Gimme a good old slasher film,
the kind made long ago
in the seventies and eighties.
Oh God, I love them so!
Killers in hockey or halloween masks,
glittering weapons held high.
Horny bit players who seem to exist
only to have sex, and die.
Crazy old bums who all of the kids
only consider a bore.
When will they learn to heed his rants?
He's nutty, but he knows the score.
Those local lawmen, incredibly dense,
that seem to inhabit each town.
They're always blaming 'Those damn kids'
for whatever weirdness goes down.
The buzz of a chainsaw, the buzzing of flies,
the creak of a floorboard or door.
None of these sounds ever mean any good,
they're usually a signal for gore.
Some girl is sure to shower or bathe.
It's not that they are anti dirt.
The writer thought it would be a good reason
to have the babe take off her shirt.
And when a psycho is chasing a girl,
going around and around,
no matter how even and smooth the terrain
it's sure that the bitch'll fall down.
And lastly there's one simple concept
those dunces won't get through their heads.
Never go check on the psycho who's down.
I promise, that fucker's not dead!