"Oof!"

Tha sound of air bein forcably expelled woke me up. I opened my eyes in time ta see Bliss makin his second bounce on Cupid, but Cupe caught him before tha weight could land again. "Zeus, son! Are you trying to squash Daddy?" He tossed Bliss at me. "Play with Strife while I go answer the call of nature."

As he left, Bliss squirmed inta my arms an' said, "But I din' hear greatgranma Gaia calling. Did you, Stwife?"

"He meant he needs ta pee, kiddo."

"Oh. Why didn' he say so?"

"Dunno. Maybe he's been hangin around Xena's bard an' tha five dinar words are rubbin off on him." I tickled him till he was almost shakin feathahs loose. Finally he was sorta limp an gigglin, an I just laid there an' held him. It felt nice--I dunno, kinda peaceful. Ya wouldn't think an armful of kid, especially one as rambunctious as Bliss, would do that to ya, but there it was.

Then he reached down an put his hand on my belly. "How's you tummy?"

"Hm? Fine. Not a gurgle or a twinge. Why?"

"Well, you gotta keep your tummy nice for the baby."

I stared at him. "Bliss, whattaya mean by that?"

He petted me some more. "I had the funny dream again." He felt a little more, then frowned. "You don't got no baby in there yet, though."

"I should hope not. What kind of a god do ya think I am?" I flushed. "Okay, don't answer that."

He blinked at me innocently. "Huh?"

I sighed. "Nevah mind, doll. Have ya been eatin figs before ya go ta bed? I hear that'll do it to ya."

"Do what?" Cupid came back inta tha room, looking considerably less tense. Mortal or god, a trip ta tha facilities at tha right moment will change yer entire outlook on life.

Bliss started ta open his mouth an I said, "Keep ya regulah. Regulah is happy. Can't tell ya how much trouble I can stir up just by screwin around with tha roughage in someone's diet." I set Bliss on tha ground. "There ya go. Run an' lighten yer load."

I thought I was gonna make it. Bliss started ta trot outta tha room. Then at the last second he veered ovah, grabbed Cupe's leg an' yammered,"IdreamedStwifehaddababyinhisbelly."

"Shit."

Cupid's eyebrows bunched, an' I could see he was tryin ta translate this from Toddlerspeak. Then those eyebrows shot up, an he looked ovah at me. I flopped back an' pulled tha sheet ovah my head.

"Mom?"

FLASH

"Dear, what on earth are you doing bellowing for me so early in the morning?"

"Take Bliss, please."

"Of course. But why.... Cupid, why is Strife laying there wrapped up like one of those Egyptian doo-hickies?"

"They're called mummies, Mom. He's embarrassed, I think."

"Strife? Embarrassed? Great Hera, I'd have paid to see what could have accomplished that."

"It was Bliss. He..." His voice lowered, an' I couldn't tell what was bein said. I considered flashin out of there, but I thought that might get Cupe pissed, so I just burrowed in a little deepah. I could hear snippets of conversation.

Aphrodite: Bliss, darling, you say mumble

Bliss: Uh-huh. Two times.

Cupid: Two! Honey, why didn't you tell me?

Bliss: I dunno. I was gonna, but Stwife mutter

Aphrodite: Oh, my. Well, you know last time whisper

Cupid: I thought we'd decided that was just because the Chaos stone mumble

Aphrodite: Maybe we were wrong. After all, we've been wrong before. Could he...?

Cupid: No.

Aphrodite: Are you sure, dear?

Cupid: Mom! I think I know what causes it, okay? Definitely not. pause Not yet, anyway. We didn't know anything for sure the last time till mutter

Aphrodite: I guess we'll just have to wait and see. smack Bye, dear. Blissy can sleep over with me tonight. That will give you time to, um, discuss things without chance of interruption. raised voice Goodbye, Strife, dear.

"Bye, Dite."

FLASH

The mattress dipped next to me, an' tha sheet was plucked. "Strife?" I snored. "Nice try. Come out of there."

"Nah. I'm thinkin of changin my look. White drapery, huh? Fuckin classic, right?"

"Charming. Come out of there." I sighed an' uncovahed my face. "Now, were you trying to keep Bliss from telling me about his dream?"

I shrugged. "Well, yer a busy guy, an' we must have lots ta do taday, so I thought I'd just..." I trailed off, seeing his look. "No good, huh?"

"Like a lead dinar. He was trying to tell me about a dream yesterday, too, and you kept interupting. Why?"

"Ah, no specific reason, Cupe. I'm just a rude bastard sometimes." He stared. "Okay, so it was a little embarrassin. I mean, tha kid dreamed I was pregnant. I'm a guy, Cupe."

He folded his arms. "And you're saying that's inappropriate?"

"I... you..." I blew out a breath. "Lemme pull my boot outta my mouth, 'kay? There's nothin wrong with it I mean, grandad did it, an' Joxer is doin it. But those guys were hitched." I picked at tha sheets, not lookin at him. "It ain't tha greatest shakes in tha universe ta be illegitimate, Cupe."

Cupid's expression softened. "That depends a lot on the parents. Your Dad was AWOL, and Eris... Well, she just wasn't ready for motherhood."

"Understatement of tha millenia, cuz. It's just kinda silly, I guess. I mean, aftah all, why should it bothah me? It's just a dream, right?" He didn't say anythin. "Right?" He just looked at me. "Cupe, say 'right'." He bit his lip. "You're scarin me here."

"There's nothing to be scared about, Strife. It's just that..." He hesitated, glancing ostentatiously at tha sundial by tha bed. "Gosh, will you look at the time! We'd better get a move on."

"Waitaminit. You wouldn't let me get away with dodgin like that."

"I'd say we'd better check on Anieli first."

I perked up. "Yah, he must have a booger of a hangovah. This I'd like ta see." I blinked inta my leathahs an', before I realized I was doin it, stepped up ta Cupid an let him put his arms around me. I covahed quickly by saying, "D'ya suppose he upchucked again aftah we left him?"

"I doubt he had anything in his belly. It looked like he'd deposited all of it on the table and his clothes."

'Yeh, but it's tha nothin but stomach acid an' bile ones that are tha real killahs. Ya have no idea how fun it is ta wait till wunna tha mortals thinks he's finished heavin, then send him tha smell of cooked cabbage."

"You're cruel." But he smiled as we flashed.

Anieli was still more or less in tha same position we'd left him: sacked out an' snorin worse than Cerebus with allergies (an you got no idea how noisy that is with tha three heads). I wondahed if Damara knew what she was gettin inta with this log sawer.

I studied him, then materialized a little grey mouse. I watched it run around my palm for a second, thought, an' changed him inta a rat. I looked at Cupe hopefully. "Lemme wake him up?"

"Don't think you can get out of this by scaring him to death, Strife." I sighed an' sent tha rat away. Actually, I sent him ta tha bottom of Gabrielle's knapsack. Tha rat was gonna eat either her parchment or her candy stash, possibly both. Hey, I hadda do it. I hadn't messed with her or Xena for almost a week. They'd think I didn't like 'em anymore if I kept neglectin 'em. snicker

"All right, we do it tha borin way." I stepped up on tha mattress an kicked Anieli's foot. "Wakey, wakey loverboy."

Anieli snorted, then peeled one eye open. It took him a coupla seconds ta focus. I made sure I had my best psychotic bad-ass grin on my face by tha time he did. Tha results were gratifyin.

He leapt up with a yell. That caused him ta run inta Cupe. He turned an' saw tha God of Love, and yelled, "Zeus! No more! Haven't you done enough?" Then he sat down on tha edge of tha bed, holdin his head an' moanin.

I kicked his hip. "Hey, spewboy. Don't go bad mouthin my relations, or you'll think that weddin was a stroll through tha Elysiann Fields when I get through with ya."

He looked up at me an' fliched. "I might have known." He covered his face again. "Why should I worry? I'm at my lowest ebb, my nadir, I've bottomed out. Do your worst, you can't hurt me anymore."

I dropped down beside him on tha bed an' threw my arm around his shoulder. "Anieli, Anieli, Anieli. That is such a fuckin stupid thing ta say. Believe me, ya ain't anywhere near as low as ya could get, an' actually invitin me ta do my worst..." I paused, smilin, "Or I guess in my case, my best, is pretty much a suicide attempt. Such attempts have been known ta succeed."

Cupid sat down on his othah side. "Anieli, what happened was a mistake." He looked at me. I looked back. He sighed. "Strife?"

"Cupe?"

"Go on."

"Go on what?"

He frowned. "You know damn good and well what."

I rolled my eyes. "Sheesh, all right. This is settin a bad presidence, though, I'm warnin ya. Tha very idea: a god apologizin to a mortal." I tried ta arrange my expression ta sincerity. With as much practise as I have fakin it, ya would think it would be easy. "Sorry." Cupid shook his head. "Ah, cripes." I cleared my throat. "Anieli, I'm sorry I busted up yer weddin, even though it was sorta my job, an' no one had warned me that it was..." I noticed Cupid shakin his head again. "It was a nasty thing ta do, but what can I say? I gotta be me. I'm here with Cupe ta fix things up."

"How? If you shatter a delicate vase it will never be the same again."

"Yo, Anieli? I'm a god, right? I can make it tha same."

"Oh." Blink. "Yeah, that's right. So, you can go back in time and undo all the things that drove Damara and I apart?"

"Um, no, I can't. Ya see, that involves all kindsa paradoxes an' anomalies, and tha Chaos Stone, which is dangerous shit, lemme tell ya. Ya think a woman who can think is a hazard, ya nevah dealt with a sentient rock."

"Strife, do I need to remind you that it can read thoughts?" Cupe asked.

I flinched, an' said loudly, "Tha most intelligent, witty, forgivin piece of petrification I evah laid eyes on." I held my breath. When I didn't sprout tentacles or melt inta a puddle of goo, I figured it was all right. "So anyway, we're here ta get ya back tagethah with your sweetie."

He snorted. "I'm through with her. I never want to see her again. Why, I never give her a thought."

"Really?" I mimicked his drunken slur. "Dammy, I'm shorry, shweetheart. I knew you couldn't shtay mad at me."

"That was the mead talking."

"Yah?" I laid a glamour on him. He blinked, an' he was sittin nexta Damara, dream version, nekkid. I smiled at him sweetly an' batted my eyelashes.

"Dammy!"

lunge

"Erk!" I was back on tha bed, an' he was on toppa me almost as quick as if I'd flashed it myself. He was muttering, "I'msorryIloveyouI'msorryIloveyou..."

"Cupe!! He's gotta hard-on!"

Anieli found himself dangling from Cupid's fist, kinda like I had when this whole mess started. "Stop that, Strife. Get back to yourself, right now."

"Sure." I returned ta my usual appearance.

Anieli looked, an' turned kinda green. I thought about bein offended, but decided it was a pretty normal reaction. I quickly materialized a basin an stuck it undah his chin. He hitched, but nothin happened. "Ya oughta go ahead an pitch one last time. You'll feel bettah aftahwards."

"No, it's all right. I don't think I'll..."

"Salt pork." bleughg I sent away tha now full basin, an' materialized a damp rag an' handed it ta him.

"Thanks. I think." He wiped his face. Then I materialized a glass of wine ta take tha taste outta his mouth an' give him a hair of tha dog that bit him in tha ass, an' his tone was more sincere. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

"Okay, so maybe I do want her back. You can't undo what you did, so how am I going to get back with Damara?"

"Ah, now that's tha clevah part!" I looked confidently at Cupid. "Tell him, Cupe." I was interested ta find out myself.

He sighed. "Do you mean to tell me that you haven't even started to come up with a plan?"

I squawked. "Me? You're tha God of Fallin in Love. If I hadda lay a love classification on myself it'd be tha God of Divorce." I paused in thought. "Come ta think of it, that isn't such a bad idea. Who do we submit ideas to: Hera or Zeus?"

"I think the pantheon would have to vote, and stop avoiding the subject. I'll help, of course, but this is your mess--you need to take the lead in cleaning it up."

"Ah, crap! Ya ain't in a hurry ta get it done, are ya?" I jumped up an' started pacin. "Okay, I can do this. I've arranged tha sneakiest, most complicated court intrigues an' international boondoggles ta evah come down tha pipe. They'll hafta go ahead a few dozen centuries ta that Watergate fiasco Cassandra talked about ta see tha like. I can handle this."

I stop an' smoothed my hair back. "Aftah all, I'm an intelligent sorta god." Anieli blinked, and I said ominously, "Ya gotta comment on that?"

"Only wanted to say how accurate it is."

"Ya know, ya may not be tha sharpest knife in tha kitchen, but you're a champion ass kisser. That may come in handy."

I set back down on tha edge of tha bed an' propped my chin in my hands, starin intently at tha wall. Cupid knew what was what, so he just sat down an' started checkin ovah his arrows while he waited. Aftah a moment, though, Anieli got antsy an' said, "What are you doin?"

I gave him a disdainful look. "I'm doin what I'm best at. sport. Plots, plots, plots."

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