"Nigel, get off the computer. I want to look something up."

"Sod off, Bug. I think I'm about to talk someone into cyber sex."

Bug blinked, then leaned over Nigel's shoulder to peer at the screen. "Is Dana a girl, or a boy?"

"I think it's a girl, but frankly since we're on opposite ends of the information highway, it hardly matters, does it?" Bug pulled a chair up where he could sit and comfortably watch the screen. "Voyeur."

"Exhibitionist. You know, being bi is very convenient--it automatically doubles your chances of finding someone to get kinky with." Nigel, typing busily, didn't answer aloud--but he nodded. "I do get a little brassed off when some bigoted American thinks anyone with a British accent is automatically gay."

"Well, you have to admit we don't exactly make it easy to deny. I mean, perhaps they have a boy named Sue, but we're the nation who names some of our men Beverly, Vivyan, Shirley, and Evelyn."

*Flash* "Funky names are wunna my favorite buzzes." Nigel and Bug (who had both jumped back from the computer when there was a shower of blue sparks--neither one willing to risk being fried, even if Dana was in the middle of confessing a fantasy about a threesome with two of her co-workers, though guys named Fox and Ratboy weren't exactly inspiring in the mental image department) gaped at the slender, pale man in black leather. He grinned back at them, pointing to Bug. "Yours, f'rinstance. I get an tingle every time some poor schmuck tries ta pronounce it."

Bug looked indignant. "My name isn't all that hard--Mahesh."

"I ain't talkin about that one, kiddo. I mean tha last--Vijayaraghavensatyanaryanamurthy."

Now Nigel blinked. "Bugger me..." Strife grinned. "Let me rephrase that. Good lord. Bug, I believe he got it right. When was the last time anyone, even one of your relatives, managed that mouthful on the first try?"

"No one has," Bug admitted. "All through school I could pretty much doze during roll call. I just waited till the teacher paused a long time, with a dazed look on her face, then called myself present. How did you do that?"

Strife buffed his nails on his leather. "I'm special. Besides, this is a fanfiction. Yer just lucky Scribe din't do what she did with tha inter-dimensional pixie dude in Career Girl Blues. She never could remember tha spellin of his name, so he went through fifty-eight chapters as 'Mixedpickles'. Tartarus knows what she would've come up with fah you if she hadn't been connected to tha net an' looked up tha cast list."

Both men blinked. "Huh?"

"I ain't got time ta explain it. Shove ovah." Strife sat at the computer, peering at the screen. He cackled. "I'm savin a copy of this chat an' emailin it ta Skinner. Should give him an' Red somethin ta talk about. Now, lemme just call up Scribe Scribbles." He typed. "I'm bookmarkin this for ya. Ya might have a hard time explainin it if tha head honchos have wunna those spy programs on yer computah, but it they did, I expect they'd have called ya on tha nookie talk sessions by now. Okay, lessee... where to start?" He giggled. "Why not with tha Love and Mischief Series? Might as well toot mah own horn. I think that 'Imp gets babysat' chaptah in What a Difference a Deity Makes is a good place ta start."

Nigel and Bug bent down and started reading. They exchanged looks. They read again. Bug picked up a report and fanned himself. Nigel tried to loosen his collar. This was difficult, since he was wearing a T-shirt under his lab coat. After a minute Nigel said quietly. "Uh... wow."

Bug was staring. "Wow would just about cover it."

"An' if ya think it's fun ta read, imagine what it's like ta live it. Plus she's got tons of othah stuff available, an' churnin out more all tha time--when she ain't too bunged up."

Nigel was clicking on links. He frowned. "Austin Powers smut?" "She uses Scott Evil--tha Seth Green charactah? Puts 'im with such honeys as Alex Krycek, Benton Fraser, Oz..." Strife was ticking off on his fingers.

"Wait a minute," said Bug. "Oz and Scott? Two Seth Green characters together?"

"Yah. She manages three of 'em--throws Dwayne Cody from Rat Race inta tha mix, too. I think she's workin on tryin ta figure out a way ta put in a fourth Green charactah. She's shooting fah some sorta record. If she sees Tha Italian Job, it just might happen."

Nigel twitched with interest. "Well, why hasn't she done it yet? How long will we have to wait?"

Strife explained the author's alarming tendency to break bones, and the current situation. "So I'm huntin tha real culprit. Can I enlist you guys fah possible interpretation of evidence?"

"I thought you said you got that Greg Sanders person?" said Nigel.

"He's currently busy *cough* amusin Scribe."

Bug piped up. "How about dropping him back in the lab and bringing us over to entertain her?" Nigel patted him on the shoulder.

Strife shook his head. "Nah. She's developin an interest in you two, but nothin specific on tha MarySue front just yet."

"But she will if she can get back to writing regularly?" asked Nigel.

"Probably," said Strife. He smirked. "She ain't really good at resistin when a plot bunny from a new fandom nips her."

Nigel and Bug whispered together for a minute, then Nigel said, "We'll be happy to help--on one condition--we get an introduction later."

"Fine by me, as long as I actually catch tha snot responsible fah this fiasco. If I don't, believe me--ya ain't gonna wanta use me as a reference. See ya when I have somethin for ya."

*Flash* They turned back to the monitor, muttering to each other that it was a good thing it was a slow night. *clickclickclick* Nigel brightened up. "Oh, look, Bug--Dracula slash! And she includes Renfield. I wonder if she has him doing his insect munching? Want to read it?"

Bug made a face, then shrugged. "Sure. I wasn't planning on eating lunch, anyway."