're looking at?? Holy crap, I was editing this page and all of a sudden two characters from The Sims are right in the middle of the page in a hot tub drinking hot chocolate or something. Not down.

February 16, 2003--12:16am-- Oh yeah. Today was the first time I was able to crank the Marshall. I must say I was pleased. As far as volume and fullness of sound, it blew away the Crate I've been using for jamming. Like an all-tube amp, this hybrid tube/solid-state amp reacted very much the same, and sounded better at high volumes. I had the volume way up and it didn't fart out or sound like it was about to explode like many cheaper small combos do when you turn it up that high. If anyone is reading this they probably want to shoot themselves right now, but this is my space and I can ramble on about anything I want to. Yeah. So anyway, sorry if this is borring. Back to the amp--The clean was really full an nice, and the reverb was great too. At first, the only thing I really liked about this amp was how it looked (which is really cool), but I'm really liking it's sound now. *place awkward transition HERE* Last night I checked out the video game link on Laura's website. These are really fun! I've wanted games like this for a while. Simple mindless pleasant games. I like the one where you catch the bees and the other one with the ship and the falling rocks. That one is sooo relaxing. These games look really good. Very cool. I'll be spending plenty of time zoning out with these. Where did you find that website Laur? I also have a "too much beer on the couch" story for you. Not as entertaining, but I'll still tell you.

February 15, 2003--11:32pm-- Today Nancy picked me up and we went and had lunch at PG's in Sycamore, which was very nice. There were about fifteen people sitting around drinking, and this was around two in the afternoon. It was a cool little small town bar/restaurant. Sycamore is like some tiny town in a movie. It seems nicer than DeKalb too. After that we went back to DeKalb to check out the Edmund(?) historical museum, but it was closed. Either way I had fun (thanks again Nancy--I still owe you ten bucks!).

After eating a giant cheeseburger, I had to of course take a nap for an hour and a half. Then I of course had to get up and eat some more with Tim and Mike. Eventually me and Mike went downstairs to the aerobic room and jammed for about an hour and a half, which was fun. Did some covers and some original stuff that I've been messing with lately. A few people poked their heads in the door to see what was going on. We were loud as fuck. If we had a bass player and a singer we could actually get something going here and maybe play out somewhere. We'll see what happens. Why am I so fucking tired? If I make coffee now I won't go to sleep for at least two or three hours. Well, that's what I should do. I have to study Spanish. That's why I stayed here this weekend in the first place. I'm gonna go do that now.

February 13, 2003--12:00am-- I am about to go to bed in the p.m. That's incredible. I was thinking about going to bed earlier tonight around 9:30, but I thought that was a little extreme and ate chocolates (thanks Kat-you're a sweety) and drank two Busch Lights instead. What can I say, I'm a health nut.

For some reason I wasn't able to access this site all day until a few minutes ago, and I can't figure out why. All I was getting was a completely white page. I think I have too many pictures saved on this computer and it's makin her struggle. Shit, it's almost tomorrow, which is Valentine's day. I have to figure out what losery plan I'm gonna go with. I might take myself out to dinner or have a romantic evening staying in and snuggling with myself while watching a movie. Not sure yet. Oh shit, it's tomorrow! Time for bed.

February 12, 2003--3:03am-- Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that Cate Blanchett and I hung out earlier today. She happened to be in town. She approached me while I was walking to class and told me that she was incredibly attracted to me. I said "cool" and we hung out. Here we are at a local spa she wanted to go to. She insisted that I try the salsa nutrient-mask while she went with the guacamole. Ha! Actors.

February 11, 2003--10:45pm-- It's growing on me.

February 11, 2003--3:35pm-- Just got back from class. Woof, I'm tired. But I'm not taking a nap! I gots too much to do. I'm sittin here listening to "Outshined". Fuck yeah. God, I need to write some music, find some people to play with, and get out and fucking play. I've got a new song that's actually coming along pretty nicely. I've been working on it ever since the semester began. It sounds good both acoustic and electric. I want to crank my amp, but Janet would kill me. I need to live in a house out in a semi-wooded area so I can be my loud self. Boom!

February 11, 2003--1:34am--I don't know what the weather's like at home, but it's fucking toasty here in DeKalb. Right now it's four degrees out. I'm running out of layers to take off!

February 10, 2003--9:39pm-- Ahhhhhhh! Back to small!

February 10, 2003--9:30pm-- I changed to a bigger font again. Let me know if it looks too big, because I can't tell. Now, I need to go buy some water.

February 10, 2003--2:51am-- Ok, I can't get this right. The last few weeks I've been in DeKalb with only my small monitor to work with, so I made the font bigger. I go home this weekend and on my parent's computer, which has a much bigger monitor, everything looks fucking gigantic. So I made it small again and everything was fine. Now I'm back here looking at everything with my computer and it's tiny again. I'm leaving the font small, because I think most people have bigger monitors these days, or will be upgrading in a short amount of time. Oh yeah, growing mold is cool. I've had a ziplock bag of sliced french bread sitting in my room for the last three or so weeks. One piece is completely green now. It tasted ok.

February 9, 2003--6:28pm-- I'm sitting here in my pajamas drinking a Corona. I've been spending probably too much time working on this website lately. Keep an eye out for little updated things in random spots.

February 9, 2003--4:20am-- And I'm still up. And I guess I'm goin to bed.

February 9, 2003--12:53am-- Last night Travis, Cappy, and I watched "Mr. Deeds" and had some beerse. Not Adam Sandler's best work. I'd give it two stars at the most. I'd say John Turturro was the best part of the movie. After that I met Sam, Erin, and Laur at the HOP. We had a very nice time. Farts were both talked about and performed. Pens were compaired. Heads were petted. Rants were discussed. Many 'O laughs were had. And Laura lost control of her mouth and drooled Coke on herself twice.

Tonight Sam, Joe, Turnis, and myself traveled to the Knights of Columbus in the best-looking part of Arlington Heights to check out Ren and McDowell's band Inflict. The music was pretty tasty, but the singer (or Captain Attitude, as Sam called him) was kind of annoying. Ren was 100% metal-machine as usual. He's a good kid. Now, on to read Fuckleberry...

February 7, 2003--4:00pm-- Despite getting several nice compliments from some respectable sources (girls) I feel like a mutant with my shaved head. My confidence level in attracting the opposite sex has dropped several points also. Pretty soon I'm just gonna say fuck it, gain fifty pounds, grow a giant hideous beard, and wear nothing but sweat pants and t-shirts everyday. Or I can do what Marc here is considering. The extreme low-maintenence aspect is great though. Well I better start getting ready to leave for home. I'm gonna have dinner with Sam during his break tonight. It'll be dece.

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