Drunken Wisconsin Results...
Well, first off, to everyone who lives in Wisconsin... I am very sorry you have to live in such a fucking boring state. jenny and ross, you still have time to go to school somewhere else... ANYWHERE else. well we didn't get very drunk and so our results may vary (but i cannot assume they will vary all that much). basically, wisconsin (prescott this time) is the worst place you could possibly imagine being. you're probably saying to yourself... "what about iraq? stuck in a fallen mine? at the cher concert in between two sweaty obese women?..." NOPE.. all of these are much better than Prescott. we have found that nothing can make wisconsin tolerable.. not even liquor -- kate went through all of her cigarettes, and that did not seem to calm the nerves one bit. frankly, nothing seemed to do the trick. kate tried smoking and sex.... jenny tried to steal some corn (god knows there's plenty of it)... and i tried yelling BIG a lot (its from Sex and the City) and giving young boys my number (i feel i have a better shot at the young, desperate ones).... and i'm pretty sure all of us had a shitty time. the mission --- project find rene's house -- was left unfinished.. which i just think made things worse... NEVER LEAVE A MISSION UNFINISHED. rene's stupid house is hard to find. but okay moving on... well not really, sorry to get your hopes up... the whole lesson here is that wisconsin sucks, no matter how many substances you use to try to mask the boredom. i guess the only way to cope with being stuck in wisconsin is suicide. i guess you could give hard core drugs a shot... a little coke and some heroine.. laced with some major pain meds -- i'm pretty sure this won't help though -- it could make the suicide a little less painful though? whatever. the fucking state left me in such a state of desperation and depression that i ended up gambling away all of my money -- i'm blaming wisconsin for my gambling problem. plus, i didn't have enough money for KFC. oh yeah and EVERYONE keeps yelling at me. WHY?? well don't worry folks, i'm gone in a week and then your lives will go back to being nice... until then i guess i will continue to make all of your lives living hell...goodnight.
--claire