bio...who am i?


crazy drunken writings





i hate pants

gerald entered the room wearing a tight orange golf shirt, a yellow plastic visor, and a pair of tube socks. he gazed around the room and noticed that he was not alone. jerry, his friend since gradeschool had been reading a playboy (only for the articles, you sick fuck) when he noticed gerald's grand enterance. he did a double take and dropped his playboy. gerald was not wearing pants.

"what the hell are you trying to pull here man?!" herry screamed as his eyes bulged farther out of his head than tori spelling's.

"i hate pants." gerald replied calmly as he took a step towards jerry.

"whoa! just stay over there!" jerry paniced.

"don't worry, it's not about anything like that. i just hate pants. that's all. there's nothing complicated about that." gerald shrugged as he pulled out a banana.

"oh my god..."jerry trailed off as gerald took a big bite out of it.

"what i'm low on potassium." gerald replied, confused by jerry's antics.

"dude! what did you expect! first you come in here not wearing pants, and now you're eating a banana...stop shoving it down your throat like that!" jerry cried as gerald shoved the last half of it down his throat.

"i always felt that pants were constricting and meaningless. i thought friends were supposed to support each other. it's not like i'm killing kittens...or molesting children." gerald countered.

"aw man, did you have to use that kind of analogy?" jerry groaned.

"don't worry about it. by the way, you left your sweating to the oldies' tape and spice girls cd in my car." gerald said as he pulled out jerry's prized possesions.

"DUDE!! shut up! ok...i won't tell anybody about your crazy anti pants movement, if you don't breath a word about my spice girls and richard simmons obsessions." jerry said as he began to sweat.

"ok...i don't see what's wrong with liking to sweat to the oldies or listen to the spice girls. i mean, sporty spice inspired me to work out my legs." gerald said as he lifted his leg and began to stretch.

"AHH! cut that out! and promise not to breath a word!" jerry cried as he covered his eyes.

"ok ok, but i'm still not going to wear any pants."