shit.
oh my god, oh my god... what to say today other than "shit?" so i wake up with these killer pains in my arms and in my back and my legs. this is from work. now i know you're all probably laughing right now but you try tray serving wine for 2 hours then pumping this stupid "hand pump" keg for 4 hours (because some MORON broke the good keg) and then standing for 11. you too would wake up in the morning in some pain. plus i had to go to the doctor yesterday. she was one of those women who thought i'd respect her more and think she was cool if she just talked like a normal teenager.. then suddenly i'd be like "holy shit! where'd the doctor go?? i'm just sitting in this really cold room in this stupid paper 'gown' having so much FUN with this totally awesome teenager!" NO. i wish i could have told her that saying "horny" three times in one sentence wasn't the "cool" thing to do. Not that I know what is cool and what is not. She is probably making fun of me today, sadly, for I probably am not even cool enough for her. But whatever, I don't care, you can tell her to shove it, but you'll probably have to say it in "cooler, hipper" terms so that she understands. More and more people are IMing me telling me they were invited to Larsen's wedding... THANK YOU for bringing that up. Johanna has still not even commented to tell us what American literature character watches, and as i recall, breaks up, his own funeral... and nobody sends me mail anymore. I'm not talking email, although nobody sends me email anymore either, but for about a month and a half my favorite thing was to go and check my mail (and read my mail that I would ALWAYS get). now i'm lucky if i get a pack of coupons on Sunday. Bastards. well anyway, i'm pissed today and now i'm going back to sleep since i didn't get off work until late and i woke up early and i'm in a bad mood

Hell on Earth
Hey everyone, guess where I'm going tomorrow??!!? Nope, not California. No, not Florida. Nah, not NY. Ok, ok think of someplace that's no fun to visit. No, not Rawanda, not Siberia, but ur gettin closer. Alright I'll tell you. Grafton, ND! YAY! Think Fargo, ND but farther North and less fun. Don't know anything about Fargo? Imagine you have have a scab on your body that doesnt necessarily hurt unless you pay attention to it. Now pretend this scab is in the Midwest. Well tomorrow, I'll be paying attention to it and good God it's going to hurt. So why am I going to this porta-potty made province? I am going there for the one and only reason anyone would ever go there. Because I have family there and thus my parents are forcing me to go. I have never been able to understand why it is that my parents, both natives of this horrible joke of a state, would want to return. It'd be comparable to the Israelites turning around and going back to Egypt. Except that Egypt had sunny beaches, ND has sunny...corn fields. The environment I will be subjected to is also of particular interest (in the sense that I find it interesting how much this is going to suck). We're staying with my aunt, and by we're I mean my family (me and three people I have a hard time living with as it is) my aunt and uncle, my other aunt and uncle, their three sons and a dog. We will all be staying in the same house which means I'll probably be sleeping in the garage. But hopefully, with some luck, one of the cars will turn on and I'll be suffocated by the exhaust, and thus ending my life. Here's hoping! Another factor making this trip rival an episode of Fear Factor is the fact that there is no alcohol up there. I'll say that one more time. NO alcohol. For some reason my aunt and her family object to it so it looks like I'll be swallowing large amounts of mouthwash to dull my senses. If that doesn't work perhaps hitting myself in the heads several times with a hammer will do it. I'll do either. Wait, wait, wait, I forgot, it won't be all bad. We're going to have a family golf tournament. Oh shit, that's right. The only thing I hate more than my family, Democrats and the butch chicks who always vote pro-choice is GOLF! I was a caddy for like three years. That is the closest I have ever been to golf, the closest I'd ever like to be and even then they had to pay me. Eventually, however, I'll get to come back home. So somebody get the booze and I'll pay u back when I wake up... seriously. PEACE

Is it a camel or is it matt morin?
it's matt morin!!

A Penny for My Thoughts
So the phrase... a penny for your thoughts -- i think that phrase sucks. i mean, yeah, i guess most people's thoughts are at least worth a penny.. i mean who really is stupid enough where there own thoughts weren't worth a penny? i'll tell you who --me. if anybody ever thought to give me a penny for my thoughts they'd most definitely be a sucker... they could be just hoping i'll think of something brilliant or funny or intelligent -- maintaining their faith in me, but sadly, they are still suckers. it's one of those things you just shoudln't test out -- it's like a guy jumps off a bridge and SPLAT .. he's dead... you don't have to go jump off the bridge just to make sure you will go splat too -- you just know... from other people's mistakes. that's kind of like right now... other people have made the mistake of actually thinking that what i have to say might be worth our culture's smallest monetary amount, but i am here to tell you that it is not.. keep your money and stop reading these stupid entries. but anyway, if you're going to keep reading... here's my thought for today --- Do you ever wish you could see your own funeral? be alive for it and check it out? maybe that's morbid, probably, but wouldn't it be nice to see who actually shows up? who is sad and who is mad -- and maybe even who is glad? would people actually be glad? est posible my friend.. especially at MY funeral. i know that a kid gets to do that in some novel.. it's either huck finn or tom sawyer, or maybe it's neither (johanna will surely comment and let us all know tho -- thanks johanna) ... one of those American coming of age novels where he gets to see his own funeral -- it must be on other people's minds then... the yearning to see who actually cares... or would people come who didn't care and just come to say that they came? and how many people at your funeral are feeling that way and not actually wanting to be there?? and would thath make you mad? well anyway, u think about that... cuz i am. and go tell your friends that my thoughts are obviously not worth a penny since people are still reading this crap site.

Ms. Larsen's Wedding...
So here is the answer to EVERYONE'S question:

NO... Ms. Larsen did NOT invite me to her wedding and therefore, I will NOT be attending. NOT because I do NOT want to be there, but because of that small issue of NOT being invited. I guess my great intelligence of physical science and impeccable basketball ability just wasn't good enough for old Karen Larsen. But hey, that's okay, I'm glad she has placed some standards on her wedding party... Too bad for me the standards were EVERYONE but me. But again, I say, that's okay. Because a party where the standard of guests would fall below me would most definitely be an awful party and a party which even I would not attend. So I guess there's your catch-22 for the day. You throw a party and don't invite me and you are a jerk and have made one of your most talented students (debatable, but still in my most unbiassed opinion a true statement), very sad. But then. (here's where the catch-22 comes into play), if you do invite me to your party, it must be a very very sad party and I won't come anyway (because it's just that sad). So either way I end up NOT going to parties and, instead, I sit here and write these entries into my often plagiarized blog and you, sadly, read these, (and even sadder, PLAGIARIZE this stupid blog), and hopefully, you pray for my steady recovery of this mental retardation obviously brought upon from the boredom that has been attributed to my lack of party attendance. So again I say, NO, I am NOT going to her wedding. Goodight.

maddie
So this girl, who you don't know, Maddie... unless you're Maddie's friend, or Maddie's acquaintance, in which case, it's still Maddie, just a girl you do know... I have realized she has been copying my profile entries. Now, this has come to me late at night where my memory could have been a little fuzzy, but I seem to recall her quiz popping up pretty quickly after mine. Coincidence? I had thought so... until I took that awful quiz of her's myself..... you can only imagine what one of the questions read in this horrible plagiarized quiz... (cliffhanger)... it read "The person who made me think to make a quiz"... and the answer? "Claire" (gasp!!) WHAT?? a CONFESSION you say?? and now i go and look at this plagiarizer's profile and there it is.. in plain view.. another STUPID attempt at profile individuality ... there it is... a JOURNAL... i may go even as far as to say a BLOG! what?! a blog!? but I have a blog! not YOU! WHATEVER MADDIE... fine... really... it's all good.. but you remember... i'll be watching your profile.. and your false ideas will be made public. That is all.

blah
who had 14 beers tonight? menot u.. em.. tat's right. i am home and i am bored cuz nobody is here to alk to me because theya re all still at amattys house drinking mroe liquire. i need to go to bed and so i amg oing toa. the bugs bit e a lot tonight nd i have lots of bites on my back and on my legs and arms. i a very sad about that that's all. i can tyep better when i close my eys. this is me with my ewyes opens i am ano t good at typings cuz fo the beers but when i close my eyes i am much better.. maybe it is the light that affects me.. or is it effects me? i am not sure. well goodnight then.

Missed One Little Thing
Ross missed one little piece of information... who took less shots in mini golf? The answer to that one is ME.... and not even by like one or two... by FOUR! and yeah, the putter was broken, but that only made things harder for me.. it was my handicap, a new putter was used for each hole --- no standard putter?? what! talk about pure putting skill. Well, if you wanna know about pure putting skill, ask me since I obviously am better than ross. and as far as cheating goes.. that was Jenny (who Ross TIED).. wait, what? Ross TIED jenny?? Sorry ross, that information was going to remain between you and I, but I have bene left with no other options. sad. so sad ross... if i were you i'd be rationalizing my loss too.. poor ross.

Claire is a dirty liar
Saying I lost is like saying Claire won, it's a flat out lie. Now I know most of us know Claire as a dirty liar but I would imagine that a much smaller number of us know Claire as a cheater. I had the misfortune of experiencing just how devout a follower of Satan she is. First she tampered with my ball. Everyone knows I use the fucken orange ball. Claire did too, but still decided to fuck it up for me. Then she broke her putter. Apparently during some tribal profession of love for her dark god of evil she lashed out and smashed the putter into two. That's an automatic disqualification. Several other incidents include her moving her ball for better position and not playing it where it lies (perhaps one of the most important rules of the game). The simple truth is it doesn't matter how much crack Claire smokes or how many orphans she slays in homage to beelzebub she will still not have a chance in hell (despite home field advantage) of taking me in mini golf. Sorry Claire

Nothing To Do.
You know what sucks? That there's nothing to do. Absolutely nothing to do. We played mini golf earlier and I won... Ross lost... just in case you guys forgot to read that part, i'll say it again, just so it sinks in, and all.. I won... Ross lost. That's all I've got for tonight.