Drunken Insight Continued...
Tonight is Flogging Molly. If you don't know who Flogging Molly is, you're a fucking moron. Seriously, your life is shit without Flogging Molly. Okay, here's how I will try to explain the unexplainable goodness of Flogging Molly. Think IRISH plus PUNK ROCK plus LIQUOR plus DANCING plus REALLY GOOD MUSIC and then think that that wonderful picture you have just created is shit compared to Flogging Molly. Get ready to get drunk and dance on the devil's dance floor, my friends.

I got drunk the other night and wrote my profile, which some of you have seen, and fewer of you have commented on. I believe I'm smart when I am drunk --it's that whole optomistic feeling that comes along with being drunk, so I wrote that profile, and then I read it, and realized that I'm pretty stupid, and not all that smart, and I use commas too much. But here it is, continued and updated. Thank God for alcohol. Oh and update: I was going to read a book earlier, but then Kate came over with liquor.. so close. If the following seems stupid, get drunk, and read it again...

"I wish I could write down the things I thought. The things I REALLY thought. The thoughts and emotions that are undeniably beyond words, too deep and too real for any simple word. I'd assume that's where the simile was first used. It was understood that feelings were unable to be written down directly, but maybe they'd be clearer through comparison. Similes, in my opinion, still don't do the trick. They are still created wholly by words. We have handicapped ourselves, making our only opportunity to spread our emotions through words we have made up that ironically will never be right. Everything is so clear, so true, and so pure in thought, but always so fake and gray when written down and expressed. I find myself writing down my feelings and then screaming "No, that's not what I meant, not at all what I meant... not at all." I wish I could write down the things I thought. The things I REALLY thought. That way I'd have something to write down."

*since I can't, I will continue to write bullshit for all of your enjoyment, as well as mine.*

----Claire.----

And I'm out.
kate here. going to iowa. id like to challenge claires comment on wisconsin being the most boring state ever. no you lose. iowa is far worse. sorry to matt and charlie and anyone else who goes there. be back on saturday and im looking forward to a big drunken orgy. flogging molly will kick ass but only if we can drink beer and get naked. the date is set and the plans are made: dont anyone fuck this up for me... its all i have getting me through this weekend from hell. you all enjoy the casino and the big city life of mendota, just remember that your very dear friend kate is ready to kill herself in the cornfields of iowa. goodbye for now...

Forwarded Email
To everyone I sent that stupid Bill Gates forward to:

I apologize for sending you such worthless bullshit, I truly do. I guess I was just hooked at the promise of money. True, it most likely is a scam that somebody wrote up, just seeing how long it could go on for, but there's just that question... "what if??" -- it's something that I just could not resist. What if I do get money in the mail? What if? It's kind of like God. Why not just give Him the benefit of the doubt and pass along your knowledge of the guy? I mean... He could have definitely just been made up by some gay guy who was obsessed with rainbows and nice people.. people doing good and acting for others --- but maybe not, right? what if he's real? again, what if?? i mean... why not just do it? why not just give everything the benefit of the doubt? that way, if the email is real I'll get money. And if God is real, I'll get heaven. If not, I get no money and I get no heaven, I'm just where I would have been anyway. But again... sorry for the annoying email.. just don't open the one that is with the subject of "$$$"... unless.....

my sincerest apologies,
claire

Drunken Wisconsin Results...
Well, first off, to everyone who lives in Wisconsin... I am very sorry you have to live in such a fucking boring state. jenny and ross, you still have time to go to school somewhere else... ANYWHERE else. well we didn't get very drunk and so our results may vary (but i cannot assume they will vary all that much). basically, wisconsin (prescott this time) is the worst place you could possibly imagine being. you're probably saying to yourself... "what about iraq? stuck in a fallen mine? at the cher concert in between two sweaty obese women?..." NOPE.. all of these are much better than Prescott. we have found that nothing can make wisconsin tolerable.. not even liquor -- kate went through all of her cigarettes, and that did not seem to calm the nerves one bit. frankly, nothing seemed to do the trick. kate tried smoking and sex.... jenny tried to steal some corn (god knows there's plenty of it)... and i tried yelling BIG a lot (its from Sex and the City) and giving young boys my number (i feel i have a better shot at the young, desperate ones).... and i'm pretty sure all of us had a shitty time. the mission --- project find rene's house -- was left unfinished.. which i just think made things worse... NEVER LEAVE A MISSION UNFINISHED. rene's stupid house is hard to find. but okay moving on... well not really, sorry to get your hopes up... the whole lesson here is that wisconsin sucks, no matter how many substances you use to try to mask the boredom. i guess the only way to cope with being stuck in wisconsin is suicide. i guess you could give hard core drugs a shot... a little coke and some heroine.. laced with some major pain meds -- i'm pretty sure this won't help though -- it could make the suicide a little less painful though? whatever. the fucking state left me in such a state of desperation and depression that i ended up gambling away all of my money -- i'm blaming wisconsin for my gambling problem. plus, i didn't have enough money for KFC. oh yeah and EVERYONE keeps yelling at me. WHY?? well don't worry folks, i'm gone in a week and then your lives will go back to being nice... until then i guess i will continue to make all of your lives living hell...goodnight.
--claire

i want to join the club
kate again. im feeling left out with all this talk about this "super cool" website that everyone loves so much. so, because i am such a super cool person, i have decided to join in on the fun. good for me you say? thats right. so we go to treasure island tonight ... yes, i have a gambling addiction and i probably will end up in therapy (but the first step is admitting it right?) so anyway... we go to treasure, and the chips there are cool. they are really pretty and have birds on them but the rainbow backgroud (are the indians gay?) confused me so i might have to stick to mistake lake. omg do i have add or what? big time tangent city. this guy was sitting at the table with us and he was smoking a cigar that smelt really good. then when we left to go to another table, he followed us!!! thats right, took his cigar and followed us to another table. too bad he was 40 year old man with a moustache. well, shit happens. then as we are leaving, he just so happens (coincidence? i think not) to be leaving as well. with that, he invites us back to his boat for a beer... and knowing clair (no e) and myself, we say yes. so we go to the boat and jenny steals a bottle of vodka. SCORE! claire gets drunk and i have unprotected sex with the 40 year old man with the moustache. thats right. UNPROTECTED! now guess what happened? i have ghonnaria (but i still dont know how to spell it because i havent't gotten my perscription yet). and so the night ends... me sitting at my computer all lonely and exhausted from a wild night of UNPROTECTED sex, drunk of my ass and eating a bowl of popcorn. well, thanks for letting my speak my mind... don't worry. i will be back. SPEAKING OF WHICH... anrold is running for governor of cali???? note to ross: what the fuck is this country coming to? screw minnesota... pretty soon they will have me leading the country (drinking age: 4. everyone must smoke. ghonnaria will be treatable. life will be ok again). on second though - props to arnold. good luck buddy!

Who are you?
So its kate and im sitting on claires computer talking to this girl who keeps yelling at me. I dont know her and shes bitching at me. SHUT UP MEAN GIRL. i hate you. anyway... going to go to wisconsin to get drunk so you all have an excellent night. mean girl: shut the fuck up, no one cares about your private site. leave us alone. no one did anything to you... maybe if you didnt visit the site in the first place no one would have talked about you. have a wonderful miserable life. goodbye.

she just said she had ghonnaria... i don't know how to spell it, she'll have to correct it for me since she has it. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I warned you about those creams, sweetheart.

(what a weirdo!)

Ross Unleashed
Recently it came to my attention that someone took a few of my comments too heart, like big time. This fucken weirdo decided to take all the insults she had for us and put them on her blog. I'm guessing she is doing this because she is a fucken pussy. Her statement went as follows:

"What an evening at Taco Juan's. Aha, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

By the by, that is a real e-mail address [youresolame@comcast.net]. I didn't make it up (of course, you don't know that it is me posting), and I think that it's clever, okay you self-righteous asshole?

I am completely baffled by the fact that you piss and moan and bitch and complain about the fact that no one goes to you site and reads your drunken insights, and then the second that someone posts a comment you tear them to shreds using cheap shots.

Give it up. For real, you're done with high school. It irks me because you do it for no other reason than to be vindictive. And yeah, I do talk this way. I read. Jealous?"

***site is no longer accessible.***

And here is my reply, which apparently she was hoping I'd never ger the chance to do. First off, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt on your email address. Congratulations, you proved me wrong. I suppose it's nice to have an email address like that as now you can fool yourself into thinking that the reason no one emails you is not because you're such a fucken undesirable acquaintance but because they don't want to feel lame. The fact that you think your email address is clever should also go to show how truly retarded you are and thus your need to try and impress people with your words (which, by the way, make an even bigger ass out of you). And, as I imagine you know by now, I do know it's you posting those things so I hope the fall from your high horse breaks every bone in your body. And you're calling me self-righteous? I'm going to again give you the benefit of the doubt and write that assuming you even know what that term means. Moving on, I can't remember anytime I ever bitched about no one reading this shit. If anything I've been more than sympathetic to the fact that people wouldn't be reading what we type. Also, if you'll notice, we don't rip apart everyone, just annoying morons like yourself. And if it "irks" you so much (God you're embarassing) that I do this then why do you keep giving me every outlet to do it? Kudos, again moron. And am I jealous that you can read? Obviously, you fucken human tragedy, I can read just fine, unless you're actually so stupid that you think I'm just guessing what you're typing and then making lucky guesses as I hit the keys (that wouldn't give you much credit as I keep tearing you apart). The only time I would ever be jealous of you is if I was in a competition where the first prize was given to the person with the least amount of friends, most spare time on their hands or the person who was the biggest waste of oxygen. I and plenty of people I know read and you're the only one I know who in doing so lost her spine and had it replaced via a metal rod shoved up her ass. There is a bright side to this post however. My family sponsors one of those orphans from Rwanda (you know like the kind you always see on tv?). I told him there was someone who actually lived as sad a life as you do. He felt horrible that he ever took any of our money and had been complaining the whole time as he truly feels sorry for you. In closing, please never post on our site again and if you can resist the temptation please keep our site and names out of your blog. I know this will be hard to do as what else could you possible have to talk about? But goodluck, I'm unrealistically sure you can do it. If you'll excuse me I think it is extroadinarily obvious that we have wasted far too much time on you. Go find yourself a hug (if that's even possible) and move on.
PEACE
-Ross

getting drunk in wisconsin
tomorrow the plan is to get drunk in wisconsin. we have already been drunk everywhere else, so why not wisconsin? wisconsin is boring you say? you see, that's the ultimate test. what could be more boring than wisconsin? not even north dakota, ross... or at least have their equally boring qualities. but throughtout my life, never has anything ever been boring when i've been drunk. i think it's really truly impossible. how could it be? ive seen vis plays... ive watched CNN... i've fallen down stairs... gone to twins games (and actually thought they were good).. watched my friend gamble away $800...i've even watched the fucking movie the Transporter... drunk. all of these have been very enjoyable drunken experiences (and very unenjoyable sober). so wisconsin is the ultimate test... can alcohol transform wisconsin into a place that can actually produce a little fun? a few laughs? scratch that, i'm not eve asking for that... can it produce an environment where the only option is not to kill oneself? that's all we need... at least one emotion other than suicide --- if we get there, we know the liquor has done it's job...

if not, i have killed myself in wisconsin. why? because what else am i going to do in wisconsin? evidently i will probably end up in a field somewehre by a dirt farm road smoking my last cigarette asking myself what the hell i'm doing and how the hell i ended up in such a god foresaken place. oh well, worse could happen. i could sober up and still be in wisconsin and not even be drunk... dear god i hope that doesn't happen. how do people live in wisconsin? i mean, i like cheese, but i can just buy cheese here... wisconsin cheese too.. you don't have to LIVE there and DIE there to eat good cheese. i wonder if people in wisconsin know this? i think i will pass out flyers to let them know. well, we will be investigating the effects of alcohol in wisconsin tomorrow... i'll let you know how it goes, regardless if you want to know.

--claire

Who the hell is running this state?
Whose idea was it to put those fucken Peanuts characters all over the city? Those things are fucken ridiculous! Don't get me wrong, from what I know Charles Shulz was a really nice, cool guy and I'm actually pretty sure that's true. But c'mon! How the hell can anyone take our state seriously now? We had a fucken professional wrestler for governor whose popularity actually dropped faster than that damn taco bell dog. We have the fucken Twins, and now these goddamn statues?!?? They all look like shit too! They wouldn't be so bad if we had like one of each character, painted how they always look and spread all around (like at the bottom of the Mississippi for example). But no, instead they're all painted so as to give the impression that you're reading the comic strip on acid. I saw one today called "Linus Entertain You" in the newspaper. That caption would only be accuarate if painted on Linus were several wounds left from a shotgun blast and if somehow they could make it apparent that Garfield was the culprit. That's really all I got for tonight folks.
PEACE
-Ross

people with more power than the average joe
besides ross and me, i have decided that if the coke company teamed up with clear channel they'd own us all. screw the taliban and osama and george bush and anybody else anyone thinks is a bitch and has too much power... we'd all just be fucked. speaking of taliban (i know that was a while ago), but my radio just started playing "zombie" by the cranberries, which by the way is an excellent song.. but maybe if we sent that over to israel and they played it really loud, the people who are pissed would just stop fighting... "the violence causes silence, oh are we mistaken.. but u see, it's not me, it's not my family in your head.. they are fighting... with their tanks and their bombs and their bombs and their guns in your head... what's in your head?..." -- that's my approach on how to solve all of this shit -- tell them to forget about it and move on.. jesus christ. i hate osama, by the way. not so much george bush, although the guys a complete moron, but osama... did we kill him yet? what about sudam (if you correct my spelling ross will yell at you)? did we kill him yet? and why the hell not? that's all.